Growing up as boy,we were taught that men had to be tough 从小男孩起，我们学到,男人应该意志坚强，
had to be strong, 身体强壮，
had to be courageous, dominating-- 有勇气，有支配权-- no pain , no emotions, 没有痛苦，没有情感， with the exception of anger 除了愤怒之外
and definitely no fear 男人什么都不怕 that men are in charge 男人全权负责，主管一切， which means women are not; 而女人不是； that men lead, 男人是领导，
and you should just follow and do what we say; 女人应该只是跟随和做男性吩咐的事； that men are superior , women are inferior; 男人带有优越性，女人是低人一等； that men are strong ,women are weak; 男人是强壮的，女人是弱小的 that women are of le value 女人的价值比较小
property of men and objects, 仅是男人的财富和物品， particularly sexual objects 特别是性猎物。
I\'ve later to know that to be 我后来了解到
the collective socialization of men , 这如上都是男人的集体社会化属性， better know as the \"man box\" 更好的称为“男人束缚体” see this man box has in it 看看这“男人束缚体” all the ingredients 所有的成分
of how we define what it means to be a man 这就是我们怎样定义一个男人的。 Now I also to say , without a doubt, 此时我想说，毫无疑问，
1 there are some wonderful, wonderful, 男人身上也有很多美好的，不可思议的， absolutely wonderful things about being a man 绝对棒的品质 But at the time 但同时，
there\'s some stuff 有些东西
that just straight up twisted, 完全是扭曲了
And we really need to begin 我们真的需要开始 to challenge ,look at it 挑战，看看这些男性特征
and really get in the proce of deconstructing,redefining, 我们要进行解构，重新定义， what we come to know as manhood , 我们重新认识什么才是男人气概。 this is my two at home ,Kendall and Jay.这是我家的两个小孩，肯德尔和杰伊。 They\'re 11 and 12.Kendall is 15months older than Jay.There was a period of time when my wife ,her name is Tammie ,and I, 有那么一段时期，我妻子塔蜜和我，
We just got busy and whip, bam , boom Kendall and Jay 我们实在是忙得不可开交，用来照顾肯德尔和杰伊 and when then were ab out five and six, four and five 当他们大约五岁和六岁，或者四岁和五岁的， Jay could come to me crying.杰伊可以来向我哭哭啼啼。
It didn\'t matter what she was crying about, 当她哭泣，这没有什么问题，
she could get on my knee ,she could snot my sleeve up, 她可以坐在我膝上，她的鼻涕流到我的袖子上， just cry ,cry it out .尽管哭，哭出来。
Daddy\'s got you .That\'s all that\'s important.有爸爸在你身边爱护你是很重要的。 Now Kendall on the other hand 但换成是肯德尔
and like I said , he is only 15 months older than her 我说过，他比杰伊仅大了15个月 he come to me crying , 他向我哭泣
2 it\'s like as soon as I would hear him cry, 只要我听到他哭， a clock would go off, 我的心理闹钟就上了发条
You know I would give the boy probably about 30 seconds, 我会给肯德尔约30秒时间
which means ,by the time he got to me , 意味着，此时他得面对我，
I was already saying things like ,\"Why are you crying?\" 我会说这样的话了，“你为什么哭？” Hold your head up ,Look at me .抬起你的头，看着我。 Explain to me what\'s wrong.说说你做错什么了。
Tell me what\'s wrong ,I can\'t understand you .告诉我你做错什么了。我实在不懂你。 Why are you crying ? 你哭什么？
and out of my own frustration 我对没有
of my role and responsibility 尽到自己的责任担当起 of building him up as a man
把他培养成男人的角色而感动沮丧 to fit into these guidelines 我还要适应这些原则
and these structures are defining this man box , 和这些男人束缚体的条条框框， I would find myself saying things like , 我觉得我会说出以下这些话， \"just go in your room.\" 回到你的房间去。
just go no, go no in your room .快回到你的房间， Sit down 坐下来，
get yourself together 控制住你自己
and come back and talk to me 然后回来和我谈话，
when you can talk me like a --\"what \"--man 你要像个什么样的人？--男人 like a man
像个男人一样才能和我谈。
3 And he\'s five years old .肯德尔才五岁。 And as I grow in life , 正如我在生活中的成长， I would say to myself , 我会对自己说，
“My God ,what\'s wrong with me ?” 我的上帝，我怎么了？
What am I doing ?Why would I do this ? 我到底做了什么？我怎么这样做？ And I think back.我回头想想。
I think back to my father .我想到我的父亲。
There was a time in my life 我一生曾有
where we had a very troubled experience in our family 一段我们家族最难回首的往事。 My brother,Henry ,he died tragically 我兄弟，亨利，他不幸去世， when we were teenagers .当我们年少时。
We lived in New York City, as I said .我们住在纽约城市，正如我所说， We lived in the Bronx at the time 那时我们住在布朗克斯区。
And the burial in a place called Long Island , 葬礼在长岛举行，
it was about two hours outside of the city .它在纽约市外有两个小时的路程。
And as we were preparing to come from the burial, 我们正要从葬礼返还回去， the cars stopped at the bathroom 汽车在洗手间停下来，
to let folks take care of themselves 让人们去解手，
before the long ride back to the city, 然后开始一段长途行程回去。 And the limousine empties out .大轿车上空无一人。
My mother ,my sister , my auntie, they all get out , 我母亲，我姐妹，我姑姑，她们都下了车， but my father and I stayed in the limousine.只有我父亲和留在了大轿车上。
4 And no sooner than the women got out , 女人们刚下车， he burst out crying .我父亲就突然大哭。
He didn\'t want cry in front of me .他不想在我面前哭。
But he knew he wasn\'t going to make it back to the city, 但他实在是忍不住了，
and it was better me than to allow himself 最好还是在我面前
to expre these feelings and emotions in front of women.而不是在女性面前去表达这些情感。 And this is a man , 我父亲作为男人， who ,10 minutes ago, 10分钟前，
had just put his teenage son in the ground 刚刚下葬了他的孩子入土
something I just can\'t even imagine.我真不敢相信当时发生的事。
The thing that sticks with me the most 最让我触动的事
is that was apologizing to me 是他向我道歉
for crying in front of me .在我面前的哭泣。
And at the same time ,he was also giving me props , 同时，他也安慰我 ， lifting me up , 让我振作起来， for not crying .you know I come to also look at this 我回头看时才意识到
as this fear that we have as men , 我们作为男人的这种畏惧， this fear that just has us paralyzed, 让我们麻木的这种恐惧情绪， holding us hostage to this man box.使得我们成为这个男人束缚体的人质。 I can remember speaking 我记得
to a 12 year-old boy a football player, 与一个玩橄榄球的12岁男孩的交谈， and I asked him ,I said ,
5 我问到：
“How would you feel if , “你感觉怎样，假如” in front of all the players , 在所有队员前，
your coach told you were playing like a girl?\" 你教练说你玩起球来像个女孩？“
Now I expected him to say something like , 当时我期望他会说出类似的话，
I„d be sad ,I\'d be mad ,I\'d be angry ,or something like that.我会悲伤，我要疯了，我很生气，等等。 No，the boy said to me 不，男孩对我 the boy said to me 说到：
“It would destroy me .“ 这会毁了我。
And I said to myself , 我有对自己说：
“God ,if it would destroy him
上帝啊，如果这句话会毁了一个男孩 to be called a girl, 当他被嘲笑为像个女孩时，
what are we then teaching him about girls?\" 那么关于女孩的事，我们会教给他点什么呢？ See collectively, we as men 具体看来，我们作为男人
are taught to have le value in women, 被灌输女人价值较小，
to view them as property and the objects of men .视她们为男人的财富和性猎物的象征。
We see that as an equation that equals violence against women, 我们把它看作一个等式，并且对女人实施暴力，动粗。 We as men, good men, 我们作为男人，好男人， the large majority of men , 男人中的多数，
we operate on the foundation 我们在架构
of this whole collective socialization, 整个集体社会的建立。
We kind of see ourselves separate ,but we\'re very much a part of it.我们自视我们彼此是分开的，但我们也是那其中的一体。 You see, we to come to understand
6 我们要理解
that le value ,property and objectification is the foundation, 价值较小，象征财富和性猎物的女人也是社会中的一体， and the violence can\'t happen without it .并且停止暴力也离不开这种认同感。 So we\'re very much a part of the solution 所以我们是这解决方案的一部分。 as well as the problem.就像这问题一样。
The center for disease control says 疾病预防中心说，
that men\'s violence against women is at epidemic proportions, 从流行病的程度来看，男人对女人的暴力 is the number one health concern for women 是一件关注女人健康的头等事 in this country and abroad.无论在国内或是国外。
So quickly, I‟d like to just say, 简言之，我想说，
this is the love of my life ,my daughter Jay.我女儿杰伊是我生命中的全部爱。 the world I envision for her, 我为她而设想的世界，
how do I want men to be acting and behaving? 我想要男人怎样去做个好男人呢？ I need you on board, I need you with me , 我需要男人们和我在一起，协同一致。
I need you working with me and me working with you 我需要男人们和我一同努力 on how we raise our sons 抚养我们的儿子
and teach them to be men 教育他们成为一个男人
that it\'s okay to not to be dominating, 男人不必像大男人子一样主宰一切， that it\'s okay to have feelings and emotions, 男人要有感情和感性化，
that it\'s okay to promote equality, 男人要促进男女平等，
that it\'s okay to have women who are just friends and that\'s it, 男人视女人为朋友，就这么简单，而不是性猎物， that it‟s okay to be whole , 男人和女人同为一体， that my liberation as a man
7 我作为男人的自由
is tied to your liberation as a woman 也赋予了你们作为女人的自由。 I remember asking a nine year-old boy .我记得问过一个九岁男孩。 I asked a nine year-old boy, 我问他，
“What would life be like for you ”
假如你从这个男人束缚体中解脱出来， if you didn\'t to adhere to this man box? 生命对你意味着什么？
He said to me,\"I would be free.\" 他说：“我将会自由。” Thank you folks 谢谢大家。
