英文幽默小故事12则
How do you know that? Bob: My car doesn\'t have a speedometer.
Rob: Then how do you know how fast you\'re going?
Bob: Well, when I\'m driving at 15 miles an hour, the fenders rattle; at 25 miles an hour, the windows rattle; and at 30, the motor starts knocking-and that\'s as fast as it\'ll go.
Sooner or later A thief with a long record was brought before the judge.
Judge: Have you ever stolen things?
Thief: Oh, now and then.
Judge: And where have you stolen these things?
Thief: Oh, here and there.
Judge: Right.Lock him up, officer.
Thief: Hey, when do I get out jail?
Judge: Oh, sooner or later.
Chief is at the wedding A police stopped a motorist who was speeding on the street.\"But officer,\" the man said, \"I can explain.\"
\"Just be quiet,\" snapped the officer.\"I\'m going to put you in jail until the chief gets back.\"
\"But ,officer, I ….\"
\"I said to keep quiet! You are going to jail!\"
A few hours later, the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, \"You are lucky because the chief is at his daughter\'s wedding.He\'ll be in a good mood when he gets back.\"
\"Are you sure?\" answered the man in the cell.\"I\'m the groom.\"
Why he couldn\'t leave? There was a meeting with a large number of people.At first the speaker was very interesting, but as time went on, he became very boring.Finally when he was through, there was only one man sitting in the large room.
The speaker walked up to the man and said, \"Thank you for hearing me out when all the others left the room.\"
\"Oh! Don\'t mention it!\" replied the man, \"I cannot leave because I am the next speaker.\"
A burglar 入室盗窃者
A man went to the police office wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before.
\"You will get your chance in court.\" said the Desk Sergeant.
\"No, no, no.\" said the man.\"I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife.I\'ve been trying to do that for years.\"
One more cake The old lady was delighted with the gift the boy had brought her.
\"I\'ll go round and see your mother tomorrow,\" she said, \"And I\'ll thank for this lovely pie.\"
\"Um, if you don\'t mind,\" the boy said nervously, \"could you thank her for two pies?\"
Make Your Own Bed Farmer: If you want to spend the night here, you\'ll have to make your own bed.
Traveling salesman: That\'s perfectly all right.
Farmer: Here\'s a hammer and saw.Good night.
What does DC stand for? What does DC stand for?
An American teacher asked one of her pupils, \"What\'s the nation\'s capital?\"
The reply was \"Washington DC\"
On being asked what the \"DC\" stood for, the pupils all answered：
\"Dot com!\"
A poor poet 一名可怜的诗人
Poet: I hope you\'ve received the little volume of poems I sent you.
Woman: Oh, yes.It\'s very nice.I wonder where I\'ve put it?
Her son: It\'s under the leg of the table, Mom, to make it steady.
A Second Language 第二语言
A cat and her four kittens ran into a large dog.When the kittens cowered, the cat let out a series of loud barks, scaring the dog away.
Turning to her kittens, the cat said, \"You see how important it is to know a second language.\"
Accountant An accountant is having a hard time sleeping and goes to see his doctor.
\"Doctor, I just can\'t get to sleep at night.\"
\"Have you tried counting sheep? \"
\"That\'s the problem.I make a mistake and spend three hours trying to find it.\"
This is my seat It was a woman\'s first time on a plane.She boarded the plane and found herself a window seat.
After she settled in, a man came over and insisted that she was in his seat.She ignored him and told him to go away.
\"Okay,\" replied the man.\"If that\'s the way you want it, you fly the plane.\"
