男人出轨背后真相大揭秘
1.48% of men rated emotional diatisfaction as the primary reason they cheated.48%男人认为感情上得不到满足，是他们出轨的首要原因
So much for the myth that for men, cheating is all about sex: Only 8 percent of men said that sexual diatisfaction was the main factor in their infidelity.\"Our culture tells us that all men need to be happy is sex,\" Neuman says.\"But men are emotionally driven beings too.They want their wives to show them that they\'re appreciated, and they want women to understand how hard they\'re trying to get things right.\" The problem is that men are le likely than women to expre these feelings, so you won\'t always know when your guy is in need of a little affirmation.\"Most men consider it unmanly to ask for a pat on the back, which is why their emotional needs are often overlooked,\" Neuman says.\"But you can create a marital culture of appreciation and thoughtfulne — and once you set the tone, he\'s likely to match it.\" 男人偷吃都是为了性，这一说法该打住了，只有8%的男人说欲求不满是他们出轨的主要原因。“我们的文化总是认为，男人用下半身说话。”纽曼说：“但其实男人也是一种感情动物，他们希望自己得到妻子的赞赏，也想要女人们明白他们为了做好一切而付出的努力。”问题在于，男人不像女人，他们很少说出这些感受，所以当你的丈夫需要得到一点肯定的时候，你也许未必能察觉到。“许多男人觉得要求别人的安慰有损男子气概，因此他们的情感需要常常被忽略，”纽曼说：“但是你可以养成一种在婚姻中互相赞赏、体贴的习惯――并且一旦你做到了，他通常都会配合。”
2.66% of cheating men report feeling guilt during the affair.66%的男人出轨时会有负罪感
The implications are a little scary: It isn\'t just uncaring jerks who cheat.In fact, 68 percent of cheaters never dreamed they\'d be unfaithful, and almost all of them wished they hadn\'t done it, Neuman says.Clearly, guilt isn\'t enough to stop a man from cheating.\"Men are good at compartmentalizing feelings,\" Neuman explains.\"They can hold on to their emotions and deal with them later.\" So even if your husband swears he would never cheat, don\'t aume it can\'t happen.It\'s important for both of you to take steps toward creating the marriage you want.这个结论有些吓人：不是只有无耻的混蛋才会偷吃。纽曼指出，实际上68%出轨的男人从未想到过自己会不忠，并且他们几乎都希望自己没有偷吃。但显然，负罪感没法让一个男人停止出轨。“男人很擅长把感情分区，”纽曼解释道：“他们可以克制一种情绪(如负罪感)，稍后再处理它。”所以，即便你的丈夫发誓他将永远忠诚，也别指望那会成真。想要得到理想中的婚姻，必须你俩一起努力，这点非常重要。
3.77% of cheating men have a good friend who cheated.出轨的男人中，77%拥有一个同样有外遇的好朋友
Hanging around friends who stray makes cheating seem normal and legitimizes it as a poibility.The meage he\'s subconsciously telling himself: My friend is a good guy who happens to be cheating on his wife.I gue even the best of us do it.You can\'t simply ban your husband from hanging out with Mr.Wandering Eyes, Neuman says, but you can request that they spend their time together in an environment that offers le temptation, like at a sporting event or a restaurant for lunch rather than at a bar or club.Another strategy: Build your social circle around happily married couples that share your values — it\'ll create an environment that supports marriage.与那些会偷吃的朋友混在一起，会使男人觉得这种不忠是一件正常、顺理成章的事。他的潜意识告诉自己：我的朋友是个好人，只是碰巧背叛了他老婆，大概再好男人也难免出轨。你很难禁止你的丈夫与“馋嘴先生”来往，纽曼说，但你可以建议他们去一些诱惑较少的地方消磨时间，比如去做运动、去餐馆吃饭而不是去酒吧或舞厅。另一种策略：跟那些和你价值观相近的幸福家庭交朋友，建立社交圈――这将创造出一种保护婚姻的环境。 4.40% of cheating men met the other woman at work.40%出轨的男人是在工作中结识另一个女人
\"Oftentimes the woman he cheats with at the office is someone who praises him, looks up to him, and compliments his efforts,\" Neuman says.\"That\'s another reason why it\'s so critical that he feel valued at home.\" Luckily, there\'s a clear warning sign that your husband is getting a little too cozy with a colleague: If he praises or mentions the name of a female coworker more than he would a male counterpart, your antennae should go up — and it\'s time for the two of you to set boundaries about what is and isn\'t okay at work, Neuman says.Is it acceptable for him to work late if it\'s only him and her? Can they travel together to conferences? Have dinners out to discu a project? Ask him what he\'d feel comfortable with you doing with a male colleague.“通常，他偷吃的对象是办公室里欣赏他、尊敬他、对他的努力赞不绝口的女人。”纽曼说。“这就是在家要让他感到有价值的另一个重要原因。”幸运的是，当你的丈夫在工作中感到过分惬意时，会有明显的警告信号：如果他过多的赞赏或提及一个女同事，远多于他提到的男同事，那么是时候活动下你敏感的触角 ――和他界定清楚同事之间交往的尺度了。 如果只有他和她，那么共同工作到很晚是否可以接受？他们可以因为开会便单独一起旅行吗？为了讨论一个项目而共进晚餐？问问他，如果你和一个男同事做这些事，他感觉如何。 5.Only 12% of cheating men said their mistre was more physically attractive than their wife.出轨的男人中，只有12%的人认为情妇的身体比自己妻子的更具吸引力
In other words, a man doesn\'t stray because he thinks he\'ll get better sex with a better-looking body.\"In most cases, he\'s cheating to fill an emotional void,\" Neuman says.\"He feels a connection with the other woman, and sex comes along for the ride.\" If you\'re worried about infidelity, focus on making your relationship more loving and connected, not on getting your body just right or mastering new sexual positions.(But know that sex does matter — it\'s one of the key ways your guy exprees his love and feels close to you, so be sure to keep it a priority.) 换言之，一个男人并不太会为了从一个更漂亮的女人那儿得到更好的性爱而出轨。“多数情况下，他偷吃是为了填补情感上的空虚。”纽曼说：“他对另一个女人产生感觉，性爱随之而来。”如果你担心他不忠，那你应该集中精力使你们的关系更加甜蜜亲近，而不是只在意彼此身体上是否满足、性生活够不够新鲜。(但你亦需明白性生活的重要性――这是你的丈夫表达他对你亲密和爱的重要途径，所以，请确定此事在生活中有一定的优先权。
6.Only 6% of cheating men had sex with a woman after meeting her that same day or night.出轨的男人中，只有6%的人在认识另一个女人的当天或当晚便于其发生了关系
Actually, 73 percent of men got to know the other woman for more than a month before they cheated.This means that you may have time to see the warning signs before infidelity occurs — you might even see it coming before he does.Keep an eye out for these common signals: He spends more time away from home, stops asking for sex, picks fights more frequently, or avoids your calls.Your gut reaction may be to confront him, but most men will deny even thinking about cheating — especially if nothing physical has occurred yet.Instead, Neuman suggests, take charge of what you can control — your own behavior — and take the lead in bringing your marriage to a better place.Don\'t hesitate to show your appreciation for him, prioritize time together, and initiate sex more.Give him a reason to keep you at the front of his mind, Neuman says.And be open about how you feel about what\'s going on between the two of you (again, without mentioning any third parties).Try, \"I think we\'ve started to lose something important in our marriage, and I don\'t want it to disappear.\" In the meantime, commit to keeping tabs on your relationship and doing what it takes to keep it working for you.事实上，73%的男人在认识另一个女人超过一个月之后，才发生出轨。这意味着，你可以在他背叛你之前看到那些警告信息――你甚至能在他出轨之前就预料到此事。注意这些常见的信号：他不在家的时间越来越多、他不再像你求欢、他出差更频繁、他会挂断你的电话。你最直接的反应也许是质问他，但大多数男人都会否认，甚至声称他想都没想过要偷吃――尤其是在他和她发生性关系之前。然而，纽曼的建议是，管好你能控制的东西――你自己的行为――带领你们的婚姻走向更好的境地。赞赏他时不要犹豫、优先考虑你们在一起的时间、在性生活中更主动些。给他一个把你放在第一位的理由。坦诚的告诉他，你关于你们婚姻的感受(再次提醒，千万别提起另一个人。)试着告诉他：“关于我们的关系，我觉得我们的正在失去一些重要的东西，但我不想它们就此消失。”同时，坚持密切注意你们的关系，去做那些能够保持好这段关系的事情。
