新初中幽默英语演讲稿 love your mother 爱你的母亲
why are you crying, a young boy asked his mom? 你为什么哭?一个小男孩问他的妈妈. because im a woman, she told him. 因为我是女人,她告诉他. i dont understand, he said. 我不明白.他回答
his mom just hugged him and said, and you never will, but thats o.k........ 妈妈拥抱了他说,你永远也不会明白,但没关系... later the little boy asked his father, why does mom seem to cry for no reason?. 后来小男孩问他的父亲妈妈为什么似乎在无缘无故的哭泣? all women cry for no reason, was all his dad could say...... 所有的女人都会常常没有原因地哭泣,这是他的父亲唯一可以解释的... the little boy grew up and became a man, still wondering why women cry. 等到小男孩长大,成了男人的时候, 他仍然奇怪妈妈为什么哭. finally he put in a call to god and when god got back to him, he asked god, why do women cry so easily? 最后他把这件事祷告给上帝,他问上帝,为什么女人容易哭泣? god answered...... 上帝回答: when i made woman, i decided she had to be special. i made her shoulders strong enough to carry the weight of the world, yet, 当我创造女人的时候, 我决定把她造的很特别,篇2：大学英语演讲稿范文
《大学英语演讲稿例文》 lucky for me, life in university is rich and colorful.with more free time,we can do many more things besides study, such as joining societies clubs, and taking part-time jobs.such drinkin coke is wonderful, despite the undesirble consequent hiccups.its bitter, sour and peppery, but also sweet.and youll even feel excited after gulping down a gla.a college experience university life is like drinking coke.im experiencing it.and i know, i enjoy it! 我一直在大学呆了一年多。我儿时,我才意识到大学生活就像喝可乐。的生活经历口味、酸、甜、苦、辣。 我从省,离这儿很远。我常常想念妈妈的亲戚、朋友,在我的家乡。然而,我经常见到。那么孤独总是会陪伴我。我很难过,我无法和在一起。 幸运的是,我在大学生活是多彩的。有更多的闲暇,可以做更多的事情除了学习,如加入社团俱乐部,打工。的活动,使的生活多彩,而且还能帮助改进各样的技能。大学是社会,里学到的微缩有利于今后的生活。 的人生之路不会一帆风顺。挫折是无法的。失败的的考试,跟男孩女孩的朋友,或者拒绝由有前途的公司,会让的挫折。有时候,觉得很沮丧,甚至大哭起来。 喝可乐是美妙的,undesirble随之打嗝。这是苦的,酸和暴躁,而且甜。你甚至可以感觉到激动下一杯。全身后,大学的经验是成长的一。哭泣,微笑着,坠入爱河,受伤,离开,学习,然后做的人。
大学生活就像喝可乐。我的感受。我知道,我喜欢它!篇3：中英文幽默演讲 幽默演讲——调侃自己（中英对照）
演讲者如何调侃自己
创新句子：你们或者睡觉，或者不睡，只要不打呼噜，我就接着讲。
幽默注释：演讲者讲得太糟糕了，组织者哭得很伤心。
演讲结束时，宴会主人感谢你从繁忙的日程中抽出时间来——你泰然自若，优雅地点头微笑着，心里非常清楚你日历上唯一的事情就是就早餐后喝点咖啡。 poise is when you finish your speech and the toastmaster thanks you for taking time out of your busy schedule to be a part of their program --- and you nod and smile graciously knowing full well that the only thing on your calendar is a little coffee from breakfast. 幽默注释：一些老干部退休后没什么事干，有人请他参加一些活动，他还假装很忙，好象推开了很多事才赶去似的。
过去我演讲时常常会比较紧张，但那时我看到一条信息说如果你想象所有的观众都是裸体会有所帮助。此时此刻，我站在这里想象着观众都是裸体，真的起作用，我不再紧张了，但眼睛有些疲劳。 i used to get nervous when giving a speech but then i read that it helps to think of the entire audience as being naked.and so, at this very moment, i’m standing up here imagining every one in this audience as being naked.and it really works.i no suffer from nervousne.eyestrain.yes. 幽默注释：把观众想象成裸体，意思是我不怕你们，就不紧张了。 创新句子：大部分人站在讲台上都会有点儿紧张，我属于少部分人，我非常紧张。
我本人不自负——我简直不能告诉你们我是多么钦佩我这一点。 personally, i have never been conceited --- and i can’t tell you how much i admire myself for that. 幽默句子：他因为自己不自负，所以变得非常骄傲。
创新句子：我一点儿都不自负，我希望别人也这么看我。
我先用简单明了的英语演讲，以后我再翻译给律师听。 let me put this into plain english.i’ll translate it for the lawyers later.幽默注释：律师总喜欢用复杂的语言，简单的话都听不懂了。
创新句子：我的讲话有三个版本，小学生版本，中学生版本，大学生版本，你是听小学一年纪版的，还是小学二年纪版的？
如果你听过这个故事，请不要打断我，我就知道这一个故事。 if you’ve already heard this story, please don’t stop me because it’s the only one i know. 幽默注释：就是你知道两个故事，讲故事前也可以这么说。 创新句子：我讲个笑话，如果你们听过，也希望装做没听过，我也这样照顾你们。
演讲就象给草坪浇水，如果有四分之一的水渗下去你就满意了。 making a speech is like watering a lawn.you’re satisfied if just a quarter of it sinks in. 幽默注释：有人打呼噜，有人说话，都是正常的，有四分之一观众听就不错了。
幽默句子：即兴演讲的开场白。
创新句子：我不知道你们会不会喜欢我的演讲，我不知道我要讲点儿什么。
开始前我想告诉你们下面的演讲已经编辑成了电视节目，我现在少讲20分钟，我们能够及时赶回家看2台的节目。 before i begin, i want you to know that the following speech has been edited for television.i cut 20 minutes out of it so we could all get home in time for the game on channel 2. 幽默注释：放着现场不看，偏要回家在电视上看。
可能你们有些人知道我今晚出现在这里有两个原因：第一个原因是你们的计划委员会一直在设法寻找一个聪明、有趣、老练的演讲者，——他们找到了。第二个原因是那个人病了，所以就打电话把我找来了。
幽默注释：一开始好象在说自己很牛，其实就是个临时替场。
创新句子：我认为我演讲很风趣，可为什么没人笑呢？
有人有舞台恐惧症，我没有；舞台不会怎么样我，是观众快把我吓死了！ some people suffer from stage fright.i don’t.the stage doesn’t bother me at all.it’s the audience that scares the hell out of me! 幽默注释：stage fright舞台恐惧症，而不是舞台吓唬我。
我们每个人都希望能在某一时刻把时钟拨回去。如果我能够把时钟拨回去 at one time or another, i think each of us has wished we could turn back the clock.i know if i could turn back the clock just 45 minutes, i’d be the happiest person in this room.because that’s when i left my speech on the kitchen table.幽默注释：自己上台前还在刻苦练习，演讲稿落家里了，讲错了希望观众包涵。
我不想吹牛，但上次我演讲时所有的观众都站了起来，他们再也没有坐下，直到走到他们的汽车那儿。 i don’t want to brag, but the last time i did this it brought the audience to its feet.and they never sat down again until they reached their cars. 幽默注释：观众听他演讲，都站起来走了，他还在吹牛呢。
创新句子：我演讲时用一种平缓的语速娓娓道来，观众睡得很香甜。 如果我有点儿犹豫，你们一定要原谅我，这是我第一次饭后演讲——在卖当劳里冲我的小孩儿喊叫除外。 if i’m a little hesitant, you’ll have to excuse me.this is the first after-dinner speech i’ve ever made ---except for yelling at my kids in mcdonald’s.幽默注释：自嘲自己演讲没什么经验。
创新句子：你可能知道我已经养成了饭后演讲的习惯。
我不习惯面对这么多观众演讲，让我鼓起勇气的一件事情就是我在谈论我最喜欢的题目——我。
i’m not used to speaking to such a large audience.the one thing that gives me courage is that i’m speaking on my favorite subject --- me. 幽默注释：电视上老是邀请一些名人在那儿大谈自己，这些人开场可以这么说。 人们总问我为什么我戴顶10加仑的红色帽子（或者一些其它非常显眼的衣服饰品），我告诉他们那是我采取的积极现实的生活态度。我知道不管发生什么事情，善良的上帝总在注视着我们。现在地球上有60亿人，我希望上帝能从芸芸众生中一眼就挑出我来。 people always ask me why i wear a big red ten gallon hat (or some other very noticeable article of clothing) and i tell them.it has to do with taking a positive but practical view of life.for instance, i know that no matter what happens, the good lord is watching over us.then again, there are now six billion of us, so i want to make darn sure he can pick me out of the crowd.篇4：大学英语演讲稿 大学英语演讲稿:面对压力 good morning , boys and girls.i am pu lijuan and glad to give you a speech about stre. psychologist tell us that stre is a state of worry caused by the problem of living , such as too much work or study , heavy responsibilities . the chief problem we should face to is our attitude towards stre .people usually say they can not live in the sun except they escape from stre .it’s stre , they may feel very satisfied with the current life but lack of power to discover new things .too much satisfaction result in nothing except a countermarch of the society .no stre , no development .so a certain amount of stre is good .it can stimulate us and increase our level of alertne . and our answer to stre is another vital problem .how to do with ourselves when stre suddenly break into our life ? to wave the white flag and admit our unability , to give up to our ideality , or worsely , just to suicide as to put an end to everything … of cause not .the principle is to tackle with stre gently and harmoniously.we should try our best to release ourselves .such as to do some exercise , to listen to t music to ease our minds and to learn to view these changes of life as challenges .it’s no use crying over spilt milk .only to accept what has happened can solve the problem . ok , i think i was under large stre ５ minutes before , that is all .thank you very much! 《大学英语演讲稿范文》 i have been in university for about one year.during my stay here, i came to realize that university life is like drinking coke.we experience all tastes of life here, sour, sweet, bitter and hot. lucky for me, life in university is rich and colorful.with more free time,we can do many more things besides study, such as joining societies clubs, and taking part-time jobs.such activities not only make our life more colorful, but also help us improve all kinds of skills.the university is a society miniature, what we learn here will benefit our future life. university life is like drinking coke.im experiencing it.and i know, i enjoy it! 我一直在大学呆了一年多。我儿时,我才意识到大学生活就像喝可乐。的生活经历口味、酸、甜、苦、辣。
我从省,离这儿很远。我常常想念妈妈的亲戚、朋友,在我的家乡。然而,我经常见到。那么孤独总是会陪伴我。我很难过,我无法和在一起。 幸运的是,我在大学生活是多彩的。有更多的闲暇,可以做更多的事情除了学习,如加入社团俱乐部,打工。的活动,使的生活多彩,而且还能帮助改进各样的技能。大学是社会,里学到的微缩有利于今后的生活。 的人生之路不会一帆风顺。挫折是无法的。失败的的考试,跟男孩女孩的朋友,或者拒绝由有前途的公司,会让的挫折。有时候,觉得很沮丧,甚至大哭起来。 喝可乐是美妙的,undesirble随之打嗝。这是苦的,酸和暴躁,而且甜。你甚至可以感觉到激动下一杯。全身后,大学的经验是成长的一。哭泣,微笑着,坠入爱河,受伤,离开,学习,然后做的人。
大学生活就像喝可乐。我的感受。
