绕口令
A big black bear sat on a big black bug.A big black bug bit a big black bear and made the big black bear bleed blood. I wish you were a fish in my dish p She said she should sit. She sells sea shells on the seashore.The seashells she sells are seashells she is sure.The sun shines on shop signs.The peasant’s parents’ presents are pleasant.A big black bug bit a big black bear, made the big black bear bleed blood. 大黑虫咬大黑熊，大黑熊流血了！ A tidy tiger tied a tie tighter to tidy her tiny tail.只爱干净的老虎系了一个领带更紧些为了使她的小尾巴整洁
Nancy didn’t fancy doing fancy work.But Nancy’s aunty did fancy Nancy doing fancy work. How many cookies could a good cook cook If a good cook could cook cookies? A good cook could cook as much cookies as a good cook who could cook cookies. 一个好厨师能和一个会做小甜饼的好厨师做一样多的小甜饼。如果一个好厨师能做小甜饼，那么他能做多少个小甜饼呢？ Mike likes to write by the bright light at night.麦克喜欢夜晚在一盏明亮的灯下写作 笑话
Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked,”What happened?” “A kid bit me,”replied Ivan.
“Would you recognize him if you saw him again?”asked his mother. “I’d know him any where,”said Ivan.”I have his ear in my pocket.” 他的耳朵在我的衣兜里
伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。他妈妈问，“发生了什么事？” “一个男孩咬了我一口。”伊凡说。 “再见到他你能认出来吗？”妈妈问。
“他走到哪里我都能认出他，”伊凡说，“他的耳朵还在我的衣兜里。”
1 Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow.Now who can tell us which is which? Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.Teacher: Please tell us.Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.两只鸟
老师： 这儿有两只鸟，一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀吗？ 学生：我指不出，但我知道答案。 老师：请说说看。
学生：燕子旁边的就是麻雀，麻雀旁边的就是燕子。
精彩继续 老师在黑板上写了一句：Time is money.并让同学们翻译。有名学生答道：“汤姆是玛丽。” 小明上英文课时跟老师说：May I go to the toilet? 老师说：Go ahead.小明就坐了下来。过了一会儿，小明又跟老师说：May I go to the toilet? 老师说：Go ahead.小明又坐了下来。他旁边的同学于是忍不住问：你不是跟老师说要上厕所吗？怎么不去？ 小明说：你没听老师说「去你个头」啊！
英语笑话
（二）
某日刘洪涛遇到外宾，上前搭话曰：I am hongtao liu，外宾曰：我TM还是方片七呢！
英语笑话
（三）
江青会见外宾，要求翻译要严格按她的意思翻，不许走样。外宾一见到江青，立刻拍马屁道：\"Mi Jiang, you are very beautiful.\" 翻译照翻，江青心花怒 放，嘴上还要谦虚一下：“哪里，哪里”。 翻译不敢怠慢，把江青的话翻成英文：\"Where? Where?\" 外宾一愣，还有这样的人，追问哪里漂亮的，干脆马屁拍到底：\"Everywhere, everywhere.\" 翻译：“你到处都很漂亮。”江青更高兴了，但总是要客气一下：“不见得，不见得”。翻译赶紧翻成英文：\"You are not allowed to see, you are not allowed to see.\"
英语笑话
（五）
某人刻苦学习英语，终有小成。一日上街不慎与一老外相撞， 忙说：I am sorry.老外应道：I am sorry too.某人听后又道：I am sorry three.老外不解，问：What are you sorry for? 某人无奈，道：I am sorry five.
2 英语笑话
（六）
一位来自日本的旅客，坐出租车去机场的路上，看到一辆汽车经过，就说：“oh，TOKOTA！Made in Japan! It is very fast！”又有一辆经过，他又说： “oh，NISSAN！Made in Japan! It is very fast！”司机有点不高兴，觉得他太吵了！当第三辆经过时，他还是说：“oh，HONDA！Made in Japan! It is very fast！” 后来到了机场，那个日本人就问：“How Much？”出租车司机说：“1000！” 日本人惊奇的问司机：“为什么那么贵？”出租车司机回答说：“oh，mileometer（计 程表）！Made in Japan! It is very fast！”
英语笑话
（七）
英语老师问一个学生，“How are you是什么意思” 学生想how是怎么，you 是你，于是回答“怎么是你？” 老师生气又问另一个同学：“How old are you ?是什么意思？” 这个同学想了想说：“怎么老是你。”
英语笑话
（八）
A：What’s on your hand？ B：Watch.A：How to spell that？ B：T-H-A-T~
英语笑话
（十二）
女：say“i love you”，say it，come on！say it！ 男：it！ A Good Boy Little Robert asked his mother for two cents.\"What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?\" \"I gave it to a poor old woman,\" he answered.\"You\'re a good boy,\" said the mother proudly.\"Here are two cents more.But why are you so interested in the old woman?\" \"She is the one who sells the candy.\" 好孩子 小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。 “昨天给你的钱干什么了？” “我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？” “她是个卖糖果的。”
Mrs.Brown: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog!
Mrs.Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers!
Mrs.Brown: It\'s no use, my little dog can\'t read.我的狗不识字 布朗夫人：哦， 亲爱的，我把珍爱的小狗给丢了！史密斯夫人：可是你该在报纸上登广告啊！布朗夫人：没有用的，我的小狗不认识字。”
3 经典谚语30句 1． Pain past is pleasure.（过去的痛苦就是快乐。）[无论多么艰难一定要咬牙冲过去，将来回忆起来一定甜蜜无比。
2． While there is life, there is hope.
（有生命就有希望/留得青山在，不怕没柴烧。） 3． Wisdom in the mind is better than money in the hand.
（脑中有知识，胜过手中有金钱。）[从小灌输给孩子的坚定信念。] 4． Storms make trees take deeper roots.
（风暴使树木深深扎根。）[感激敌人，感激挫折！] 5． Nothing is impoible for a willing heart.
（心之所愿，无所不成。）[坚持一个简单的信念就一定会成功。] 6． The shortest answer is doing.
（最简单的回答就是干。）[想说流利的英语吗？那么现在就开口！心动不如嘴动。] 7． All things are difficult before they are easy.
（凡事必先难后易。）[放弃投机取巧的幻想。] 8． Great hopes make great man.（伟大的理想造就伟大的人。） 9． God helps those who help themselves.（天助自助者。）
10． Four short words sum up what has lifted most succeful individuals above the crowd: a little bit more.
（四个简短的词汇概括了成功的秘诀：多一点点！）
[比别人多一点努力、多一点自律、多一点决心、多一点反省、多一点学习、多一点实践、多一点疯狂，多一点点就能创造奇迹！] 11． In doing we learn.（实践长才干。）
12． East or west, home is best.（东好西好，还是家里最好。） 13． Two heads are better than one.（三个臭皮匠，顶个诸葛亮。）
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14． Good company on the road is the shortest cut.（行路有良伴就是捷径。）
15． Constant dropping wears the stone.（滴水穿石。）
16． Misfortunes never come alone/single.（祸不单行。）
17． Misfortunes tell us what fortune is.（不经灾祸不知福。）
18． Better late than never.（迟做总比不做好；晚来总比不来好。）
19． It\'s never too late to mend.（过而能改，善莫大焉；亡羊补牢，犹未晚也。）
20． If a thing is worth doing it is worth doing well.（如果事情值得做，就值得做好。）
21． Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm.（无热情成就不了伟业。）
22． Actions speak louder than words.（行动比语言更响亮。）
23． Lifele, faultle.（只有死人才不犯错误。）
24． From small beginning come great things.（伟大始于渺小。）
25． One today is worth two tomorrows.（一个今天胜似两个明天。）
26． Truth never fears investigation.（事实从来不怕调查。）
27． The tongue is bonele but it breaks bones.（舌无骨却能折断骨。）
28． A bold attempt is half succe.（勇敢的尝试是成功的一半。）
29． Knowing something of everything and everything of something.
（通百艺而专一长。）
30． Good advice is beyond all price.（忠告是无价宝。） 英语谜语脑筋急转弯
1.What will you break once you say it? （什么东西一说出来就打破？）Silence.（沉默） 3.What always goes up and never goes down? （什么东西只升不降？）Your age.（你的年龄）
4.Why did the boy make his dog sit in the sun? （男孩为什么让他的狗坐在阳光下？）. He wants to have a hot dog.（他想要一条热狗。）
5 9.What makes naughty boys long to work in a clock factory? 淘气的男孩为什么想去钟表厂工作？）.They want to make faces.(make face 做鬼脸，做钟表面) 1.What month do soldiers hate? --March (三月，行军) 2.How many feet are there in a yard? --It depends on how many people stand in the yard.(码，院子) 3.Why is an empty purse always the same? --There is no change in it.(零钱，变化) 5.What kind of dog doesn\'t bite or bark? --Hot dog.(热狗) 8.How do we know the ocean is friendly? --It waves.(起波浪，招手致意) 9.Which can move faster, heat or cold? --Heat, because you can catch cold.(追上冷，患感冒) 11.What table is in the field? --Vegetable 12.What is the only thing you can break when you say its name? --silence 13.What is there in your house that ought to be looked into? --mirror 14.What is that which you have never seen, heard or felt, which never existed and still has a name? --nothing 16.What question can never be answered by \'Yes\'? --Are you asleep? 19.Where can you always find money? --In the dictionary 21.Where does afternoon come before morning in the world? --In the dictionary 22.What is the smallest bridge in the world? --the bridge of a nose
6 23.What letter makes a road broad? --letter B 26.What match can\'t be put in a match-box? --Football match, basketball match, etc.27.When do 2 and 2 make more than 4? --When they make 22.28.I have cities but no houses, forests but no trees, rivers without water.What am I? --A map 34.What is easy to get into but hard to get out of ? --Trouble 35.What is black When it is clean and white when it is dirty? --A blackboard 2.What is smaller than an insect\'s mouth? Anything it eats.4.What\'s too much for one, just right for two, but nothing at all for three? A secret.5.What person tried to make you smile most of the time? A photographer.9.What do you know about the kings of France? They are all dead.10.What question can you never answer \'yes\" to\" Are you asleep? 11.Why do some old people never use glaes? They must prefer bottles to glaes.13.What two words have thousands of letters in them? Post office.15.What 5-letter word has 6 left when you take 2 letters away? Sixty.16.When do you go as fast as a racing car? When you are in it.17.How many sides does a house have?
7 Two - inside and outside.19.Where did Columbus stand when he discovered America? On his feet.20.When the boy fell into the water, what\'s the first thing he did? He got wet first of all.21.Who isn\'t your sister and isn\'t your brother, but is still a child of your mother and father? I myself.25.Name five days of the week without saying: Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday.The day before yesterday, yesterday, today, tomorrow, and the day after tomorrow.26.What animal eats and drinks with its tail? All do.No animal takes off its tail when eating and drinking.27.What has a soft bed but never sleeps, a big mouth but never speaks? A river.28.What kind of dog never bite? A hot dog.29.Why does the Statue of Liberty stand in New York Harbor? Because it can\'t sit down.31.What wears a cap but has no head? A bottle.32.What rises in the morning and waves all day? A flag.34.How can you tell clocks and watches are shy? Because they always have their hands in front of their faces.36.What comes after the letter \"A\"? All the other letters.37.What starts with a T, ends with a T, and is full of T? Teapot.38.What word can you make shorter by adding to it? Short.40.Why does the boy carry a ladder to the school? Because he wants to go to high school.
8 41.What can you swallow that can also swallow you? Water.42.What\'s the difference between a hill and a pill? A hill is hard to get up and a pill is hard to get down.43.Why is it usele to send a letter to Washington? Because he\'s dead.44.A doctor and a lawyer loved the same girl.The lawyer went away for a week and gave the girl seven apples before he left.Why? Because an apple a day keeps the doctor away.45.What will you do if a man-eating tiger is running after you? Nothing.Because I\'m a woman.46.What always travels on foot? A shoe.47.Where can happine always be found? In the dictionary.48.What is higher without a head than with a head? A pillow.(枕头) 49.Why don\'t you advertise for your lost dog? He can\'t read.50.On which side does a bird have the most feathers? The outside.52.What is never used until it\'s broken? An egg.54.What is dark but made by light? A shadow.55.What can you break with only one word? Silence.56.What stays indoors no matter how many times you put it out? The light.57.A policeman saw a truck driver going the wrong way down a one-way street, but didn\'t give him a ticket.Why? Because the truck driver was walking.
9 58.Where can milk be best stored? In a cow.59.Which can move faster, heat or cold? Heat, because you can catch cold easily.60.What\'s the hardest thing about learning skating? The ice.61.What has cities with no houses, rivers without water and forests without trees? A map.64.Why is writing called handwriting? If people wrote with their feet, we would have to call it footwriting.65.If there were only three girls in the world, what do you think they would do? Two of them would get together and talk about the other one.66.How many great men have been born in London? None.Only babies.67.When can you have an empty pocket and still have something in it? When you have a hole in your pocket.69.The more you take away, the bigger I become.What am I? A hole.
10个经典英语脑筋急转弯
1.Why are people tired on April Fool’s Day? (愚人节人们为什么疲倦?)
答：Because they have just had a long March.( 因为他们刚过了长长的三月。March 三月;行军)
2.What weather do mice and rats fear? (老鼠害怕什么天气?)
答：When it’s raining cats and dogs.(下大雨。rain cats and dogs 下大雨 ))
4.What question can never be answered by “yes”? (哪个问题永远不能回答“是的”?)
答：Are you asleep? (你睡着了吗)
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6.When can you get water with a net? (什么时候可以用网兜装水?)
答：When water is turned into ice.(当水结成冰时)
7.Why is the pig always eating 猪为什么没完没了地吃?
答：He’s making a hog of himself.它想成为一只肉猪。
8.What’s the longest word in the world 世界上最长的单词是什么? 答：Smiles.Because there’s a mile between the letter ’s’.微笑。因为两个字母S中间隔了一里。
9.What question is that to which you must always answer \"yes\"? 什么问题你只能回答“yes”?
答：\"What does y-e-s spell?\" (当别人问你)“yes”怎么拼?
10.Where were you when the power was cut off? 当停电的时候你在哪?
答：In the darkne.在黑暗中
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