英语幽默小故事（精选多篇）

发布时间：2022-05-02 12:04:49 来源：其他范文收藏本文下载本文手机版

推荐第1篇：英语幽默小故事

英语幽默小故事

The Bear and the Two Travelers

TWO man were traveling together, when a Bear suddenly met them on their path.

One of them climbed up quickly into a tree and concealed himself in the branches.The other, seeing that he must be attacked, fell flat on the ground, and when the Bear came up and felt him with his snout, and smelt him all over, he held his breath, and feigned the appearance of death as much as he could.

The Bear soon left him, for it is said he will not touch a dead body.When he was quite gone, the other Traveler descended from the tree, and jocularly inquired of his friend what it was the Bear had whispered in his ear.\"He gave me this advice,\" his companion replied.\"Never travel with a friend who deserts you at the approach of danger.\"

An ant went to the bank of a river to quench its thirst, and being carried away by the rush of the stream, was on the point of drowning.

A Dove sitting on a tree overhanging the water plucked a leaf and let it fall into the stream close to her.The Ant climbed onto it and floated in safety to the bank.Shortly afterwards a bird catcher came and stood under the tree, and laid his lime-twigs for the Dove, which sat in the branches.The Ant, perceiving his design, stung him in the foot.In pain the bird catcher threw down the twigs, and the noise made the Dove take wing.

One good turn deserves another

Love Your Life

热爱生活

Henry David Thoreau/享利.大卫.梭罗

However mean your life is,meet it and live it ;do not shun it and call it hard names.

It is not so bad as you are.It looks poorest when you are richest.The fault-finder will find faults in paradise.Love your life,poor as it is.

You may perhaps have some pleasant,thrilling,glorious hour,even in a poor-house.

The setting sun is reflected from the windows of the alms-house as brightly as

from the rich man’s abode;the snow melts before its door as early in the spring.I do not see but a quiet mind may live as contentedly there,and have as cheering thoughts,as in a palace.

The town’s poor seem to me often to live the most in dependent lives of any.May be they are simply great enough to receive without misgiving.

Most think that they are above being supported by the town;

but it of ten happens that they are not above supporting themselves by dishonest means.

which should be more disreputable.Cultivate poverty like a garden herb,like sage.

Do not trouble yourself much to get new things,whether clothes or friends,Turn the old,return to them.

Things do not change;we change.Sell your clothes and keep your thoughts.

不论你的生活如何卑贱，你要面对它生活，不要躲避它，更别用恶言咒骂它。它不像你那样坏。你最富有的时候，倒是看似最穷。爱找缺点的人就是到天堂里也能找到缺点。你要爱你的生活，尽管它贫穷。甚至在一个济贫院里，你也还有愉快、高兴、光荣的时候。夕阳反射在济贫院的窗上，像身在富户人家窗上一样光亮；在那门前，积雪同在早春融化。

我只看到，一个从容的人，在哪里也像在皇宫中一样，生活得心满意足而富有愉快的思想。城镇中的穷人，我看，倒往往是过着最独立不羁的生活。也许因为他们很伟大，所以受之无愧。大多数人以为他们是超然的，不靠城镇来支援他们；可是事实上他们是往往利用了不正当的手段来对付生活，他们是毫不超脱的，毋宁是不体面的。视贫穷如园中之花而像圣人一样耕植它吧！不要找新的花样，无论是新的朋友或新的衣服，来麻烦你自己。找旧的，回到那里去。万物不变，是我们在变。你的衣服可以卖掉，但要保留你的思想。

Ladies and Gentlemen, Good morning! I’m very glad to stand here and give you a short speech.

Man’s life is a proce of growing up, actually I’m standing here is a growth.If a person’s life must constituted by various choices, then I grow up along with these choices.Once I hope I can study in a college in future, however that’s paed, as you know I come here, now I wonder what the future holds for me.When I come to this school, I told to myself: this my near future, all starts here.Following I will learn to become a man, a integrated man, who has a fine body, can take on important task, has independent thought, an open mind, intensive thought, has the ability to judge right and wrong, has a perfect job.

Once my teacher said :” you are not sewing, you are stylist; never forget which you should lay out to people is your thought, not craft.” I will put my personality with my interest and ability into my study, during these proce I will combine learning with doing.If I can achieve this “future”, I think that I really grow up.And I deeply believe kindred, good-fellowship and love will perfection and happy in the future.

How to say future? Maybe it’s a nice wish.Lets make up our minds, stick to it

and surely well enjoy our life.

中文大意：）~

女士们，先生们，上午好。我很高兴在这里为大家作一个简短的讲话。

人的一生是一个成长的过程，事实上，我现在站在这里也是一次成长。如果一个人的一生必须面临不同的选择，那么我就是伴随着这些选择成长起来的。曾经我盼望将来能上大学，然而那已经过去了，现在我在这儿，只想知道我的未来会是什么样的。

当我来到这所学校，我告诉我自己：我不久的将来都从这里开始。接着我要学习如何做人，如何做一个正直的人，并且拥有一个健康的体魄，能承担重要的任务，能独立思考，思想开放，心思缜密，有判断是非的能力，有一份不错的工作。

我的老师曾经告诉我说：“你不是在修补而是在创造；永远不要忘记你向人们所展示的是你的思想，而不是你的手艺。”我会将我的性格，兴趣爱好和能力一起融入到学习中去。在这过程中，我边学习边实践。如果我能实现这个“未来”，我就认为我真的成长了。并且我深信我的亲人，好朋友以及爱会使我的未来更完美，更幸福。

如何来解释未来呢? 也许那只是一个美好的愿望。让我们下定决心，坚持到底，那我们的人生一定能过得很精彩。

世界节日（1）Spring Festival（春节）

作者：节日转贴自：本站原创点击数：578文章录入：湖北华审

The New Moon on the first day of the new year-- the full moon 15 days later

Chinese New Year starts with the New Moon（新月）on the first day of the new year and ends on the full moon（满月）15 days later.The 15th day of the new year is called the Lantern Festival（元宵节）, which is celebrated at night with lantern displays and children carrying lanterns in a parade.

The Chinese calendar is based on a combination of lunar and solar movements.The lunar cycle（月运周期）is about 29.5 days.In order to \"catch up\" with the solar calendar the Chinese insert an extra month once every few years (seven years out of a 19-yearcycle).This is the same as adding an extra day on leap year （闰年）.This is why, according to the solar calendar, the Chinese New Year falls on a different date each year.

New Year\'s Eve and New Year\'s Day are celebrated as a family affair, a time of reunion and thanksgiving.The celebration was traditionally highlighted with a religious ceremony given in honor of Heaven and Earth（万物）, the gods of the household and the family ancestors.

The sacrifice to the ancestors, the most vital of all the rituals（仪式）, united the living members with those who had paed away.Departed relatives are remembered with great respect because they were responsible for laying the foundations for the fortune and glory of the family.

The presence of the ancestors is acknowledged on New Year\'s Eve with a dinner arranged for them at the family banquet table.The spirits of the ancestors,

together with the living, celebrate the onset of the New Year as one great community.The communal feast called \"surrounding the stove\" or weilu.It symbolizes family unity and honors the past and present generations.The Origin of Chinese New Year

The Chinese New Year is now popularly known as the Spring Festival because it starts from the Begining of Spring (the first of the twenty-four terms in coodination with the changes of Nature).Its origin is too old to be traced.Several explanations are hanging around.All agree, however, that the word Nian, which in modern Chinese solely means \"year\", was originally the name of a monster beast that started to prey on people the night before the beginning of a new year.

One legend goes that the beast Nian had a very big mouth that would swallow a great many people with one bite.People were very scared.One day, an old man came to their rescue, offering to subdue Nian.To Nian he said, \"I hear say that you are very capable, but can you swallow the other beasts of prey on earth instead of people who are by no means of your worthy opponents?\" So, it did swallow many of the beasts of prey on earth that also harraed people and their domestic animals from time to time.

After that, the old man disappeared riding the beast Nian.He turned out to be an immortal god.Now that Nian is gone and other beasts of prey are also scared into forests, people begin to enjoy their peaceful life.Before the old man left, he had told people to put up red paper decorations on their windows and doors at each year\'s end to scare away Nian in case it sneaked back again, because red is the color the beast feared the most.

From then on, the tradition of observing the conquest of Nian is carried on from generation to generation.The term \"Guo Nian\", which may mean \"Survive the Nian\" becomes today \"Celebrate the (New) Year\" as the word \"guo\" in Chinese having both the meaning of \"pa-over\" and \"observe\".The custom of putting up red paper and firing fire-crackers to scare away Nian should it have a chance to run loose is still around.However, people today have long forgotten why they are doing all this, except that they feel the color and the sound add to the excitement of the celebration.

Traditional New Year Foods

Probably more food is consumed during the New Year celebrations than any other time of the year.Vast amounts of traditional food is prepared for family and friends, as well as those close to us who have died.

On New Year\'s Day, the Chinese family will eat a vegetarian dish called jai.Although the various ingredients in jai are root vegetables or fibrous vegetables, many people attribute various superstitious aspects to them.

Other foods include a whole fish, to represent togetherne and abundance, and a chicken for prosperity.The chicken must be presented with a head, tail and feet to symbolize completene.Noodles should be uncut, as they represent long life.

In south China, the favorite and most typical dishes were nian gao, sweet

steamed glutinous rice（糯米）pudding and zong zi (glutinous rice wrapped up in reed（芦苇）leaves), another popular delicacy.

In the north, steamed-wheat bread (man tou) and small meat dumplings were the preferred food.The tremendous amount of food prepared at this time was meant to symbolize abundance and wealth for the household.

The 15-Day Celebration of Chinese New Year

The first day of the Lunar New Year is \"the welcoming of the gods of the heavens and earth.\"Many people abstain from meat on the first day of the new year because it is believed that this will ensure long and happy lives for them.

On the second day, the Chinese pray to their ancestors as well as to all the gods.They are extra kind to dogs and feed them well as it is believed that the second day is the birthday of all dogs.

The third and fourth days are for the sons-in-laws to pay respect to their parents-in-law.

The fifth day is called Po Woo.On that day people stay home to welcome the God of Wealth.No one visits families and friends on the fifth day because it will bring both parties bad luck.

On the sixth to the 10th day, the Chinese visit their relatives and friends freely.They also visit the temples to pray for good fortune and health.

The seventh day of the New Year is the day for farmers to display their produce.These farmers make a drink from seven types of vegetables to celebrate the occasion.The seventh day is also considered the birthday of human beings.Noodles are eaten to promote longevity and raw fish for succe.

On the eighth day the Fujian people have another family reunion dinner, and at midnight they pray to Tian Gong, the God of Heaven.

The ninth day is to make offerings to the Jade Emperor.

The 10th through the 12th are days that friends and relatives should be invited for dinner.After so much rich food, on the 13th day you should have simple rice congee and mustard greens (choi sum) to cleanse the system.

The 14th day should be for preparations to celebrate the Lantern Festival which is to be held on the 15th night.

Auspicious words:

Treasures fill the homeBusine flourishesPeace all year roundWishing you prosperity

Harmony brings wealth May all your wishes come trueEverything goes wellThe country flourishes and people live in peace

Money and treasures will be plentifulWishing you every succePromoting to a higher positionSafe trip wherever you go

推荐第2篇：英语幽默小故事

英语幽默小故事

Where is the egg? Teacher:Can you make a sentence with the word \"egg\"? Student:Yes.I ate a piece of cake yesterday.Teacher:Then where is the “egg\"? Student:In the cake,Sir.鸡蛋在哪里？

老师：你能用“鸡蛋”一词造句吗？学生：可以。我昨天吃了一块蛋糕。老师：“鸡蛋”在哪？学生：在蛋糕里，先生 Son: Dad, give me a dime.

Father: Son, don\'t you think you\'re getting too big to be forever begging for dimes? Son: I gue you\'re right, Dad, Give me a dollar, will you? 儿子：爸爸，给我一角钱。

父亲：儿子，你不认为你已经长大了，不该再老是一角一角地要钱了(该自立了)，不是吗？

儿子：爸爸，我想你是对的，那给我一块钱行吗？

I\'m sorry ，Madam ，but I shall have to charge you twenty dollars for pulling your boy\'s tooth .”

“Twenty d ollars! Why ，I understand you to say that you charged only four dollars for such work!”

“Yes，but this youngster yelled so terribly that he scared four other patients out of the office .”

“对不起，夫人，为您孩子拔牙我要收取20美元。” “20美元！为什么？不是说好只要4美元。”

“是的，但是你的孩子大喊大叫，把另外四个病人吓跑了。”

Ten Candies

Mother asks her son, “Jim, if you have ten candies, and you eat four, then how many candles do you have?”

“Ten.” Jim says.

“Then,” Mother asks.

“Yes, Mum.Four candles are in my stomach and six candies are out of my stomach.Four and six is ten, isn’t it right?”

十块糖

妈妈问儿子：“吉姆，如果你有10块糖，吃了4块，那你还有几块糖？”

“10块。”吉姆说。

“10块？”妈妈问。

“是的，妈妈。因为4块在我的肚子里面，6块在肚子外面，4加6等于10，不对吗？”

It’s Good to Admit a Fault John is not a “good” student.He always sleeps in the cla.Today he sleeps again.

“John!” Teacher says angrily.

“What? What’s wrong?” John is awaken.

“Why do you make a face? It’s claroom.Look! Everyone is laughing.” Teacher says. “No one is laughing.” Teacher says.

“No, it’s not me.I was not making a face.I was sleeping.” John fells upset.

“Um.Not bad.You can admit your fault.You are still a good boy.” Teacher is satisfied with it.认错

约翰并不是个“好”学生。他总是在上课的时候睡觉。今天他又睡着了。

“约翰！”老师生气地喊他。

“什么？出什么事了？”约翰醒了。

“你为什么要做鬼脸？这是教室！看看！同学们都在笑！”老师生气地说。 “没有人在笑呀。”其他同学笑声地嘀咕。

“不，不是我。我没有做鬼脸。刚才我睡着了。”约翰感到不安。

“嗯，还不错。你承认自己的错误，还是给好孩子”老师为此感到满意。

Adding Feet to a Snake

One day, Mr.Lion holds a party.Many animals come and drink a lot of wine.At last there is a pot of wine.Who can drink it? They drink out an idea and decide to have a match-Draw a snake.If you finish first, you can get it.

Soon Mr.Wolf finishes drawing.“Yeah, I’ve finished.I’m No.1,” he says.But he draws again and says, “Oh, let me add feet and my snake.” At the time, Mr.Gorilla also finishes.He takes away the pot of wine and drinks, then he says, “That isn’t a snake.Snakes have no feet.I get the wine.”

画蛇添足

一天，狮子先生举行一场聚会，许多动物都来了，他们喝很多酒。最后只剩一壶酒了。让谁喝呢？它们想了想，有个主意。它们比赛画蛇，谁最快画好，谁就喝这壶酒。

不一会，狼先生画好了。“哈，我画好了，我是第一个。”它说。可是它又画了起来，它还说：“再给它加几只脚吧。”这是猩猩先生也画好了。它拿起那酒壶喝起来。一边喝一边说：“那不是蛇，蛇是没有脚的，我赢了这壶酒。”

Covering One’s Ears While Stealing a Bell

Mr.Wang thinks he is clever, but he always does foolish things. One day he sees a beautiful bell at the top of a door.“Oh! How nice! I will take it home.” He thinks, “What can I do?” After a while he has a “good” idea.“Aha! I have an idea now.I can plug my ears.Then I will not hear the ring when I take off the bell.”

Then he does so.But as soon as he takes off the bell, the owner opens the door.“What ate you doing?” the owner says angrily.

掩耳盗铃

王先生总以为自己很聪明，实际上他总干傻事。

一天，他看见一户人家的门头有个很漂亮的铃铛。“啊，真漂亮啊！我要把它拿回家去。”他自言自语道：“我该怎么做呢？”过了一会儿他想到了一个“好”主意。“啊哈！我有办法了！我把耳朵堵上，拿铃铛的时候就听不见铃声了。”

于是他就这样做了。可是他刚拿下铃铛，屋子的主人就打开门，怒气冲冲地说：“你在干什么？”

Look at the Sky from the Bottom of a Well

There is a frog.He lives in a well and he never goes out of the well.He thinks the sky is as big as the mouth of the well.One day a crow comes to the well.He sees the frog and says, “Frog, let’s have a talk.” Then the frog asks, “Where are you from?” “I fly from the sky,” the crow says.The frog feels surprised and says, “The sky is only as big as the mouth of the well.How do you fly from the sky?”

The crow says, “The sky is very big.You always stay in the well, so you don’t know the world is big.”

The frog says, “I don’t believe.” But the crow says, “You can come out and have a look by yourself.”

So the frog comes out from the well.He is very surprised.How big the world is!

坐井观天

有一只青蛙住在井底，他从来没有去过井外面。他以为天空就和井口一样大。一天，一只乌鸦飞到井边，看见青蛙，就对它说：“青蛙，咱们聊聊吧。”青蛙就问他：“你从哪里来？”“我从天上上来。青蛙惊讶了，就说：“天空就只有这井口这么大，你怎么会从天上飞老呢？”

乌鸦说：“天空很大。只不过你一直呆在井里，所有不知道世界很大。”青蛙说：“我不相信。”乌鸦说：“你可以出来，自己看看嘛。” 于是青蛙来到井外。他十分惊讶，原来世界这么大！

The Clever King Solomon

Long, long ago, there was a king.Solomon was his name.He was very clever.

In his country, there were two women.They lived in the same house and each had a child.

One night, one of the babies died.The dead baby’s mother took the other woman’s baby, and put it in her own bed.

The next morning , they had a quarrel.

“No, this is my baby!” The dead is yours!”

Each one wanted the living baby.So they went to see King Solomon.“Bring me a knife, cut the child into two and five each woman one half.” said the King.“Oh.Your Majesty! Give her my baby.Please don’t kill my baby!”

Then King Solomon pointed to the woman in teas and said, “Give the baby to her.She is the mother.”

聪明的国王所罗门

很久很久之前，有一位国王，他的名字叫所罗门，他非常聪明。

在他的国家里，有两位妇女，她们住在同一间房子里。各有一个婴儿。

一天夜里，其中一个婴儿死了。他的妈妈抱另一位妇女的小孩，把他放在自己的床上。

第二天早上，他们发生了争吵。

“不，这是我的孩子！这个死的是你的！”

他们都想要这个活着的孩子，于是她们去见所罗门国王。

“给我拿把刀来，把这个孩子切成两半，没人一半。”国王判决道。

“哦，陛下，把我的孩子给她吧。请不要杀了我的孩子！”一位母亲哭喊道。于是所罗门指着流泪的妇女说：“把孩子给她，她是真正的母亲。”

Two Holes for the Dogs

My uncle has two dogs.One is big and the other is small.He likes them very much.

One day, Mr.Smith came to visit him.When the friend saw two holes in the door, a large hole and a small hole, he was surprised and said, “My dear friend, why are there two holes in your door?” “Let my dogs come in and come out, of course,” Mr.Smith asked.“But why are there two holes? One is enough!” “But how can the big dog go through the small hole?” my uncle said.

Sometimes a clever man may make such mistakes.

两个狗洞

我的叔叔有两条狗。一只是大的，另一只是小狗的。他很喜欢它们。

有一天，史密斯先生来看他。当这个朋友看见门口上有连个洞，一个是大洞和一个小洞时，他感到吃惊并说，“我亲爱的朋友，为什么你的门上有连个洞？”我的叔叔回答说：“当然是让我的两条狗进出了。 ” 史密斯先生问到：“ 为什么门上要两个洞呢？一个就足够了。” 我叔叔说：“大狗怎能走小洞呢？” 有时聪明的人可能会犯这样的错误。

推荐第3篇：英语幽默小故事

A: We have got a new dog.Would you like to come around and play with him? B: Well, I don\'t know---does he bite?

A: That\'s what I want to find out.

The six-year-old John was terribly spoiled（被宠坏的） .His father knew it, but his grandma doted on him.He hardly left her side.And when he wanted anything, he either cried or threw a temper tantrum（乱发脾气） .Then came his first day of school, his first day away from his grandmother\'s loving arms.

When he came home from school his grandma met him at the door.

Was school all right? she asked, Did you get along(相处) all right? did you cry? Cry? John asked.No, I didn\'t cry, but the teacher did!

六岁的约翰娇生惯养。他的父亲知道这一点，可他的祖父母仍然宠着他。这孩子几乎寸步不离他的祖母。他想要什么不是哭，就是闹。他第一天上学才离开祖母的怀抱。

约翰放学了，他奶奶在门口接他并问道：学校怎么样？你过的好吗？哭了没有？哭？约翰问，不，我没哭，可老师哭了。

Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, \"What happened?\" \"A kid bit me,\" replied Ivan.

\"Would you recognize him if you saw him again?\" asked his mother.

\"I\'d know him any where,\" said Ivan.\"I have his ear in my pocket.\"

伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。他妈妈问，“发生了什么事？”

“一个男孩咬了我一口，”伊凡说。

“再见到他你能认出来吗？”妈妈问。

“他走到哪里我都能认出他，”伊凡说。“他的耳朵还在我衣兜里呢。”

come homego homeget home

当 home 前面有所有格形式时是名词可用 come to比如 come to one„s home

另外这三个都表示“回家”。方向是一回事，我想最重要的是说话者的方位。

如\"When will you come home?\"说明说者在家，或是他的家人；而“When will you go home?\" 一般情况下，说者不在家中。

至于get home，强调的是已经到家，get有确定到达的意思。

推荐第4篇：英语幽默小故事1篇

英语幽默小故事1篇(翻译)

A Fine Match

One day a lady saw a mouse running acro her kitchen floor.She was very afraid of mice, so she ran out of the house, got into a bus and went to the shop.There she bought a mousetrap.The shopkeeper said to her, \"Put some cheese in it and you will soon catch that mouse.\" The lady went home with her mousetrap, but when she looked in her cupboard, she could not find any cheese in it.She did not want to go back to the shop, because it was very late, so she cut a picture of some cheese out of a magazine and put that in the trap. Surprisingly, the picture of the cheese was quite succeful! When the lady came down to the kitchen the next morning she found a picture of a mouse in the trap beside the picture of the cheese! 势均力敌

一天一位女士看到一只老鼠在自家的厨房地板上窜过。她很害怕老鼠，所以她随即冲出屋子，搭上了公共汽车直奔商店。在那儿，她买了一只老鼠夹。店主告诉她：“放点奶酪在里面，很快你就会逮住那只老鼠的。”

这位女士带着鼠夹回到家里，但她没有在碗橱里找到奶酪。她不想再回到商店里去，因为已经很晚了。于是，她就从一份杂志中剪下一幅奶酪的图片放进了夹子。

出人意料的是，这画有奶酪的图片竟然奏效了!第二天早上，当这位女士下楼到厨房时，她发现鼠夹里奶酪图片旁有一张画有老鼠的图片!

推荐第5篇：幽默小故事

经典幽默小故事

坐错地方

一位妇人在公园的长椅上坐下，她看四周无人，便把腿伸直躺在椅子上。过了一会儿，一个乞丐走到她面前说道：“相好的，一起散散步如何？” “你好大的胆子，”妇人说：“我可不是那种勾三搭四的女人！” “那么，”乞丐又说，“你在我床上干什么？”

赵钱孙李

从前，有一位私塾先生，教了十几个小学生，其中有一个是财主的儿子，读的是《百家姓》，但他总是读不会。有一天，先生气急了，说道：“赵钱孙李这么简单的话你都记不住，真没用，我再来开导开导你。你不是姓赵吗？你们家不是很有钱吗？你的儿子的儿子不就是你的孙子吗？我的名字叫李万年。这样详详细细地解释给你听，你如果还记不住，真是该打手心！”第二天，这个学生朗朗背诵道：“我姓赵，我有钱，我的孙子李万年。”同学们听了，哈哈大笑。

到了哪一头

小伙子当恩在街上突然碰到几个月前给他主持婚礼仪式的牧师。

当恩问牧师：“在举行婚礼的时候，您不是代表上帝宣布：我和我妻子的一切烦恼都已经到头了吗？可是现在我正烦恼得很哪！”

“对，我是这样说过。”牧师不慌不忙地回答，“烦恼有开始的一头，也有消失的一头；当时我可并没有说明您是到了哪一头。”

彼此彼此

有个缺德鬼去给朋友拜年，在路上碰见了他的邻居——一个聋子。他乐呵呵地拱手给聋子拜年：“恭喜你今年早死！”

聋子以为他说的都是吉利话，便回拜说：“你也一样！你也一样！”

哭与笑

有几个人在野外拾到一个地理先生使用的罗盘，大家都不认得，拿给毛拉看是件什么东西。毛拉先是呜呜地哭，接着又哈哈地大笑起来。弄得这几个人迷惑不解地问：“你又哭又笑的，到底是怎么回事？”

毛拉诚恳地答道：“我开始哭，是觉得你们太愚昧，连这么个小东西都不认识；后来笑，是因为我发现自己也不认得这东西。”

手套

中华民国时期有个染坊工人被法院传票到法庭上作证，他举手宣誓时，整个手黑得像墨一样，法官见了，就高声叫道：“你先脱掉手套，然后再宣誓。” 染坊工人认真地说：“请你戴上眼镜，看清后再发言。”

主教落入陷阱

主教听别人说，到纽约后很有可能被报界拖入预设的陷阱，所以要格外小心。在机场，有位记者一见面就问他：“你想上夜总会吗？”主教想岔开这个问题，就讥笑着反问：“纽约有夜总会吗？”真没想到，他还是落入了陷阱。因为第二天报纸上报道这次会见的大标题是：“主教走下飞机后的第一个问题：„纽约有夜总会吗‟？”

一字之差

有一个教徒结了婚，她接到了朋友发来的贺电。电文原本是“约翰1—4—18”。朋友的意思是让她查看《圣经》中《约翰福音》一书，数字标着的页码和行数原是一句祝贺与鼓励的话：“爱里没有惧怕，爱既完全，就把惧怕除去。”

不幸送来的电文漏掉了“1”字，只见电文上写着约翰“4—18”。新娘按电文原意一翻《约翰福音》第四章18节，只见那里写着：“你已经有五个丈夫，你现在有的，并不是你的丈夫。”

损人损己

一位美貌温柔的年轻姑娘独自坐在酒吧里。从她的装束便可以看出她一定出身豪门。这时，一位潇洒英俊的青年男子向她走来，有礼貌地低声问：“这儿有人坐吗？。” 她大声说：“到阿芙达旅馆去？”

“不，不。你弄错了。”青年有几分惶悚，急忙解释说：“我只是问这儿有其他人坐吗？” “您说今夜就去？”她尖声叫道，比刚才更激动。

青年男子被她弄得狼狈极了，红着脸儿到另一张桌子上去了。许多顾客愤慨而轻蔑地看着他。

过了一会，年轻姑娘又来到他的桌边，给他叫了一杯白兰地轻声说：“对不起，我只是想看看您对意外情况的反应。”

青年本来气就未消，见她这般言行，决心叫她也出一次丑，他大声地说：“什么？一次要一百美元吗？”

这一次，窘迫轮给这位年轻的姑娘了。

想跳舞吗

大半个晚上都没有一个人邀请玛丽小姐步入舞池，使她感到非常失望。这时一位英俊潇洒的男士向她含笑走来，玛丽急忙起身微笑相迎。 “您想跳舞吗？小姐？”那位男士问道。 “是的，谢谢你的邀请。” “正好，我可以坐你的位置了。” 黑暗中的一吻

火车进入隧道，整个车厢里一片黑暗。只听一声亲吻，接着便是一记响亮的耳光。火车迟迟开出隧道后，车厢内四个素不相识的人都没有吱声，唯有德国军官眼圈发青。中国老太太暗想：“这姑娘人美心灵更美。”姑娘想：“真奇怪，这德国人宁亲老太婆不亲我。”德国人想：“罗马尼亚人真狡猾，他偷着亲嘴，我暗里挨打。”罗马尼亚人想：“我最聪明，我吻自己的手背，又打了德国人一个耳光，没人发现。”

最值钱的东西

从前，有一个国王统率的军队包围了一座城池。进城之前，国王发布一条命令：城中的妇女皆可免于一死，明天天亮之前，可以携带自己最值钱的东西离开城池，国王保证大家的安全。不久，只见全城妇女人人背上都背着

一个沉重的包袱，上气不接下气地走出城门，一个个累得满头大汗。原来她们身上背的包袱里，都是自己的丈夫。

美人效应

罗马一家自助餐厅的老板整天苦思冥想，终于想出一个赚别人小费的妙计。他首先请来一位非常漂亮的姑娘，坐在柜台旁边收钱，以便使得男客们神魂颠倒，慷慨解囊。谁料到姑娘上班没几天，就对老板说：“我想，我不如以前那么漂亮了。” 老板急忙问：“这是怎么回事呢？”

“现在，所有的男客都在柜台边反复地数我找给他们的零钱。”

聪明的证据

19世纪时，西方一些科学家声称找到了白种人比黄种人聪明的科学证据：“黄种人的头发截面是圆的，而白种人的则是椭圆的，椭圆有两个圆心，规画更为不易，可见上帝是偏爱白种人的。”殊料，20世纪初，人类学家在非洲某地区发现了一个黑人原始部落，他们的头发与黄种人和白种人都不一样，是扁的。

体检

一位个头很大的爱尔兰青年信步走进了一间办公室，里面正在由军医进行对警察候选人的体格检查。

军医对他说：“脱下衣服来。” “您说什么，先生？” “把衣服脱光，快一点！”

青年人脱了衣服。军医给他量了胸围，检查了脊背后，命令：“跳过这根横杆。” 青年人照着做了，结果动作还好，但摔了个仰八叉。

“双膝并拢，两手触地。”青年人按要求又做了，因失去平衡，跌倒在地上。待他爬起来，军医又命令：“在这冷水池里跳跃五分钟。” “这太滑稽了。”青年人嘟囔着。

“现在绕着房子跑十圈，我要检查你的心脏和呼吸。” 青年人终于气恼地说：“我不，我宁愿打一辈子光棍！” 军医一听，困惑地问：“你这是什么意思？”

青年人说：“是的，打光棍！办个结婚手续哪来这么多的麻烦？”

推荐第6篇：幽默小故事

钟摆

有一天，一只老钟对一只小钟说：“你一年里要摆525600下啦。”小钟吓坏了，说“哇，这么多，这怎么可能？！我怎么能完成那么多下呢！”

这时候，另一只老钟笑着说：“不用怕，你只需一秒钟摆一下，每一秒坚持下来就可以了。”

小钟高兴了，想着：一秒钟摆一下好像并不难啊，试试看吧。果然，很轻松地就摆了一下。

不知不觉一年过去了，小钟已经摆了525600下！

很简单的故事，却寓意着深刻的道理，当我们面对大困难的时候，往往望而怯步，孰不知只要根据实际，分期制定小目标，一一完成就行了。我想，这不仅是送给同学们的，同样是对自己的鞭策。

恩赐

从前，有两个饥饿的人得到了一位长者的恩赐：一根鱼竿和一篓鲜活硕大的鱼。其中，一个人要了一篓鱼，另一个人要了一根鱼竿，于是他们分道扬镳了。得到鱼的人原地就用干柴搭起篝火煮起了鱼，他狼吞虎咽，还没有品出鲜鱼的肉香，转瞬间，连鱼带汤就被他吃了个精光，不久，他便饿死在空空的鱼篓旁。另一个人则提着鱼竿继续忍饥挨饿，一步步艰难地向海边走去，可当他已经看到不远处那片蔚蓝色的海洋时，他浑身的最后一点力气也使完了，他也只能眼巴巴地

带着无尽的遗憾撒手人间。

又有两个饥饿的人，他们同样得到了长者恩赐的一根鱼竿和一篓鱼。只是他们并没有各奔东西，而是商定共同去找寻大海，他俩每次只煮一条鱼，他们经过遥远的跋涉，来到了海边，从此，两人开始了捕鱼为生的日子，几年后，他们盖起了房子，有了各自的家庭、子女，

有了自己建造的渔船，过上了幸福安康的生活。

一个人只顾眼前的利益，得到的终将是短暂的欢愉；一个人目标高远，但也要面对现实的生活。只有把理想和现实有机结合起来，才有可能成为一个成功之人。有时候，一个简单的道理，却足以给人意

味深长的生命启示。

推荐第7篇：幽默小故事

幽默小故事

一个消化不良的病人向医生抱怨：我近来很不正常，吃什么拉什么，吃黄瓜拉黄瓜，吃西瓜拉西瓜，怎样才能恢复正常呢？医生沉默片刻，那你只能吃屎了。

一位张先生离开了公司人事部，有一天去酒吧，调酒师说：张先生，听说您最近不干人事啦？！张先生听了大慌，调酒师忙改口，听说您不在人事啦？！

夜空一颗流星划过，我连忙许了心愿，希望你能变漂亮些，谁知刚许完心愿，流星“嗖”地返回来，对我说：大哥！诚心为难我是不是？！

阿袁在外地学习。一天，他发现生活费已提前用完，便忙给家里拍电报求援。电报上只有四个字：弹尽粮绝。没几天，阿袁收到家里的回电：顶住！

你知道我们的友谊对我充满了丰富的含义，你哭的时候我也哭，你笑的时候我也笑，当你从高楼跳出去，我也会毫不犹豫地探出头去：“哇塞！不死才怪！”

听说你的手机没有短信功能，所以发这条短信试验。如你收到，证实有短信功能并是我发的短信，请给我回复：我有了，是你的！

某人去东北出差在街上丢了一块钱，民警说：“我们一定帮您找到”一月后那人再去，他丢钱的大街因修路都被挖了开来，他不禁叹“东北的mop.com就是实在”

如果有人欺负你，告诉我！我把他的脸打成彩屏的，脑袋打成震动的，耳朵打成和弦的，鼻子打成直板的，门牙打成翻盖的，总之把他捣鼓成二手的！

猪圈每次喂食都放音乐，一只怀孕的母猪总是躲在僻静处自我陶醉，主人来赶它。母猪道“别吵，偶正在胎教”

健康提示：吃饱饭后,一戒吸烟,二戒洗澡,三戒生气,四戒松裤带,五戒刷牙,六戒上厕所,七戒喝酒,八戒你知道了吗?

我有一个请求：请我吃饭，希望你能满足我。否则我将把你的手机号写在墙上，前边再加上两个字：办证。

沙僧参加数学考试，监考老师盯着他脖子上的珠珠看了半天，冷笑道：嘿嘿！把算盘伪装成这样了，休想作弊，快摘下来！

小时候，咱俩两小无猜，我唱歌你伴舞，我能唱二百首歌，你就能跳二百支舞，所以人们亲切的叫我二百歌，叫你二百舞！

一对夫妻来到一口许愿井旁，丈夫弯腰，许个愿还往井里扔个硬币。妻也想许愿但她弯腰时不小心翻入井里。丈夫惊呆了，然后又笑着对自己说，真灵啊！

上帝送我一个宝盆，想啥它就变啥。我不小心想了你一次，它就变出一个你，我止不住想，它就不住变，最后满屋都是你。我就愁呀：这么多小猪叫我咋喂呀。

在我小侄子四五岁时，他在家里地板拾到一元钱，他很高兴地拿起来一看是“一九九二年”的钱，他不高兴地把钱丢了：“这钱过期了”

你善良像猫儿,你忠实像狗儿,你可爱像鸟儿,你识途像马儿,你出色像蝶儿,你勤劳像蜂儿,你什么都相像,也难怪大家都叫你--禽兽。

我一直都守在你身边，也一再为你担心，今天你吃得饱吗？睡得好吗？深夜会冷吗？我向来都知道你就是不会照顾自己，每当我一走开，你就从猪栏跳出去。

我昨晚梦到你了：我们漫步在小河边，相互依偎着。你抬头凝视着我的眼睛，深情地吐出三个字--汪汪汪

今天有人看见你了，你还是那样迷人，穿着格子背心，慢悠悠地走着，一副超然自在的样子，实在是可爱极了，真不知你当年是怎么赛过兔子的？

知道我们为何有缘吗？早在一千年前我们就认识了，是个秋天，你随我在风里跑，在我身上留下了牙印，这事成了千古佳话。那时，我叫吕洞宾。

厂长在和外商谈判时，外商鼻子发痒，打了个喷嚏，恰巧身边的翻译也鼻子痒，跟着也打了个，厂长不高兴地说：这不用翻译，我听的懂！

胡萝卜见客户，恭敬地递上名片，客户看名片问：你怎么叫高丽参啦？胡萝卜小腰一挺，“人家哈韩了嘛！”

一个男生紧追不舍，女孩对男生又不感冒，由于男生死缠烂打，女生大声对男生说：你到底喜欢我什么啊！我改还不行么？！

主持人报幕：下面由张明带来一首《水牛》，到幕后又急跑出来：对不起，张明献给大家的是《水车》，结果音乐响起，是郑智化的《水手》

对不起，那么晚了还发短信给你，如果有吵到你的话，在此跟你说声--活该！谁叫你要比我早睡了，呵呵

如果长得好看是一种错，我已经铸成大错，如果可爱是一种罪，我已经犯了滔天大罪，做人真难!„你就好啦~没错又没罪„真羡慕你

公交车上一人踩了另一人的脚，挨踩的骂：你瞎了？！踩人的回口：没瞎啊，我不是正好踩中了么

亲友团在快餐店相亲，小伙子谦恭得体，未来岳父为了检验他是否抽烟，递过去一根薯条：来一根吧？小伙子咽了下口水说：谢谢，不会。

有一个腼腆的男孩向一女孩问到：你喜欢什么样的男孩?女孩说：投缘的，男孩哭丧着脸问到：头扁的不行吗?

妻子问：我带的这个假发好不好看？丈夫说：它提醒了我一件忘了很久的事情。妻子说：是年轻时候的我吧？丈夫说：我想起家里的拖把还没有买！

有个人第一次在集市上卖冰棍，不好意思叫卖，旁边有一个人正高声喊：卖冰棍！，他只好喊道：我也是。

“这孩子长得跟我一模一样！”大哥得意地对朋友说，“不要难过。”朋友安慰，“小孩丑一点没关系，只要健康活泼就好了。”

深夜，孩子哭了起来，妈妈有病不能哄，父亲抱起来准备唱一段催眠曲，刚开了个头，妻子求饶到：还是让孩子哭吧

有人在黄山的石壁上写道：我和太太来此一游，很愉快，特留字为念。几天以后，旁边多了另一行字：我到此一游，没带太太，更愉快，特留字为念。

蚊子在你胳膊上大喝一通，你被叮醒，在你抡起来要打蚊子的一刹那，蚊子对你说：我身体里可流着你的血！

餐厅中，女：你到底打算跟我结婚吗？男的沉默。女：别以为没人要我，搞火了我马上就在这找个人嫁了！侍应生走过来：小姐，你把本店的客人都吓跑了。

那天在街上看到你了，你和一个人在一起，我一眼就看出他不是好人，他在你后面不停的拍打你的屁股。我很气愤，对他说：前面赶驴的，住手！

送你十二生肖祝你：联盟如鼠，强壮如牛，胆大如虎，可爱如兔，自信如龙，魅力如蛇，浪漫如马，温顺如羊，顽皮如猴，美丽如鸡，忠诚如狗，长的像猪！

一位妇产科医生自己开业了，第一天回家后妻子问他：今天成绩如何？医生答到：不算太坏，虽然产妇和婴儿都没保住，但总算把婴儿的父亲救活了

想你，有一种温馨的感觉。见你，是一种痛苦的期待。爱你，是我一生的追求。梦你，是我永久的情怀。其实揍你，才是我心中快乐之所在！

在友谊的路上，有时你看不到我，不是我把你遗忘，更不是让你一人走，是我选择走在你后面，当你跌倒时，我就赶紧跑上去，嘿嘿，我踩！我踩！我踩踩踩！

听说你家老鼠搬家了，苍蝇熏进医院了，刚才在超市看见你家蟑螂来买清新剂，臭虫也来买香水了，哥们儿，你就洗洗脚吧！

有一个好消息和一个坏消息告诉你。好消息就是—你的耐力赢得我的尊重；坏消息就是—我会加倍努力地修理你！

仅仅是一阵风也罢了，偏偏是这样永恒；仅仅是一场梦也罢了，偏偏是如此真实；你低头不语，我却难以平静，我终于禁不住要对你说：你放屁先说一声啊！

我每天晚上为了想你都会积攒一颗流星，终于汇成了这场流星雨！我心里想着，小样儿，我就不信砸不死你！

某男在操场上看到一个漂亮女生，便想搭讪，于是从地上捡起一个东西走过去说：同学，请问这快板砖是你掉的吗？

你在一片荷叶上轻轻地舞着，你那优雅的身姿迷倒了所有看到你的人，其中有位诗人惊呼：天哪！猪立叶！另一位诗人摇头道：不，是骡觅藕！

一头驴子能驮100斤，二头驴子能驮200斤，而你只带了三头驴子就带回来400斤粮食，为什么？

明早你会看见一只蚊子躺在你枕边，旁边有一遗嘱：昨晚努力了一夜也没能刺破你的脸，你的脸皮厚得让我无脸活在这个世上，所以请不要怀疑是谋杀，我是自杀!

女：为何从前你对我百依百顺，可是刚刚结婚三天，你就和我吵了两次架？男：恩，一般来说，我的忍耐是有限度的。

你比镜子还能反映我的缺点;你比庄子还更博学多才; 你比孙子还有谋略;所以,我们都亲切的叫你“镜庄孙子”

有一块蛋糕跌倒了，它气馁，情绪低落。有什么人能鼓励它站起来? 答案就是：你! 因为，有一样东西叫：猪鼓励蛋糕!

狮子和狗熊各自种了一颗树，并在上面拉了便便。结果，狮子种的树长的非常茂盛，而狗熊的树又矮又小。狗熊感慨的说：狮屎胜于熊便呀！

听说过年你要到我们家做客，我弟弟会代我去接你，为便于确认身份，请你左手拿两条上等烟，右手提两瓶茅台酒。

金钱是一种有用的东西，但是只有在你觉得知足的时候，它才会带给你快乐。所以你应该把多余的钱交给我，这样我们两个都会感到快乐了！

新年之夜，我梦见了你。给您拜年了：新年好！一个喷嚏从梦中惊醒，我知道是你想我了，所以马上打电话对你说红包拿来！

在茫茫人海中，当你收到这封真挚的祝福，请你用尽全身力气把头往墙上撞，看见没有，你眼前无数的星星，就是我的祝福。

送你一束玫瑰花，传情达意依靠它；给你一支大桃花，时来运转有赖它；给你一碗豆腐花，食完之后笑哈哈。?

爱上你是情非得已，离开你是迫不得已，忘记你是绝不可以！

是皮来我是肉；你是西装我是扣；你是咖啡我是豆；爱你一生都不够

推荐第8篇：幽默小故事

1 一天上课，同桌偷偷玩手机，正好被在教室外面巡视的班主任发现。班主任掏出自己的手机，发了条信息：你怎么不认真听课？同桌疑惑地回复道：你是谁？班主任又发了一条：你看窗外。同桌看了一眼窗外回复：多谢提醒，等会儿聊，我们班主任在窗外盯着呢！

2 今天去超市买速冻饺子，促销mm热情招呼我，还拉扯我过去：尝尝吧，尝尝吧！！唉，盛情难却啊，吃了一个，咀嚼时促销mm一直盯着我，待我吃完，她认真地问：熟了么？熟了我就捞起来了-----我肋了个去的！

3 昨天去哥哥家，看到一向脾气很好的嫂子暴揍4岁的小侄子，一问真相我笑疯了。嫂子提前回家，看到令人抓狂的一幕：小侄子在客厅拉了一泡便便，然后一勺一勺的喂给狗狗吃，已经持续一个多月了。而嫂子每天下班回家第一件事情就是抱起小狗亲一亲。 4 小明买了一部山寨手机，向同事炫耀其超长待机一百天，结果一天就没电了，小明跑去找店员理论，电源指着手机盒子，上面写的是：超长待机一白天！

5 即将去世的祖母颤颤巍巍地把孙女叫到跟前：“我„„要把我的农场留给你„„那里有一幢别墅，一辆拖拉机和其他设备„„还有两千两百三十九万八千七百五十的现金„„”眼看要一夜暴富，孙女感动得都快哭了：“天哪，奶奶，您太慷慨了„„我都不知道您有个农场！它在哪儿呢？”祖母用她的最后一口气悄声道：“QQ农场„„” 6 两人吃饭，桌上放着一碗芥末。其中一个认为是甜的，舀了满满一勺放进嘴里，立即泪如泉涌。不过他紧闭嘴巴没说一句话。朋友问怎么了。他说：想我爹了，20年前的今天他上吊了。朋友安慰了他。也舀了满满一勺放进嘴里，骤然泪如雨下。第一位佯装地问：你怎么也哭了？朋友说：你爹死的好惨啊。

7 朋友张三考过驾照就买了车，为了防止汽车追尾，他在车后贴了一张“我害羞，请勿吻我”的纸条。可一上路，就被其他车子吻上了，他气愤地向人家要1000元的修理费。肇事司机惊讶地说：“擦掉这点油漆，就要1000元，你也太狮子大开口了吧？”张三指着后备箱上的纸条说：“你还嫌贵？这可是初吻，够便宜你的了。”

8 有天和老婆出门，她在地铁里累了就双手挂我脖子上休息。忽然间手机响了，老婆顺手抢过来一看。短信上写着：“报告大哥！在地铁发现嫂子，和一个穿得很委琐的傻X男人抱在一起！！怎么办？”

9 记得小时候，我胳膊出了名的肌肉发达。上音乐课，女同桌从桌子下面摸了摸我的胳膊说：“怎么是软的啊！” 于是，我把胳膊绷紧说：“现在硬了”然后抬头看见音乐老师的神情已经不能形容了。当时我不懂为什么，现在我懂了....10 记者采访一位老奶奶！记者问：“你对在城市随便燃放鞭炮这个问题您怎么看啊？”

老奶奶：“我还能怎么看啊？就是爬窗户上看„„”

11 现在的学生真是了不得！儿子才上小学三年级，就在网上建立了班级QQ群。那天，我问儿子：“你们在QQ上都干些什么？”

老公接口道：“瞧你问的，不是聊天，就是玩游戏啊！”

儿子一急，就说露馅了：“我们主要是用来公布作业答案的„„”

1 12 一天，小美和她男友开车出去兜风，车快没油了，刚好旁边有个加油站，开过去的时候，突然一阵狂风把她男友的帽子刮跑了。小美的男友对她说： “我去捡帽子，你帮我加油。” 男友刚跑开不远，就听到小美在他后面大喊： “加油！加油！” 13 今天早上我在校园走着，过来了一个女生问我，你愿意当我男朋友吗？哥愣住了。哥自认为长得还不够女人这么直接的。考虑到女孩的自尊心，我郑重的说：“我愿意”。这时女孩拿起手里的手机吼到，听到没？老娘不是没人要！

14 两个小朋友在聊天。

一个问：“昨天晚上你爸爸和妈妈为什么都打你？”

另一个答：“哼，都怪我说话不小心。”

“你说错什么了？”

“他俩问我是爷爷好，还是外公好？我说，是骡子是马拉出来溜溜就知道了。” 15 同学陪我看病，从医院出来，我说：“吃药万一吃出毛病怎么办？”同学说：“只要是按照要求吃的，吃出毛病就告他们。”我问：“万一吃死了怎么办？”同学：“要是死了，你就由人证变成物证了！”

推荐第9篇：英语幽默故事

外语下载中心http://down.tingroom.com

1、That man knows the future

Nasreddin was cutting a branch of a tree in his garden.While he was sawing, another man paed in the street.He stopped and said, \'Excuse me, but if you continue to saw that branch like that, you will fall down with it.\' He said this because Nasreddin was sitting on the branch and cutting it at a place between himself and the trunk of the tree.Nasreddin said nothing.He thought, \'This is some foolish person who has no work to do and goes about telling other people what to do and what not to do.\' The man continued on his way.Of course, after a few minutes, the branch fell and Nasreddin fell with it.\'My God!\' he cried.\'That man knows the future!\' and he ran after him to ask how long he was going to live.But the man had gone.

2、You\'ll soon get used to it?

An old man died and left his son a lot of money.But the son was a foolish young man, and he quickly spent all the money, so that soon he had nothing left.Of course, when that happened, all his friends left him.When he was quite poor and alone, he went to see Nasreddin, who was a kind, clever old man and often helped people when they had troubles.\'My money has finished and my friends have gone,\' said the young man.\'What will happen to me now?\' \'Don\'t worry, young man,\' answered Nasreddn.\'Everything will soon be all right again.Wait, and you will soon feel much happier.\' The young man was very glad.\'Am I going to get rich again then?\' he asked Nasreddin.\'No, I didn\'t mean that,\' said the old man.\'I meant that you would soon get used to being poor and to having no friends.\'

Nasreddin put two big baskets of grapes on his donkey and went to market.At midday it was very hot, so he stopped in the shade of a big tree.There were several other men there, and all of them had donkeys and baskets of grapes too.After their lunch they went to sleep.After some time, Nasreddin began to take grapes out of the other men\'s baskets and to put them in his.

Suddenly one of the men woke up and saw him.\'What are you doing?\' he said angrily.

\'Oh,\' said Nasreddin, don\'t worry about me.I am half mad, and I do a lot of strange things.\'

\'Oh, really?\' said the other man.\'Then why don\'t you sometimes take grapes out of your baskets and put them in somebody else\'s baskets?\'

\'You did not understand me,\' said Nasreddin.I said，that I was half mad, not quite mad.\' 外语下载中心http://down.tingroom.com

纳斯瑞丁将两大筐葡萄放在他的毛驴背上，赶着驴向市场去。中午时，天气很炎热，他在一颗大树的树荫下停了下来。那里还有几个人，他们都带着毛驴并驮着一筐筐葡萄。吃完中饭后，这些人就睡觉了。过了一会儿，纳斯瑞丁就开始从别人筐里拿葡萄往自己筐里放。

突然，一个人醒来并看见了他在干这件事。“你在干什么？”他愤怒地说。

“哦，”纳斯瑞丁说：“不要为我担心，我是个半疯子，而且常常做一些奇怪的事。”

“啊，是吗？”另一个人说：“那么你为什么不有时从你的筐中拿葡萄往别人筐里放呢？”

“你还没明白我的话，”纳斯瑞丁说：“我说我只是个半疯，并不是全疯。”

There was a big garden near Nasreddin\'s house, and it had a lot of fruit trees in it.One day Nasreddin saw some beautiful apples on one of them.He went home and got a ladder, put it against the high wall of the garden and climbed up.Then he pulled the ladder up, put it down on the other side, and climbed down into the garden.Just then a gardener came round a corner and saw him.

\'What are you doing here?\' he shouted.

Nasreddin thought quickly and then said, 11 am selling my ladder.\'

\'Selling your ladder? In somebody else\'s garden? Do you think I believe such a stupid story?\' said the gardener and came towards Nasreddin with a stick.

\'It is my ladder,\' said Nasreddin, \'and I can sell it where I like.You needn\'t buy it if you don\'t want to.\' And he took his ladder and climbed over the wall again.

靠近纳斯瑞丁的家有一座大花园，花园中有很多果树。一天，纳斯瑞丁看见一颗果树上有些苹果长得很好。他就回家去拿了一个梯子，把梯子靠在花园的高墙上后就爬了上去。然后拿起梯子，把它放在墙那边，下了梯子就进了花园。正好这时，花园的园丁从墙角转过来看见了他。外语下载中心http://down.tingroom.com

“你在这里干些什么？”花园的园丁叫喊道。

纳斯瑞丁很快想了想，然后说道：“我正在卖我的梯子呢。”

“卖你的梯子？在别人的花园里卖梯子？你认为我会相信这种蠢话吗？”说着，花园的园丁拿着根棍子向纳斯瑞丁走来。

“这是我的梯子，”纳斯瑞丁说：“我想在哪里卖就在哪里卖。如果你不想要就不买好了。”接着，他拿着梯子又爬过了围墙。

Nasreddin woke up in the middle of the night and saw something white in his garden.It seemed to be moving towards the house.

\'That is a thief!, he thought, and he took his gun and shot at him.Then he went back to bed, because he was too frightened to go out of the house in the dark.

The next morning Nasreddin went out and saw one of his white shirts hanging\' on the clothes-line in the garden.His wife had washed it the day before and hung it out to dry.Now it had a bullet-hole right through the middle of it.

\'My God,\' said Nasreddin, 11 was lucky last night.If I had been wearing that shirt, the bullet would have killed me!\' And he called his neighbours together and asked them to thank God for saving him.

纳斯瑞丁半夜醒来，看见一个白色的东西在他花园里。看起来好像在向屋子这边移动着。

“是贼！”纳斯瑞丁想，接着他拿出枪向贼射击。然后，他又上床睡觉了，因为他害怕，所以不敢在黑暗中走出屋子。

第二天早晨，纳斯瑞丁出来看见他的一件白衬衣挂在花园里的晒衣绳上。是他的妻子前一天将衬衣洗好后挂在外面晾干的。现在在它中间有一个子弹孔正好穿过。

“我的天，”纳斯瑞丁说：“昨夜我真是走运，要是我穿上这件衬衣，子弹就把我打死了！”接着他就把邻居们召集在一起，并要他们一块儿感谢上帝救了他的命。外语下载中心http://down.tingroom.com

When Nasreddin was a boy, he never did what he was told, so his father always told him to do the opposite of what he wanted him to do.

One day, when the two were bringing sacks of flour home on their donkeys, they had to cro a shallow river.When they were in the middle of it, one of the sacks on Nasreddin\'s donkey began to slip, so his father said, \'That sack is nearly in the water! Pre down hard on it!\'

His father of course expected that he would do the opposite, but this time Nasreddin did what his father had told him to do.He preed down on the sack and it went under the water.Of course, the flour was lost.

\'What have you done, Nasreddin?\' his father shouted angrily.

\'Well, Father\', said Nasreddin, ,this time I thought that I would do just what you told me, to show you how stupid your orders always are.\'

当纳斯瑞丁还是个孩子的时候，他从不照着别人说的去做，所以他爸爸想让他做什么时，总是反着说。

一天，他们俩用毛驴驮着几袋面粉回家时，他们路过必经的一条浅水河。当他们走到河中间时，纳斯瑞丁赶的驴子驮的一个口袋开始滑动，所以他爸爸说：“那个口袋快要滑到水里了！使劲将它向下压！”

纳斯瑞丁的爸爸当然预料他会反着做，但是这一次纳斯瑞丁却照着他爸爸说的做了。他向下压口袋，口袋掉到了水里。当然，面粉也就完了。

“你干了些什么，纳斯瑞丁？”他爸爸生气地叫了起来。

“哦，爸爸，”纳斯瑞丁说：“这一次我想我偏要照你说的做，让你看看你的指挥一向是多么愚蠢。”

Nasreddin had lost his donkey.He was going about looking for it everywhere, and while he was looking, he was singing gaily.

One of his neighbours saw him and said, \'Hullo, Nasreddin.What are you doing?\' 外语下载中心http://down.tingroom.com

\'I am looking for my donkey,\' answered Nasreddin.

\'Don\'t you know where it is?\' asked the neighbour.

\'No, I don\'t.\'

\'Then why are you singing so gaily? Usually when somebody loses something, he is sad.\'

\'Yes, that is quite true,\' answered Nasreddin.\'But you see, I am not yet sure that my donkey is lost.My last hope is that it is behind that hill over there.If you wait a little, you will hear how I will cry and complain if it is not there!\'

纳斯瑞丁的毛驴丢了。他四处寻找，并且一边找一边高兴地唱着歌。

一个邻居看见他这副样子，就问：“喂，纳斯瑞丁，你在干嘛？”

“我正在找我的毛驴呢，”纳斯瑞丁回答。

“你不知道驴子在哪儿吗？”邻居问道。

“我不知道。”

“那么，你为什么还这么高兴地唱着歌呢？通常人们丢失了东西时总是很悲伤的。”

“是的，你说的很对，”纳斯瑞丁回答说：“但是你要知道，我并没有认为我的驴子确实已经丢了。我的最后一个希望是驴就在那边的那座山后面。如果驴不在那里的话，等一会儿，你就会听到我是怎样的哭喊和抱怨了。”

One winter Nasreddin had very little money.His crops had been very bad that year, and he had to live very cheaply.He gave his donkey le food, and when after two days the donkey looked just the same, he said to himself, \'The donkey was used to eating a lot.Now he is quickly getting used to eating le; and soon he will got used to living on almost nothing.\'

Each day Nasreddin gave.the donkey a little le food, until it was hardly eating anything.外语下载中心http://down.tingroom.com

Then one day, when the donkey was going to market with a load of wood on its back, it suddenly died.\'How unlucky I am,\' said Nasreddin.\'Just when my donkey had got used to eating hardly anything, it came to the end of its days in this world.\' 1.What was the matter with Nasreddin one winter?

2.Why had this happened?

3.What did he have to do?

4.What did he do to his donkey?

5.What happened after two days?

6.What did Nasreddin then say to himself?

7.What did he do each day after that?

8.What was the donkey doing in the end?

9.What happened to the donkey?

10.When did it happen?

11.What did Nasreddin say?

一年冬天，纳斯瑞丁身上只有很少一点钱了。这年他的庄稼长得很不好，他只得十分节省地过日子。他给驴子喂的食料比过去少了。两天以后，驴子看起来和往日一样，纳斯瑞丁就自言自语地说：“这头驴过去习惯于吃得很多，现在它很快就适应吃得比过去少了；很快它就会适应几乎什么都不吃了。”

以后，纳斯瑞丁每天一点一点地减少喂驴的食料，直到这驴几乎什么都不吃。

后来有一天，当这驴子驮着一驮木头赶集去的时候，它突然死了。“我真是太倒霉了，”纳斯瑞丁说：“就在我的驴子刚刚适应几乎什么都不用吃时，它在这世上却又活到头了。

Nasreddin\'s wife was very ill, and at last she died.After a few months, Nasreddin married again.His new wife was a widow.

Exactly seven days after he married her, she had a baby.外语下载中心http://down.tingroom.com

Nasreddin at once hurried away to the market and bought some paper, some pencils, some pens and some children\'s books.Then he hurried back home again with these things and put them beside the baby.His now wife was surprised.\'What are you doing?\' she said.\'The baby won\'t be able to use.those things for a long time Why are you in such a hurry?\'

Nasreddin answered, \'You are quite wrong, my dear.Our baby is not an ordinary baby.It came in seven days instead of nine months, so it will certainly be ready to learn to read and write in a few weeks from now.\' 1.What happened to Nasreddin\'s first wife?

2.What did Nasreddin do?

3.When did he do this?

4.What was his new wife?

5.What happened to his new wife then?

6.When did it happen?

7.What did Nasreddin do at once?

8.What did he buy?

9.What did he do with these things?

10.How did his wife feel?

11.What did she say to Nasreddin?

12.What did he answer?

纳斯瑞丁的妻子得了重病，最后死去了。几个月以后，纳斯瑞丁又结了婚。他的新妻子原先是一个寡妇。

正好在他们结婚七天以后，她生下一个孩子。

纳斯瑞丁马上赶到市场买了一些纸、铅笔、钢笔和一些儿童图书。然后，他带着这些东西匆匆地回家，并把这些东西放在婴儿的旁边。他的新婚妻子很吃惊。“你这是在干嘛？”她说：“这孩子用这些东西还早着呢，你忙什么？” 外语下载中心http://down.tingroom.com

纳斯瑞丁回答说：“你说的可太不对了，亲爱的。我们的孩子是个不同寻常的孩子。他用七天而不是九个月来到世上，所以从现在起几星期以后，他一定会愿意学习识字和写字了。”

Some of Nasreddin\'s old friends were talking about the young people in their town.They all agreed that old people were wiser than young people.Then one of the old men said, \'But young men are stronger than old men.\'

All of them agreed that this was true, except Nasreddin.He said, \'No.I am as strong now as when I was a young man.\'

\'What do you mean?\' said his friends.\'How is that poible? Explain yourself!\'

\'Well,\' said Nasreddin, \'in one corner of my field there is a rock.When I was a young man I used to try to move it, but I couldn\'t because I was not strong enough.I am an old man now, and when I try to move it, I still cannot.\' 1.Who were talking at the beginning of this story?

2.What were they talking about?

3.What did they all agree?

4.What did one of the old men say then?

5.What did the others do?

6.Who did not agree?

7.What did he say?

8.What did his friends say then?

9.What did Nasreddin answer?

10.Why did he think that he was as strong as when he was a young man?

11.What mistake was he making when he thought this? 外语下载中心http://down.tingroom.com

纳斯瑞丁和一些老朋友正在谈论着他们镇上的年青人。他们一致认为老年人比年青人更有智慧。后来有位老人说：“不过年青人要比老年人力气大。”

他们都承认这是事实，但纳斯瑞丁除外。他说：“不，我现在的力气和我年青时一样大。”

“这话是什么意思呢？”他的朋友们说：“这可能吗？你解释一下！”

“哦，”纳斯瑞丁说：“我田里的一个角落里有一块石头。我年青时常常使劲把它挪走，但是我挪不动它，因为我只有那点力气。现在我老了，当我使劲把它挪走时，我还是挪不动它。”

When Nasreddin\'s first wife died, he married again.His second wife was much younger than he was and they often quarrelled.One evening when Nasreddin came home very late, his wife said to him, \'I cooked your dinner two hours ago.It is quite spoiled now.\' She was so angry that she gave him a push, and as she was strong, and he was old and weak, he fell down the stairs.

One of Nasreddin\'s neighbours, who was always eager to know what was happening in everybody else\'s house, was listening, and when she heard the noise that Nasreddin made when he fell down the stairs, she came to his front door and knocked.

\'What has happened?\' she said.

\'My coat fell down the stairs,\' he answered.

\'But a coat would not make so much noise!\' the neighbour said.

\'Of course it would,\' answered Nasreddin, \'if I was inside it!\' 1.What happened when Nasreddin\'s first wife died?

2.What was his second wife like?

3.What did he and his second wife often do?

4.What did Nasreddin do one night?

5.What did his wife say?

6.How did she feel? 外语下载中心http://down.tingroom.com

7.What did she do?

8.What happened then?

9.Why was she able to push him over?

10.Who was listening?

11.Why was she listening?

12.What did she do?

13.When did she do this?

14.What did she say?

15.What did Nasreddin answer?

16.What did the woman say then?

17.What was Nasreddin\'s answer?

纳斯瑞丁的第一个妻子死后，他又娶了一个。他的第二个妻子比他年轻得多，他们常常争吵。一天傍晚，纳斯瑞丁回家很迟，他妻子就对他说：“两小时前我就给你做好了晚餐，现在都放坏了。”她很生气，所以推了纳斯瑞丁一下。她很强壮，而纳斯瑞丁却又老又弱，所以他就从楼梯上摔了下来。

纳斯瑞丁有一位邻居，她总是热衷于打听别人家里发生的事，这时她正听着。当她听到纳斯瑞丁从楼梯摔下的声音后，她就来纳斯瑞丁的前门敲门。

“出了什么事了？”她说。

“我的衣服从楼梯上掉下去了。”他回答。

“一件衣服会发出这么大的声音吗！”这位邻居说。

“当然会，”纳斯瑞丁回答说：“如果我在衣服里面的话！”

One of Nasreddin\'s rich neighbours gave a big party one evening, but he forgot to invite him.Nasreddin waited and waited, but no invitation came, so at last, when the party had already begun, he 外语下载中心http://down.tingroom.com

took a piece of paper, folded it, put it in an envelope and took it to his neighbour\'s house.

\'I have a very important letter for the host,\' he said to the servants at the door.The servants took him into the big room where everybody was eating, Nasreddin gave the letter to his rich neighbour and at once sat down and began to fill his mouth with food.

The host looked at the envelope, but there was nothing on it, so he said, \'Are you sure that this letter is for me? There is no addre on it.\'

\'Oh, yes,\' said Nasreddin, \'and there is no writing inside it either because it was prepared in a hurry.\' 1.What happened one evening?

2.What did the man forget to do?

3.What did Nasreddin do at first?

4.What did he do then?

5.What did he say?

6.Whom did he say this to?

7.What did the servants do?

8.What was everybody doing?

9.What did Nasreddin do?

10.What did he do then?

11.What did the host do?

12.What was there on the envelope?

13.What did the host say to Nasreddin?

14.What did Nasreddin answer?

一天傍晚，纳斯瑞丁的一位富有的邻居举行了一个盛大的晚会，但他忘记邀请纳斯瑞丁了。纳斯瑞丁等了又等，但仍然没有人来请他，最后，外语下载中心http://down.tingroom.com

当宴会早已开始后，他拿出一张纸，叠好后装在信封里，带着它到邻居家里去了。

“我有一封很重要的信要给主人，”他对门口的侍者们说。侍者们领他到大厅里，大家正吃着，纳斯瑞丁将信交给他这位富有的邻居，然后马上坐下，将食品塞满嘴里。

主人看着信封，可是上面一个字也没有，于是他问：“你肯定这封信是给我的吗？上面连地址都没有。”

“噢，是的，”纳斯瑞丁说：“并且信里也什么都没有写，因为信是在匆忙中准备的。”

A rich man and his wife went into a shop to buy a bracelet.Neither of them was very young.They looked at a lot of beautiful bracelets, and after half an hour there were two which they liked very much, but they had not yet been able to choose between them.One of them was very expensive, and the other was quite a lot cheaper.

Of course, the shopkeeper wanted to sell them the more expensive one, because then he would get more money from them, so he said to the lady, \'Oh, go on.Spend his money.If you don\'t, he will only spend it on his second wife.\'

For several seconds nobody said a word, and then lady said angrily, \'I am his second wife!\' 1.Who went into the shop in this story?

2.Why did they go in there?

3.What happened after half an hour?

4.What were the two bracelets like?

5.What did the shopkeeper want?

6.How old were they?

7.What did they do in the shop?

8.Why did he want this? 外语下载中心http://down.tingroom.com

9.What did he say to the lady?

10.Did she answer at once?

11.What did she say?

12.How did she feel?

一位富翁和他的太太到商店里去买手镯。他们俩都不年轻了。他们看了很多漂亮的手镯，隔了半小时，他们选中了两只最喜欢的，但他们却难以在二者之间再作出选择。二者之中有一只很昂贵，另一只却便宜得多。

店主当然想把贵的一只卖给他们，因为这样他就可以赚他们更多的钱，于是他就对那位太太说：“好吧，买这只吧，花掉他的钱。如果你不花，他就会把钱都花在他的第二位太太身上。”

好几分钟过去了，谁都没有开口，终于那位太太愤怒地开口说：“我就是他的第二位太太！”

Mrs.Evans went to a large local cinema one summer afternoon.Half-way through the wonderful film there was the usual interval, so that people could buy sweets, chocolates and ice-cream.

Mrs.Evans rarely bought anything in the cinema, but this time she was feeling hot, so she thought, \'I\'ll have an ice-cream to cool me.I certainly need it.\' Quite a lot of the audience were waiting to buy ice-creams from the girl who was selling them, so Mrs.Evans waited for her turn.

There was a small boy in front of her.When it was his turn, he offered the girl ten pence and asked for an ice-cream, but they cost twenty pence, so the girl said, \'I want another ten pence, please.\'

The small boy put the coin back in his pocket, put his hand in another pocket, took out another ten pence coin and offered that to the girl.

Mrs.Evans was so amused that she paid the other ten pence herself.

A.Answer these questions.外语下载中心http://down.tingroom.com

1.Why did Mrs.Evans decide to have an ice-cream ii the cinema?

2.Why did :she have to wait before she could buy it?

3.Why did the girl ask the small bay for more money?

4.What did the boy do then?

5.Why did Mrs.Evans help him?

B.Which words in the story mean:

1.big

2.make le hot

3.not at all frequently

4.people in a theatre or cinema

5.should be able to

C.Write this story.Put one word in each empty space.You will find all the correct words in the story.

A man was boasting to a stranger about the beer in his town.

\'Why is it so ...?\' the stranger asked.\'Is it stronger than the ...beer?\'

\'It ...is!\' said the ...man.\'I\'ve ...found a stronger one.A friend of mine was at a cinema, and ...through the film, during the ..., he went to the bar and had a few glaes of it to ...himself, because he felt hot.Then he went into the cinema again.\'

\'Well, and what\'s so wonderful about that?, asked the stranger, putting a ...down as a tip for the barman.

\'When he went in again, he found that there was a different film and a different ..., and when he asked one of them, he discovered that it was the next night!\'

一个夏天的下午，埃文斯太太到当地的一所大电影院去看电影。精采的电影放到一半时，通常总有一个中间休息，使大家在这时能买些糖果、巧克力和冰淇淋。外语下载中心http://down.tingroom.com

埃文斯太太在电影院里很少买东西吃，但这次她感到很热，所以她想：“我得吃块冰淇淋凉快凉快，我确实需要吃冰淇淋。”很多观众都等着从一个卖冰淇淋的姑娘那里购买，所以埃文斯太太排队等着。

有一个小男孩排在她的前面。当轮到这个男孩买时，他给姑娘10个便士要买一块冰淇淋，但冰淇淋要20个便士，所以这姑娘就说“请给我另外的10个便士。”

这个小男孩把那个硬币放回口袋，把手伸入另外一个口袋，拿出另一个10便士的硬币，交给了那个姑娘。

埃文斯太太被逗乐了，结果她付了那另外的10个便士。

Timothy was ten years old.He was not a very good pupil, and he did not like having to do homework, because he preferred to do other things in his free time.Frequently he did not do his homework, and when he did do it, he always made a lot of mistakes.

Then one day, his mathematics teacher looked at Timothy\'s homework and saw that he had got all his sums right.He was very pleasedand rather surprised.He called Timothy to his desk and said to him, \'You got all your home- work right this time, Timothy.What happened? Did your father help you?\'

Usually Timothy\'s father did help him with his home- work, but the evening before this, he had not been able to, because he had not been at home, so Timothy answered, \'No, sir.He was busy last night, so I had to do it all myself.\'

A.Answer these questions,

1.What kind of homework did Timothy\'s teachers expect to see from him?

2.Why was one of his teachers surprised one day?

3.What did he think had happened?

4.Did Timothy usually do his homework alone?

5.When Timothy\'s father helped him with his homework, did he get all of it right? 外语下载中心http://down.tingroom.com

B.Opposites.Write these sentences.Put one word In each empty space.

1.Timothy isn\'t free this evening: he is ....He is doing his homework.

2.Timothy didn\'t get his sums right frequently.He got them right very ....

3.Timothy was an honest boy.He was never ....

4.Timothy\'s teacher didn\'t think it was poible that he had done his homework without

help.He thought it was ....

5.Timothy wasn\'t ashamed of his homework that day: he was ...of it.

蒂莫西10岁了。他不是个很好的学生，而且不喜欢做该做的家庭作业，因为他在课外时间里更喜欢去干些不相干的事。他经常不完成家庭作业，而且，就算他做了，也总是错误百出。

后来有一天，蒂莫西的数学老师批阅他的家庭作业时，发现他的答案全都算对了。老师十分高兴，而且颇为吃惊。他把蒂莫西叫到他的桌子旁并对他说：“这次你的家庭作业全做对了，蒂莫西。怎么回事？是你爸爸帮你做的吗？”

以往蒂莫西的爸爸的确是常常帮他做家庭作业，但那天的前一个晚上，他爸爸因为不在家，没能帮他做，所以蒂莫西回答说：“不是，先生。他昨天晚上很忙，所以我只好全部自己动手做了。”

A man met a friend in the street and asked him to lend him five pounds.The friend did so willingly,

A week later they met again.\'You\'ve lent me￡5.Lend me another ;￡5, and then I\'ll owe you￡10,\' the friend said.The man did so,

A few days later they met again, and the friend said, \'You lent me￡10.Lend me another ;￡10, and then I\'ll owe you ;￡20.\' The man did this, although he was rather doubtful about doing it.

Two weeks later the friend asked for more money.\'You\'ve already lent me￡20.Can you make it￡50?\' he said.

The man did not answer for a few seconds, but he was unable to refuse.外语下载中心http://down.tingroom.com

A month later, the two men met again.\'You\'ve lent me￡50_,\'began the friend.

\'Who? Me?\' answered the man anxiously.\'I disagree! I\'ve never lent you any money!\'

A.Answer these questions.

1.How did the man feel when his friend asked him for the first five pounds?

2.How did he feel when his friend asked him for the second ten pounds?

3 .Why did he then lend him thirty more pounds?

4.Why did he say finally that he had never lent his friend any money?

5.How many times did the man lend his friend money; and how much did he lend him each time?

B.Opposites.What words in the story mean the opposite of:

1.accept

2.agree

3.calmly

4.certain

5.unwillingly

C.Write this story.Put one of these words or no word at an, in each empty space:

It net so

A: \'Can you lend me ten pounds, George?\'

B: \'I think ....Can I have it back on Friday?,

A: \'I doubt ....Won\'t next Sunday be all right?\'

B: \'I\'m afraid ....I need it for Saturday., 外语下载中心http://down.tingroom.com

A: \'I see ....I was afraid ....Everybody needs money on Saturday.\'

B: \'I agree ....You see, my wife

A: \'You don\'t, have to explain ....I understand ....\'

B: \'I hope ....When I have to refuse a.friend, I don\'t like

一个男人在街上遇到了一个朋友，就向他借5英镑钱。这个朋友乐意地借给了他。

一星期后他们又碰到了一起。“你已经借给我5镑了，再借给我5镑，这样我就欠你10镑了，”借钱的朋友说。那个男人借给他了。

几天以后他们又相见了，那个借钱的朋友说：“你借给了我10镑，再借给我10镑，那么我就欠你20镑了。”那个男人就借给了他，尽管他很怀疑该不该这么做。

两星期后借钱的朋友又要借更多的钱。“你已经借给我20镑了，你可以凑成50镑吗？”他说。

那个男人好几分钟答不上话，但他难以拒绝。

一个月以后，这两人又相遇了。“你已经借给我50镑了„„，”那个借钱的朋友又开口了。

“谁？我吗？”那个男人急忙地回答说：“我没这事！我从没有借给你一分钱！”

41.You Let Me Search Quite

Once upon a time, there was a man who always forgot things.One day, he went out with his little son.He was so happy that he put the son ride his neck.外语下载中心http://down.tingroom.com

After a time, he suddenly thought of his son, he asked people: \"Have you seen my child?\"

One of his villagers laughed and said: \"Don\'t you know he is on your neck?\"

Hearing this, the man took down his son from his neck, he was so angry that he hit the son on the face, then shouted: \"I have told you not to go here and there.Where did you go just now?\" Notes:

(1) think of想起

(2) hearing this听到这话。这是个分词短语，相当于一个表示时间的状语从句，即：When he heard this.Exercises: 根据短文填空：

① Once ______ a time, there was a man who always forgot things.

② He was so happy that he put the son ______ his neck.

③ After _______ time, he suddenly thought of his son.

④ _______ this, the man took down his son from his neck.

⑤ He was so angry that he hit the son _______ the face .

41.叫我好找

古时，有个人记性极差。一天，他带着小儿子出去玩。一高兴，便把小儿子举起来，让他骑在自己的脖子上。

过了一会儿，他忽然想起儿子来，逢人便问：“你看到我孩子了吗？”

“哎，你脖子上的那个不是吗？”有个邻居见了大笑。

这个人一把将小儿子从脖子上揪下来，狠狠地打了一耳光，骂道：“混蛋，叫你别乱跑，刚才你到哪里去了？”

推荐第10篇：英语幽默故事

英语幽默经典故事

（一）

An old man lived alone in northern ireland.His only son was in prison.The old man wanted to plant some potatoes in his garden but he didn\'t know anyone who would help him plow up the garden.

He wrote to his son about it, and received this reply, \"for heavens sake, don\'t dig up that garden, that\'s where I buried the guns!\"

At 4 am the next morning, a dozen british soldiers showed up and dug up the entire garden, but didn\'t find any guns.

Confused, the man wrote to his son telling him what happened and asking him what to do next.

His son\'s reply was: \"just plant your potatoes.\" 词汇：

alone

northern Ireland prison garden plow

receive reply heavens sake dig

bury gun

dozen British soldier entire

confused Happen

短语：译文：

一个老人独居在北爱尔兰，他的独生子正在坐牢。老人想在花园里种些土豆，但不知道谁可以帮忙把泥土翻松。他写信想儿子提及此事，儿子回信说道：“看在上帝的面上，千万不要翻松花园的泥土，我把枪埋在那儿了。”

第二天凌晨4点，一队英国士兵出现在老人家中，在花园把土地翻遍，但并没有找到任何枪支。”

老人写信告诉儿子这件奇怪的事情，问到底发生了什么事情，下一步应该怎么做。

儿子回信道：“你只管种土豆好了。”

（二）

One day a little girl came home from school, and said to her mother, \"mom, today in school I was punished for something that I didn\'t do.\"

The mother exclaimed, \"but that\'s terrible! I\'m going to have a talk with your teacher about this! By the way, what was it that you didn\'t do?\"

The little girl replied, \"my homework.\" 译文：

一天，小女孩从学校回到家里，对妈妈说：“妈妈，今天在学校里我因为一件我没有做的事情而受到惩罚。”

妈妈激动地说：“那真是太可怕了！我要跟你的老师好好谈一谈，对了，你没有做过的那件事是什么？”

小女孩回答说：“我的家庭作业。”

（三）

Where Am I 我在哪儿

An Englishman lost his way while he was driving in the countryside.He saw a farmer working in the field nearby, so he went nearer in his car and asked the farmer, \"Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?\" \"Yes, \" the farmer looked at him strangely and said, \"you are in your car, sir.\" 译文：

一个英国人在乡下开车时迷了路，他看见一个农民正在附近的地里干活。于是他就把车开过去问那位农民：“劳驾，您能告诉我我现在这是在哪儿吗?” “可以。”农夫奇怪地看了看他，然后说道：“你现在在你的车子里，先生。”

（四）

New Discovery

A farmer was visiting the big city for the first time.Entering an office building, he saw a pudgy older woman step into a small room.The doors closed, lights flashed, and after a while the door slid open and a beautiful young model stepped off the elevator.

Blinking in amazement, the hillbilly drawled, \"I should have brought my wife!\"

译文：

新发现

一个农民第一次到大城市游逛。他走进一座大楼，看见一个岁数很大的矮胖女人迈进一个小房间。房间的门随后关上，有几个灯在闪亮。一会儿，门开了，电梯里走出一位年轻漂亮的女模特。

这个农民惊奇地眨着眼睛，慢吞吞地说：“我应该把我的老婆带来!”

（五）

A Mistake

An Amercian, a Scot and a Canadian were killed in a car accident.They arrived at the gates of heaven, where a flustered St.Peterexplained that there had been a mistake.\"Give me $500 each,\" he said, \"and I\'ll return you to earth as if the whole thing never happened.\"

\"Done!\" said the American.Instantly, he found himself standing unhurt near the scene.

\"Where are the others?\" asked a medic.

\"Last I knew,\" said the American, \"the Scot was huggling price, and the Canadian was arguing that his government should pay.\"

译文：

搞错了

一位美国人，一位英格兰人和一位加拿大人在一场车祸中丧生。他们到达天堂的门口。在那里，醉醺醺的圣彼德解释说是搞错了。“每人给我五百美元，”他说，“我将把你们送回人间，就象什么都没有发生过一样。”

“成交!”美国人说。立刻，他发现自己毫不损伤地站在现场附近。

“其他人在哪儿？”一名医生问道。

“我离开之前，”那名美国人说，“我看见英格兰人正在砍价，而那名加拿大人正在分辩说应该由他的政府来出这笔钱。”

（六）

A Soldier\'s Brilliant Idea

Mr.Robinson had to travel somewhere on busine, and as he was in a hurry, he decided to go by air.He liked sitting beside a window when he was flying, so when he got on to the plane, he looked for a window seat.He found all of them had already had been taken except for one.There was a soldier sitting in the seat beside this one, and Mr.Robinson was surprised that he had not taken the one by the window; but, anyhow, he at once went towards it.

When he reached it, however, he saw that there was a notice on it.It was written in ink and said, \"This seat is preserved for proper load balance, thank you.\" Mr Robinson had never seen such an unusual notice in a plane before, but he thought that the plane must be carrying something particularly heavy in it, so he walked on and found another empty seat, not beside a window, to sit in.

Two or three people tried to sit in the window seat beside the soldier, but they too read the notice and went on, when the plane was nearly full, a very beautiful girl hurried

3 into the plane.The soldier, who was watching the paengers coming in, quickly took the notice off the seat beside himself and in this way succeededin having the company of the girl during the whole trip.译文：

士兵的高招

由于生意方面的事，罗宾逊先生得出趟门。因为有点紧急，他决定坐飞机。乘机旅行时，他喜欢靠窗坐，故而一登机，他就寻找一个靠窗的座位。他发现只有一个靠窗的座位还空着。在那空座位边坐着一名士兵。令罗宾逊先生纳闷的是，这位士兵没有坐靠窗的位置。罗宾逊先生不管那些，他马上径直朝那个空座位走去。

然而，等到了那儿，他看见座位上有则启事，是用钢笔写的：“为保持装载平衡，特预设该位置，谢谢合作。”罗宾逊先生还从来没有在飞机上见过如此不同寻常的启事。不过，他想飞机上一定装了什么特别重的物品，于是他找了个不靠窗的位置。

又有两三个乘客试图坐在那个士兵旁的靠窗座位上，他们看到那则启事就走开了。当快满座时，一位非常美丽的姑娘匆匆走进机舱。一直在注意进舱旅客的那个士兵赶紧拿掉他旁边空座位上的启事。士兵用这种办法，成功地找到了一位姑娘一路作伴。

（七）

Keys? Ki?

A friend of mine was giving an English leon to a cla of adult who had recently come to live in the United States.After placing quite a number of everyday objects on a table, he asked various members of the cla to give him the ruler, the book, the pen and so on.The cla went very smoothly and the students seemed interested and serious about the work that they were engaged in until when my friend turned to an Italian student and said, \"Give me the kays.\" The man looked surprised and somewhat at a lo.Seeing this, my friend thought that the student hadn\'t heard him clearly, so he repeated.\"Give me the kays.\" The Italian shrugged his shoulders.Then, he threw his arms around the teacher\'s neck and kied him on both cheeks. 译文：

钥匙还是接吻

我的一位朋友在给一个成人学生班级上英语课。他们都是新近来美国生活的。在一张桌子上摆了许多日常用品之后，他请全班同学给他挑出尺子，书本，钢笔等。课进行得井然有序，学生们对自己所做的似乎很感兴趣，也很认真。后来轮到一名来自意大利的学生，我的朋友说：“给我钥匙。”那人看起来非常吃惊，也有点手足无措。看到这种情况，我的朋友想是他没有听清楚，于是又重复了一遍：“给我钥匙。”那位意大利学生耸了耸肩。接着，他伸出胳膊搂住老师的脖子在双颊上亲了两下。

（八）

First Flight Mr.Johnson had never been up in an aerophane before and he had read a lot about air accidents, so one day when a friend offered to take him for a ride in his own small phane, Mr.Johnson was very worried about accepting.Finally, however, his friend persuaded him that it was very safe, and Mr.Johnson boarded the plane.

His friend started the engine and began to taxi onto the runway of the airport.Mr.Johnson had heard that the most dangerous part of a flight were the take-off and the landing, so he was extremely frightened and closed his eyes.

After a minute or two he opened them again, looked out of the window of the plane, and said to his friend, \"Look at those people down there.They look as small as ants, don\'t they?\"

\"Those are ants,\" answered his friend.\"We\'re still on the ground.\"

译文：

第一次坐飞机

约翰逊先生从前未乘过飞机，他读过许多关于飞行事故的报道。所以，有一天一位朋友邀请他乘自己的小飞机飞行时，约翰逊先生非常担心，不敢接受。不过，由于朋友不断保证说飞行是很安全的，约翰逊先生终于被说服了，登上了飞机。

他的朋友启动引擎开始在机场跑道上滑行。约翰逊先生听说飞行中最危险的是起飞与降落，所以他吓得紧闭双眼。

过了一两分钟，他睁开双眼朝窗外望去，接着对朋友说道：“看下面那些人，他们看起来就象蚂蚁一样小，是不是？”

“那些就是蚂蚁，”他的朋友答道，“我们还在地面上。”

第11篇：英语幽默故事

小学生英语故事

包括：幽默故事（1-7页）、普通小故事（7-40页）。激发小朋友们学英语的兴趣，帮助他们提高成绩。最好每天背一篇，会有不错的效果的 O(∩_∩)O

英文幽默故事：

There was a guy who went into a shop to buy a parrot.There werethree parrots in the shop.One was $5,000; another one, $10,000; and the third one, $30,000.The customer asked the owner, “How come this guy is $5,000? That‟s so expensive for this kindof parrot.” The owner said, “Because I have trained him and he can talk.” So the customer asked him, “How about this guy? What can he do that makes him so expensive?” The owner said, “Well, apart from talking, he can also do some amusing actions,like dancing and so on.That‟s why he‟s so expensive.” Then the customer said, “How about the third one? What canhe do that makes him so expensive?” The owner of the shopsaid, “I don‟t know.Normally, I have never heard him talk, nor dance, nor whistle, nor sing, nothing at all! But the other two call him „The Bo.‟”

老板最大有个人到一间商店买鹦鹉。店里有三只鹦鹉，其中一只卖五千元，另一只卖一万元，还有一只卖三万元。顾客问老板：「为什么这只要卖五千元？这个价钱对这种鹦鹉来说太贵了！」老板说：「因为我有训练他讲话。」顾客又问：「那这只呢？他会做什么？为什么要卖这么贵？」老板说：「他除了会说话之外，还会表演一些有趣的动作，好比说跳舞等等，所以才卖这么贵。」顾客接着又问：「那第三只呢？他会做什么？为什么要卖这么贵？」老板说：「我不知道。我从没听过他讲话、吹口哨或唱歌，也没看过他跳舞，什么都没有！不过另外两只叫他：『老板！』」

Where is the egg? Teacher:Can you make a sentence with the word \"egg\"? Student:Yes.I ate a piece of cake yesterday.Teacher:Then where is the “egg\"? Student:In the cake,Sir.鸡蛋在哪里？

老师：你能用“鸡蛋”一词造句吗？学生：可以。我昨天吃了一块蛋糕。老师：“鸡蛋”在哪？学生：在蛋糕里，先生

Tom is a little boy, and he is only seven years old.Once he goes to a cinema.It is the first time for him to do that.He buys a ticket and goes in.But after two or three minutes he comes out, and buys the second ticket and goes in again.After a few minutes he comes out again and buys the third ticket.Two or three minutes after that he comes out and asks for another ticket.But a girl asks him,“Why do you buy so many tickets? How many friends do you meet?” “No, I have no friends here, but a big woman always stops me at the door and cuts up my ticket.”

汤姆是个小孩，他才7岁。当他去电影院的时候。那时他第一次去。他买了张票进去了。但没过两三分钟他就出来了，然后买了第二张票又进去了。几分钟后他又出来买了第三张票。接着两三分钟后他又出来买票。一个女的问她，“你为什么要买那么多票啊? 你见到了几个朋友？\" \"没有，我里面没朋友，但是每当我进门的时候一位大的女人老把我的票给剪了\"

第12篇：英语幽默故事

英语幽默故事

1 A film crew was on location deep in the desert.One day an old Indian went up to the director and said, \"It will rain tomorrow.\" The next day it rained.一个电影摄制组在沙漠深处进行拍摄。一天，一个印度老人来到导演面前对他说：“明天会下雨。”第二天果然下雨了。

A week later, the Indian went up to the director again and said, \"There will be a storm tomorrow.\" The next day there was a storm.一周以后，印度人又来了，他告诉导演说：“明天会有暴风雨。”果然，第二天有暴风雨。

\"This Indian is incredible,\" said the director.He told his secretary to hire the Indian to predict the weather.“这个印度人真神，”导演说。他告诉他的秘书去雇佣这个印度人来预测天气。

However, after several succeful predictions, the old Indian didn\'t show up for two weeks.然而，几次预测天气成功之后，这个印度人连续两周没有露面。

Finally the director sent for him.\"I have to shoot an important scene tomorrow,\" said the director.\"And I\'m depending on you.What will the weather be like?\" 最后，导演派人把这个印度人请来了。导演对他说：“我明天必须拍摄一个很重要的场景，全都指望你了，明天天气如何啊？” The Indian shrugged his shoulders.\"I don\'t know,\" he said.\"My radio is broken.\" 这个印度人耸了耸肩说道：“我不知道，我的收音机坏了。” 2 Chief is at the wedding 长官在婚礼上

A police stopped a motorist who was speeding on the street.大街上的一个超速驾驶者被警察拦住了。 \"But officer,\" the man said, \"I can explain.\" “但是警官”这个人说道，“我可以解释的”。

\"Just be quiet,\" snapped the officer.\"I\'m going to put you in jail until the chief gets back.\" “保持安静”，警察突然说道。“我将把你送往监狱，直到长官回来。

\"But ,officer, I ….\" “但是，警察，我，，，”。

\"I said to keep quiet! You are going to jail!\" “我说过了保持安静，你要到监狱了。”

A few hours later, the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, \"You are lucky because the chief is at his daughter\'s wedding.He\'ll be in a good mood when he gets back.\" 几小时后，警察向监狱里看了看说道“算你运气好，因为我们的长官正在他女儿的婚礼上。他会带着一个愉快的心情回来的。” \"Are you sure?\" answered the man in the cell.\"I\'m the groom.\" “你确定”在牢房里的这个人说道。“我就是新郎呀”。

1.stop

stop to do sth 是停下手上的事去做另一件事 stop doing sth 是停止手上正在做的事

2.speeding n.超速行驶

speeding在这里作名词使用，表示超速行驶，也可以作speed现在分词，表示加速。 eg：So where you headed? Was I speeding too? 你要去哪里？我有超速吗？ 3

Each Sunday the minister called the children to the front of the church while he told them a story.Once he brought a telephone to better illustrate the idea of prayer.

\"You talk to people on the telephone and don\'t see them on the other end of the line, right?\" he began.

The children nodded yes.\"Well, talking to God is like talking on the telephone.He\'s on the other end, but you can\'t see him.He is listening though.\"

Just then a little boy piped up and asked, \"What\'s his number?\"

在电话中交谈

每个星期天牧师都会把孩子们叫到教堂前面，然后给他们讲一个故事。一天，他为了更好地阐述祈祷的含义，带来了一台电话机。

“你们和别人在电话里交谈，并没有看到电话线另一端的人，对吗？”他开始问道。孩子们点头称是。“好的，和上帝交谈就象通过电话交谈一样。他就在另一端，虽然你看不见他，但是他正在聆听你的心声。”

就在这时，一个小男孩尖着嗓子问道：“那他的电话号码是什么？” 3

She\'d rather buy a gift

While on a trip, Mom realized that she had forgotten a present for Dad\'s birthday.\"That\'s okay,\" he said, \"The only thing I want is for you to love, honor and obey.\" Mom pondered that idea and then replied \"I\'d rather buy you a gift.\"

她宁愿买一件礼物

旅途中，妈妈想起她忘记给爸爸买一件生日礼物。\"没关系，\"他说，\"我最想要的东西是你的爱、忠贞和温顺。\"妈妈沉思片刻后回答说，\"我宁愿给你买一件礼物。\" 4 Honey, said the husband to his wife, I invited a friend home for supper.

What? Are you crazy? The house is a me, I haven\'t been shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don\'t feel like cooking a fancy meal!

I know all that.

Then why did you invite a friend for supper?

Because the poor fool\'s thinking about getting married.

亲爱的，丈夫对妻子说：我邀请了一位朋友回家吃晚饭。

什么？你疯了吗？我们的房子乱糟糟的，我很久没有买过东西回来了，所有的碗碟都是脏的，还有，我可不想做一餐累死人的晚饭。

这些我全都知道。

那你为什么还要邀请朋友回来吃晚饭？

因为那个可怜的笨蛋正考虑要结婚呢。 5 DID YOUR DAD HELP YOU?

One day, Tim\'s mathematics teacher looked at his homework and saw that he had got all his sums right.The teacher was very pleased-and rather surprised.He called Tim to his desk and said to him, You got all your homework right this time, Tim.What happened? Did your father help you?

No, sir.He was too busy last night, so I had to do it all myself, said Tim.

你爸爸帮你了吗？

一天，蒂姆的数学老师看了他的作业，发现他全做对了。老师很高兴，同时也十分惊讶。他把蒂姆叫到桌前说：蒂姆，你这次的作业全都做对了，怎么回事？你爸爸帮你做了吗？不，先生，我爸爸昨天很忙，我不得不全由自己做了。

第13篇：英语幽默故事

英语幽默故事

Where is the egg? Teacher:Can you make a sentence with the word \"egg\"? Student:Yes.I ate a piece of cake yesterday.Teacher:Then where is the “egg\"? Student:In the cake,Sir.鸡蛋在哪里？

老师：你能用“鸡蛋”一词造句吗？学生：可以。我昨天吃了一块蛋糕。老师：“鸡蛋”在哪？学生：在蛋糕里，先生

Child:My uncle has 1000 men under him.Man:He is really somebody.What does do? Child:A maintenance man in a cemetery 他真是一个大人物

小孩：我叔叔下面有1000个人。

男人：他真是一个大人物。他是干什么的？小孩：墓地守墓人。

Teacher: Would Shakespeare be a great man if he were still alive today?

Student: Of course.He must be a great man, for so far nobody has lived to over 400 years.一名伟人

老师：如果莎士比亚还活着，他会是一名伟人吗？学生：当然。因为到目前为止，还没有人活到400多岁。

Mr.Smith: Waiter, there\'s a dead fly in my soup. Waiter: Yes, sir, I know---it\'s the heat that kills it.史密斯先生：服务员，我的汤里有一只死苍蝇．

服务员：是的，先生，我知道了，它是被烫死的．

Son: Dad, give me a dime.

Father: Son, don\'t you think you\'re getting too big to be forever begging for dimes? Son: I gue you\'re right, Dad, Give me a dollar, will you? 儿子：爸爸，给我一角钱。

父亲：儿子，你不认为你已经长大了，不该再老是一角一角地要钱了(该自立了)，不是吗？

儿子：爸爸，我想你是对的，那给我一块钱行吗？

A little kid fell in love with another little kid, a school mate. Sometimes the kids think they fall in love when they have a crush on someone else in the cla, when they‟re eight or ten years old or something like that.So the eight-year-old kid came back home and asked his father, “Father, is it expensive to be married?” And the father said, “Yes, son, it is very expensive.” So the son asked, “How much does it cost?” And the father said, “I don‟t know, son.I‟m still paying.”

有个小孩爱上了另一个小孩，对方是学校的同学。八岁或十岁左右的孩子有时会迷恋班上某个人，然后就以为自己恋爱了。因此这个八岁的小孩回家问他爸爸：「爸爸，结婚很花钱吗？」爸爸说：「是啊，儿子，非常花钱。」儿子又问：「要花多少钱呢？」爸爸说：「我不知道，儿子，我到现在还一直在付钱啊！」

\"Boy, why have you got cotton-wool in your ear? Is it infected?\" \"No, sir, but you said yesterday that everything you told me went in one ear and out the other , so I am trying to stop it.\"

“孩子，你为什么用棉花塞住耳朵？它感染了吗？”

“没有，老师。可是你昨天说你告诉我的知识都是一个耳朵里进，一个耳朵里出，所以我要把它堵在里面。”

“I\'m sorry ，Madam ，but I shall have to charge you twenty dollars for pulling your boy\'s tooth .” “Twenty d ollars! Why ，I understand you to say that you charged only four dollars for such work!”

“Yes，but this youngster yelled so terribly that he scared four other patients out of the office .”

“对不起，夫人，为您孩子拔牙我要收取20美元。” “20美元！为什么？不是说好只要4美元。”

“是的，但是你的孩子大喊大叫，把另外四个病人吓跑了。”

TWO： Teacher：We all know that beat causes an object to expand an cold cauese it to contract.Now，can anyone give me a good example?

John：Well ，in the summer the days are long，and in the winter the days are short. 老师：我们都知道热胀冷缩的道理。现在，谁给我举个例子？

约翰：嗯，在夏天天都长，在冬天天都短。

The lecturer on evolution had been going on for nearly two hours.then he started again, and said he:\"Let me ask the evolutionist a question --- if we had tails like a baboon, where are they?\"

\"I\'ll venture an answer, \" said an old lady.\"We have worn them off sitting here so long.\".

教进化论的老师已经滔滔不绝地讲了快两个小时，他的话题又来了：“让我向进化论者提个问题——如果我们曾经像狒狒那样长着尾巴，那么现在尾巴到哪里去了？”

“我来试试看，”一位老太太说。

“该是我们在这里坐这么久把它们磨掉了吧。”

A man was going to the house of some rich person.As he went along the road, he saw a box of good apples at the side of the road.He said, \"I do not want to eat those apples; for the rich man will give me much food; he will give me very nice food to eat.\" Then he took the apples and threw them away into the dust.He went on and came to a river.The river had become very big; so he could not go over it.He waited for some time; then he said, \"I cannot go to the rich man\'s house today, for I cannot get over the river.\" He began to go home.He had eaten no food that day.He began to want food.He came to the apples, and he was glad to take them out of the dust and eat them.Do not throw good things away; you may be glad to have them at some other time. 【译文】一个人正朝着一个富人的房子走去，当他沿着路走时，在路的一边他发现一箱好苹果，他说：“我不打算吃那些苹果，因为富人会给我更多的食物，他会给我很好吃的东西。”然后他拿起苹果，一把扔到土里去。他继续走，来到河边，河涨水了，因此，他到不了河对岸，他等了一会儿，然后他说：“今天我去不了富人家了，因为我不能渡过河。” 他开始回家，那天他没有吃东西。他就开始去找吃的，他找到苹果，很高兴地把它们从尘土中翻出来吃了。不要把好东西扔掉，换个时候你会觉得它们大有用处。

爱乐奇，游世界，学英语，专为5-12岁儿童设计的英语学习网站，

欢迎访问：http://www.daodoc.com/alo777

A Good Boy

Little Robert asked his mother for two cents.\"What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?\"

\"I gave it to a poor old woman,\" he answered.

\"You\'re a good boy,\" said the mother proudly.\"Here are two cents more.But why are you so interested in the old woman?\" \"She is the one who sells the candy.\"

好孩子

小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。

“昨天给你的钱干什么了？”

“我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？” “她是个卖糖果的。”

Drunk

One day, a father and his little son were going home.At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions.Now, he asked, \"What\'s the meaning of the word \'Drunk\', dad?\" \"Well, my son,\" his father replied, \"look, there are standing two policemen.If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk.\"

\"But, dad,\" the boy said, \" there\'s only ONE policeman!\"

醉酒

一天，父亲与小儿子一块儿回家。这个孩子正处于那种对什么事都很感兴趣的年龄，老是有提不完的问题。他向父亲发问道：“爸爸，„醉‟字是什么意思？” “唔，孩子，”父亲回答说，“你瞧那儿站着两个警察。如果我把他们看成了四个，那么我就算醉了。” “可是，爸爸， ”孩子说，“那儿只有一个警察呀！”

Sleeping Pills

Bob was having trouble getting to sleep at night.He went to see his doctor, who prescribed some extra-strong sleeping pills.

Sunday night Bob took the pills, slept well and was awake before he heard the alarm.He took his time getting to the office, strolled in and said to his bo: \"I didn\'t have a bit of trouble getting up this morning.\"

\"That\'s fine,\" roared the bo, \"but where were you Monday and Tuesday?\"

安眠药

鲍勃晚上失眠。他去看医生，医生给他开了一些强力安眠药。

星期天晚上鲍勃吃了药，睡得很好，在闹钟响之前就醒了过来。他到了办公室，遛达进去，对老板说：“我今天早上起床一点麻烦都没有。” “好啊!”老板吼道，“那你星期一和星期二到哪儿去了？”

普通英语故事

Story 1 I Don‟t Like Her

Bob goes to a new school.

One day he comes back, “Bob, do you like your new teacher?” his mother asks.

“I don‟t like her, Mother.Because first she says that three and three is six, and then she says that two and four is six, too.” 故事1 我不喜欢她

鲍勃的去了所新学校。

一天，他回到家，他妈妈问他：“你喜欢你的新老师吗？”

“不，我不喜欢她，妈妈。因为她先说3加3等于6，然后她又说2加4等于6.”

Story 2 Ten Candies

Mother asks her son, “Jim, if you have ten candies, and you eat four, then how many candles do you have?”

“Ten.” Jim says.

“Then,” Mother asks.

“Yes, Mum.Four candles are in my stomach and six candies are out of my stomach.Four and six is ten, isn‟t it right?”

故事2 十块糖

妈妈问儿子：“吉姆，如果你有10块糖，吃了4块，那你还有几块糖？”

“10块。”吉姆说。

“10块？”妈妈问。

“是的，妈妈。因为4块在我的肚子里面，6块在肚子外面，4加6等于10，不对吗？”

Story 3 Count Tomorrow Morning

It‟s a right.John is looking at the sky.

Tom is John‟s younger brother.He asks John “What are you doing?”

John says, “I‟m counting stars.”

Tom laughs and says, “It‟s really dark now.Why not count them tomorrow morning?”

故事3 明天早上数

这是一个晚上。约翰抬头看着天空。

汤姆是约翰的弟弟。他问约翰：“你在干什么？” 约翰说：“我在数星星。”

汤姆笑着说：“现在天空太黑了。你为什么不等到明天早上再数呢？”

Story 4

Are Flies Yummy?

Tony and his father are eating dinner.

Suddenly Tony asks his father, “Dad, are flies yummy?”

Dad frowns and says, “No, I think it‟s yucky.Why do you ask me this question? It‟s a silly question.”

But Tony says, “ There was one fly in your plate.”

故事4 苍蝇好吃吗？

托尼正和他爸爸一起吃晚餐。

突然，托尼问他的爸爸：“爸爸，苍蝇好吃吗？”

爸爸皱眉说：“我想不好吃。你怎么会问这个问题？这可是一个愚蠢的问题。”

可是托尼说：“刚才你盘子里有一只苍蝇。”

Story 5 I Don‟t Want to Walk Home

Tom is a very old man.After dinner, he likes walking in the street.And he goes to bed at seven o‟clock.

But tonight, a car stopped at his house.A policeman helps him get out.He tells Tom‟s wife, “The old man couldn‟t find his way in the street.He asked me to take him in the car.”

After the policeman leaves there, his wife asks, “Tom, you go to the street every night.But tonight you can‟t find the way, what‟s the matter?”

The old man smiles like a child and says, “I couldn‟t find my way? I didn‟t want to walk home.”

故事5 我不想走回家

汤姆是一位老人，他喜欢在晚饭后到大街上散步，在7点回来睡觉。

但是，今天晚上一辆小汽车停在他家门前，汤姆在一位警察的帮助下走下汽车。警察告诉汤姆的妻子：“这位老人在街上迷路了，他让我用汽车送他回来。”

警察走后：“汤姆，你每天都到那条街上散步，但是今天你迷路了，你怎么了？”

这位老人像孩子般的笑道：“我迷路了？我是不想走路回家。”

Story 6 It Must Be Crowded A teacher is telling his students, “The moon is very large.Several millions people can live there.”

And a boy laughs and says, “It must get crowded when it‟s a crescent moon.” 故事6 一定很拥挤

一位告诉学生：“月亮非常大，上面能住几百人。”

一个男孩笑着说：“当月亮变成月牙的时候，住在上面的人该多拥挤啊！”

Story 7 It‟s Good to Admit a Fault

John is not a “good” student.He always sleeps in the cla.Today he sleeps again.

“John!” Teacher says angrily.

“What? What‟s wrong?” John is awaken.

“Why do you make a face? It‟s claroom.Look! Everyone is laughing.” Teacher says. “No one is laughing.” Teacher says.

“No, it‟s not me.I was not making a face.I was sleeping.” John fells upset.“Um.Not bad.You can admit your fault.You are still a good boy.” Teacher is satisfied with it.故事 7 认错

约翰并不是个“好”学生。他总是在上课的时候睡觉。今天他又睡着了。

“约翰！”老师生气地喊他。 “什么？出什么事了？”约翰醒了。

“你为什么要做鬼脸？这是教室！看看！同学们都在笑！”老师生气地说。 “没有人在笑呀。”其他同学笑声地嘀咕。

“不，不是我。我没有做鬼脸。刚才我睡着了。”约翰感到不安。 “嗯，还不错。你承认自己的错误，还是给好孩子”老师为此感到满意。

Story 8

Adding Feet to a Snake

Soon Mr.Wolf finishes drawing.“Yeah, I‟ve finished.I‟m No.1,” he says.But he draws again and says, “Oh, let me add feet and my snake.” At the time, Mr.Gorilla also finishes.He takes away the pot of wine and drinks, then he says, “That isn‟t a snake.Snakes have no feet.I get the wine.”

故事8

画蛇添足

Story 9

Covering One‟s Ears While Stealing a Bell

Then he does so.But as soon as he takes off the bell, the owner opens the door.“What ate you doing?” the owner says angrily.

故事9 掩耳盗铃

王先生总以为自己很聪明，实际上他总干傻事。

于是他就这样做了。可是他刚拿下铃铛，屋子的主人就打开门，怒气冲冲地说：“你在干什么？”

Story 10

Adding Eyes to a Dragon Mr.Li is a good painter.One day he draws a beautiful dragon without eyes.

Mr.Zhou looks at the picture and says, “The dragon has no eyes.It isn‟t a good picture.”

But Mr.Li smiles and says, “If I add eyes to the dragon, it will fly away.”

Mr.Zhou shakes head and says, “You are boasting.I don‟t believe you.”

Mr.Li isn‟t angry.He holds the paintbrush and adds eyes to the dragon.Woe! The dragon really flies.

故事 10 画龙点睛

李先生是位很好的画家。一天画了一条栩栩如生的龙，但是这只龙没有眼睛。

周先生见了说：“这条龙没有眼睛。这不算一张好画。”

可是李先生笑着说：“如果我给它加上眼睛，它就会飞走了。”

周先生摇头说：“你吹牛。我不相信。”

李先生也不生气，只是拿起笔给龙点上眼睛。哇！龙真的飞走了。

Story 11

Lord Ye‟s Love of the Dragon

There is a young man, Lord Ye.He likes dragons vey much.He draws many dragons in his house.The house becomes a world of dragon.

A red dragon hears of Lord Ye, and is deeply moved.He wants to visit Lord Ye and makes a friend with him.

“Hi, Mr.Ye! Nice to meet you,” the real dragon comes to visit Mr.Ye runs away as fast he can.“Oh, my God! Help! Help!” he runs and shouts.”

故事11

叶公好龙

有个年轻人，姓叶，非常喜欢龙.他在屋里里面了许多许多龙。这屋子都快成了龙的世界。

一龙真龙听说了叶公的事，很受感动，就想去拜访叶公，和他交个朋友。

“嘿。叶先生！很高兴见到你。”这条真龙拜访叶先生了。可是叶先生飞快地逃了。忒边跑边喊：“啊，我的天啊！救命！救命！”

Story 12

I Made Granny Glad

A teacher is telling her students the importance of making others glad.“Now, children,” she says“Did you make someone else glad?”

“Please, teacher,” says a small boy, “I made someone glad yesterday.” “Well done.Who was that?” The teacher says.“My granny.” The boy says.

“Good boy.Now tell us how you made your grandmother glad.” The teacher says.“I went to see her yesterday, and stayed with her for three hours.Then I said to her, „Granny, I‟m going home.‟ And she said, “well.I‟m glad!”

故事12 我让奶奶高兴了

一位教师正在对学生将使人高兴的重要性。“听着，孩子们，”他说：“你们曾让别人高兴过吗？”

“我，老师，”一个男孩子说，“昨天我就使别人高兴过。” “做得好。是谁呢？”老师说。 “我奶奶。”小男孩说。

“好孩子。现在告诉我们，你是怎样使你奶奶高兴的？”老师问道。

“是这样的，老师。昨天我去看她，在她那儿呆了3个小时。然后我对她说：“奶奶，我要回家了。”她说：“啊，我很高兴。”

爱乐奇，游世界，学英语，专为5-12岁儿童设计的英语学习网站，

欢迎访问：http://www.daodoc.com/alo777 Story 13 Look at the Sky from the Bottom of a Well

There is a frog.He lives in a well and he never goes out of the well.He thinks the sky is as big as the mouth of the well.One day a crow comes to the well.He sees the frog and says, “Frog, let‟s have a talk.” Then the frog asks, “Where are you from?” “I fly from the sky,” the crow says.The frog feels surprised and says, “The sky is only as big as the mouth of the well.How do you fly from the sky?”

The crow says, “The sky is very big.You always stay in the well, so you don‟t know the world is big.”

The frog says, “I don‟t believe.” But the crow says, “You can come out and have a look by yourself.”

So the frog comes out from the well.He is very surprised.How big the world is!

故事13 坐井观天

Story 14 I can‟t Cook It

It‟s sunny day in spring.Mi Cat is fishing.Suddenly the fishing rod moves.“Great! Oh, it‟s so heavy!” Mi Cat says happily.

The fish is plucked out of the river.“Oh, a big fish! How big the fish is!” She cheers.But she puts the fish into the river and goes on fishing. At the time Mr.House goes by and sees it.“What do you set it free?” He asks.“Because my pot is too small.I can‟t cook it,” Mi Cat says.

故事14 我没法煮它

这是春天里一个阳光明媚的日子，猫小姐在河边钓鱼。突然鱼竿动了动。“太棒了！哇，好重啊！”猫小姐高兴地喊着。

鱼被拉出来了。“啊！一条大鱼！这条大鱼可真大呀！”她欢呼道。但是她却把鱼放回河里，又继续钓鱼。

这时候马先生路过，看见这一切，就问她：“为什么你把鱼放了？” “因为我的锅太小。我没办法烧这么大的鱼。”猫小姐回答说。

Story 15

That Is Not My Dog!

A woman walks into a pet shop and sees a cute little dog.She asks the shopkeeper, “Does your dog bite?”

The shopkeeper says, “No, my dog does not bit.”

The woman tries to pet the dog and the dog bites her. “Ouch!” She says, “I thought you said your dog does not bite!” The shopkeeper replies, “That is not my dog!”

故事15

那不是我的狗

一个妇人走进一家宠物店，看见一只很可爱的小狗。她问店主：“你的狗咬人吗？”

店主说：“不，我的狗不咬人。”

于是这个妇人试着抚摸小狗，可是小狗却咬了她。 “哎哟！”妇人说，“我想你刚才还说你的狗不咬人。” 店主人回答说：“那不是我的狗。”

Story

Wrong

Mark‟s favorite cup is broken, and he feels unhappy.Susan sees and asks him, “ You look sad.What‟s the matter?”

Mark says, “There is something wrong with my cup.”

Susan says, “Don‟t worry.I can repair it.”

Mark feels surprised and asks, “Repair? You can repair it? You?”

“Yes.Believe me! Where is it?” Susan answers.

“Here.My cup is broken.Are you sure you can repair it?” Mark takes out his cuo.

故事16 误会

马克最喜欢的杯子了，他很不开心。苏珊看见了就问他：“你看上去不太开心。怎么了？”

苏珊说：“别担心。我会补好它的。”

马克听了感到奇怪，就问她：“补？你会补？真的吗？”

“没错。相信我。在哪里呢？”苏珊说。

“这儿。我的cup破了。你确信补好它吗？”马克拿出了杯子。

“cup？你以为是cap.”苏珊说道。说完他俩都笑了。

Story 17

My “Clever” Dog

Bobby is my dog.I love him.He can roll on the floor.He can play balls with me.He can look after my house when I am out.Bobby is very clever.But sometimes he isn‟t.

One day Bobby runs away.He is out for three days.After he comes back, I tie him to a tree and give him some food.Bobby begins to eat.But then he stops.He sees a fox.The fox is looking at his food.Bobby barks and barks.He wants to catch the fox.But he can‟t.The fox runs round the tree.Bobby runs after the fox.So the rope goes ground the tree.Of course Bobby can‟t run.The doc can eat the food.Quickly she eats up the food and runs away.

故事17

我“聪明“的狗

巴比是我的狗。我很爱他。他会在地板上打滚。他会和我玩球。他能在外出的时候帮我看家。巴比很聪明，可是有些时候他也不聪明。

一天，巴比跑了出去，3天没回家。他回来后，我把他拴在一棵树上，给他一些食物。巴比吃着食物，但是又停了下来。他看见一只狐狸。这只狐狸正盯着他的食物。巴比朝狐狸一个劲地叫。他想抓住狐狸。但是他办不到。狐狸喀什绕着树跑，巴比就追着它跑。于是绳子就绕在了数上。当然巴比就跑不开了。那只狐狸跑去吃他的食物。很快就吃光了所有食物，而后跑走了。

Story 18 Snow White

Snow White is born on a cold winter day.She is as white as snow.Her eyes are very big, her hair very long and her voice is sweet.She is very kind and beautiful.Everyone loves her.Her mummy, the Queen loves her, too.But she died.

A new Queen comes.She is beautiful, but bad.She doesn‟t like Snow White, because Snow White is the most beautiful girl in the world. “I will kill Snow White.” So she orders a hunter to kill Snow White.The hunter is an honest man.“You are a good girl; I don‟t want to kill you.” So he lets Snow White go.

Snow White goes into a forest.She finds a house, and goes into the house.Seven dwarfs live there.They like Snow White, and ask Snow White to live with them.

No sooner, the new Queen dies.Because she isn‟t the most beautiful woman in the world.

故事 18 白雪公主

白雪公主出生在一个寒冷的冬天，因此她像雪一样洁白无瑕。她又两只大眼晴，有漂亮的长头发和甜蜜的声音。她又善良又美丽。每个人都很喜欢她。她妈妈——皇后也爱她，但她死了。

一位新皇后来了，她很漂亮但很恶毒。她不喜欢白雪公主，因为白雪公主是世界上最美丽的女孩。

“我一定要杀死白雪公主。“因此，她命令一位猎人去杀白雪公主。这位猎人是一个诚实的人。 “你是一个好姑娘，我不想杀你。”所有他放走了白雪公主。

白雪公主走进一片森林，她发现了一个房子，并且走进了房子。七个小矮人住在房子里。他们很喜欢白雪公主并留她一起住下来了。

不久，女皇死了，因为她不是世界上最美丽的人。

Story 19

The Clever King Solomon

Long, long ago, there was a king.Solomon was his name.He was very clever.

In his country, there were two women.They lived in the same house and each had a child.

One night, one of the babies died.The dead baby‟s mother took the other woman‟s baby, and put it in her own bed.

The next morning , they had a quarrel.

“No, this is my baby!” The dead is yours!”

Then King Solomon pointed to the woman in teas and said, “Give the baby to her.She is the mother.”

故事19 聪明的国王所罗门

很久很久之前，有一位国王，他的名字叫所罗门，他非常聪明。

在他的国家里，有两位妇女，她们住在同一间房子里。各有一个婴儿。

一天夜里，其中一个婴儿死了。他的妈妈抱另一位妇女的小孩，把他放在自己的床上。

第二天早上，他们发生了争吵。

“不，这是我的孩子！这个死的是你的！”

他们都想要这个活着的孩子，于是她们去见所罗门国王。 “给我拿把刀来，把这个孩子切成两半，没人一半。”国王判决道。 “哦，陛下，把我的孩子给她吧。请不要杀了我的孩子！”一位母亲哭喊道。于是所罗门指着流泪的妇女说：“把孩子给她，她是真正的母亲。”

Story 20

Catching a Thief

Witty Hare can run very fast.One day when he gets home.He sees a rat.The rat is jumping down his window.“Oh.A thief!” Witty Hare shouted and catches the rat, “You can‟t run faster then me.” Soon Witty Hare catches up with the rat, and the rat is left behind, “I must run away,‟ the rat says and laughs, “He is so silly.”

Witty Hare goes on running.A sheep sees him and asks him, “What a re you doing?” “I‟m catching the thief.” Witty Hare says.“ Thief? Where‟s the thief?” the sheep fells surprised.“He‟s behind me ,”Witty Hare says proudly.

故事20

追贼

机灵的肚子跑得很快。一天，她回到家的时候看见一只老鼠。这只老师正从它家的窗户跳下去。“啊！贼！”机灵肚子喊着追过去。 “你跑不过我的！” 不一会它追上了老鼠，还把老鼠丢在后面。“我得赶紧逃。”老鼠窃笑着说：“这家伙真笨。”

机灵兔子继续跑着。一只绵羊看到了就问塔：“你在干什么？”“我在追贼。”机灵兔子说。“贼？贼在哪里啊？”绵羊感到奇怪。 “它在我后面呢。”机灵兔子自豪地说着。

Story 21

A Clever Panda

A little panda picks up a pumpkin and wants to take it home.But the pumpkin is too big.The panda can‟t take it home.

Suddenly she sees a bear riding a bike toward her.She watches the bike.“I know! I have a good idea.” she jumps and shouts happily, “I can roll a pumpkin.It‟s like a wheel.”

So she rolls the pumpkin to her home.When her mother sees the big pumpkin, she is surprised, “Oh, my God! How can you carry it home?” the little panda answers proudly, “I can‟t lift it, but I can roll it.” Her mother smiled and says，“What a clever girl! Use you heard to do something,”

故事21

聪明的熊猫

一只小熊猫摘了一只大南瓜，想把它拿回家。但是这只南瓜太大了，她没有办法把这么大的南瓜带回家。

突然她看见一只狗熊骑着一辆自行车朝她这边来。她看着自行车，跳着说：“有了！我有办法了。我可以把南瓜滚回家去。南瓜好像车轮。

于是她把那瓜滚回家。当她妈妈看到这只大南瓜的时候，很惊讶：“天啊！这么食的南瓜！你是怎么把它带回家来的？”小熊猫自豪地说；“我拎不动它，可是我能滚动它啊！”她妈妈微笑着说：“真聪明啊！记住：只要你肯动脑筋，没有难办的事。”

Story 22

The Ox and the Dog

An ox and a dog serve for the same farmer. One day the dog arrogantly says: “How grand I am! In the daytime, I watch out for the cattle in the meadows; at night, I guard the house.But you…” “Me? How about me ?” the ox says “You can only plough or draw a cart,” the dog slightly says.

“Yes.It‟s true,” the ox says.“But if I don‟t plough, what do you guard?”

故事22 牛和狗

一头牛和一只狗同时为一个农夫工作。

一天，狗骄傲地说着；„我是多么重要啊！白天我在牧场看护家群，晚上我看家。而你呢…..?”

“我？我怎么啦？“ 牛反问。

“你只会犁地或是拉扯。”狗不懈地说。

“是的。你说得没有错，”牛回答道。“但是如果没有我犁地，你看护什么呢？”

爱乐奇，游世界，学英语，专为5-12岁儿童设计的英语学习网站，

欢迎访问：http://www.daodoc.com/alo777 Story 23 Go to the Cinema

A lorry driver, David is driving 200 penguins to London Zoo.But his lorry breaks down on the motorway, when another lorry driver, Robert stops in the front of him, David asks for help, and explains that he is taking the penguins to the zoo.Robert says, “Ok.I can help you.”

Some hours later, Robert drivers back and paes David.David is still on the lorry, and look happy. “I thought I told you to take those penguins to the zoo.” David says.

Robert replies, “I did, but I had some money left, so I‟m going to the cinema now.”

故事23

去电影院

一个叫戴维的货车司机载着200只企鹅去伦敦动物园。可是他的车在高速公路上坏了。当一辆货车停在他面前的时候，戴维向司机罗珀特求救，并且解释自己要送这些企鹅去伦敦动物园。罗珀特说：“行，我帮你。”

几个小时过后，罗珀特又回来了，并经过戴维生病，戴维还等在高速公路上。那些企鹅也还在车上，特高兴的样子。

“我想我告诉过你吧这些企鹅送进动物园的。”戴维说。罗珀特回答说：“是的，我去了。但是我的钱包丢在电影院了，所有我现在要回那里去。”

Story 24

Wolf Is Coming

There is a naughty boy in a village.He likes telling lies.One day he wants to make fun of the farmers.So he shouts, “Wolf! Wolf! Wolf is coming!” The kind farmers are working in the field.They hear the shout, and hurry to help the boy.But when get there, the boy says: “There isn‟t a wolf.I‟m joking.The farers are angry and go back to their field.After a while the biy shouts again, “Wolf! Wolf! Wolf is coming!” And the farmers come and are cheated again.The boy laughs and laughs.They say, “You tell lies.We will not believe you.”

Later a wolf really comes.The boy is very scared.“Wolf! Wolf! Wolf is coming!” the boy shouts and shouts.“Help! Help!” But no one comes.And wolf eats the naughty boy.

故事24

狼来了

村子里有个淘气的小男孩，他喜欢撒谎。一天，他想捉弄村名，就大喊：“狼来了！狼来了！” 善良的村民们正在地里干活，听到喊声，赶快去救他。俄式他们到了那里，男孩说：“没有狼。我跟你们开完先的。”村民很生气，回到田里。不一会，那孩子大喊：狼来了！狼来了！”村民来了，却再次被欺骗。男孩开心地大笑，村民们说：“你说谎。我们再也不会相信你了。”

后来狼真的来了。男孩十分害怕。 “狼来了！狼来了！”他大声呼喊，“救命啊！救命！”但是没人来。结果这个淘气的男孩被狼吃了。

Story 25 Change Name

Tom is 16.he decides to leave home and joins a music company.His father hears that and angry, “Singer? My son? It‟s disgrace!” he shouts, “What do they think of the neighbors know?”

“I will change my name,” Tom says.He thinks he will become a singer in the future.“Change your name?” Tom‟s father shouts angrily, “What if you‟re succeful? How will the neighbors know you are my son.?” 故事25

改名字

汤姆16岁了。她决定离家参加一个唱片公司。他父亲听后很生气：“唱歌？我的儿子啊！真丢脸。”他大喊，“要是邻居们知道，他们会怎么想？”

“我会改名字的。”汤姆说。他认为自己将来会成为一名歌手。

“改名字？”汤姆的父亲生气地说，“如果你成名了怎么？邻居们怎么知道你是我的儿子？”

Story 26 Three Little Pigs and a Big Wolf Once, a mother pig sent her three little children into the world.They needed to look after themselves.

The first pig found some straw, and he built a fine house with straw, and he built a fine house with straw.The second pig built a house with wood.The third pig built a house with stone.One day, a wolf came to straw house, he was hungry.“Little pig let me in! I‟m your brother.” “No, no! You are a wolf.”

Then the wolf blew down the straw house.The first pig ran to the wooden house.Then the wolf came to the wooden house, too.The two pigs ran to the stone house.The wolf came and blew the stone house.He blew and blew, but the house didn‟t fall down.Then wolf was angry, he climbed to the roof and jumped down the chimney.

The wolf fell into the pot! Ouch! He ran away.The three little pigs lived happily.

故事26

从前，猪妈妈把她的三个小孩打发出去，因为他们需要学会照顾自己。第一只小猪找到一些稻草，他盖了一座漂亮的草房子。第一只小猪盖了一座木头房子。第二只小猪了盖了一座石头房子。

一天，一只大灰狼来到草房前，他十分饥饿。 “小猪，让我进去，我是我你兄弟。” “不，不，你是大灰狼。”

然后大灰狼就把草屋吹倒了，第一只小猪逃到了木头屋子里。

然后狼来到木头前，他吹呀吹可是吹不倒石头房子。狼发怒了，他爬上了屋顶并从烟囱往下跳。

在烟囱下面的火炉上有一锅水。三只小猪用大火把得很烫。狼掉进了锅里！哎呀！他逃走了？三只小猪从此过着快乐的生活。

Story 27 The Wolf and the Crane

There is a bad wolf in the forest.One day he is eating a lamb.Suddenly a bone sticks in his throat.

“Oh, a bone is my throat.” He goes to see a doctor, “Please help me.” The doctor, Mr.Panda says, “Sorry, I can‟t help you.The bone is inside.”

“What can I do?” the wolf is sad.Then he meets a crane.“Oh, dear crane.Please help me.A bone is in my throat.I will pay for your help.”

“Ok.Let me have a try,” the crane says.She pulls out the bone with her bill.“Now I will go.Remember your words.You should pay me,” she says.

“Well.Pay you.I remember,” the wolf says.With the words, the wolf bites off the crane‟s neck and eats her up.

故事27

狼与鹤

森林里有一只很坏的狼。一天，他正在吃一只羊羔.突然一根骨头卡在他的喉咙里了。

“哎呀，一根骨头卡在我的喉咙里了。”他赶忙去看医生， “请帮帮我吧。”医生熊猫先生说：“很抱歉，我帮不了你。骨头卡在里面。”

“我该怎么办啊？”狼伤心。后来他遇到一只鹤。“亲爱的鹤小姐，请救救我吧，一根头卡在我的喉咙里了。我会给你报酬的。”

“好吧。我试试看。”鹤小姐说。她用她的长嘴把骨头拉了出来。“现在我要走了。记住你的话，你该给我报酬的。”

“好的，给你报酬。”狼突然说，突然咬住鹤的长脖子，把她吃了。

Story 28 A Friend in Need Is a Friend Indeed

Jack and Ben are good friends.One day, they explore a forest together.When they go deep into the forest, suddenly they hear a sound. “What‟s that? The sound is so terrible.” Ben says.

“Oh! Bear! Look! A bear!” Jack says and climbs quickly on a tall tree.

Ben tries to climb on the tree.But he can‟t.“What can I do? Help me please! “Ben says to Jack.But Jack does nothing.

The bear is coming.Ben lies down quickly and pretends to die.The bear looks at Ben and walking around him.Ben holds his breath.The bear smells Ben and thinks he‟s dying, and then the bear goes away.

When Jack sees the bear going far, he slides down from the tree and wakes Ben.“What did the Bear whisper to you?” Jack asks Ben.

“Why didn‟t you help me? Have you not heard the sentence: A friend in need is a friend indeed?” Ben shouted.

故事28

患难见真情

杰克和本是一对好朋友。一天，他俩结伴去森林探险。当他们深入森林时，突然听到一个声音。

“那是什么？这声音真恐怖。”本说。

“啊！是熊！快看！熊！”杰克边说边迅速爬到身旁的颗大树上。

本试着爬在树上，可是他做不到。“我怎么办啊？快帮帮我？”本朝杰克喊道。可是杰克什么也没有做。

熊来了。本赶快躺在地上装死。熊看看本。绕着他走了儿圈。本赶忙屏住呼吸。熊又低下头闻了本，以为他死了，然后就走开了。

杰克看到熊走远了，他才滑下树来，叫醒本。“熊刚才跟你说什么了？“杰克好奇地文本。

“你刚才为什么不帮我？难道你没有听对患难见真情这句话吗？”本大声喊道。

Story 29

A Clever Hare

Billy hare is hungry and finds a radish.What he picks it up, Mr.Fox is behind him and wants to eat him.“I‟m hungry, too.You‟ve my dinner.I‟m going to eat you,” ha says.

Billy Hare is shocked, but he isn‟t scared.He says, “Follow me.I have better food for you.” They go to a well.“Look down here,” Billy Hare says “There is something in the water.“What‟s that?” Mr.Fox asks surprisingly.“It‟s a big and fat hen.Let‟s get down and fetch it.” Billy Hare says and gets down with a pail. “Can you out the hen into the pail?” Mr.Fox shouts.“No.She‟s too big,” Billy Hare says, “Come down, please.We can take her up together.Jump into the other pail.”

Mr.Fox does so.When he gets down, Billy Hare gets up.“Good-bye!” Billy Hare gets down, Billy Hare gets out of the well and says.Mr.Fox can‟t get out.

故事29

聪明的野兔

野兔比利很饿，他找到了一只萝卜。当他捡起萝卜的时候，狐狸先生正在他的生后，想吃了他。 “我也饿了。你是我的晚餐，我要吃了你。”狐狸说。

比利很吃惊，但是他并不害怕。他说：“跟我来，我有更好的食物给你。”

他们来来一口井边。

“朝这下面看，”比利说， “水里有东西。”“是什么呀？”狐狸先生好奇地问：“那是一只有大又费肥的母亲。我们下去把她捉上来。”比利说着，乘一只水桶下去了。

“你能把鸡放进桶里里。”狐狸问他：“不行，这只鸡太大了，”比利说，“下来吧。我们可以一起把它捉上去。快掉到另一只水桶里吧。”

狐狸照做了。当他下去的时候，比利就上来了。“再见。”比利从井里出来时说。而狐狸却出不来了。

爱乐奇，游世界，学英语，专为5-12岁儿童设计的英语学习网站，

欢迎访问：http://www.daodoc.com/alo777

Story 30 Father‟s Things

When Peter is 17, he is as tall as his father.So he begins to borrow his father‟s clothes when he wants to go out with his father‟s clothes when he wants to go out with his friends in the evening.Father doesn‟t like this.And he always gets very angry when he finds his son wearing any of his things. One evening when Peter is about to go out; his father stops him in the living room.He looks at Peter‟s clothes very carefully.Then he says angrily, “Isn‟t that one of my ties, Peter?”

“Yes, Father, it is,” answers Peter.

“And that shirt is mine, too.”

“Yes, that‟s your, too.” answers Peter.

“And you‟re wearing my belt!”

“Yes, I am, Father,” answers Peter, “You don‟t want to your trousers to fall down, do you?”

故事30

父母的东西

皮特17岁的时候，长得和父亲一样高了。于是，当他晚上和朋友一起出去时，就开始借父亲的衣服穿。可是这位父亲可不喜欢这样，当他发现他的儿子穿他的衣服时，总是非常生气。

一天晚上，皮特准备出去，父亲在客厅里拦住了他。父亲细细打量着皮特的穿着。然后气呼呼的说着；“皮特，那不是我的领带吗？”

皮特回答说：“是的，父亲，是您的领带。” “还有那衬衫也是我的。”

“是的，衬衫也是您的。”皮特回答说。 “还有呢，你连皮带也用我的。”父亲说。

“是的，父亲，”皮特回答说，“您不愿意让您的裤子掉下来吧？”

Story 31

The Thirsty Dog

A dog is very thirsty.But he only sees some empty pails.There is no water in them.The dog goes on looking for water.He comes to a small house.There is a girl in it.The girl goes out with a pail.“She goes to a well,” the dog thinks and follows her.The dog is right.The girl comes to a well and puts down the pail, and the pail is full of water, there the girl goes back to her house.

“ Water! Great!” the dog says and runs to the well.He jumps into the well without thought.”

The water is good.The dog is happy and drinks much.But he can‟t jump out of the well.He waits and waits.But no one comes.“I‟m hungry now.I must go out,” he thinks.

At the time a thirsty goat comes to the well.He looks at the water and the dog.“Is the water good?” the goat asks.“ Of course.Come down,” the dog says.Then the goat jumps into the well, too.Then dog is happy.He jumps on the goat‟s back and jumps out of the well. The dog has a look at the goat and says, “Goodbye!” Then he leaves.

故事31 一只口渴的狗

有一只狗口很渴，他只找到一些空空的水桶，里面没有水。他继续找水。他来到一座小房子前面。房子里住着一个小姑娘。小姑娘拎着只水桶出来了。 “她要去打水。”狗想道，并跟在她后面。果然不错，小姑娘来到一口井边，把水桶放入井里，水桶水满了。然后小姑娘回去了。

“水！太好了！”狗叫着跑过去。他想也没想就跳下井去了。

井水真的不错。狗可高兴了。喝了许多水，但是他没有办法跳出来了。他等了好久，但是没有人来。 “我饿了，我得出去。”他想着。

这时候一只口渴的山羊到井边来了，他看了看井水和这只狗。“这水好和吗？”山羊问狗：“当然了。快下来吧。“狗回答说。于是山羊也跳到井里了。狗高兴极了。他跳上山羊的背，又跳出了水井。

狗看了一眼山羊说声：“再见。”就跑开了。

Story 32

A Smart Tortoise

A tiger is hungry, he is looking for food.He sees a frog in front of him. “Ha ha! A frog! My dinner!” so he rushes at the frog.

Behind the tiger, there is a tortoise.The little tortoise sees it; he bites the tiger‟s tail.“Ouch!” cries the tiger and he looks back.The frog hears the voice and jumps into water. “Thank you, little tortoise.” says the frog.But the tiger is very angry.“Bother it! I‟ll throw you to the sky!” “Thank you, I like flying in the sky,” says the tortoise.The tiger stops, “I will throw you into the river.”

“Oh,no! I can‟t swim; I will die if you throw me into the water.” The tiger threw the tortoise into the water quickly. “Thank you, Mr.Tiger.Bye-bye.” The tortoise and the frog swim away together.

故事32 聪明的乌龟

一只老虎很饥饿，他正在寻找食物。他看到一只青蛙在他前面。 “哈哈！一只青蛙，我有晚餐啦！”于是，他补向青蛙。

在老虎的后边，有一只乌龟。小乌龟看见了，他猛咬一下啊老虎的尾巴。 “哎呦！”老虎疼得叫起来并回头看看。此时青蛙听见了老虎的声音，他迅速跳进水里。

“谢谢你，小乌龟。”青蛙说。

大事老虎十分愤怒：“讨厌！我要把你扔到天上去。” “谢谢你，我喜欢在天空飞翔。”乌龟说。老虎停下来：“那我就把你扔到到水里。”

“哦，不！我不会游泳，如果你把我扔井水里我会死的。”老虎很快就把乌龟仍进水了。

“谢谢你，老虎先生，再见！”乌龟和青蛙一起游走了。

Story 33 The Rabbit and the Fox

Once there was a naughty rabbit.He likes to play tricks, and it made other animals angry.But it was very different to catch him. One day, a wolf said to a fox, “I have an idea to catch the rabbit.You go back home and get into bed.I‟ll go to the rabbit and tell him that you are dead.If he comes to see you, you‟ll jump up and catch him.”

“Good idea,” said the fox, “I‟ll do that.” Then fox ran home and got into bed.The wolf went to the rabbit‟s house and said, “Mr.Rabbit, have you heard Mr.Fox is dead?” The wolf stood at the door, and then he went away.

“Really? I haven‟t heard anything about it.” The rabbit said to himself, so he decided to go and see if it was true.He went to the fox‟s house and looked in through the window.He saw the fox lying in bed.He opened the door and went in.he looked at the fox and said, “Mr.Wolf says Mr.Fox is dead, but he doesn‟t look like a dead fox.A dead fox always open his mouth.”

When the fox heard this, he thought, “I‟ll show him that I am dead.” So he opened his mouth.The rabbit saw the fox open his mouth, and he knew the fox was not dead.He ran out of the house as fast as he could.

故事33

兔子和狐狸

以前有一个淘气的兔子，他喜欢恶作剧，这使得其他动物很生气。但是想抓住这是兔子可不容易。

一个，狼对狐狸说：“我想到一个办法可以抓住这只兔子，你回家睡在床上，我去告诉告诉兔子你死了。如果他来看你，你就跳起来抓住它。”

“好主意，”狐狸说，“我按你说的办。 “于是狐狸跑回家躺在床上。狼跑到兔子家说： “兔子先生死了的事你听说了吗？”狼站在门口说，然后就走开了。

“真的吗？我怎么没有听说呢。”兔子自言自语地说。于是他决定去看看是不是真的。她来到狐狸的房前并从窗口往里看，他看见狐狸躺在床上。于是，他打开门并走了进去。他看着狐狸说着；“狼先生说狐狸死了，但他不像一只死狐狸，因为死狐狸是张开嘴巴的。”

当狐狸听见这话，他想“我要让他知道我是死的。于是他张开了嘴巴。

兔子看见狐狸张开了嘴巴，他知道狐狸没有死，于是他飞快从房子里跑了出来。

Story 34

The Wolf and the Dog

There is a wolf.He is very hungry and has no strength to find food.As he lies under a large tree, a dog sees him.The dog sees the wolf is so thin and hungry, and he feels sorry for him and says, “You are so terrible! Are you hungry?”

“Yes,” says the wolf, “I‟m hungry because you are guarding the sheep.Now I am so weak that I can‟t find food.I think I will do.”

“Why not help me?” Asks the dog, “I work regularly and I eat regularly.You could do the same.You can help me guard the sleep.In that way, I will not worry about your stealing the sleep, and you will not worry about going hungry.It‟s good for us.

The wolf thinks it over and thinks the dog is right.So they walk to the dog‟s house.As they are walking, the wolf sees that only the hair of the dog‟s neck is very thin.He is curious about this.So he asks the dog about it. “Oh, don‟t worry about that,” says the dog, “It‟s the place where the collar ties on the neck.My master chains me up at night,”

“Chained up!” shouts the wolf, “Do you mean that you are chained up at night? If I come to live with you, will I be chained up at night, too?”

“That‟s night,” says the dog, “But, you‟ll get used to it.”

“But, if I am chained up, I won‟t be free.” After saying this, the wolf turns round and runs away.The dog shouts, “Wait! Come back! I‟m not free, but I‟m healthy.I have good food, and a warm place to sleep.I like enjoying life.In fact, I‟m freer than you are.”

故事34

狼和狗

有一只狼，他非常饿，而且饿得没有力气去找吃的了。当他躺在一棵大树下时，一只狗看见了他。看到狼又饿又瘦，狗挺可怜他的：“你看上去真可怕。你很饿啊？“

“是的。”狼说，“我饿是因为你和你的伙伴看守着羊群。现在我弱得没法去找食物。我想我就快要死了。”

“为什么不帮我呢？”狗说，“我们按时工作，准时吃饭。你也行的。你可以帮我看羊群。那样我就不用担心你会来偷羊，你也不用担心挨饿了。这对我们都有好处。”

狼考虑了一下，觉得狗说的对，他们就一起朝狗的屋子走去了。正走着，狼看见口脖子上的毛很少。他觉得好奇，就问狗怎么回事。

“啊，别担心，”狗说，“这是系狗项圈的地方，晚上主人会把我拴起来。”

“拴起来？”狼叫起来，“你是说晚上你会拴起来？如果我去和你住，晚上也会被拴起来？”

“没错，”狗说，“但是你会习惯的。”

“但是，如果被拴起来，我就不自由了。”说完，狼转身跑了。

狗大声喊道：“等等！回来！我是不自由，可是我很健康，我有好的食物，有个温暖的地方睡觉。你太喜欢享受生活了。我其实比你还自由些。”

Story 35

Little Red Riding Hood

Little Red Riding Hood is a lovely girl.She likes red hats.So her mother calls her little Red Riding Hood.

Her grandma loves her very much.But now she is ill.Her mother is busy.So she asks little Riding Hood to see her grandma. In the forest, a wolf sees little Red Riding Hood, “Look, little Riding Hood.I have children for lunch, the path goes to her grandma‟s house.”

The wolf comes to grandma‟s house and eats grandma.Then he wears grandma‟s glaes and clothes, and in her bed. After a while, little Red Riding Hood comes to grandma‟s bed.To her surprise, grandma‟s mouth is very big.So she asks: “Grandma, why is your mouth so big?” “I eat little girls with this mouth.” And he rushed at little Red Riding Hood.

“Help! Help!” The wolf runs after little Red Riding Hood.At this time, a hunter paes through the house.He shoots the wolf and saves little Red Riding Hood.Then he cuts the wolf and grandma comes out.

故事35

小红帽

小红帽是一个可爱的女孩。她喜欢红帽子，于是她妈妈就叫她小红帽。

她的祖母很爱小红帽，但现在她生病了。小红帽的妈妈非常忙，所有她让小红帽去看望祖母。在森林里，一只狼看见了小红帽。“瞧啊！小红帽。午餐有小孩子可以吃啦！这是一条去她祖母家的路。”

狼来到了祖母家并吃掉了祖母。然后他戴上祖母的眼镜，并穿上祖母的衣服并睡在祖母的床上。过了一段时间，小红帽来到了祖母的床前，使她吃惊的是祖母的嘴巴非常大。于是她问：“祖母，为什么你的嘴巴这么大？”“用它来吃小女孩。”狼说这就扑向小红帽。

“救命，救命！狼追着小红帽。正在此时，一个猎人路过这儿，他用枪打死了狼并救出小红帽；然后他剥开狼的兔子，救出祖母。”

Story 36

A Little Ant

Once there was a little ant.She wanted to get married, but she only wanted to marry the strongest creature. She wanted to marry the strongest creature, but she didn‟t know who the strongest creature is.She saw the wind blow houses down.So she thought the wind was the strongest creature.She wanted to marry the wind.

But the wind told the little ant that ht wasn‟t the strongest creature.There was a tower in the forest.He had stood there for a thousand years against his force.The tower was the strongest creature.

“Why do you want to marry me?” the wind asked.

“Because you are the strongest creature in the world.You are strongest than the wind.” said the ant.

“You are right.I‟m strongest than the wind.But I‟m not the strongest creature in the world.Look, how I‟m damaged! Can‟t you gue who has done this to me? It‟s you, ants.”

At last, the little ant married her own kind.Because they were the strongest creatures. 故事36

一只蚂蚁

从前，有一个小蚂蚁想结婚，但她只想嫁给世界上最强打者。

她想嫁给强大者，但她不知道谁才是最强大者。她看到风把房子吹倒了，于是她认为风是最强大的，她要嫁给风。

可风告诉小蚂蚁，他不是最强大者，林中有一座它塔。他顶住风力耸立了一千年，他才是最强大的。

“为什么你要嫁给我？”塔说。

“因为你是最强大的，你甚至比风还强大。”蚂蚁说。

“你说的对，我是比风强大。但我不是最强大的。瞧，我已被损坏成什么样子了。难道你猜不出来是谁把我损坏成这个样子的吗？是你们蚂蚁啊。”塔说。最后，小蚂蚁嫁给了她的同类，因为他们才是最强大者。

爱乐奇，游世界，学英语，专为5-12岁儿童设计的英语学习网站，

欢迎访问：http://www.daodoc.com/alo777 Story 37

Poor George

George is a little monkey.He lives in a deep forest.He likes jumping and climbing trees.He is happy every day.But he has a shortcoming.He is curious. One day an old man goes by the forest.He carries a lot of straw hats.George sees the man, and the man sees George, too.The man says to himself, “What a lovely monkey! I will catch him.I will take him home.”

The man sits down and thinks over.George sees and also sits down.The man has an idea.He puts a hat on his head, and puts other hats on the ground.Then he pretends to sleep. George is curious and looks at the hats.“I will be nice if I put a hat on my head.” George thinks.Then he climbs down from the tree, picks up a hat and puts it on.The hat is too big, and covers George‟s eyes.George can‟t see.And the man gets up at once, rushes out and catches him quickly.

Poor George!

故事37

可怜的乔治

乔治是一只小猴子。他住在大森林里。他喜欢在树上跳来跳去，爬上爬下。他整天都乐呵呵的。但是他有个毛病，就是太好奇。

一天，一个老人路过大森林，他带着许多草帽。乔治看见了这个老人，老人也看见他了。；老人自言自语道：“多可爱的猴子啊！我要捉住他，把他带回家去。”

老人坐下来。想着办法。乔治看见了，也坐下来。

不一会老人有个办法，他戴上一顶帽子，又把其他帽子放在地上，然后假装睡觉。

乔治很好奇，看看帽子，心想：“要是我戴上一顶，肯定好看。”于是爬下树，捡起一顶帽子戴在头上。可是帽子太大了，遮住了他的眼睛了。那个老人一下站起来，冲过去，迅速地捉住乔治。

可怜的乔治啊！

Story 38 The Ant and the Dove An ant is walking by the river.He looks at the river and says to himself, “How nice and cool this water looks! I must drink some of it.” But when he is drinking, he slips into the river. “Oh.Help!Help!” The ant cries,

A dove is sitting in the tree.She hears him and throws him a leaf, “Climb up that leaf,” she says “and you will float bank.”

The ant climbs uo onto the leaf, and the wind blows the leaf to the bank.And the ant is saved. “Thank you, Dove.You‟re so kind,” The ant says and runs home, “You have saved my life, and I wish I could do something for you, Goodbye!”

“Goodbye!” says the dove, “Be careful.Not to fall into the river again.”

After a few days, the dove is building her nest.And a man is raising his gun to shoot her.The ant sees this, and runs quickly to bite the man‟s leg.“Ouch! Ouch!” The man feels pained and drops his gun.The dove hears and flies away.So the man picks up his gun and leave.The dove comes to her nest.“Thank you, my little friend,” she says, “You have saved my life.”

The little ant is so glad, because he can help the dove.

故事38

蚂蚁和鸽子

一只蚂蚁在河边散步。他看见喝水自言自语道：“这河水看上去真清凉啊！我要去喝点。”可是他在喝水的时候，一不小心滑进河里了。

“啊！救命！救命！‟蚂蚁叫喊着。

一只鸽子正呆在树上，听见呼救声，就扔给他一片树叶。“快爬到树叶上去。她说：“你会漂到岸上的。”

“谢谢你，鸽子。你真善良。”蚂蚁一边说一边向家跑，“你就了我的命，我会奥达你的。再见！”

“再见！小心别掉进河里了。”鸽子说。

几天后，鸽子正在筑巢，一个人举着枪要打鸽子。蚂蚁看见了，迅速地跑过去，在那个人的腿上咬了一口。“啊呀！哎呀！”那个人疼得扔掉枪。鸽子听见了，连忙飞走了。那个人只好捡起枪，走了。

鸽子又飞回巢里。“谢谢你，我的小朋友。”鸽子说，“你就了我的命。” 小蚂蚁可高兴了，因为他也帮助了鸽子。

Story 39

The Fisherman and His Wife

Once, there was a fisherman.He had an ugly wife.They were poor.

One day, the fisherman caught a goldfish.But the goldfish could talk, “Please let me go! I‟ll reward you.”

“Ok, my God?” cried the fisherman, “Don‟t worry.I have no wish to eat a talking fish.” So he puts it into the water.

The fisherman went home and told his wife about it.She became very angry.“How foolish you are!” she said, “Look at the hut.Go back to the sea and tell the fish to give me a cottage.”

So the fisherman went down to the beach.“What‟s the matter?” asked the fish.

“My wife wants to cottage.” said the fisherman.“Don‟t worry, she will have it.” So the fisherman‟s wife had her cottage.

But after a few days, she became tired of it.“Tell the fish to give me a palace.” she said.Then the fisherman went back to the beach again.And the fisherman‟s wife had her palace. But she soon got tried of it, too.“Ask the fish to be my servant, and I want to be a queen.”

This time, the fish got angry.It said nothing and swam away. The fisherman waited and waited, but the goldfish didn‟t come back.When he went home, he found his wife back in their old hut.

故事39

渔夫和他的妻子

从前，有一位渔夫，他又一个很丑的妻子。他们家里很穷。

一天，渔夫捕到一条金鱼。但这条金鱼会说话：“请放我走吧！我会报答你的.” “啊，我的天啊！” 渔夫吃惊地叫道，“别担心，我不会吃一条会说话的鱼的。”于是他把金鱼放进了水里。

渔夫回家并把这件事告诉了他的妻子。妻子非常愤怒。

“你多愚蠢啊！”她说：“看看这个破草屋，到海边去，向金鱼要一间小木屋。” 于是渔夫来到海边。 “怎么啦？”金鱼问。

“我的妻子想要一件小木屋。”渔夫说。 “别担心，她会有的。”

渔夫的妻子得到了一间小木屋。

但过了几天，她对此感到厌倦了：“告诉金鱼，让它给我一座宫殿。”渔夫又返回海边。他的妻子得到了一座宫殿。

但她很快又对此感到厌倦：“去叫金鱼做我的仆人，我想当女王。” 这次，金鱼变得愤怒了，它一句话也没说就游走了。

渔夫等呀等，但金鱼没有回来。当他回家时，他看见他妻子又回到就茅屋。

Story 40

It‟s Unfair

Linda was a good girl, but she was often late for school. One day, she was late again.When she came in, Mr.Clark, her teacher said angrily, “I‟ll tell you father if you are late again.” Linda didn‟t want him to do that.Because her father was very strict with her.

The next morning, Linda got up early.She hurried to school.At the school gate, she heard the first bell, “What shall I do?” she asked herself, “I‟ll turn it in first.” She decided.And so she did.

When she hurried into her claroom, Mr.Clack was already beginning his cla. “Linda! Didn‟t I tell you to be here on time?” Mr.Clack said as he as her.“I‟m sorry, sir,” Linda tried to explain, “I‟m late because I had to…?”

“I don‟t listen to any excuse,” Mr.Clack stopped her.“If you can‟t get here on time, I have to tell your father.”

“But Mr.Clack.It‟s …it‟s unfair!”

“Unfair! How dare you say that?” Mr.Clack said angrily, “I‟ll report you to the headmaster.“I was only trying to do a good idea,” Linda thought,“and now…” She couldn‟t keep back her tears.When the bell rang for the break, the door opened and Mr.White, the headmaster came in.he was holding a wallet in his hand, “Excuse me, Mr.Clack.Is this your wallet?”

“Oh,yes.It‟s my wallet.Who found it? I must thank him.”

“Linda found it and turned it in before school started.” Mr.Whitesaid.

Mr.Clack face slowly turned red.He looked at Linda and said, “I‟m very sorry.Linda.I take back what I said.”

“And I‟m sorry.Mr.Clack.I‟ll try not to be late again.” Linda said.

故事40 这是不公平

琳达是一个好女孩，但她经常迟到。

一天，琳达又迟到了。当她进来的时，她的老师克拉克先生生气说：“如果你在迟到，我就通知你爸爸。”琳达不想他那么做，因为她爸爸对她要求很严格。

二天，琳达起床很早。她匆匆向学校走去，在学校大门口，她停下来了。因为地上有一个钱夹。当她站在那儿是，她听见了第一遍铃声，“我该怎么办呢？”她自言自语，“我要先把它交上去。”她下定决定，于是她就是这么做了。

当她匆匆走进教室的时候，克拉克先生已经开始讲课了。 “琳达，我没有告诉你早点来吗？”克拉克先生一看到琳达就说， “对不起，先生。”琳达想解释，“我迟到是因为我不得不……”

“我不想听任何借口，“克拉克阻止道, “如果你不能准时到这儿，我不得不告诉你父亲。”

“但是，克拉克先生，这是…..这是不公平的！”

“不公平！你怎么敢那么说！”克拉克先生愤怒的说，“我要把你的事情汇报给校长！”

“我只想做一件好事，”琳达心想，“但是现在……”她的眼泪阻止不住流下来。当下课铃声响起是，教室的门开了，校长怀特先生走了进来。他的手里拿着一个钱夹：“打扰一下，克拉克先生，这是你的钱夹吗？” “哦，是我的。是谁找到的？我一定的谢谢她。” “琳达发现的，并在上课前把它交来了。”怀特先生说。

克拉克先生的脸渐渐红了，他看了看琳达，惭愧地说：“对不起，琳达，我收回我说过的话。”

“我也不对，克拉克先生，我下次尽量不再迟到了。”琳达说。

爱乐奇，游世界，学英语，专为5-12岁儿童设计的英语学习网站，

欢迎访问：http://www.daodoc.com/alo777

第14篇：英语白雪公主及幽默小故事

旁白：Once upon a time, there was a queen.She had a pretty daughter named Snow White.Soon after the child was born, the queen died.The queen married another queen.The stepmother was very jealous.She dreed Snow White in rags and forced her to do the housework all day and all night, such as sweep and mop the floor, do some cleaning, carry water and so on.

白雪：( Sweep and mop the floor, do some cleaning, carry water and so on.)

皇后：I‟m the new queen.I‟m very beautiful.you see.If anyone is more beautiful than me, I‟ll kill her.I have a magic mirror.If I want to know something, It will tell me surely.Now, mirror, mirror, come here! 魔镜：Yes, I‟m coming.Your Majesty! What do you want to know? 皇后：Mirror, mirror, on the wall.Who is the fairest of the all?

魔镜：Yes.Your Majesty! You are the fairest of all, I think.But there is a young lady.She is as white as snow, as red as rose and as black as ebony.She is much more beautiful than you. 皇后：She is much more beautiful than me?Who is she? Tell me quickly.2 SW---白雪公主 Q---皇后 M---魔镜 H---猎人

P---白马王子 D---小矮人 A---小动物旁白：A long time ago, In a beautiful kingdom, there lived a young king and queen, the people loved them so much; the queen died while giving birth to a girl, her name was Snow White, She was a beautiful prince.Year paed, the king got married again, The people didn‟t love the new queen, because she was cruel.One day, In the king‟s palace:----白雪出场

S.w: My name is S.w , I am a beautiful prince, I mi my mother so much, Where is my mother? Where is my mother? 皇后、魔镜出场Q: I am a queen, I‟m very beautiful,Where is Mirror?Mirror, Mirror on the wall, who‟s the most beautiful?

M: S.w is much more beautiful than you!

Q: Hunter, go kill S.w.

猎人出场 H: Yes, my queen 小动物出场，追赶猎人，公主惊慌出逃

S.w: Help me ,help me, please, please

A: what‟s the matter with you?

S.w: The hunter…hunter…

A: bite you bite you … 小动物追赶猎人下场

S.w: I am tried and hungry, oh, there is a little house ,I will eat a little and lie down.7个小矮人出场，D: 1/Look, somebody ate my food----

2/somebody drank my water----

3/someone is sleeping now----

4/What a beautiful girl!----

小矮人睡觉----音乐起公主先醒了----小矮人醒了----对话

5/How do you do?

S.w: How do you do? My name is S.w … Nice to meet you!

D: （齐说）Nice to meet you ,too----

6/ welcome to our house!----

7/Would you like to live here?

S.w: My pleasure, thank you very much!

D: Let‟s go out for our work, bye-bye, S.W

皇后、魔镜出场Q: Mirror, mirror on the wall,who‟s the most beautiful?

M: S.w is much more beautiful than you!

Q: What? S.w is not dead?Hahaha, I got a good idea!

皇后扮演老太太出场，对话

Q: Apple ,apple, beautiful apple,

S.w: Hello, Good morning grandma!

Q: pretty girl ,would you like a bite?

S.w: Oh, yes ,thank you grandma!

白雪公主咬一口后倒地Q: The girl is dead! Hahaha…

小矮人出场、围着公主哭 S.w wake up, wake up…

动物引着王子出场 P: A beautiful girl! She shall be my queen!

王子吻公主，公主醒了S.w: Thank you for your help!

P: My pleasure

Where is the egg? Teacher:Can you make a sentence with the word \"egg\"?

Student:Yes.I ate a piece of cake yesterday.Teacher:Then where is the “egg\"?

Student:In the cake,Sir.鸡蛋在哪里？老师：你能用“鸡蛋”一词造句吗？学生：可以。我昨天吃了一块蛋糕。老师：“鸡蛋”在哪？学生：在蛋糕里，先生

Child:My uncle has 1000 men under him.

Man:He is really somebody.What does do? Child:A maintenance man in a cemetery 他真是一个大人物

小孩：我叔叔下面有1000个人。男人：他真是一个大人物。他是干什么的？小孩：墓地守墓人。

Teacher: Would Shakespeare be a great man if he were still alive today?

Student: Of course.He must be a great man, for so far nobody has lived to over 400 years.一名伟人

老师：如果莎士比亚还活着，他会是一名伟人吗？

学生：当然。因为到目前为止，还没有人活到400多岁。

Son: Dad, give me a dime.

Father: Son, don\'t you think you\'re getting too big to be forever begging for dimes? Son: I gue you\'re right, Dad, Give me a dollar, will you? 儿子：爸爸，给我一角钱。

父亲：儿子，你不认为你已经长大了，不该再老是一角一角地要钱了(该自立了)，不是吗？儿子：爸爸，我想你是对的，那给我一块钱行吗？

\"Boy, why have you got cotton-wool in your ear? Is it infected?\" \"No, sir, but you said yesterday that everything you told me went in one ear and out the other , so I am trying to stop it.\" “孩子，你为什么用棉花塞住耳朵？它感染了吗？”

“没有，老师。可是你昨天说你告诉我的知识都是一个耳朵里进，一个耳朵里出，所以我要把它堵在里面。”

Drunk

\"But, dad,\" the boy said, \" there\'s only ONE policeman!\"

醉酒

Sleeping Pills

Bob was having trouble getting to sleep at night.He went to see his doctor, who prescribed some extra-strong sleeping pills.

\"That\'s fine,\" roared the bo, \"but where were you Monday and Tuesday?\"

安眠药

鲍勃晚上失眠。他去看医生，医生给他开了一些强力安眠药。

星期天晚上鲍勃吃了药，睡得很好，在闹钟响之前就醒了过来。他到了办公室，遛达进去，对老板说：“我今天早上起床一点麻烦都没有。”

“好啊!”老板吼道，“那你星期一和星期二到哪儿去了？”

第15篇：英语幽默小故事(带翻译)

英语幽默小故事10篇(带翻译) 线话英语|2016-03-14 17:03:05

英语幽默小故事10篇(带翻译)如下：

Midway Tactics

Three competing store owners rented adjoining shops in a mall.Observers waited for mayhem to ensue.

The retailer on the right put up huge signs saying, \"Gigantic Sale!\" and \"Super Bargains!\"

The store on the left raised bigger signs proclaiming, \"Prices Slashed!\" and \"Fantastic Discounts!\"

The owner in the middle then prepared a large sign that simply stated, \"ENTRANCE\".中间战术

三个互相争生意的商店老板在一条商业街上租用了毗邻的店铺。旁观者等着瞧好戏。

右边的零售商挂起了巨大的招牌，上书：“大减价!”“特便宜!”

左边的商店挂出了更大的招牌，声称：“大砍价!”“大折扣!”

中间的商人随后准备了一个大招牌，上面只简单地写着：“入口处”。

Very Pleased to Meet You

During World War II, a lot of young women in Britain were in the army.Joan Phillips was one of them.She worked in a big camp, and of course met a lot of men, officers and soldiers.

One evening she met Captain Humphreys at a dance.He said to her, \"I’m going abroad tomorrow, but I‘d be very happy if we could write to each other.\" Joan agreed, and they wrote for several months.

Then his letters stopped, but she received one from another officer, telling her that he had been wounded and was in a certain army hospital in England.

Joan went there and said to the matron, \"I‘ve come to visit Captain Humphreys.\"

\"Only relatives are allowed to visit patients here,\" the matron said.

\"Oh, that‘s all right,\" answered Joan.\"I‘m his sister.\"

\"I‘m very pleased to meet you,\" the matron said, \"I‘m his mother!\"

在第二次世界大战中，有许多年轻的妇女在军营中服役。琼.飞利浦斯是其中之一。她在一个大军营中工作，当然遇到了许多男士，包括军官和士兵。

一天晚上她在舞会上遇到了军官汉弗雷斯。他对她说，“我明天就要出国，但如果我们能够相互写信，我会很高兴。”琼同意了，于是他们几个月里一直通着信。

后来，他再没有来信。她收到了另一个军官的信，告诉她，他受伤了，住在英格兰的某个部队医院里。

琼到了医院，她对护士长说，“我来看望军官汉弗雷斯。”

“这里只有亲属可以探望病人。”护士长说。

“噢，是的，”琼说，“我是他的妹妹。”

“很高兴认识你，”护士长说，“我是他的母亲。”

Two Soldiers

Two soldiers were in camp.The first one‘s name was George, and the second one‘s name was Bill.George said, \"have you got a piece of paper and an envelope, Bill?\"

Bill said, \"Yes, I have,\" and he gave them to him.

Then George said, \"Now I haven‘t got a pen.\" Bill gave him his, and George wrote his letter.Then he put it in the envelope and said, \"have you got a stamp, Bill?\" Bill gave him one.

Then Bill got up and went to the door, so George said to him, \"Are you going out?\"

Bill Said, \"Yes, I am,\" and he opened the door.

George said, \"Please put my letter in the box in the office, and...\" He stopped.

\"What do you want now?\" Bill said to him.

George looked at the envelope of his letter and answered, \"What‘s your girl-friend‘s addre?\"

军营里有二名士兵，一个叫乔治，一个叫比尔。乔治问：“比尔，你有信纸、信封吗?”

比尔说：“有。”然后把信纸和信封给了乔治。

乔治又说：“我还没有笔呢。”比尔又把自己的笔给了他。乔治开始写信。写完后把信放进信封里，又问：“比尔，你有邮票吗?”比尔给了他一张。

这时比尔站起来，向门口走去。乔治问：“你要出去吗?”

比尔说：“是的。”随即打开了门。

乔治说：“请帮我把这封信投进办公室的信箱里，还有...”他停住了。

“你还要什么?”比尔问。

乔治看着信封说：“你女朋友的地址是-?”

Five Months Older

The Second World War had begun, and John wanted to join the army, but he was only 16 years old, and boys were allowed to join only if they were over 18.So when the army doctor examined him, he said that he was 18.

But John‘s brother had joined the army a few days before, and the same doctor had examined him too.This doctor remembered the older boy‘s family name, so when he saw John‘s papers, he was surprised.\"How old are you?\" he said.

\"Eighteen, sir,\" said John.

\"But your brother was eighteen, too,\" said the doctor.\"Are you twins?\"

\"Oh, no, sir,\" said John, and his face went red.\"My brother is five months older than I am.\"

大五个月

第二次世界大战开始了，约翰想参军，可他只有十六岁，当时规定男孩到十八岁才能入伍。所以军医给他进行体检时，他说他已经十八岁了。

可约翰的哥哥刚入伍没几天，而且也是这个军医给他做的检查。这位医生还记得他哥哥的姓。所以当他看到约翰的表格时，感到非常惊奇。

“你多大了?”军医问。

“十八，长官。”约翰说。

“可你的哥哥也是十八岁，你们是双胞胎吗?”

约翰脸红了，说：“哦，不是，长官，我哥哥比我大五个月。”

West Point

My father, brother and I visited West Point to see a football game between Army and Boston College.Taking a stroll before kickoff, we met many cadets in neatly preed uniforms.Several visting fans asked the recruits if they would pose for photographs, \"to show our son what to expect if he should attend West Point.\"

One middle-aged couple approached a very attractive female cadet and asked her to pose for a picture.They explained, \"We want to show our son what he mied by not coming to West Point.\"

父亲、哥哥和我到西点军校去观看一场陆军与波士顿大学之间的橄榄球赛。开始之前，我们到处转了转，碰到许多穿着整齐制服的学员。几名游客问新兵是否愿意摆出军姿来让他们摄。“好让我们的儿子知道，如果他到西点军校来学习会得到什么。”

一对中年夫妇走近一名非常漂亮的女学员，问她是否愿意摆个姿势照相。他们解释说：“我们想让儿子知道他没来西点军校错过了什么。”

(6)Present for Girlfriend

At a jewelry store, a young man bought an expensive locket as a present for his girlfriend.\"Shall I engrave her name on it?\" the jeweler asked.

The customer thought for a moment, and then said, \"No-engrave it ‘To my one and only love‘.That way, if we ever break up, I can use it again.\"

送给女友的礼物

在一家珠宝店里，一位年轻人买了一个贵重的小金盒作为送给女友的礼物。“要我把她的名字刻在上面吗?”珠宝商问道。

那名顾客想了一会儿，然后说道：“不--在上面刻‘给我唯一的爱’。这样，如果我们闹崩了，我还可以再用到它。”

Be Careful What You Wish For

A couple had been married for 25 years and were celebrating their 60th birthdays, which fell on the same day.

During the celebration a fairy appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple for all 25 years, she would give them one wish each.

The wife wanted to travel around the world.The fairy waved her hand, and Boom! She had the tickets in her hand.

Next, it was the husband‘s turn.He paused for a moment, then said shyly, \"Well, I‘d like to have a woman 30 years younger than me.\"

The fairy picked up her wand, and Boom! He was ninety.

慎重许愿

一对结婚25周年的夫妻在庆祝他们六十岁的生日。他们恰好在同一天出生。

庆祝活动中，一位仙女出现了。她说，由于他们是已经结婚25年的恩爱夫妻，因此她给许给这对夫妻每个人一个愿望。

妻子想周游世界。仙女招了招手。“呯!”的一声，她的手中出现了一张票。

接下来该丈夫许愿了。他犹豫片刻，害羞地说，“那我想要一位比我年轻30岁的女人。”

仙女拾起了魔术棒。“呯!”，他变成了90岁。

Wood Fire

One woman lectured her best friend on the nature of the male animal.\"Husbands are like wood fires; they go out if left unattened.\"

\"Does that mean,\" asked the other, \"that they make ashes of themselves?\"

森林之火

一名妇女向她最好的朋友大谈雄性动物的特性：“丈夫们就像是森林里的火，一不注意，他们就会燃烧起来。”

“那是不是意味着，”另一个问道，“他们将自己烧成灰烬?”

Best Reward

A naval officer fell overboard.He was rescued by a deck hand.The officer asked how he could reward him.

\"The best way, sir,\" said the deck hand, \"is to say nothing about it.If the other fellows knew I‘d pulled you out, they‘d chuck me in.\"

最好的奖赏

一名海军军官从甲板上掉入海中。他被一名甲板水手救起。这位军官问如何才能酬谢他。

“最好的办法，长官，”这名水手说，“是别声张这事。如果其他人知道我救了您，他们会把我扔下去的。”

Napoleon Was Ill

Jack had gone to the university to study history, but at the end of his first year, his history profeor failed him in his examinations, and he was told that he would have to leave the university.However, his father decided that he would go to see the profeor to urge him to let Jack continue his studies the following year.

\"He‘s a good boy,\" said Jack‘s father, \"and if you let him pa this time, I‘m sure he‘ll improve a lot next year and pa the examinations at the end of it really well.\"

\"No, no, that‘s quite impoible,\" replied the profeor immediately.\"Do you know, last month I asked him when Napoleon had died, he didn‘t know!\"

\"Please, sir, give him another chance,\" said Jack‘s father.\"You see, I‘m afraid we don‘t take any newspaper in our house, so none of us even know that Napoleon was ill.\"

拿破仑病了

杰克到一所大学去学历史。第一学期结束时，历史课教授没让他及格。学校让他退学。然而，杰克的父亲决定去见教授，强烈要求让杰克继续来年的学业。

“他是个好孩子，”杰克的父亲说：“您要是让他这次及格，我相信他明年会有很大进步，学期结束时，他一定会考好的。”

“不，不，那不可能，”教授马上回答。“你知道吗?上个月我问他拿破仑什么时候死的，他都不知道。”

“先生，请再给他一次机会吧。”杰克的父亲说：“你不知道，恐怕是因为我们家没有订报纸。我们家的人连拿破仑病了都不知道。”

He Was Only Wrong by Two

Jack Hawkins was the football coach at an Amercian college, and he was always trying to find good players, but they weren‘t always smart enought to be accepted by the college.

One day the coach brought an excellent young player to the dean of the college and asked that the student be allowed to enter without an examination.\"Well,\" the dean said after some persuasion, \"I‘d better ask him a few questions first.\"

Then he turned to the student and asked him some very easy questions, but the student didn‘t know any of the answers.

At last the dean said, \"Well, what‘s five times seven?\"

The student thought for a long time and then answered, \"Thirty-six.\"

The dean threw up his hands and looked at the coach in despair, but the coach said earnestly, \"Oh, please let him in, sir! He was only wrong by two.\"

他的得数只比正确答案多二

杰克霍金斯是美国一所学院的橄榄球队教练，他竭力想物色好球员。但是好球员学业不行，院方不愿录取。

有一天，教练带着一位优秀的年轻球员去见院长，希望院方同意他免试入学。经过一番劝说后院长说：“那我最好先问问他几个问题。”

然后他转向学生，问了几个非常简单的问题。可是那个学生一个也答不上来。

最后院长说：“那么，五乘七得多少?”

学生想了很久，然后回答说：“三十六。”

院长摊开双手失望地看了看教练。可是教练认真地说，“噢，录取他吧，先生。他的答案只比正确答案多二。”

Real Play

When I taught the introduction-to-theater course at North Dakota State University, I required my students to attend the university theater‘s current production and write a critique.After viewing a particularly fine performance, one student wrote: \"The play was so real, I thought I was actually sitting on my couch at home, watching it on television.\"

逼真的戏剧

我在北达科他州立大学教戏剧入门课时，要求学生们去看学校剧团当时的演出，并写一篇评论。看了一场极为精彩的演出后，一名学生写道：“这部戏剧是如此逼真，以致于我认为我自己是坐在家里的沙发上，从电视上看到的。”

A Fine Match

One day a lady saw a mouse running acro her kitchen floor.She was very afraid of mouse, so she ran out of the house, got into a bus and went to the shops.There she bought a mousetrap.The shopkeeper said to her, \"Put some cheese in it and you will soon catch that mouse.\"

The lady went home with her mousetrap, but when she looked in her cupboard, she could not find any cheese in it.She did not want to go back to the shop, because it was very late, so she cut a picture of some cheese out of a magazine and put that in the trap.

Surprisingly, the picture of the cheese was quite succeful! When the lady came down to the kitchen the next morning she found a picture of a mouse in the trap beside the picture of the cheese!

势均力敌

有一天某位女士看到一只老鼠在自家的厨房地板上窜过。她很害怕老鼠，所以她冲出屋子，搭上了公共汽车直奔商店。在那儿，她买了一只老鼠夹。店主告诉她：“放点奶酪在里面，很快你就会逮住那只老鼠的。”

令人称奇的是，这画有奶酪的图片竟然奏效了!第二天早上，这位女士下楼到厨房时，发现鼠夹里奶酪图片旁有一张画有老鼠的图片!

Gardening Gloves

For months I hinted that I needed a new wedding ring, since I had developed an allergy to gold.On my birthday, while I was gardening, my husband asked me for gift suggestions.I held my hands up and said, \"Well, you‘ll notice that my hands are bare.\"

Later that evening I opened my present with enthusiasm.\"Happy birthday,\" he said, as I unwrapped a new pair of gardening gloves.

园艺手套

几个月以来，我一直在向丈夫暗示我需要一枚新的结婚戒指，因为我对黄金有点过敏。生日那天，我正在干园艺活时，丈夫问我想要什么礼物。我举起双手说：“嗯，你肯定看到了，我的两手都是光光的。”

那天晚上，我满怀热情地拆开了丈夫送的礼物。“生日快乐!”他说。我打开一看：里面包着一双园艺手套。

Warning

Several weeks after our son began his freshman year at Alma College in Michigan, my husband and I decided to visit him.I was careful to call him a few days in advance to \"warn\" him that we would be coming.When we arrived at the dorm, however, I was taken aback by the disarray of his room.\"Forgot we were coming, didn‘t you?\" I teased.

\"Are you kidding?\" he replied, \"Why else would I have bothered to clean?\"

提醒

我们的儿子是密歇根州阿尔马大学的新生，开学几个星期之后，我和丈夫决定去看看他。我特意提前给他打电话，“提醒”他我们将光临。但是当我们来到宿舍时，他的房间凌乱不堪，我非常吃惊。“忘了我们要来，是吧?”我取笑他。

“开什么玩笑?“，他回答说，“要不我凭什么费神打扫?”

Ground Rules

One of my favorite teachers at Southeast Miouri State University in Cape Girardeau was known of his droll sense of humor.Explaining his ground rules to one freshman cla, he said, \"Now I know my lectures can often be dry and boring, so I don‘t mind if you look at your watches during cla.I do, however, object to your pounding them on the desk to make sure they‘re still running.\"

基本原则

位于吉拉多海角的密苏里东南州立大学有一位我非常喜欢的老师，他奇特的幽默感很是出名。在对一个新生班级讲解他的基本原则时，他说：“我知道我的讲课可能经常会枯燥乏味，了无生趣，所以如果你们在上课时看表我并不介意。不过我坚决反对你们将表在课桌上猛敲看它们是不是还在走。” 推荐阅读：

简单英语小笑话带翻译

关注线话英语官方微信号：1963456094或扫扫以上二维码关注后，每天会为大家分享最实用有趣的英语内容和听力音频真正帮助每一位童鞋，提高自己的英语水平。

由英语口语教材提供线话英语：www.daodoc.com

第16篇：英语小幽默

The father and his son

Father: You know, Tom.When Lincoln was your age,

he was a very good student.In fact, he was thebest student in his cla.

Tom:Yes, father.I know that.But when he was your

age, he was President of the U.S.A.

第17篇：英语小幽默

Joke:Bill, AL and Bill

Bill Clinton, Bill Gates, and Al Gore were in an airplane that crashed.They\'re up in heaven, and God`s sitting on the great white throne.God addreed Al first.

\"Al, what do you believe in?\"

Al replied, \"Well, I believe that the combustion engine is evil and that we need to save the world from CFCs and that if any more freon is used,the whole earth will become a

greenhouse and we`ll all die.\" God thinks for a second and said, \"Okay, I can live with that.Come and sit at my left.\"

God then addrees Bill Clinton.\"Bill, what do you believe in?\"

Bill Clinton replies, \"Well, I believe in power to the people.I think people should be able to make their own choices about things and that no one should ever be able to tell someone else what to do.I also believe in feeling people`s pain.\" God thinks for a second and says

\"Okay, that sounds good.Come and sit at my right.\"

God then addre Bill Gates.\"Bill Gates, what do you believe in?\"

Bill Gates said, \"I believe you`re in my chair.\"

人之初：At the begining of life.

性本善：Sex is good.

性相近：Basically,all the sex are same.

习相远：But it depends on how the way you do it.

苟不教：If you do not practise all the time.

性乃迁：Sex will leave you..

教之道：The way of learning it

贵以专：is very important to make love with only one person.

昔孟母：Once a great mother, Mrs Meng

择邻处：chose her neighbour to avoid bad sex influence.

子不学：If you don\'t study hard,

断机杼：Your Dick will become usele.

窦燕山 Dou, the Famous

有义方 owned a very effective exciting medicine

教五子 All his five son took it

名俱扬 and their sexual ability were well-kown.

养不教 If your children don\'t know how to do it,

父之过 It is all your fault.

教不严 If they had lots of problems with it,

师之惰 their teach must be too lazy to tell them details on sex.

子不学 You may refuse to study this

非所宜 but that is a real mistake

幼不学 If you don\'t learn it in childhood,

老何为 you will lose your ability when aged

玉不琢 If you don\'t exercise your dick,

不成器 It won\'t become hard and strong.

人不学 If you don\'t learn sex,

不知义 You can by no means enjoy its sweetne

Bush got something wrong with his brain.

After medical examination, doctor tells him:

Your brain has two parts: one is left, and another is right.

Your left brain has nothing right,

Your right brain has nothing left.

Old Man And Donkey

There was an old man, a boy and a donkey.They were going to town and it was decided that the boy should ride.As they went along they paed some people who thought that it was a shame for the boy to ride and the old man to walk.

The man and boy decided that maybe the critics were right so they changed positions.Later, they paed some more people who thought that it was a real shame for that man to make such asmall boy walk.The two decided that maybe they both should walk.

Soon they paed some more people who thought that it was stupid to walk when they had a donkey to ride.The man and the boy decided maybe the critics were right so they decided that they both should ride.

They soon paed other people who thought that it was a shame to put such a load on a poor little animal.The old man and the boy decided that maybe the critics were right so they decided to carry the donkey.

As they croed a bridge they lost their grip on the animal and it fell into the river and drowned.

The moral of the story is...if you try to please everyone, you will eventually lose your a.

第18篇：简单幽默英语小故事及翻译

1 I Don‟t Like Her

Bob goes to a new school.

One day he comes back, “Bob, do you like your new teacher?” his mother asks.“I don‟t like her, Mother.Because first she says that three and three is six, and then she says that two and four is six, too.” 我不喜欢她

鲍勃的去了所新学校。

一天，他回到家，他妈妈问他：“你喜欢你的新老师吗？”

“不，我不喜欢她，妈妈。因为她先说3加3等于6，然后她又说2加4等于6.” 2 Ten Candies Mother asks her son, “Jim, if you have ten candies, and you eat four, then how many candles do you have?” “Ten.” Jim says.“Ten？” Mother asks.

Yes, Mum.Four candies are in my stomach and six candies are out of my stomach.Four and six is ten, isn‟t it right?” 十块糖

妈妈问儿子：“吉姆，如果你有10块糖，吃了4块，那你还有几块糖？” “10块。”吉姆说。

“10块？”妈妈问。

“是的，妈妈。因为4块在我的肚子里面，6块在肚子外面，4加6等于10，不对吗？” 3 Where is the egg? Teacher: Can you make a sentence with the word \"egg\"? Student: Yes.I ate a piece of cake yesterday.Teacher: Then where is the “egg\"? Student: In the cake, sir.鸡蛋在哪里？

老师：你能用“鸡蛋”一词造句吗？学生：可以。我昨天吃了一块蛋糕。老师：“鸡蛋”在哪？学生：在蛋糕里，先生

4 Count Tomorrow Morning It‟s a night.John is looking at the sky.Tom is John‟s younger brother.He asks John “What are you doing?” John says, “I‟m counting stars.”

Tom laughs and says, “It‟s really dark now.Why not count them tomorrow morning?” 明天早上数

一个晚上, 约翰抬头看着天空。

汤姆是约翰的弟弟。他问约翰：“你在干什么？” 约翰说：“我在数星星。”

汤姆笑着说：“现在天空太黑了。你为什么不等到明天早上再数呢？” 5 It Must Be Crowded A teacher is telling his students, “The moon is very large.Several millions of people can live there.”

And a boy laughs and says, “It must get crowded when it‟s a crescent moon.” 一定很拥挤

一位老师告诉学生们：“月亮非常大，上面能住几百万人。”

一个男孩笑着说：“当月亮变成月牙的时候，住在上面的人该多拥挤啊！ 6 Are Flies Yummy? Tony and his father are eating dinner.Suddenly Tony asks his father, “Dad, are flies yummy?”

Dad frowns and says, “No, I think it‟s yucky.Why do you ask me this question? It‟s a silly question.”

But Tony says, “ There was one fly in your plate.” 苍蝇好吃吗？

托尼正和他爸爸一起吃晚餐。

突然，托尼问他的爸爸：“爸爸，苍蝇好吃吗？”

爸爸皱眉说：“我想不好吃。你怎么会问这个问题？这可是一个愚蠢的问题。” 可是托尼说：“刚才你盘子里有一只苍蝇。” 7 “I\'m sorry, Madam, but I shall have to charge you twenty dollars for pulling your boy\'s tooth .”

“Twenty dollars! Why , you charged only four dollars for such work before!” “Yes，but your boy yelled so terribly that he scared four other patients out of the office .”

“对不起，夫人，为您孩子拔牙我要收取20美元。” “20美元！为什么？你之前只收4美元的！”

“是的，但是你的孩子大喊大叫，把另外四个病人吓跑了。” 8 A Good Boy

Little Robert asks his mother for two cents.\"What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?\"

\"I gave it to a poor old woman,\" he answers.

\"You\'re a good boy,\" said the mother proudly.\"Here are two cents more.But why are you so interested in the old woman?\" \"She is the one who sells the candy.\" 好孩子

小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。 “昨天给你的钱干什么了？”

“我给了一个可怜的老太太，”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。

“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？” “她是个卖糖果的。” 9 I Made Granny Glad A teacher is telling her students the importance of making others glad.“Now, children,” she

says “Did you make someone else glad?”

“Please, teacher,” says a small boy, “I made someone glad yesterday.” “Well done.Who was that?” The teacher says.“My granny.” The boy says.

“Good boy.Now tell us how you made your grandmother glad.” The teacher says.“I went to see her yesterday, and stayed with her for three hours.Then I said to her, „Granny,

I‟m going home.‟ And she said, “well.I‟m glad!” 我让奶奶高兴了

一位教师正在对学生将使人高兴的重要性。“听着，孩子们，”他说：“你们曾让别人高兴过吗？”

“我，老师，”一个男孩子说，“昨天我就使别人高兴过。” “做得好。是谁呢？”老师说。 “我奶奶。”小男孩说。

“好孩子。现在告诉我们，你是怎样使你奶奶高兴的？”老师问道。

“是这样的，老师。昨天我去看她，在她那儿呆了3个小时。然后我对她说：“奶奶，

我要回家了。”她说：“啊，我很高兴。” 10 The Ox and the Dog An ox and a dog serve for the same farmer.One day the dog arrogantly says: “How grand I am! In the daytime, I watch out for the cattle in the meadows; at night, I guard the house.But you…” “Me? How about me ?” the ox says

“You can only plough or draw a cart,” the dog slightly says.

“Yes.It‟s true,” the ox says.“But if I don‟t plough, what do you guard?” 牛和狗

一头牛和一只狗同时为一个农夫工作。

一天，狗骄傲地说着；„我是多么重要啊！白天我在牧场看护家群，晚上我看家。而你呢…..?”

“我？我怎么啦？“ 牛反问。

“你只会犁地或是拉扯。”狗不懈地说。

“是的。你说得没有错，”牛回答道。“但是如果没有我犁地，你看护什么呢？” 11 That Is Not My Dog! A woman walks into a pet shop and sees a cute little dog.She asks the shopkeeper, “Does your dog bite?”

The shopkeeper says, “No, my dog does not bit.” The woman tries to pet the dog and the dog bites her.“Ouch!” She says, “I thought you said your dog does not bite!” The shopkeeper replies, “That is not my dog!” 那不是我的狗

一个妇人走进一家宠物店，看见一只很可爱的小狗。她问店主：“你的狗咬人吗？”

店主说：“不，我的狗不咬人。”

于是这个妇人试着抚摸小狗，可是小狗却咬了她。 “哎哟！”妇人说，“我想你刚才还说你的狗不咬人。” 店主人回答说：“那不是我的狗。” 12 Teacher: Why are you late for school every morning?

Tom: Every time I come to the corner, a sign says,\" School-Go slow\". 老师:为什么你每天早晨都迟到?

汤姆:每当我经过学校的拐角处,就看见一个牌子上写着\"学校----慢行\".

第19篇：英语幽默小故事 A Boy with a Big Head

A Boy with a Big Head

A boy cried to his mother, \"All the children make fun of me.They sayI have a big head.\"

\"Don\'t listen to them,\" his mother said, \"You have a beautiful head.Now stop crying and go to the store to buy two kilos of potatoes.\"\"Where is the shopping bag?\"

\"I haven\'t got one---use your hat.\"

根据短文判断下列句子正（T）、（F）：

1.Children made fun of the boy because he had a beautiful head.

2.The mother was angry when she heard what her son had told her.

3.The mother couldn\'t find their shopping bag.

5.The boy did have a big head.

大头娃娃

一个小男孩向他母亲哭诉道：“他们都取笑我，说我脑袋大。”“别听他们的，”他母亲安慰道，“你有一个很漂亮的脑袋。好啦，别哭了，去商店买4斤土豆来。”

“购物袋在哪儿？”

“没购物袋了----就用你的帽子吧。”

第20篇：幽默哲理小故事

幽默哲理小故事.txt爱空空情空空，自己流浪在街中；人空空钱空空，单身苦命在打工；事空空业空空，想来想去就发疯；碗空空盆空空，生活所迫不轻松。总之，四大皆空！1.一只乌鸦坐在树上，整天无所事事。一只小兔子看见乌鸦，就问：“我能象你一样整天坐在那里，什么事也不干吗？”乌鸦答道：“当然啦，为什么不呢？”于是，兔子便坐在树下，开始休息。突然，一只狐狸出现了。

狐狸跳向兔子„„并把它给吃了。

这个故事的寓意是„„要想坐在那里什么也不干，你必须坐（做）得非常非常高。

2.一只火鸡和一头公牛在聊天。“我非常想到那棵树顶上去，”火鸡叹口气道，“但是我没有那份力气。”“这样啊，那你为什么不吃点我的粪便呢？”公牛答道，“那里面充满了营养。”火鸡吃了一团牛粪，发现它真的使自己有力气到达树的第一个分叉处。第二天，在吃了更多的牛粪以后，火鸡到达了树的第二个分叉处。最终，两星期后，火鸡非常骄傲地站在了树的顶端。但不幸的是，没多久，它就被一个农夫盯上了，并且农夫非常利索地就将火鸡射了下来。

这个故事的寓意是„„牛粪（狗屎运）也许能使你抵达顶峰，但它不能使你永远呆在那儿。

3.一只小鸟正在飞往南方过冬的途中。天气太冷了，小鸟冻僵了，从天上掉下来，跌在一大片农田里。它躺在田里的时候，一只母牛走了过来，而且拉了一泡屎在它身上。冻僵的小鸟躺在牛屎堆里，发掘牛粪真是太温暖了。牛粪让它慢慢缓过劲儿来了！它躺在那儿，又暖和又开心，不久就开始高兴地唱起歌来了。一只路过的猫听到了小鸟的歌声，走过来查个究竟。顺着声音，猫发现了躲在牛粪中的小鸟，非常敏捷地将它刨了出来，并将它给吃了！

这个故事的寓意是„„

1）不是每个在你身上拉屎的都是你的敌人。

2）不是每个把你从屎堆中拉出来的都是你的朋友。

3）而且，当你陷入深深的屎堆当中（身陷困境）的时候，闭上你的鸟嘴！

4、表演大师有一位表演大师上场前，他的徒弟告诉他鞋带松了。大师点头致谢，蹲下来仔细系。

等到徒弟转身后，又蹲下来将鞋带解松。有个旁观者看到了这一切，不解地问：“大师，您为什么又要将鞋带解松呢？”大师回答道：“因为我饰演的是一位劳累的旅者，长途跋涉让他的鞋事松开，可以通过这个细节表现他的劳累憔悴。”“那你为什么不直接告诉你的徒弟呢？”“他能细心地发现我的鞋带松了，并且热心地告诉我，我一定要保护他这种热情的积极性，及时地给他鼓励，至于为什么要将鞋带解开，将来会有更多的机会教他表演，可以下一次再说啊。”

人一个时间只能做一件事，懂抓重点，才是真正的人才。

5、鹦鹉一个人去买鹦鹉，看到一只鹦鹉前标：此鹦鹉会两门语言，售价二百元。另一只鹦鹉前则标道：此鹦鹉会四门语言，售价四百元。该买哪只呢？两只都毛色光鲜，非常灵活可爱。这人转啊转，拿不定主意。结果突然发现一只老掉了牙的鹦鹉，毛色暗淡散乱，标价八百元。这人赶紧将老板叫来：这只鹦鹉是不是会说八门语言？店主说：不。这人奇怪了：那为什么又老又丑，又没有能力，会值这个数呢？店主回答：因为另外两只鹦鹉叫这只鹦鹉老板。

这故事告诉我们，真正的领导人，不一定自己能力有多强，只要懂信任，懂放权，懂珍惜，就能团结比自己更强的力量，从而提升自己的身价。相反许多能非常强的人却因为过于完美主义，事必躬亲，什么人都不如自己，最后只能做最好的攻关人员，销售代表，成不了优秀的领导人。

6、金人曾经有个小国的人到中国来，进贡了三个一模一样的金人，金壁辉煌，把皇帝高兴坏了。可是这小国的人不厚道，同时出一道题目：这三个金人哪个最有价值？皇帝想了许多的办法，请来珠宝匠检查，称重量，看做工，都是一模一样的。

怎么办？使者还等着回去汇报呢。泱泱大国，不会连这个小事都不懂吧？最后，有一位退位的老大臣说他有办法。皇帝将使者请到大殿，老臣胸有成足地拿着三根稻草，插入第一个金人的耳朵里，这稻草从另一边耳朵出来了。第二个金人的稻草从嘴巴里直接掉出来，而第三个金人，稻草进去后掉进了肚子，什么响动也没有。老臣说：第三个金人最有价值！使者默默无语，答案正确。

这个故事告诉我们，最有价值的人，不一定是最能说的人。老天给我们两只耳朵一个嘴巴，本来就是让我们多听少说的。善于倾听，才是成熟的人最基本的素质。

一只鸽子老是不断地搬家, 想去掉自己身上的气味！它觉得，每次新窝住了没多久，就有一种浓烈的怪味，让它喘不上气来，不得已只好一直搬家。它觉得很困扰，就把烦恼跟一只经验丰富的老鸽子诉苦。老鸽子说：“你搬了这么多次家根本没有用啊，因为那种让你困扰的怪味并不是从窝里面发出来的，而是你自己身上的味道啊。”

寓言启示录：与团队格格不入，问题来自于自己！

有些人会不断埋怨别人的过错，指责别人的缺点，他们觉得周围的环境和人处处跟自己作对；或者是认为自己“曲高和寡”，一般人无法理解自己丰富而深刻的思想。实际上，他们没有意识到真正的问题不是来自于周围，而是来自于他们自己。像这样的人，必须试着认清自己，试着认真而深刻地反省自己。而一个组织也没必要为了失掉这样一只“鸽子”而遗憾。

愈来愈多的研究显示，领导能力不是天生的，人们完全可以透过后天的努力获得这种能力。因此，领导者要想成功地改变员工，首先就必须改变自己的领导特质。

对领导者而言，出色的管理能力仍然是必需的。领导者拥有这种管理能力，不是为了控制和命令员工，而是为了支持、帮助员工的发展与成长。

在这变幻莫测的全球竞争时代，公司高层与其苦苦追寻“先进”的管理方法与手段，不如将眼光放远，锁定员工的才智与热情，这是公司取之不尽的宝藏，公司必须找到适当的途径将他们释放出来。实现这个目标的唯一途径，就是让管理从控制员工，转向为相信员工潜力、鼓舞员工热情。

7、辞职A对B说：“我要离开这个公司。我恨这个公司！”B建议道：“我举双手赞成你报复！！破公司一定要给它点颜色看看。不过你现在离开，还不是最好的时机。” A问：为什么？B说：“如果你现在走，公司的损失并不大。你应该趁着在公司的机会，拼命去为自己拉一些客户，成为公司独挡一面的人物，然后带着这些客户突然离开公司，公司才会受到重大损失，非常被动。”A觉得B说的非常在理。于是努力工作，事遂所愿，半年多的努力工作后，他有了许多的忠实客户。再见面时B问A：现在是时机了，要跳赶快行动哦！A淡然笑道：老总跟我长谈过，准备升我做总经理助理，我暂时没有离开的打算了。

其实这也正是B的初衷。一个人的工作，永远只是为自己的简历。只有付出大于得到，让老板真正看到你的能力大于位置，才会给你更多的机会替他创造更多利润。

8、选择有三个人要被关进监狱三年，监狱长给他们三个一人一个要求。美国人爱抽雪茄，要了三箱雪茄。法国人最浪漫，要一个美丽的女子相伴。而犹太人说，他要一部与外界沟通的电话。三年过后，第一个冲出来的是美国人，嘴里鼻孔里塞满了雪茄，大喊道：“给我火，给我火！”原来他忘了要火了。接着出来的是法国人。只见他手里抱着一个小孩子，美丽女子手里牵着一个小孩子，肚子里还怀着第三个。最后出来的是犹太人，他紧紧握住监狱长的手说：“这三年来我每天与外界联系，我的生意不但没有停顿，反而增长了200％，为了表示感谢，我送你一辆劳施莱斯！”

这个故事告诉我们，什么样的选择决定什么样的生活。今天的生活是由三年前我们的选择决定的，而今天我们的抉择将决定我们三年后的生活。我们要选择接触最新的信息，了解最新的趋势，从而更好的创造自己的将来。

9、老虎两个人在森林里，遇到了一只大老虎。A就赶紧从背后取下一双更轻便的运动鞋换上。B急死了，骂道：“你干嘛呢，再换鞋也跑不过老虎啊！”A说：“我只要跑得比你快就好了。”二十一世纪，没有危机感是最大的危机。特别是入关在即，电信，银行，保险，甚至是公务员这些我们以为非常稳定和有保障的企业，也会面临许多的变数。

当更多的老虎来临时，我们有没有准备好自己的跑鞋？

10、赶考有位秀才第三次进京赶考，住在一个经常住的店里。考试前两天他做了三个梦，第一个梦是梦到自己在墙上种白菜，第二个梦是下雨天，他戴了斗笠还打伞，第三个梦是梦到跟心爱的表妹脱光了衣服躺在一起，但是背靠着背。这三个梦似乎有些深意，秀才第二天就赶紧去找算命的解梦。算命的一听，连拍大腿说：“你还是回家吧。你想想，高墙上种菜不是白费劲吗？戴斗笠打雨伞不是多此一举吗？跟表妹都脱光了躺在一张床上了，却背靠背，不是没戏吗？”秀才一听，心灰意冷，回店收拾包袱准备回家。店老板非常奇怪，问：“不是明天才考试吗，今天你怎么就回乡了？”秀才如此这般说了一番，店老板乐了：“哟，我也会解梦的。我倒觉得，你这次一定要留下来。你想想，墙上种菜不是高种吗？戴斗笠打伞不是说明你这次有备无患吗？跟你表妹脱光了背靠靠躺在床上，不是说明你翻身的时候就要到了吗？”秀才一听，更有道理，于是精神振奋地参加考试，居然中了个探花。

积极的人，象太阳，照到哪里哪里亮，消极的人，象月亮，初一十五不一样。想法决定我们的生活，有什么样的想法，就有什么样的未来。

11、骆驼在动物园里的小骆驼问妈妈：“妈妈妈妈，为什么我们的睫毛那么地长？”骆驼妈妈说：“当风沙来的时候，长长的睫毛可以让我们在风暴中都能看得到方向。” 小骆驼又问：“妈妈妈妈，为什么我们的背那么驼，丑死了！”骆驼妈妈说：“这个叫驼峰，可以帮我们储存大量的水和养分，让我们能在沙漠里耐受十几天的无水无食条件。”小骆驼又问：“妈妈妈妈，为什么我们的脚掌那么厚？” 骆驼妈妈说：“那可以让我们重重的身子不至于陷在软软的沙子里，便于长途跋涉啊。”小骆驼高兴坏了：“哗，原来我们这么有用啊！！可是妈妈，为什么我们还在动物园里，不去沙漠远足呢？”

天生我才必有用，可惜现在没人用。一个好的心态+一本成功的教材+一个无限的舞台=成功。每人的潜能是无限的，关键是要找到一个能充分发挥潜能的舞台。

12、分粥有七个人曾经住在一起，每天分一大桶粥。要命的是，粥每天都是不够的。一开始，他们抓阄决定谁来分粥，每天轮一个。于是乎每周下来，他们只有一天是饱的，就是自己分粥的那一天。后来他们开始推选出一个道德高尚的人出来分粥。强权就会产生腐败，大家开始挖空心思去讨好他，贿赂他，搞得整个小团体乌烟障气。然后大家开始组成三人的分粥委员会及四人的评选委员会，但他们常常互相攻击，扯皮下来，粥吃到嘴里全是凉的。最后想出来一个方法：轮流分粥，

但分粥的人要等其它人都挑完后拿剩下的最后一碗。为了不让自己吃到最少的，每人都尽量分得平均，就算不平，也只能认了。大家快快乐乐，和和气气，日子越过越好。

同样是七个人，不同的分配制度，就会有不同的风气。所以一个单位如果有不好的工作习气，一定是机制问题，一定是没有完全公平公正公开，没有严格的奖勤罚懒。如何制订这样一个制度，是每个领导需要考虑的问题.

幽默的笑话我最爱读，

千遍万遍下功夫。

深刻的道理细心领会，

只觉得心眼里热呼呼。

好象那旱地里下了一场及时雨，

小苗儿挂满了露水珠。

幽默的笑话滋润了我，

写篇博客劲头足。

1、五元钱被犯罪团伙绑架了，打电话给百元钞：

“喂！你儿子在这里，不想我们撕票就用自己来换他！”

百元钞想了一下说：

“撕吧，撕了你们连5块钱都没有了！”

这就是价值。

2、一个人在沙漠里快要饿死了，这时他捡到了神灯。

神灯：“我只可以实现你一个愿望，快说吧，我赶时间。”

人：“我要老婆„„”

神灯立刻变出一个美女，然后不屑的说：“都快饿死了还贪图美色！可悲！”说完就消失了。

人：“„„饼。”

要什么不行非要它，关键深刻装什么英雄说话还大喘气。

3、蚯蚓一家这天很无聊，小蚯蚓就把自己切成两段打羽毛球去了，

蚯蚓妈妈觉得这方法不错，就把自己切成四段打麻将去了，

蚯蚓爸爸想了想，就把自己切成了肉末。

蚯蚓妈妈哭着说：“你怎么这么傻？切这么碎会死的！”

蚯蚓爸爸弱弱地说：“„„突然想踢足球。”

怪不得中国足球这么挼(rua)。

4、熊猫男要QJ熊猫女，熊猫女奋力抵抗、誓死不从。

熊猫男失败后愤愤地说：“我们都快灭绝了耶！”

失节事小，无后为大！

5、龟兔赛跑......兔子很快跑到前面去了......

乌龟看到一只蜗牛爬得很慢很慢......对他说:你上来，我背你吧......

然后......蜗牛就上来了......

过了一会......乌龟又看到一只蚂蚁......对他说:你也上来吧......

于是蚂蚁也上来了。

蚂蚁上来以后......看到上面的蜗牛......对他说了句:你好

你们知道蜗牛说什么吗？

蜗牛说：你抓紧点，这乌龟好快.......

简明相对论。

6、有一天动物们在关公庙前面闻到很臭的味道。

蛇说：我这么小不会放这么臭的屁，一定是牛。

牛说：我是吃草的不会放这么臭的屁。

猪说：放屁的人一定会脸红。

忽然关公冲了出来，把猪打飞说：说了多少次了，我脸红是天生的。

关公面前大刀是不能耍的，脸是不能红的，所以猴子从来不去关公庙。

7、一天，殡仪馆送来了三个人，说也奇怪，他们死后的笑容都是^_^......

殡仪馆管理员很纳闷的问pol.ice：为什么他们死后的脸竟然会是^_^呢？

pol.ice说：这......说来话长......你看左边那个人......他是跟她老婆在共度春宵时......在最激情的那一刻......受不了......挂了

管理员就回答说：唉......愿在花下死......做鬼也风流......那中间那一个是怎么死的？

pol.ice：中间那一个喔......他呀......真是人间惨剧......他走在路上......忽然听见自己中了头彩......奖金7亿多..

他开心的哈哈大笑时.......却被迎面而来的车给撞上......结果......挂了......

管理员回答说：唉......他真的是没有福气享受这荣华富贵的后半辈子......那剩下的这一个呢？

pol.ice：......这一个死的就有点可怜了......他是爬上树的时候被雷给劈死了

管理员回答说：......这就有点不对了，被雷劈到为什么还会笑呢......

pol.ice说：因为他爬上树后以为.....突然一道闪电......

他以为......有人给他拍照......

死的很幸福，幸福的死去，有区别吗？

8、“我看不清太远的东西，”病人对眼科医生说。

“请跟我来，”医生把病人带到外面，用手指着天上的太阳，问道，“你看那是什么？”

“太阳。”病人回答。

“那你还想看多远！”

俩个人中肯定有一个二五眼。

蜘蛛爱上了蝴蝶，蝴蝶却拒绝了它．

蜘蛛问：为什么？这是为什么！

蝴蝶说：我妈说了，整天在网上混的都不是好人．

有一天小强问他爸爸：“爸爸，我是不是傻孩子啊？”爸爸说：“傻孩子，你怎么会是傻孩子呢？” 有一天，三个探险家终于寻找到\"希望之谷\"，传说中，只要站在山谷边大喊心中想要的东西，然后往山谷中跳下去，就会得到满坑满谷所想要的东西。于是他们三个决定试看看。

第一个是个色鬼，因此他大喊\"女人！女人！\"往下一跳果真有满坑满谷的美女正等着他 .

第二个是个书呆子，喊了\"书书书书书！\"然后，跳到山谷里也得到满坑满谷的书.

第三个是个优柔寡断的人，左思右想总是无法决定自己的最爱，过了一个小时以后，他终于下定决心，觉得还是钞票最有用了，于是他走向山谷边.一不小心踢到一颗石头，他骂了一声\"shit！\"不料一个重心不稳跌下山谷

有一只企鹅,闲得没事干,拔自己毛玩拔光了,他说了一句话:真冷。

续集:有一只北极熊,闲得没事干,拔自己毛玩,拔光了,他说了一句话:那企鹅说得没错.

一日，佐罗到情妇家与情妇幽会。情妇问佐罗：\"要是我丈夫回来了，怎么办？

\"佐罗说：\"没事儿，你丈夫要是回来了，我就从窗户跳下去，我的马会在下面接我的。 \"

情妇说：要是听到三声敲门，就是我丈夫回来了。

佐罗说：我知道了。

过了一会儿，天下雨了。突然传来\"咚、咚、咚\"三声敲门声。说是迟，那是快，

佐罗从床上飞身跃下，一转眼，已经从窗户跳出。情妇见佐罗已走，便去开门。

只见门前站着一匹马，对她说：\"你告诉佐罗一声，外面下雨了，我在楼道里等他。\"

小明呢，就明天要考试窝，但晚上却在看电视

小明妈妈就担心地问：书都看完了吗？明天要考试啊

小明就爽快地回答：妈，我看完了。

小明妈妈就很开心的赞扬小明：乖，那明天你一定考得很好呢小明哭着说：妈，我是说，‘妈，我看，完了’。

有一晚～！

两夫妇坐左在沙发度睇电视～！

老公对住正在食薯片既老婆讲：

当初我吾系有D钱吖～！

你会肯嫁卑我咩～？

跟住～～～老婆竖起食指摇一摇讲：

错～！

就算你有好多好多钱～！

我一样会嫁卑你～！

机上,服务员小姐派紧入境申请表,

有个人想帮距既4个friends拿埋,跟住距就企左起身,大声咁

讲:\"give me five!\"

小红成日都比距啊妈话距系细老女，小红就好嬲甘问：“啊妈，点解我系你眼内系米永远都长唔大啊？”

啊妈就话拉：“系，因为我眼内噶你永远都无我只眼珠大！”

熊猫深爱著小鹿，表达爱意时却遭到拒绝。

熊猫大吼～为什么？这一切都是为什么？

小鹿胆怯地说：我妈说了，戴墨镜的都是不良少年

(10):五元钱被犯罪团伙绑架了，打电话给百元钞：

“喂！你儿子在这里，不想我们撕票就用自己来换他！”

百元钞想了一下说：

“撕吧，撕了你们连5块钱都没有了！”

＃

一个人在沙漠里快要饿死了，这时他捡到了神灯。

神灯：“我只可以实现你一个愿望，快说吧，我赶时间。”

人：“我要老婆„„”

神灯立刻变出一个美女，然后不屑的说：“都快饿死了还贪图美色！可悲！”说完就消失了。

人：“„„饼。”

＃

蚯蚓一家这天很无聊，小蚯蚓就把自己切成两段打羽毛球去了，蚯蚓妈妈觉得这方法不错，就把自己切成四段打麻将去了，蚯蚓爸爸想了想，就把自己切成了肉末。

蚯蚓妈妈哭着说：“你怎么这么傻？切这么碎会死的！”

蚯蚓爸爸弱弱地说：“„„突然想踢足球。”

＃

熊猫男要QJ熊猫女，熊猫女奋力抵抗、誓死不从。熊猫男失败后愤愤地说：

“我们都快灭绝了耶~~~！”

＃

熊猫女被带到动物园饲养起来，专家决定人工授精。

熊猫男：“好恶心~~原来你喜欢人兽。” ＃

小米粒：“妈妈，我饿！”

米妈妈：“乖，爸爸找不到工作，家里已经没有吃的了。”

小米粒：“可是我饿~~~”

米妈妈：“唉„„好吧，你去隔壁借点咸菜，我去给你爸爸烧洗澡水。”

＃

龟兔赛跑...兔子很快跑到前面去了..

乌龟看到一只蜗牛爬得很慢很慢..对他说:你上来，我背你吧..

然后..蜗牛就上来了..

过了一会..乌龟又看到一只蚂蚁..对他说:你也上来吧..

于是蚂蚁也上来了。.

蚂蚁上来以后..看到上面的蜗牛..对他说了句“你好”

你们知道蜗牛说什么吗??

蜗牛说:你抓紧点,这乌龟好快... ＃

有一对男女正在吃晚餐

那个女生一直问那个男生:你爱不爱我?

男生看了女生一眼又继续吃晚餐

女生很生气又再问了一次:你爱不爱我?

男生终于说:爱

女生又问:那你要怎么证明?

忽然男生从口袋里拿了三十元出来,

且问女生:你有没有十元?

女生拿了十元给了男生..

男生就把四十元放在桌上

过了一会儿.....

女生很生气的问男生:你到底要不要证明你爱我啊

男生说我己经证明了啊!!!

四十摆在眼前！

＃

妻:我真是瞎了眼踩到狗屎才会嫁给你。

夫:我才真是瞎了眼踩到狗屎才会娶你。

...

狗屎:我好倒霉喔！躺在那里都被你们俩给踩到.. ＃

一个阴霾深夜

一群女校学生在宿舍里玩碟仙，突然

她们不住的尖叫！！！

楼上的学姐急忙跑进她们的寝室

赫然看见她们桌上的碟子以奇快的速度打转着

速度快得惊人，也快得骇然

“糟了！你们作了什么？”

学姐意识到情况不对急忙的问

“我们„”学妹们说

“我们只是问它最快能转多快„？”

＃

电器用品举办讲笑话大赛，

规定每个电器都要讲一个笑话，

而且让现场的每一位观众都哈哈大笑，

否则要被抓去阿鲁巴。首先上场的是洗衣机，

他笑话一讲完，全场哈哈大笑，

突然听到电饭锅说：“好冷哦~~~”

所以洗衣机就被抓去阿鲁巴了。接下来上场的是最聪明的计算机，他的笑话一讲完，所有的家电全部笑翻了，

又听到电饭锅说：“好冷哦~~~”

所以! 计算机也被抓去阿鲁巴了。

第三位是最幽默的台灯，

台灯很有自信的讲完笑话，大家全部笑到在地上打滚，

电饭锅又说：“好冷哦~~~”

正当台灯要被抓去阿鲁巴时，

电饭锅很生气的站起来，

转过头对坐在他后面的冰箱说：

“我受够了你笑就笑，嘴巴不要张那么大，很冷哎”

＃

有一对裸体的雕像面对面的伫立在公园已有数十年，一天，爱神丘比特从天而降，来到他们两人面前，说：“想必你们俩每日对看却不能动手一定很郁闷吧，今天我就让你们变成人类，去做你们想做的事吧！可是只有十五分钟喔。”

话说完，两个雕像就变成人了那两人就立刻跳进草丛，草堆发出唏唏苏苏的声音„ „

过了十分钟，两人就从草丛跳出来。丘比特说：“唉呀，还有五分钟，赶快再去享受一次。”

说完，两人对看，笑了一笑，又跳进草丛„„

隐隐约约听到女雕像对男雕像说：“我把这只鸽子压住，现在换你在他头上拉屎。 ”

＃

新学期开始，每个男生都要上台作自我介绍。当一位很清秀的男生作自我介绍的时候，主持人问到：“请问你有没有被别人误以为是女生？”

“当然，”那男生不以为然，“从小学时老师就一直把我当作女生，直到有一天我一气之下剃光了我所有的头发。”

“那老师们一定很吃惊吧？”

“嗯！不过最吃惊的不是老师，而是那位很殷勤地为我提了一年书包的男生。”

＃

有一天小A和小C去吃宵夜，来到的一家大肠面线摊。点完东西后，两人坐了下来。这时小A开口了...

小A：「喂，吃猪大肠的时候要咬久一点、嚼碎一点„„」

小C：「为什么？」

小A：「因为猪大肠不容易消化。」

小C：「„„。」

谢谢大家支持^^

小A：「你知道为什么猪大肠不容易消化吗？」

小C：「不知道。」

小A：「因为人的消化器官除了胃之外，还有大肠。如果你吃下去的猪大肠没有被你的牙齿咬烂，就会被『你自己的大肠』认出来『它』也是大肠，你的大肠就会对『它』说『耶，你也是大肠嘛！』然后没被咬烂的猪大肠就会对你的大肠说：『对呀，我也是大肠！』于是，你的大肠就会在『同类不相残』的心理状态下说：『既然你也是大肠，那就放你一马吧。』然后，所谓的消化不良就发生了。」

＃

有一人独自在森林中冒险，

突然发现自己被食人族重重包围。

于是对天空大喊：

“我死定了，上帝救救我！”

只见天空出现一到光

传来一个声音：

“还不一定，

再你捡起地上一颗大石头，

把带头的酋长砸死。”

于是他捡起地上最大的一颗石头，

狠狠的砸向酋长，

正好把酋长砸死。

族人全都呆了一呆，

接着怒目相向，

这时天上又传来一阵声音：

“现在你才真的死定了。”

＃

六岁的小芳很可爱，常常被班上小男生求婚。有一天，小芳回家后跟妈妈说：“MAMA！今天小强跟我求婚要我嫁给他...”

MAMA漫不经心的说：“他有固定的工作吗？”

小芳想了想说：“他是我们班上负责擦黑板的。”

＃

这位跳水运动员要做的动作是曲体翻腾两周半转体三周后空翻一个月

＃

吸血蝙蝠满身鲜血的回来，众蝙蝠甚是羡慕，问他从哪找来这么多鲜血，它把众蝙蝠带到一大树旁。

问：看到大树没？

众答：看到了。

它：他NND，我就没看到。

＃

父亲给儿子讲故事:从前有一只青蛙„

儿子:有科幻故事吗？

父亲：从前在太空里有一只青蛙„

儿子：有限制级的吗？

父亲：嘘~小声点，别让你妈听见。从前有一只没穿衣服的青蛙„

＃

一个典狱长对一个即将被执行死刑的人说：你有什么要求？

他说：我要吃荔枝。

典狱长说：这个季节没有拉

他说：我可以等

＃

一个德国人、法国人、及一个日本人要到矿场工作。

老板是美国人，他对德国人说：「你体格不错，你负责苦力。」

对法国人说：「你说你是工程师，你负责采矿的计划。」

而对日本人他说：「你很瘦小。你负责supplies(补给)。」

然后隔周，他们开始上工。

几天后德国人及法国人发现日本人不见了，找了很久后他们决定还是先回头工作。

德国人开始工作的时候，日本人突然跳了出来，

大声叫到：

「Surprise!」

＃

神经病院有一位老太太，

每天都穿著黑色的衣服，拿著黑色的雨伞，蹲在医院门口。

医生就想：要医治她，一定要从了解她开始。

于是那位医生也穿着黑色的衣服，拿著黑色的雨伞，和她一起蹲在那边。

两人不言不语的蹲了一个月。

终于，老太太开口：

请问一下...

你..也是香菇吗？

＃

pol.ice：“说，你叫什么？”

犯人：“我叫成龙。” pol.ice：“你怎么不叫陈真，给我把态度放端正了~好好说你叫什么~？”

犯人：“我叫陈真。”

＃

三个人到早餐店买早点。

第一个人跟老板说：「老板，我要一个煎蛋，但是不要蛋黄。」

老板就照着煎了一个蛋。

第二个人也跟老板说：「老板，我要一个煎蛋，但是不要蛋白。」

老板也照做了，但是已经有点不耐烦了。

轮到第三个人，老板就不客气的问他：「你呢?你的蛋不要什么?」

第三个人有点胆怯的说：「我......我的不要蛋壳...」

＃

一个十岁的小学生发现五年级的数学实在是他这一生中最难的功课。

举凡家教、同学、CD教学片、教科书，但都没用。

最后父母决定把孩子转进私立小学，不是普通的私立小学，而是一所天主教学校。

开学的第一天来临了，小家伙开始向着伟大的陌生世界冒险。

那天放学回来后，他走过父母亲面前，径自回房把门关起来。

辛苦工作了两个小时，出来吃个饭就又直接回到楼上，认真的做功课直到就寝。

这样的模式一天继续一天，直到第一次发成绩单。

那天，这孩子走进家门，把信封丢在餐桌上，就径自回房做功课。他父母亲打开成绩单，让他们惊奇的是数学成绩居然是A。

他们欣喜万分地冲上儿子的房间，为他的进步激动不已。

「是那些修女吗？」爸爸问。

「不是。」儿子回答。

「是课前的祷告吗？」妈妈问。

「不是。」

「是教科书、老师、还是课程安排？」爸爸问。

「不，不是。」

「喔！那么，是什么原因呢？」妈妈问。

「进学校的第一天，我看见一个人被钉在加号上面，我知道.......他们是玩真的。

＃

有个人车子玻璃常被打破，

虽然没啥东西被偷，

但是光换玻璃就要花很多钱，

于是他就想了一个点子，

贴一张「车内没值钱的东西」的海报在玻璃上，

心想应该没事了，谁知隔天起床，

玻璃又被打破了，

而他的海报旁多了几个字：「对不起，只是想证实一下。

＃

有一天动物们在关公庙前面闻到很臭的味道。

蛇说：「我这么小不会放这么臭的屁，一定是牛。」

牛说：「我是吃草的不会放这么臭的屁。」

猪说：「放屁的人一定会脸红。」

忽然关公冲了出来，把猪打飞说：「说了多少次了，我脸红是天生的」

＃

有一天，有一个忏悔者来到教堂，

他对神父说：[神父，我错了。]

神父说：[只要你认错，天主一定会原谅你的。]

忏悔者说：[我偷了一个人的脚踏车，而我现在要把它交给你。]

神父说：[不！不要给我，把它还给施主。]

忏悔者说：[我已经问过他了，可是他不要。]

神父说：[那你就收下它吧！]

神父下班后，就发现它停在后院的脚踏车不见了！！＃

有个人一天碰到上帝..

上帝突然大发善心打算给那人一个愿望....

上帝问...

你有什么愿望吗...

那个人想了想...

听说猫都有9条命...

那请您赐给我9条命吧..

上帝说..

你的愿望实现咯....

一天，那个人闲来无聊...

想说去死一死算了...

反正有9条命嘛

就躺在铁轨上....

结果一辆火车开过去....

那人还是死了...

这是为什么呢？

因为那台火车的车厢有10节... ＃

A：怎么样？这本书写得还不错吧？

B：太好了！真是旷世巨作。一点废话都没有，简洁有力。不过有一个缺点，就是出场人物太多了！

护士：喂！你们两个.....快把电话薄放回去。

＃

一个人，到教堂里去忏悔。

他对神父说：二战期间我收留了一个犹太人。

神父说：这是件好事呀，为什么要忏悔？

他说：我让他住在我的阁楼上，每天收他100英镑。

神父很惊讶：就为这？

这个人接着说：可是我到现在也没告诉他，二战已经结束了！

＃

有两个外国人到家乐福去购物，结帐时，店员问：「Can you speak chinese？」

两个外国人用国语回答：「如果你讲慢一点的话，我们可以听的懂！」

店员说：「Can...you...speak...chinese？」＃

阿花跟阿狗说..

今天考试的时候..

我踢你一下..你就要给我瞄一下..

到了考试的时候...

阿花踢了阿狗一下..

阿狗便回答...

喵~~~ ＃

一天，殡仪馆送来了三个人，说也奇怪，他们死后的笑容都是^_^...

殡仪馆管理员很纳闷的问pol.ice：为什么他们死后的脸竟然会是^_^呢？

pol.ice说：这...说来话长...你看左边那个人...他是跟她老婆在共度春宵时 ..在最激情的那一刻..受不了..挂了

管理员就回答说：唉...愿在花下死..做鬼也风流...那中间那一个是怎么死的 ...

pol.ice：中间那一个喔...他ㄚ..真是人间惨剧...他走在路上..忽然听见自己中了头彩..奖金7亿多..

太开心的哈哈大笑时...却被迎面而来的车给撞上 ...结果..挂了...

管理员回答说：唉 ...他真的是没有福气享受这荣华富贵的后半辈子....那剩下的这一个呢？

pol.ice：...这一个死的就有点可怜了...他是爬上树的时候被雷给劈死了

管理员回答说：...这就有点不对了，被雷劈到为什么还会笑呢...

pol.ice说：因为他爬上树后以为.....突然一道闪电.....

他以为..有人给他拍照.....

《英语幽默小故事.doc》

将本文的Word文档下载到电脑，方便编辑。

推荐度：

点击下载文档