Got the Money Anyway （舞台上是一个餐厅的背景，写着：“苏格兰情调”。本山大叔穿着中山装，身上背着一串蒜头，手上拿着野鸡，拉着毛毛上场。）
(This short play is set in a restaurant named \"Scottish Taste / Feel.\" Uncle Zhao, in his customary Chinese tunic suit, enters, carrying a string of garlic on his back and a pheasant in hand, with his granddaughter Yadar in tow.) 赵本山：到了。Uncle Zhao Here we are.毛毛：
到了。Yadar
Here we are.赵本山：这就是铁岭最贵的一家饭店。这不，苏格兰情调，今天就在这吃了
Uncle Zhao Is this the most pricy eatin\' spot in Tieling: \"Scottish Taste / Fool.\"?we will eat here today.毛毛：
爷爷，这家老贵的啦。Yadar
But it\'s very expensive.赵本山：贵？咱带钱了，带三万多块，那包呢？
Uncle Zhao So what? We\'ve got the money, 30,000 yuan.Where\'s the bag? 毛毛：
完了，让我落炕上了.Yadar
Oh no, I left it on the brick bed.赵本山：我说，你这孩子还能办点事吗？兜里还有钱吗？ Uncle Zhao So what can you do at all? Any money left on you? 毛毛：
兜里，多少钱哪才？才70多块钱。Yadar
Let me see...(Fumbling) only 70-plus yuan.赵本山：我还有400。行，够了。Uncle Zhao Here\'s 400 more.毛毛：
这也不能够啊。Yadar
Still not enough.赵本山：哎呀，够不够就这样了。服务员！Uncle Zhao No matter.Waiter! (Shenyang, the waiter, enters.) 小沈阳：对不起大爷，我们这是高档酒店，不收农副产品。
Shenyang Sorry, sir.We\'re of high cla here.We don\'t take on stuff from street peddlers.赵本山：不是，我们是吃饭的。不像啊？
Uncle Zhao We\'re your customers.Don\'t we look like it? 小沈阳：哎呀妈啊？真的啊？不太像啊Shenyang
Aiya!realy?Not quite.赵本山：我说姑娘啊，这顿饭非常重要。Uncle Zhao We\'re gonna have an important meal here, mi.小沈阳：妈呀，你管谁叫姑娘呢，人家是纯爷们
Don\'t you call me a mi.I\'m a manyou look cool! 赵本山：我跟你说这不白给啊。一会儿客人到了，你一定要给足我面子，明白吗？我到点菜的时候，你得替我兜着点。 Uncle Zhao Still, you ain\'t get it for nothin\'.When my guest c\'mes, you put on a show with me.If I order expensive food, you should stop me doin\' so.小沈阳：咋兜呢？Shenyang
Like how? 赵本山：既把面子给了，但是呢又不能花得......太狠。我要点贵菜......Uncle Zhao Showin\' due respect for my guest, yes.Spendin\' too much on a meal, no.Whut if I ask for somethin\' dear? 小沈阳：我就说没有呗。Shenyang
I\'ll say \"sorry, this we don\'t have.\" 赵本山：哎呀妈呀，你太厉害了。来来来，拿点。再给你30，来。 Uncle Zhao You\'re smart.C\'me, here\'s another 30 yuan.小沈阳：我跟你都明码的哦。Shenyang
I\'m not gonna cheat you when it comes to prices.赵本山：谢谢。Uncle Zhao Thank you, boy.小沈阳：放心吧。Shenyang
Nothing much.毛毛：
爷爷，我有点饿了。Yadar
Grandpa, I\'m hungry.赵本山：饿了？来碗面条。Uncle Zhao How much\'s a bowl of noodles? 小沈阳：呃，78一碗。Shenyang
78 yuan.赵本山：啥面？这么贵。Uncle Zhao Whut noodles can be so expensive? 小沈阳：苏格兰打卤面。Shenyang
Scottish sauced noodles.赵本山：是不是卤子贵？Uncle Zhao Does the sauce cost much, too? 小沈阳：卤不要钱。Shenyang
It\'s free.赵本山：那就来碗卤子，先尝尝咸淡。快去，快去。
Uncle Zhao Get us a bowl of sauce, so we can see whether the taste\'s right.Quick.小沈阳：妈呀，没这么上过呀。Shenyang
That\'s no way to serve a meal, sir.赵本山：那是我没来，我要来，你早就这么上了。去吧去吧。
Uncle Zhao You think so only becuse I didn\'t show up here before.Now it\'s time to make s\'me change.小沈阳：这老爷子，我要说面条不要钱，要面条了你还。
Shenyang
(to himself) Had I said the noodles are free, he would\'ve asked for noodles.(Exits)
赵本山：来，站起来。跟你说，一会儿星光大道的毕老师来了，你一定要给我争个脸，好不？这是人生最好的一次机会，知道吗？爷爷培养了你，都已经四十多年了。
Uncle Zhao (to Yadar) Listen here, Yadar.When Mr.Bi from CCTV\'s Starlight Broadway c\'mes, you must show you\' best, OK? It\'s the best opport\'nity for you\' own future.Grandpa\'s been preparin\' you over the past 40-plus years.毛毛：
爷爷，我才多大。Yadar
Grandpa, see how old I am now.赵本山：我还培养你爸三十多年呢。你爸那是个半成品，我都给培养成文化站站长了。你一定要超过他，有决心吗？ Uncle Zhao I prepared you\' daddy for 30 extra years.Though he ain\'t good enough, he\'s the chief of the township\'s cultural center.So you really should outdo him.Can you make it or not? 毛毛：
有。Yadar
I can.小沈阳：哎，来了。Shenyang
Here\'s the sauce for you.赵本山：来，先把这卤子喝了，这孩子饿了。Uncle Zhao (to Yadar) Eat this, so you won\'t be too hungry.毛毛：
爷爷，有点咸了。Yadar
Grandpa, it\'s a bit salty.赵本山：没事，给她整碗水去。Uncle Zhao (to Shenyang) Fetch her s\'me water to drink.小沈阳：免费的水，不是？Shenyang
You mean free water? 赵本山：白开水就行。真够抠的。 Uncle Zhao Just plain boiled water, you miser.（毕福剑上）(Bi Fujian, MC / anchorman of CCTV\'s Starlight Broadway program, enters.) 小沈阳： 哟，你不是那谁吗，你是那个......蒙住了。朱军？！不是朱军。白岩松？！不是。老毕......你是毕老师吗？！ Shenyang
Why, aren\'t you that onethen your whole life is over.毕福剑：小伙子，精辟。CCTV Man That`s wit! / What a master of wit! 小沈阳：我意思人不能把钱看得太重了。钱乃身外之物。人生最痛苦的事情，你知道是什么？
Shenyang
One shouldn\'t set too much stock on money.What good can it do, really? The most scary part of it all, sir, is to die leaving your money unused.赵本山：嗯？
小沈阳：人死了，钱没花了。
赵本山：人这一生最最痛苦的事，你知道是什么吗？Uncle Zhao Whut\'s more scary...小沈阳：啥呀？
赵本山：是人活着呢，钱没了。不差钱，放心吧，啊。把菜好好做上。
Uncle Zhao is to be left living with you\' money gone.Don\'t worry, boy.If you play your part well, I\'ll pay you well.小沈阳：哎，好嘞。Shenyang
Do as you please.赵本山：这孩子。Uncle Zhao Go ahead.小沈阳：这一天......这也太抠了。Shenyang
(to himself) What a day...just too stingy.赵本山：他姥爷，这菜呢，得做一会儿。你看看丫蛋来了，这孩子从小就是一身的艺术哪。
Uncle Zhao (to CCTV Man) Preparin\' the dishes would take s\'me time, sir.Here\'s Yadar, my granddaughter.They all call her Yadar.She started showin\' promise to be art\'ritis when very young.毕福剑：她......CCTV Man Can she...赵本山：才艺，那是了不得。Uncle Zhao Please test her to see whether she\'s good enough for you\' Broadway.毕福剑：老哥，我弄明白了，你今天截我到这儿来，就是为了让您孙女上我们《星光大道》。 CCTV Man Now I see.You got me stuck here so your granddaughter can get into my program.赵本山：可不是嘛，它有这么个关系。Uncle Zhao Oh yeah, that\'s it.毕福剑：哦，那她都......会点什么？CCTV Man What exactly can she do? 赵本山：来吧，给姥爷表示表示。 Uncle Zhao Yadar, show Grandpa Bi whut you can do. 毕福剑：那就这样吧，照我们的规矩来。来，自报家门。
CCTV Man According to our rules...you shall introduce yourself first.赵本山：瞅前边就行了，别紧张。就搁哪儿来的。说。 Uncle Zhao Look right ahead, honey.Start from the beginnin\'.Don`t be nervous.毛毛：
我是来自大城市铁岭莲花池水沟子的，我名字叫丫蛋。。我唱一首《青藏高原》
Yadar
I\'m from the Lotus Pond Valley of the big Tieling City.My name\'s Yadar.Sing \"The Qinghai-Tibetan / 毛毛：
\"是谁带来远古的呼唤？\"Ah, who brings here the earnest call of remote antiquity?
是谁留下千年的期盼......\" Ah, who leaves behind the expectations of the millennium?\"
赵本山：中间的不用唱了，最后那个。哦哟啦，那个Skip the middle part and move on to the final climax.Yo-la-la. 毛毛：
\"......那就是青藏高原。\" \"...That\'s Qinghai-Tibetan 毕福剑：年龄不大，嗓门真高。CCTV Man What a high pitch you\'ve got for your age.毕福剑：不说了，不说了。才艺很不错，唱得很不错。
(to Uncle Zhao) Be patient, buddy.(To Yadar) Remarkable talent and truly impreive delivery.小沈阳：哎呀妈啊，就这还不错呢？如果这就叫不错，那我也可以 Shenyang
Do you call that remarkable? If she can go there, so can I.赵本山：往哪上啊你！快上菜去。Uncle Zhao Where to? 小沈阳：我上《星光大道》呗。henyang
To the Starlight Broadway.赵本山：上啥大道？你上炕都费劲。SUncle Zhao Creep way back to you\' stinkin\' brick bed! 小沈阳：毕老师好不容易来一回，让我展示一下，我也会唱。
Shenyang
Since Mr.Bi\'s here, please give me a chance to try.I can sing, too.赵本山：哪有时间听。知道吗？这都艺术圈的事，你一个服务员，唱啥唱啊？
Uncle Zhao Who\'s got the time to listen? Whut\'s more, whut do you know about matters of art? A waiter\'s a waiter, after all.小沈阳：你让我唱一个呗。Shenyang
Let me sing.赵本山：不让你唱。Uncle Zhao Nope 小沈阳：不让我唱，我就不给你上菜。Shenyang
If you don\'t let me sing, I won\'t serve you the meal.赵本山：你不给我上菜，我找你老板去。Uncle Zhao If you don\'t serve me the meal, I\'ll get you\' bo here.赵本山：你找我老板，我把你交代我的事说出来。
Shenyang
If you get my bo here, I\'ll speak to him about what\'s up your sleeves.赵本山：你要说......他指定比唱的好Uncle Zhao If you speak...I know you speak better than you sing.毕福剑：你还是说，还是自报家门。CCTV Man (to Shenyang) Well, say something about yourself first.小沈阳：其实，毕老师，我的命运(敏感词语)跟她是一样的，我也有一个姓毕的姥爷。 Shenyang
I share a similar fate with her, with a grandpa by the same family name of Bi.赵本山：你拉倒吧，用不着，别套了，你该唱唱你的。你闹心不闹心！
Uncle Zhao Whut\'s wrong with you, tryin\' to curry favor like this? Sing your stupid song, or go an\' suck you\' mom.毕福剑：好了，不打断，不打断。小伙子，你会点什么呢？
CCTV Man Please don\'t interrupt him.What\'re you good at, young man? 小沈阳：我会模仿秀。Shenyang
I can do a mock show.毕福剑：模仿谁？CCTV Man Whom can you mock? 小沈阳：模仿刘欢老师。Shenyang
Mr.Liu Huan.毕福剑：刘欢老师那一出？CCTV Man Which song of his? 小沈阳：《我和你》。Shenyang
\"You and Me.\" 小沈阳：我给毕老师唱一个。嗯哼哼哼。Shenyang
Now I\'ll try.Mm-hum-hum...(Starts to sing)
\"我和你，心连心，\"You and me, from one world,
同住地球......\"。 We are family...\" 哎呀妈呀，我把唱词给忘了好像。Did I lose my words? What a shame! 赵本山：拉倒吧，你唱跑偏了，你这裤子就穿跑偏了，你就是个跑偏的人。
Uncle Zhao You\'ve lost you\' tune.Say, whut mock show is this? It\'s more like a monkey show.Look at that empty trouser.小沈阳：激动啦。Shenyang
Just too excited.赵本山：你上菜去吧。Uncle Zhao Go get the food.小沈阳：我再重唱一个吧。毕老师，我再重唱一个行吗？Shenyang
Can I try another song? Oh please, Mr.Bi.赵本山：唱啥？Uncle Zhao Which one? 小沈阳：我唱个刀郎的吧。刀郎的声音是沧桑的感觉。The song by Daolang
Daolang\'s voice is bleak and desolate.
\"2002年的第一场雪，\"The first snow of 2002
比以往时候来得更晚些......\" falls somewhat later than usual...\" 毕福剑：你再来一个。你还会唱谁的？CCTV Man Encore! Any other song at your beck and call? 小沈阳：我还会唱《星光大道》走出的那个阿宝。
Shenyang
I can also mock A Bao, a singer made popular through your program.毕福剑：阿宝的嗓门可高。CCTV Man The guy with a high-pitched voice.小沈阳唱《咱当兵的人》吧，山丹丹红艳艳太难唱了
毕福剑：你，叫什么名字？CCTV Man Bravo! So what\'s your name? 小沈阳：我的中文名字叫小沈阳。Shenyang
My Chinese stage name\'s Xiao Shenyang 毕福剑：还有外国名字？CCTV Man Also got a foreign name? 小沈阳： Xiao Shenyang。Shenyang
Ciao Shenyang.毕福剑：小伙子，你是哪儿人？CCTV Man Where\'re you from? 小沈阳：莲花乡的。Shenyang
Lotus Township.毕福剑：是莲花乡的？CCTV Man Oh, yes? 小沈阳： 对呀。Shenyang
Yes.毕福剑： 老哥，你儿子让我找的小沈阳，就是他。 (to Uncle Zhao) He\'s the one your son referred me here to.小沈阳：是我吗？Shenyang
Is that me? 毕福剑：你明天跟我一起去趟北京，上《星光大道》，好吗？
CCTV Man Please go to Beijing with me tomorrow for a new section of the Starlight Broadway, would you? 小沈阳：谢谢毕老师。哎呀妈呀，太激动啦。Shenyang
Thank you so much, Mr.Bi.I...I just can\'t believe it! 赵本山：他姥爷，这孩子你看你......这都实在亲戚。另外，这些东西我都给你炖了。你不给我面子，也得给她姥爷面子。再不行让他姥爷亲自跟你说说？
Uncle Zhao My dear in-law, I\'m a bit clumsy with words but my dishes are still bein\' cooked there for you.It\'s OK if you think nothin\' of me, but do please show s\'me mercy on the girl\'s poor dead grandpa.Or shall I ask him to talk to you face to face? 毕福剑：别别。我想知道她的......她有名儿吗？CCTV Man
Oh, no.Tell me if she\'s famous enough in these part? 赵本山：有，上网点击一下。可以查到。Of cause.you can surf the internet.^^^^^^^ 毕福剑：太好了。你马上上菜，今天这顿饭我包了，我请客。丫蛋，你明天跟着大哥一起去北京，上《星光大道》。你们搞一个组合，就叫\"不差钱\"。
CCTV Man
Fantastic! (To Shenyang) Serve the meal quick.It\'s going to be my treat today - I\'ll pay the bill.And Yadar, you go off to Beijing tomorrow along with Shenyang, and join the rest of us there at Starlight Broadway.The two of you shall team up and prepare a comic piece with the title \"Got the Money Anyway.\" 毛毛：
我也能去了？Yadar
Can I really go? 毕福剑：可以啊。CCTV Man Of course.毛毛：
谢谢姥爷。Yadar
Thank you, grandpa.小沈阳：谢谢姥爷。Shenyang
Thank you, grandpa.赵本山：我跟你说，毕老师，你们《星光大道》不是百姓舞台吗？谁都可以参与嘛。他们都要了，把我也接收得了呗。 Uncle Zhao Dear in-law, I know the Starlight Broadway\'s a stage for common people to play on.If you can take the two youngsters with you, why can\'t you take me too? 毕福剑：搜狐网上也有您的名字？CCTV Man Are you famous, too, on the internet? 赵本山：你点一下试试呗。另外，我有个重要秘密没跟您透露。Uncle Zhao You can click an\' see.An\' there\'s a little secret I haven\'t told you yet.毕福剑：什么秘密？CCTV Man What\'s it? 赵本山：其实我姥爷也姓毕。Uncle Zhao My maternal grandpa, too, was surnamed Bi.
