妈妈给了哈里两个苹果，一个大一点，另一个小点儿。跟妹妹分着吃。妈妈说。 所以，哈里就把小个的给了妹妹，自己开始啃那个大个的。 哼，妹妹说，如果妈妈给了我，我会把大的给你，把小的留给自己的。 对呀，哈里说，你拿到的不就是小的吗？还着什么急呀？英语笑话：要求加薪 asking for a raiseat the radio station where i worked, the manager called me into his office to preview a new sound-effects package we were considering purchasing.he closed the door so we wouldnt bother people in the outer office.after listening to a few routine sound effects, we started playing around with low moans, maniacal（疯狂的） screams, hysterical（歇斯底里的） laughter, pleading and gunshots.when i finally opened the door and paed the managers secretary, she looked up and inquired, asking for a raise again? 我在一家之声工作。 经理把我叫进他的办公室， 让我预试一下我们准备购买的一套新的音响 效果设备。他关上门，以免打扰外面办公室的人。 听了几个常规的音响效果后，我们开始试听低声的呻吟，狂乱的尖叫，歇斯底里的大笑，哀 求声和枪声。最后我开门出去，从经理秘书旁边经过时，她抬起头问道：又要求加薪了？英语笑话：fish net 鱼网can you tell me what fish net is made, ann? a lot of little holes tied together with strings.replied the little girl.2 ?二者皆是，孩子，皆是。?the child returns a few minutes later and says, daddy, is michael jackson god?孩子过了一会倒回来说：?爸爸，上帝是迈克杰克逊吗？?【每日一乐】男生永远不会说的八句话8 things youll never hear a man say 8) here honey, you use the remote.给，亲爱的，你来用遥控器吧。 7) you know, id like to see her again, but her breasts are just too big.你知道，我也愿意再跟她约会，但她的胸部实在太大了！ 6) ooh, antonio banderas and brad pitt? thats one movie i gotta see!哦！安东尼〃巴德拉斯和布拉德〃皮特？我一定要看那部电影！ 5) while im up, can i get you anything?我起身的时候，要帮你（顺手）拿点儿什么吗？ 4) sex isnt that important, sometimes i just want to be held.性不是那么重要，有时候我只想和你拥抱。 3) aww, forget monday night football, lets watch melrose place.哦！星期一晚上看什么足球赛啊，我们来看《飞跃情海》吧！（女生超爱的电视连续剧。） 2) hey, let me hold your purse while you try that on.4 嘿，你试穿的时候我来帮你拿包包。 1) we never talk anymore.人家再也不跟你说话了啦！no.1 a helping hand a man who lived in a block of apartments thought it was raining and p ut his head out the window to check.as he did so a gla eye fell into his hand.he looked up to see where it came from in time to see a young woman looking down.is this yours? he asked.she said, yes, could you bring it up? and the man agreed.on arrival she was profuse in her thanks and offered the man a drink.as she was very attractive he agreed.shortly afterwards she said, im abou t to have dinner.theres plenty.would you like to join me? he readily accepted her offer and both enjoyed a lovely meal.as the eve ning was drawing to a close the lady said, ive had a marvelous evening.w ould you like to stay the night? the man hesitated then said, do you act like this with every man you meet?5篇2：2015课前三分钟英语演讲稿 2015课前三分钟英语演讲稿 演讲稿一：课前三分钟英语演讲稿 good morning/afternoon! first thing first, i gotta say,wow,its funny thing to be given a chance like that.trurh be told,i really got a little bit nervous before i stand right here ,so called stage fright.if you look specifically on me .you may find my hands shaking,pretty aembles the guy who suffered from pakinsons disease,and legs wobbling ,like i caught so-called ball leg.okay,lets stop going around the bush and get back to my topic today.i really like to talk a funny story i have just heard. 演讲稿二：课前三分钟英语演讲稿 good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen！ i am glad to be here to share my opinions with all of you.my topic today is about internet. with the development of technology, more and more people are fond of using internet.it is particularly popular among young people.just like the coin has two sides, internet also has its own advantages and disadvantages. first of all, the internet has brought people great convenience in getting information, entertainment and contact with each other.as for our students, it is a useful tool when we meet problems.when we are tired, a piece of light music will help us relax.if we have free time, we can enjoy movies or interesting cartoons.whats more, we can also watch live programs on the internet or see it later if we are not available at that time. his fathers selling blood.when his father knelt down to beg him to return to school, he was too numb to show any regret. that s all , thank you ! 演讲稿三：课前三分钟英语演讲稿——a brother like that a friend of mine named paul received an automobile from his brother as a christmas present.on christmas eve when paul came out of his office, a street urchin was walking around the shiny new car, admiring it. is this your car, mister? he said. paul nodded.my brother gave it to me for christmas.the boy was astounded.you mean your brother gave it to you and it didnt cost you nothing? boy, i wish ...he hesitated. of course paul knew what he was going to wish for.he was going to wish he had a brother like that.but what the lad said jarred paul all the way down to his heels. i wish, the boy went on, that i could be a brother like that. paul looked at the boy in astonishment, then impulsively he added, would you like to take a ride in my car? oh yes, id love that. after a short ride, the boy turned with his eyes aglow, said, mister, would you mind driving in front of my house? paul smiled a little.he thought he knew what the lad wanted.he wanted to show his neighbors that he could ride home in a big automobile.but paul was wrong again.will you stop where those two steps are? the boy asked. there she is, buddy, just like i told you upstairs.his brother gave it to him for christmas and it didnt cost him a cent.and some day im gonna give you one just like it ...then you can see for yourself all the pretty things in the christmas windows that ive been trying to tell you about.paul got out and lifted the lad to the front seat of his car.the shining-eyed older brother climbed in beside him and the three of them began a memorable holiday ride.that christmas eve, paul learned what jesus meant when he said: it is more bleed to give ...演讲稿四：课前三分钟英语演讲稿——girls are the boes have you ever watched the famous cartoonhappy sheep and gray wolf,which captures the hearts of millions of kids and even teenagers. according to a report by cnn in 2015,women in the us earned 59 percent of all college degrees,surpaing men by almost 3 to 2.while in 1970,41 years ago,men earned that percentage of all college degrees.similarly, in china,its estimated that female college students surpaed male students in numbers on campus for the first time in history in 2015,which accounts for 51%.although we,the students in whut,cant feel it,because the majority here are males.but think about the fact that,the female ratio of freshmen in huazhong normal university this year is 70%.so next time,when youre free,why not go to huazhong normal university,just walk around the campus,and you will enjoy a different scenery. back to our topic, gu haibing,profeor in the school of econmics at renmin university of china,attributes this to the education system.he says girls gain the edge with their better discipline and memory-based studying method however , a gender imbalance on campus caused by female students outperforming their male counterparts reflects a global trend. furthermore,as we have known, madame curie is one of the greatest scientists around the world,and she is a woman;iron lady margaret thatcher is the one of the most prominent politician,and she is a woman; oprah winfrey is the household hoste of talk show,and she is a woman.and examples like this can be taken endlely as you want. 再谈课前三分钟英语演讲
大家记得今天是什么日子吗？
是啊，半个多世纪前，1935年的今天，当中华民族处在内忧外患、生死存亡的时刻，是谁热血澎湃、挺身而出？是和你们一样的青年学生！再看看近一个世纪前，当中国的神圣领土被侵占割让，是谁挺身高呼“还我河山”，书写了一章划时代历史意义的“五四运动!还是和你们一样的青年学生！在战火硝烟的岁月，多少爱国青年和学生，为了祖国的前途和命运，不得不弃笔从戎，驰骋疆场，用鲜血和生命，换来了今天的和平与安宁。
当今的中国不再是过去的中国，他已经昂起头，挺起胸，他敢对强权说不，他能让对手感受“威胁”；世人开始仰视她了。我们能谱写航天神话，能创造奥运壮举，能团结一致，战胜最猛烈的自然灾害，能众志成城，高奏一曲又一曲改革的胜利凯歌！有人在惊呼：未来属于中国。
我们为之骄傲的同时，必须清醒的意识到，虽然没有了战火硝烟，却又和平演变， 有内政干涉，有主权挑衅，有经济遏制，更有内外分裂势力的勾结等等。这些不安定因素将长期存在，会随时趁虚而入。
同学们，中国未来的靠谁支撑？不靠别人，要靠在座的你们年轻一代！要让中国站在世界之巅靠谁？靠你们！要让五星红旗高高飘扬靠谁？靠你们！年轻的朋友们，为中华之崛起发愤图强吧！为了我们的先烈，为了祖国的明天，让我们全体起立高歌一曲“歌唱祖国”！ （合唱）五星红旗迎风飘扬，胜利歌声多么响亮。歌唱我们亲爱的祖国，从此走向繁荣富强。
