The legend of Zhen Huan
甄嬛传之恶搞版
Characters ZHENHUAN——ZHEN （甄嬛——郑秀华饰）
The emperor YONGZHENG—— YONG（雍正帝——吴晓灵饰） The senior concubine HUA——HUA（华妃——马翰林饰） The empre YIXIU——queen（皇后——时程程饰） LINGRONG ANN——ANN（安陵容——张红红饰） MEIZHUANG SHEN——SHEN（沈眉庄——凌雲饰） Imperial physician——WEN（温太医——运鹏饰） Voice–over:(旁白–—刘欢饰)
Chapter 1 The Beginning of life in the Forbidden city ZHEN: I’m ZHENHUAN ,the first daughter born in clan Zhen .I have been chosen to be one of primary concubines who belong to the emperor. I was once dreaming to get marry with a normal person, but now , dream broken.甄嬛：亲们，我是甄嬛——甄家的长女，我已经被选为黄桑的初级嫔妃。我曾经梦想着嫁给一个普通人，但是现在，这个梦想破碎了。 SHEN .:My name is Meizhuang Shen , I was grown in a wealthy family,but now I must come the emperor into notice and try to please him so that the wealth of my family would go on.沈眉庄：亲们，我是沈眉庄，我在一个富有的家族里长大。但是现在我必须入宫赢得黄桑的欢心以保全和延续家族的财富。
ANN: I’m LinRong Ann ,I was born in a very poor family.My father is a county magistrate ,I’m overwhelmed by an unexpected favour which I was chosen.安陵容：亲们，我叫安陵容，我在一个非常屌的家庭里长大。我的爸爸是一个村委书记，得知我入选后，我被这意外之喜给淹没了。 ANN/SHEN/ZHEN： Bleed lord full of holine,my empre.甄嬛/沈眉庄/安陵容：黄桑万福金安！
Queen :Take your seats, please .Now we are all sisters,we must serve our emperor with all forces,do you understand? 皇后：请坐吧。现在我们都是姐妹了，亲们必须尽全力服侍好黄桑，你们的明白？
ANN SHEN ZHEN: So intelligent, my empre .安陵容/沈眉庄/甄嬛：皇后凉凉英明！ (HUA comes in)（华妃入场）
Queen : senior concubine HUA, you are late..皇后：华妃，你来迟了。
HUA: I’m sorry queen,it took me so much time to adorn myself with jewels.I’ m not as provident as you.Look at this screen, old fashioned style and fading pictures are not compared with your status, queen ha? 华妃：皇后凉凉，本宫很抱歉，不过梳妆打扮耗费了本宫过多的时间。本宫可不像皇后凉凉一样节俭，看看看看，过气的风格和人老珠黄的模样怎么配得上你的地位？您说呢，皇后凉凉？
Queen : Queen is what Queen is, no matter how normal furniture she use.皇后：皇后就是皇后，不管她装扮得多么像个屌丝。
ZHEN:senior concubine HUA，you should be respectful to our empre! 甄嬛:华妃凉凉，您应该恭敬地对待皇后凉凉! HUA:HUM! Bitch is so bitching! 华妃：贱人就是矫情！
SHEN:What sister HUAN said is really good! 沈眉庄:嬛妹妹这话说得真真是极好的 HUA:Enjoy your slow torture to death! 华妃:本宫赏你一丈红! QUEEN:senior concubine HUA! 皇后:华妃! HUA: HUM!I got go ,queen.华妃：哼!皇后，本宫先走一步。 (HUA goes out)（华妃离场) ALL: Thank you for your kindne ,my empre.甄嬛/沈眉庄/安陵容:多谢皇后凉凉! (ZHEN/SHEN/ANN walk though the hall) 旁白:甄嬛三人走在宫中。
SHEN : senior concubine HUA is such a holy terror, would she punish us for no reason? 沈眉庄：华妃凉凉那是相当恐怖的一个女纸啊，她会无缘无故地惩罚我们吧？
HUA: what are you talking about, wretch? Am I looked like a brutal woman? 华妃：魂淡！你在吐槽神马？！我看起来很无理取闹吗？！ SHEN：I was not……
沈眉庄：不，凉凉，嫔妾不是这个意思……
HUA: shut up,please .Did I approve you say a word? maple leaves do not turn red in summer, but if I want to watch red leaves…… (deride) I have a kind of implements named Althaea rosea, if I want to watch red leaves, my slavers would strike someone with it until his or her blood dye those leaves into red color. Do you want to be the lucky one,pretty? 华妃：给本宫闭嘴！本宫有允许你说话吗？夏天枫叶不会变红，可本宫要是想看红叶……（嘲笑）本宫有种手段，叫做一丈红。本宫要是想看红叶，奴才们就会把某个人打的血染如红枫。你是不是很想做那个幸运的人呢？
(HUA leaves SHEN drops her knees on the ground） 旁白：华妃离开，留沈眉庄在地上跪着 Chapter 3 revenge on senior concubine HUA ANN:Bleed lord full of holine,my empre.安陵容:皇后凉凉万福金安！ Empre : why are you here? 皇后:你怎么在这儿? ANN:Please help me!my empre ! 安陵容:皇后凉凉，救救臣妾吧！ Empre :For what? 皇后:这是怎么了? ANN:I was scared by senior concubine HUA and I was frightened that she would kill me someday.安陵容:华妃凉凉出言恐吓臣妾！臣妾害怕总有一天会被华妃凉凉弄死的！
Empre :What are you talking about? We are all sisters! 皇后:胡说神马?！我们都是好姐妹！
ANN:Senior concubine HUA is really a witch, I’m willing to do all the thing to root her out.安陵容:华妃凉凉真是个魂淡！为了扳倒她，臣妾愿意做任何事！ Empre : Which way can I do to help you good girl? 皇后:好妹妹，本宫有什么帮的上你的吗？
ANN:Thank you a lot my empre! I my trouble is……the emperor, he has never touched me,And he seems forget me.安陵容:多谢凉凉！问题是黄桑，他从来不碰臣妾，好像忘了臣妾一样……
Empre :I cannot help you but yourself.皇后:本宫帮不了你，能帮你的只有你自己。 ANN: please point out the right way!Please! 安陵容:恳求凉凉给臣妾指条生路！ Empre :What can you do? 皇后:你会做什么? ANN: I can sing a song named Tan Te! 安陵容:回凉凉，臣妾会唱神曲忐忑！
Empre : Well, that’s really a happy news.This pill can make your voice nicer and sweeter.Come, take it down。
皇后:好!真是个好消息!这药能让你的声音更甜美，快过来把它吃了……
(on another side ZHEN and WEN sit together) 旁白:另一边，甄嬛和温太医坐在一起
WEN:I’m so so sorry,sister HUAN, I didn’t know HUA springe to you ,she cheated me that you want to meet me! 温太医:我实在对不起你，嬛妹妹! 我不知道华妃凉凉给你下了圈套。我以为是你想要见我! ZHEN: Stop to mention that, I don’t want to meet you at all.甄嬛:不要再提了!我压根不想见你! WEN:Don’t pretended to being a heartle woman! You know I love you! Now come and escape with me!(leading ZHEN’s hand) 温太医:不要把自己伪装成一个无心无情的女纸!你知道的，我爱你!跟我逃走吧，我们私奔! (ANN goes though the hall and catches their conversations ) 旁白:安陵容顺着墙根走并且听到了他们的对话 (coming the emperor!) 旁白:黄桑驾到! ZHEN/ WEN: Bleed lord full of holine,your Majesty.甄嬛/温太医:恭请黄桑万福金安! Emperor : (to Wen) So here you are.皇帝:温爱卿，你在这里。
WEN: I came here to Congratulate you, your Majesty.温太医:臣是来给黄桑道喜的!恭喜黄桑! Emperor : Me? What’s that? 皇帝:哦?朕何喜之有? WEN: Primary concubine ZHEN gets the family way.温太医:甄小主有身孕了! (ZHEN is shocked) 旁白:甄嬛震惊 (music begin ,and ANN singing the song coming in) 旁白:音乐响起，安陵容唱着忐忑入场
ANN: Bleed lord full of holine,your Majesty.(turns to ZHEN)sister,best wishes to you.安陵容:黄桑万福金安! 旁白:转向甄嬛 安陵容:恭喜姐姐! Emperor :Your voice is so sweet and I almost get drunk.How fool am I that I ignored you last several months.
皇帝：爱妃的歌喉如此甜美，朕都蒙蒙叉叉了！以前忽略了爱妃，朕太二了！
ANN: It should own to sister’s good luck, her good fortune brings me good voice.安陵容：这都归功于嬛姐姐的好运，她的好运带给了我中国好声音！ Emperor :your words are as sweet as your songs.HUANHAUN, what about provide your statue to the junior concubine for your pregnant a son for me, at the same time turn ANN form the inferior concubine to the primary concubine? 皇帝：你的话像你唱歌一样的甜。环环啊，什么时候给我生个大胖崽子，到那个时候我就只耐你一个了，小安就一边凉快去吧。 ZHEN : Anything you say is correct,my majesty。 甄嬛：一切听您的，我的陛下。 (emperor sit with ZHEN they are happy , HUA comes in) HUA:Bleed lord full of holine,your Majesty.And so to you,my dear sister.华妃：恭请黄桑万福金安，你也和他一样我的姐妹。
Emperor :take your seat,HUA,are you coming to great my son? 皇帝：座你位子去，你来是祝贺我儿子吗？
HUA:yes but, I have another news to greet you actually,your majesty.华妃：木有错，但是我要告诉你个事实，我的陛下 Emperor:What? 皇帝：虾米？
HUA:This bastard is not your son,your majesty.华妃：这是个混蛋不是你的崽啊，陛下。
Emperor :So whose son he is in your tiny view? 皇帝：那你觉得哪个是他爹呢？
HUA: He is son of bitch,son of a snotty imperial physician .I heart that they are childhood Sweetheart and, that snotty man imagined to escape with this succuba.华妃：他是狗崽子太医屋崽。我听说她们是青梅出马，两小无猜，甜蜜死了。这个太医还痴心妄想和这个妖精私奔。
ZHEN: I wonder how you got those goip.please clean hands for me,your majesty.甄嬛：我想晓得你怎么得到那么八卦的东西、请你拿出证据来。陛下。 Emperor :I will, if you are guiltle.Slaver,call empre.皇帝：木有问题，如果你是清白滴，下人，喊皇后出来。
Empre and ANN and SHEN：Bleed lord full of holine,your Majesty.皇后，安妃和沈妃：恭请黄桑万福金安
Empre : I have heart the goip,my king.and in my view, the blood test is the only way to prove ZHEN’s clean hands.皇后：我已经听过这个八卦了，我的黄上。我觉得，血液测试是唯一的办法可是证明甄嬛是白白滴了。
ZHEN: you can’t hurt my baby! Your majesty! Let them stop this stupid thought,he is your lineal son! 甄嬛：不准伤害我家宝贝，陛下，喊他们停下来，笨死了，他就是你家亲生滴。
Empre : Don’t be so scared,ZHEN, just a little blood.皇上：不要害怕，就一点点血而已。
ANN: so it is,my sister,moreover, I saw that man toughed your hand and poured out to you, I think I cannot promise you are sinle.安妃：就是里，一点点啊姐姐，我看见那个男的摸你手，还倒向你要哪个那个啥。我觉得你不清白。 SHEN:ANN–What a heartle woman! She is telling a lie! 沈眉庄：安陵容——多么无情的女纸！她在撒谎！
ZHEN: Your majesty! You are trying to hurt your own son! 甄嬛：黄桑，您在伤害你的儿纸！
Emperor : I will doubt everything till the truth is out .、皇帝：柯南说过，真相出来前一切都有嫌疑！
SHEN :Here I take a bowl of water can text the relationship between two people.Take some blood from each of them, and make the blood drop into the bowl, if two drop of blood mix together, means they are related, 沈眉庄：臣妾用一碗水就可以检验两人之间的血缘关系。取他们的血放进去，如果血滴混合了，说明他们有亲缘
Empre :Ask for imperial physician.(he comes in) 皇帝：给朕传太医来! WEN:Bleed lord......温太医：黄桑…… HUA:kneel down! 华妃：跪下！
(blood mixed together) 旁白：血液融合了
Emperor :.I was so disappointed by your disloyalty! 皇帝：朕对你的不忠深感失望！ ZHEN:It’s impoible.....impoible.....甄嬛：这不可能……不可能…… Emperor :watch it by yourself! 皇帝：你自己看看！ (few second later) 旁白：几秒后
ZHEN: there is something wrong with this water! (pull WEN up) 甄嬛：这水有问题！
WEN:(after text ) your majesty,someone poisoned the wanter! Adding alums make the water mix every kinds of blood together! 温太医：黄桑，有人要谋害小主！在水中加了东西，无论谁的血都可以融合！
(ZHEN take ANN’s blood into it and blood mixed) 旁白：甄嬛取了安陵容的血并滴入水中
ZHEN: your majesty, someone want to poison me and your son!
Did I do something or are you just playing I was wrong? I’m all for you,my majesty! 甄嬛：黄桑，有人想要谋害臣妾和皇儿！臣妾做错了什么吗？臣妾对您是全心全意的黄桑！
HUA: I had been set up by you! What do you want?(tear at ANN) 华妃：本宫是被陷害的！你们想做什么！
Emperor :carry this witch off !I do’t want to see her again! And you, noisy jays, go to cold palace and spend your rest life! 皇帝：把这个毒妇叉下去！朕不想在看到她！去冷宫过完剩下的半辈子吧！
