搞笑英语（精选多篇）

推荐第1篇：英语搞笑自我介绍

推销自己的时候需要自我介绍，所以小编整理收集了相关的英语搞笑自我介绍，欢迎大家阅读!

英语搞笑自我介绍1

i have spent fifteen years in my life.so, this is my ninth year to study.by the way, my name is wengjingru.my father thought hard about my name.he consulted the dictionary two times to find how to name me.

of course, this name is very good and i like it very much.sometimes i think i am a little strange.because i often think the world isn’t full of happine.and i want to be different from others.i hate superficial people.but always i am very out-going and kind to others.i can’t say ‘no’ to others.so i don’t know how to refuse.

i can’t see i am a pretty girl, but i am not an ugly person,

either.i am very general.i can’t say too much about my appearance.in this term, i make a little progre in my study.in my life, i have my parents’ love, and many, many people’s love.i am happy.i achieved so much, and i also lost so much.

my star sign is aquarius.it represents kindne and wisdom.

but i don’t think i am such a clever person.maybe i am modest.aquarius has many friends.it also says that some people think i am strange because i hate to be like others.i try to do everything differently.

英语搞笑自我介绍2

Hello, my profeors.It\'s a fine day today,and i\'m very pleased to meet you here.First of all,i\'d like to introduce myself to you.My name is ***,my hometown is ***,which is a really beautiful city.

Even when i was a young boy,i was very interested in biology science.

Every one may have a dream优秀作文 ,and i still remember that my dream is to be a biology scientist (just like ZHU KE ZHEN).

I liked to make wonders just like,where are we from?Where are we going in the universe?And then i would find the answers in book by myself.Still today i think that interest is the best teacher in one\'s whole life (and knowledge comes from practice).

Second, i will introduce my major in the university.My major is Biological Engineering in *** University.It has a great relationship with biology scince.

Their relationship can be shown with an example: Just like a river,biology science,which often finds new discoveries and theories, is at the head of the river.And my major,which lays more stre on practical use, seems to be at the end of it.When both of them interact well enough,the discovries and theories in biology science can be soon turned into products in all of the modern industry.

Four years\' university education gives me a lot of things to learn,a lot of chances to try,and a lot of practices to improve myself.It teaches me not only what to study and how to think,but also to see the importance of practical ability (such as doing expriment as much as poible).In the university life,i have made many good friends.

They help me improve my study and research ability, do ererything just like a man,and often give me good example to follow.

Besides what i have introduced myself above,i also have many interests in my spare time.

I like playing football,which is an effective way i think to improve my body health,and it can teach me how to join in a group and deal with other people.Drawing and writing is another favor to me.

Above all,i choose the major in order to broad my view in biology scince,and enhance my research ability.I will do my best to join the new group and be good at postgraduate study.

推荐第2篇：搞笑英语自我介绍

无论是在面试还是学校里，生活中，幽默的自我介绍可以为你加分不少，咖啡英语小编为大家整理了幽默英文自我介绍，希望对大家有所帮助。

搞笑英语自我介绍一

Hi,I am xxx, Good to be here.Facing the audience, a thought occured to me.Mama has alway told me not to make a fool in public.But somehow I just couldn\'t follow what she said exactly.Well some people always treat me as a crazy loon.For I\'m never part of any crowd and have some dreams far-off look.I\'d even crash into someone with my nose stuck in a book.Now I\'m standing on the stage, giving a speech in English.Circumstance being that I\'m pretty nervous.Maybe some guy would just think that it\'d embara me as frightened speechle.Never mind.I\'m always good for a laugh.

Self-introductionHello everyone! My is......, from Qinzhou.I’m so glad to meet you, and I’m currently a student at Guangxi Textile Industrial School.my major is knitting.It’s my pleasure to join the CHAMPION training camp, because I love English and I hope I can learn something in the training for my future work.As we all know English is very useful in every field.My English is limited that’s why I’m here.I know it’s a huge challenge for me to conquer English, but I believe that “No pains, no gains, succe belongs to the persevering”, I hope I can learn more from you, Thank you!

搞笑英语自我介绍二

Good morning !

It is really my honor to have this opportunity for a interview,I hope i can make a good performance today.

I\'m confident that I can succeed.Now i will introduce myself briefly I am 26 years old,born in shandong province .I was graduated from qingdao university.my major is electronic.and i got my bachelor degree after my graduation in the year of 20xx.

I spend most of my time on study,i have paed CET4/6 .and i have acquired basic knowledge of my major during my school time.In July 2003, I begin work for a small private company as a technical support engineer in QingDao city.Because I\'m capable of more responsibilities, so I decided to change my job.

And in August 20xx,I left QingDao to BeiJing and worked for a foreign enterprise as a automation software test engineer.Because I want to change my working environment, I\'d like to find a job which is more challenging.Morover Motorola is a global company, so I feel I can gain the most from working in this kind of company ennvironment.That is the reason why I come here to compete for this position.I think I\'m a good team player and I\'m a person of great honesty to others.Also I am able to work under great preure.

搞笑英语自我介绍三

Good morning !

It is really my honor to have this opportunity for a interview,

I hope i can make a good performance today.I\'m confident that I can succeed.

Now i will introduce myself briefly

I am 26 years old,born in shandong province .

I was graduated from qingdao university.my major is electronic.and i got my bachelor degree after my graduation in the year of 2003.

I spend most of my time on study,i have paed CET4/6 .and i have acquired basic knowledge of my major during my school time.

In July 20xx, I begin work for a small private company as a technical support engineer in QingDao city.Because I\'m capable of more responsibilities, so I decided to change my job.

And in August 20xx I left QingDao to BeiJing and worked for a foreign enterprise as a automation software test engineer.Because I want to change my working environment, I\'d like to find a job which is more challenging.Morover Motorola is a global company, so I feel I can gain the most from working in this kind of company ennvironment.That is the reason why I come here to compete for this position.

I think I\'m a good team player and I\'m a person of great honesty to others.Also I am able to work under great preure.

That’s all.Thank you for giving me the chance.

推荐第3篇：搞笑英语标语

SIGN ENGLISH 世界真奇妙，标语也搞笑

Traffic slogans：

两则交通宣传标语：

Don’t let your kids drive if they are not old enough—or else they never will be ……

如果你的孩子不够大就别让他开车，否则他就可能再也长不大了……

If you want to stay married, divorce speed.

想和爱人分手，就和超速分手。

A US Marine Corps slogan for Anti-Terrorism: 一条最经典的反恐标语：

It’s God’s responsibility to forgive the terrorists.It’s our responsibility to arrange the meeting .宽恕恐怖分子是上帝的责任，安排他们和上帝见面则是我们的责任。

A French training school in Germany: 德国一法语培训学校招生广告：

If you don’t like the course , you can tell us to give your money back .But remember to tell us in French.如果你听了一节课之后不喜欢这门课程，你可以要求退回学费，但必须用法语说。

A warning on the fence of a forbidden area: 一处禁地围墙上的警示：

No trespaing! Violators will be shot; survivors will be shot again .

严禁擅闯！违者将被射杀；幸存者将被再次射杀。

Notice at the wildlife park:

动物园里鳄鱼池旁的游客须知：

Those who throw objects at crocodiles will be asked to retrieve them.向鳄鱼丢东西的人将被要求把东西取回。

推荐第4篇：英语搞笑话剧——三顾茅庐

英语话剧剧本

新 三 顾 茅 庐

王金元 俄语11-2班

田

跃

王富远

三顾茅庐

张功绪

盛加俊

薛光耀 -1-

三顾茅庐

Three visits to the cottage 主要人物：诸葛亮---盛加俊

关

羽---薛光耀

张

飞---张功绪

诸葛亮仆人（诸不亮）---田跃

旁

白---王金元

刘

备---王富远 时间：10分钟

旁白：

Three visits to the cottage（中文名三顾茅庐）is a story from one of the Four Great claical Chinese novels——the Three Kindoms.ZhuGeliang is one of the main characters in the original.Also, he is an outstanding militarist, politician and the symbol of the wisdom in Chinese history.Another main actors——Liubei, who visited ZhuGeliang\'s thatched cottage three times and wanted to invite him to be his military adviser.Finally, ZhuGeliang was moved by Liubei\' sincerity, helped the three brothers——Liubei, Guanyu and Zhangfei to establish the Shu Kindom.

Now，let’s go into the story.

第一幕

屋子中，诸葛亮在屋里走着，

诸葛亮：Buliang，this claroom is so dirty.诸不亮扫地，送水（营养快线）

三兄弟上场，关羽，刘备，张飞。 刘：饭后一支烟，赛过活神仙

A cigerate after dinner plays an important role in my life.（伸手，张飞点烟，刘深吸一口，长舒一口气） 刘：嗯？没点着

En? It dosen’t burn on.

张飞：凑合着吧，老师不让抽烟

Sorry，we can only has this.We can’t smoke in the claroom! 关羽：此番前来，定要邀请的卧龙先生 We must invite Mr.Zhu Geliang! 张飞：必须的，老曹太欺负人了

Certainly,Mr.Cao bully us too much.三人来到门前，石头剪子布

刘备：According to our custom？ 关羽：OK.张飞：No problem.

-2-

三顾茅庐

刘备三人进行石头剪子布，刘备输了，其余两人把刘备推到前面。

刘备作出一幅英勇就义的姿态，（上海滩响起）

刘备作按门铃状，（门铃声响起）。

诸葛亮：Bu liang（不亮）, go to open the door.仆人：Heng!(哼) 仆人板着个脸到了门口，做了一个甩头的动作，并呼啦呼啦头发，然后深呼吸，放平稳，保持微笑。然后打开门，举了个躬。 仆人：안녕하세요(发音a ni ha sai yao~~~，中文意思：你好) 刘备：Can you speak English? 关羽：（紧接着刘备）Can you speak Chinese? 张飞：（紧接着）Can you speak Japanese? 刘备：（紧接着）Spanish? 关羽：（紧接着）Congolese? 张飞：（紧接着）Egyptian? 仆人：（紧接着）Shut up! Who are you? 刘备：(摆个pose)I’m Liubei.关羽：(也摆个pose)I’m Guanyu.

张飞：(同样摆个pose，把仆人碰倒了)I’m Sorry.

刘备三人赶紧把仆人扶起来。 诸不亮：你们怎么来的啊 How did you come here? 张飞：骑马来的啊，做骑马状 Riding horses ,of course.诸不亮：那你们怎么骑马来的啊？ So,How do you riding a horse? 诸不亮推开刘备，关上门 三人面面相觑，

刘备突然明白了，“money！！” 张飞关羽耸肩都没带钱，下台

第二幕

屋子中……

诸葛亮：My god,my god!Why do you punish me? 诸不亮：Don’t be sad,our monitor doesn’t pa the examination.诸葛亮：I know,but...

（音乐响起）三兄弟上台，张飞关羽手提礼品 关羽猥琐的说:这次应该可以了吧，上次也怨我们

-3-

三顾茅庐

I think we’ll manage it this time.

张飞：啥啊，如果你不是拉着我，老子一嗓子吼死他。

What?! If you don’t pull me,I will kill him easily by my strong throat! 刘备：Stop stop!What are we doing here？！At ease-attation!Be calm you two.Be clever this time! (门铃响，诸不亮醉醺醺的摇摇晃晃去开门） 诸不亮：谁啊 Who’s this? 张飞：收电费的

I come here to charge the bill of electricity.（开门）刘备：我们又来了，麻烦小弟通报一下

We are here again,bother to notice your bo. （诸不亮四下环顾，把礼品接过来了） （屋子里传来悲伤的气息）

张飞：怎么突然一阵感伤涌上心头（自言自语） I just feel some feeling of sorrow in my heart..关羽：请问卧龙先生在家吗，我们想见一下（SEE）Is Mr Zhu Ge home? We want to have a him ,please.诸不亮：吟诗，见与不见。。。 （你见，或者不见我）

It’s doesn’t matter if you see me or not 我就在那里

I am standing right there 不悲不喜

With no emotion 你念，或者不念我

It’s doesn’t matter if you mi me or not 情就在那里

The feeling is right there 不来不去

And it isn’t going anywhere 你爱或者不爱我

It’s doesn’t matter if you love me or not） （诸不亮转身关门，站不稳） 刘：What?！

张飞：是不是家里死人了，下次再来吧

-4-

talk with

三顾茅庐

I’m afraid some-one important of him died here.Let’s go.Maybe we should come next time.关羽：希望死的不是诸葛亮

Oh, I wish Zhu Geliang does’t die...

第三幕

（诸葛亮和诸不亮玩三国杀，诸葛亮又赢了） 诸不亮：老大你真厉害 You are the man ! 诸葛亮：那是，你不想想我是干什么的，我打算过了年就去找刘备，找份工作

Hum！That’s a piece of cake.And I think I should go to Liu Bei’s corporation to find a job after Spring Festival.诸不亮：你想去刘备那里？？

What? You said you wanna to go to Liu Bei’s company? 诸葛亮：嗯，那里用不着英语

En...That’s a good place in which I need not speak English.诸不亮：前几天他来过了，让我赶跑了

But...uh, I drove him away a few days ago.门铃响。。

诸不亮：说来就来了 Speak of the devil.（三兄弟，大跨步的走进来，诸葛亮一见到很激动） 诸葛亮：大哥，想死我了（拥抱）你带我走吧

Bo! I ached for you so much, please help me! 刘备：镇定镇定，既然兄弟这么看得起我，那咱们就一起大干一场吧

Be calm.Since you trust me so much, let’s go and do it! （出发。。）

诸葛亮：大哥等等，那。。那，一月多少钱啊

Wait,wait...My bo, uh, how much will..I get..from you then.刘备：没钱。 NO money.关羽张飞上前拉住诸葛亮。 No money!Let’s go!

-5-

推荐第5篇：英语搞笑话剧——三顾茅庐

Three visits to the cottage 主要人物：诸葛亮、诸葛家仆人（朱不亮）、刘备、关羽、张飞、旁白（同时操作电脑）

旁白：

Three visits to the cottage（中文名三顾茅庐） is a story from one of the Four Great

claical Chinese novels——the Three Kindoms.ZhuGeliang is one of the main

characters in the original.Also, he is an outstanding militarist, politician and the

symbol of the wisdom in Chinese history.Another main actors——Liubei, who

visited ZhuGeliang\'s thatched cottage three times and wanted to invite him to

be his military adviser.Finally, ZhuGeliang was moved by Liubei\' sincerity, helped

the three brothers——Liubei, Guanyu and Zhangfei to establish the Shu Kindom.

Now，let’s go into the story.

第一幕

屋子中，诸葛亮在屋里走着，

诸葛亮：Buliang，this claroom is so dirty，猪不亮扫地，送水（营养快线）

三兄弟上场，关羽（头巾），刘备（墨镜），张飞（不停打嗝） 刘：饭后一支烟，赛过活神仙

A cigerate after dinner plays an important role in my life.（伸手，张飞点烟，刘深吸一口，长舒一口气） 刘：嗯？没点着

En? It dosen’t burn on.张飞：凑合着吧，老师不让抽烟

Sorry，we can only has this.We can’t smoke in the claroom! 关羽：此番前来，定要邀请的卧龙先生 We must invite Mr.Zhu Geliang! 张飞：必须的，老曹太欺负人了 Certainly,Mr.Cao bully us too much.三人来到门前，石头剪子布 刘备：According to our custom？ 关羽：OK.张飞：No problem. 刘备三人进行石头剪子布，刘备输了，其余两人把刘备推到前面。

刘备作出一幅英勇就义的姿态，（上海滩响起）

刘备作按门铃状，（门铃声响起）。

诸葛亮：Bu liang（不亮）, go to open the door.仆人：Heng!(哼) 仆人板着个脸到了门口，做了一个甩头的动作，并呼啦呼啦头发，然后深呼吸，放平稳，保持微笑。然后打开门，举了个躬。 仆人：안녕하세요(发音a ni ha sai yao~~~，中文意思：你好) 刘备：Can you speak English? 关羽：（紧接着刘备）Can you speak Chinese? 张飞：（紧接着）Can you speak Japanese?

刘备：（紧接着）Spanish? 关羽：（紧接着）Congolese? 张飞：（紧接着）Egyptian? 仆人：（紧接着）Shut up! Who are you people? 刘备：(摆个pose)I’m Liubei.关羽：(也摆个pose)I’m Guanyu.张飞：(同样摆个pose，把关羽碰倒了)I’m Sorry. 刘备三人赶紧把仆人扶起来。 猪不亮：你们怎么来的啊

What do you three take to come here? 张飞：骑马来的啊，做骑马状 Riding a horse ,of course.猪不亮：那你们怎么骑马来的啊？ So,How do you riding a horse? 三人面面相觑，猪不亮关门 刘备突然明白了，“money！！” 张飞关羽耸肩都没带钱，下台

第二幕

三兄弟上台，张飞关羽手提礼品

关羽猥琐的说:这次应该可以了吧，上次也怨我们 I think we’ll manage it this time.张飞：啥啊，如果你不是拉着我，老子一嗓子吼死他（做咆哮状，

老虎声音）

What? If you don’t pull me,I will easily kill him with my strong throat! 刘备：行了，行了，我们来干啥来了

稍息。。。立正。。。（张飞关羽照做）

Stop,stop,What are we doing here? At ease!—Attention! 刘备：都给我机灵点（张飞关羽点头答应） You three! Be clever this time! 屋子中„„

（英文歌，诸葛亮和猪不亮正喝酒，猪不亮哼着英语歌，他两个喝醉了）

诸葛亮：MY GOD！！上天你为什么这么惩罚我 My God!! Why do you punish me?! 猪不亮：老大别难过，班长杨超不也没过吗

Don’t be sad,my bo.As I know,our monitor does’t pa the examination.诸葛亮：我的四级考试啊，开始哭．．．

What？our monitor does’t pa the examination？But，My English cet band 4 also losed···

（换背景音乐，猪不亮跟着哭，门铃响，猪不亮醉醺醺的摇摇晃晃去开门） 猪不亮：谁啊

Who’s this? 张飞：收水费的

I come here to charge the bill of electricity

（开门，三人一脸嬉笑）

刘备：我们又来了，麻烦小弟通报一下

We are here again,bother to notice your bo.（猪不亮四下环顾，把礼品接过来了）

（屋子里传来悲伤的气息，张飞和关羽抹眼泪） 张飞：怎么突然一阵感伤涌上心头（自言自语） I just feel some feeling of sorrow in my heart..关羽：请问卧龙先生在家吗，我们想见一下（SEE）

Is Mr Zhu Ge home? We want to have a talk with him ,please.猪不亮：吟诗，见与不见。。。 （你见，或者不见我

It’s doesn’t matter if you see me or not 我就在那里

I am standing right there 不悲不喜

With no emotion 你念，或者不念我

It’s doesn’t matter if you mi me or not 情就在那里

The feeling is right there 不来不去

And it isn’t going anywhere 你爱或者不爱我

It’s doesn’t matter）

（猪不亮转身关门，站不稳） 刘：What?！！

张飞：是不是家里死人了，下次再来吧

I’m afraid some-one important of him died here.Let’s go.Maybe we should come next time.关羽：希望死的不是诸葛亮

Oh, I wish Zhu Geliang does’t die„ （关羽，刘备打张飞，下台。。）

第三幕

（诸葛亮和猪不亮玩三国杀，背景音乐，术语） （诸葛亮又赢了） 猪不亮：老大你真NB You are the man ! 诸葛亮：那是，你不想想我是干什么的，我打算过了年就去找刘备，找份工作

Hum！That’s a piece of cake.And I think I should go to Liu Bei’s corporation to find a job after Spring Festival.猪不亮：你想去刘备那里？？

What? You said you wanna to go to Liu Bei’s company? 诸葛亮：嗯，那里用不着英语

En...That’s a good place in which I need not speak English.

猪不亮：前几天他来过了，让我赶跑了

But...uh, I drove him away a few days ago.门铃响。。

猪不亮：说来就来了

Speak of the devil and he doth appear.（三兄弟，大跨步的走进来，诸葛亮一见到很激动） 诸葛亮：大哥，想死我了（拥抱）你带我走吧 Bo! I ached for you so much, please help me! 刘备：镇定镇定，既然兄弟这么看得起我，那咱们就一起大干一场吧

Be calm.Since you trust me so much, let’s go and do it! （出发。。）

诸葛亮：大哥等等，那。。那，一月多少钱啊

Wait,wait...My bo, uh, how much will..I get..from you then.张飞：（恐吓状）兄弟之间不谈钱，谈钱多伤感情，（拎着诸葛亮就走）

It hurts feelings when it comes to money! （猪不亮在后面拿着包袱，大喊） 猪不亮：带上我吧，（走路（小沈阳状）） Oh, Please take me away.闭幕。。。。

推荐第6篇：搞笑的英语演讲稿

幽默英语演讲稿

love your mother 爱你的母亲

why are you crying, a young boy asked his mom? 你为什么哭?一个小男孩问他的妈妈. because im a woman, she told him. 因为我是女人,她告诉他. i dont understand, he said. 我不明白.他回答

his mom just hugged him and said, and you never will, but thats o.k........ 妈妈拥抱了他说,你永远也不会明白,但没关系... later the little boy asked his father, why does mom seem to cry for no reason?. 后来小男孩问他的父亲妈妈为什么似乎在无缘无故的哭泣? all women cry for no reason, was all his dad could say......所有的女人都会常常没有原因地哭泣,这是他的父亲唯一可以解释的...the little boy grew up and became a man, still wondering why women cry. 等到小男孩长大,成了男人的时候, 他仍然奇怪妈妈为什么哭. finally he put in a call to god and when god got back to him, he asked god, why do women cry so easily? 最后他把这件事祷告给上帝,他问上帝,为什么女人容易哭泣? god answered...... 上帝回答: when i made woman, i decided she had to be special. i made her shoulders strong enough to carry the weight of the world, yet, 当我创造女人的时候, 我决定把她造的很特别, 我让她的双肩强壮的足以能够承担整个世界,但是, 却让她的双臂温柔的足够去安慰他人... i gave her the inner strength to endure childbirth and the rejection even from her own children. 我给她内在的力量去忍受生产的剧痛, 也让她有勇气承受无数的伤害, 甚至这些伤害有时会来自于自己的孩子... i gave her a hardne that allows her to keep going and take care of her family and friends, even when everyone else gives up, through sickne and fatigue without 我给她顽强,让她能够不断地前进, 并且照顾自己的家人和朋友, 甚至当每个人都放弃的时候, 她却能够坚强地在疾病和劳累之时毫无怨言... i gave her the sensitivity to love her children under any and all circumstances.even when her child has hurt her badly.... she has the very special power to make a childs boo-boo feel better and to quell a teenagers anxieties and fears.... 我给她内心的敏感,让她在任何环境下都深爱着自己的孩子.甚至在他们深深伤害她的时候．．．

她用那特别的力量，让年幼孩子的在受伤的时候感到安慰，也能够让年轻的子女消除紧张与恐惧．．．

i gave her strength to care for her husband, despite faults and i fashioned her from his rib to protect his heart.... 我给她力量关心她的丈夫，尽管他会犯错．我用男人的肋骨创造了女人，使女人可以保护男人的心脏．．． i gave her wisdom to know that a good husband never hurts his wife, but sometimes tests her strengths and her resolve to stand beside him unfalteringly.... 我给她智慧，让她知道一个好丈夫永远不会伤害他的妻子，但有时候会试炼她坚定的永远跟随自己丈夫的能力与决心． for all of this hard work, i also gave her a tear to shed. it is hers to use whenever needed and it is her only weakne.... when you see her cry, tell her how much you love her, and all she does for everyone, and even though she may still cry, you will have made her heart feel good.因为这些种种的困难，

我也同样赐她流下眼泪，

这是当她在需要时可以使用的，

这是她唯一的软弱之处．．．

当你看到她哭泣的时候，

告诉她你有多么地爱她，

告诉她她为所有人所做的一切，

即使这样她可能还是会哭泣，

但你会使她的心里得到安慰． she is special! please send this to women you know, and those with mothers, sisters, and special women in their lives. 她是独特的！

请把这个信息传递给你认识的女人， 有母亲，姐妹和特别的女性在他们生命里的人． but, also send this to men so they will understand about what a wonderful thing a woman is.篇2：中英文幽默演讲

幽默演讲——调侃自己（中英对照）

演讲者如何调侃自己

创新句子：你们或者睡觉，或者不睡，只要不打呼噜，我就接着讲。

幽默注释：演讲者讲得太糟糕了，组织者哭得很伤心。

演讲结束时，宴会主人感谢你从繁忙的日程中抽出时间来——你泰然自若，优雅地点头微笑着，心里非常清楚你日历上唯一的事情就是就早餐后喝点咖啡。 poise is when you finish your speech and the toastmaster thanks you for taking time out of your busy schedule to be a part of their program --- and you nod and smile graciously knowing full well that the only thing on your calendar is a little coffee from breakfast. 幽默注释：一些老干部退休后没什么事干，有人请他参加一些活动，他还假装很忙，好象推开了很多事才赶去似的。

过去我演讲时常常会比较紧张，但那时我看到一条信息说如果你想象所有的观众都是裸体会有所帮助。此时此刻，我站在这里想象着观众都是裸体，真的起作用，我不再紧张了，但眼睛有些疲劳。 i used to get nervous when giving a speech but then i read that it helps to think of the entire audience as being naked.and so, at this very moment, i’m standing up here imagining every one in this audience as being naked.and it really works.i no suffer from nervousne.eyestrain.yes. 幽默注释：把观众想象成裸体，意思是我不怕你们，就不紧张了。

创新句子：大部分人站在讲台上都会有点儿紧张，我属于少部分人，我非常紧张。

我本人不自负——我简直不能告诉你们我是多么钦佩我这一点。 personally, i have never been conceited --- and i can’t tell you how much i admire myself for that. 幽默句子：他因为自己不自负，所以变得非常骄傲。

创新句子：我一点儿都不自负，我希望别人也这么看我。

我先用简单明了的英语演讲，以后我再翻译给律师听。 let me put this into plain english.i’ll translate it for the lawyers later.幽默注释：律师总喜欢用复杂的语言，简单的话都听不懂了。

创新句子：我的讲话有三个版本，小学生版本，中学生版本，大学生版本，你是听小学一年纪版的，还是小学二年纪版的？

如果你听过这个故事，请不要打断我，我就知道这一个故事。 if you’ve already heard this story, please don’t stop me because it’s the only one i know. 幽默注释：就是你知道两个故事，讲故事前也可以这么说。

创新句子：我讲个笑话，如果你们听过，也希望装做没听过，我也这样照顾你们。

演讲就象给草坪浇水，如果有四分之一的水渗下去你就满意了。 making a speech is like watering a lawn.you’re satisfied if just a quarter of it sinks in. 幽默注释：有人打呼噜，有人说话，都是正常的，有四分之一观众听就不错了。

幽默句子：即兴演讲的开场白。

创新句子：我不知道你们会不会喜欢我的演讲，我不知道我要讲点儿什么。

开始前我想告诉你们下面的演讲已经编辑成了电视节目，我现在少讲20分钟，我们能够及时赶回家看2台的节目。 before i begin, i want you to know that the following speech has been edited for television.i cut 20 minutes out of it so we could all get home in time for the game on channel 2. 幽默注释：放着现场不看，偏要回家在电视上看。

可能你们有些人知道我今晚出现在这里有两个原因：第一个原因是你们的计划委员会一直在设法寻找一个聪明、有趣、老练的演讲者，——他们找到了。第二个原因是那个人病了，所以就打电话把我找来了。

幽默注释：一开始好象在说自己很牛，其实就是个临时替场。

创新句子：我认为我演讲很风趣，可为什么没人笑呢？

有人有舞台恐惧症，我没有；舞台不会怎么样我，是观众快把我吓死了！ some people suffer from stage fright.i don’t.the stage doesn’t bother me at all.it’s the audience that scares the hell out of me! 幽默注释：stage fright舞台恐惧症，而不是舞台吓唬我。

我们每个人都希望能在某一时刻把时钟拨回去。如果我能够把时钟拨回去 at one time or another, i think each of us has wished we could turn back the clock.i know if i could turn back the clock just 45 minutes, i’d be the happiest person in this room.because that’s when i left my speech on the kitchen table.幽默注释：自己上台前还在刻苦练习，演讲稿落家里了，讲错了希望观众包涵。

我不想吹牛，但上次我演讲时所有的观众都站了起来，他们再也没有坐下，直到走到他们的汽车那儿。 i don’t want to brag, but the last time i did this it brought the audience to its feet.and they never sat down again until they reached their cars. 幽默注释：观众听他演讲，都站起来走了，他还在吹牛呢。

创新句子：我演讲时用一种平缓的语速娓娓道来，观众睡得很香甜。

如果我有点儿犹豫，你们一定要原谅我，这是我第一次饭后演讲——在卖当劳里冲我的小孩儿喊叫除外。 if i’m a little hesitant, you’ll have to excuse me.this is the first after-dinner speech i’ve ever made ---except for yelling at my kids in mcdonald’s.幽默注释：自嘲自己演讲没什么经验。

创新句子：你可能知道我已经养成了饭后演讲的习惯。

我不习惯面对这么多观众演讲，让我鼓起勇气的一件事情就是我在谈论我最喜欢的题目——我。

i’m not used to speaking to such a large audience.the one thing that gives me courage is that i’m speaking on my favorite subject --- me. 幽默注释：电视上老是邀请一些名人在那儿大谈自己，这些人开场可以这么说。

人们总问我为什么我戴顶10加仑的红色帽子（或者一些其它非常显眼的衣服饰品），我告诉他们那是我采取的积极现实的生活态度。我知道不管发生什么事情，善良的上帝总在注视着我们。现在地球上有60亿人，我希望上帝能从芸芸众生中一眼就挑出我来。 people always ask me why i wear a big red ten gallon hat (or some other very noticeable article of clothing) and i tell them.it has to do with taking a positive but practical view of life.for instance, i know that no matter what happens, the good lord is watching over us.then again, there are now six billion of us, so i want to make darn sure he can pick me out of the crowd.篇3：幽默英语演讲稿 幽默英语演讲稿 love your mother 爱你的母亲

why are you crying, a young boy asked his mom? 你为什么哭?一个小男孩问他的妈妈. because im a woman, she told him. 因为我是女人,她告诉他. i dont understand, he said. 我不明白.他回答

his mom just hugged him and said, and you never will, but thats o.k........ 妈妈拥抱了他说,你永远也不会明白,但没关系... later the little boy asked his father, why does mom seem to cry for no reason?. 后来小男孩问他的父亲妈妈为什么似乎在无缘无故的哭泣? all women cry for no reason, was all his dad could say......所有的女人都会常常没有原因地哭泣,这是他的父亲唯一可以解释的... the little boy grew up and became a man, still wondering why women cry. 等到小男孩长大,成了男人的时候, 他仍然奇怪妈妈为什么哭. finally he put in a call to god and when god got back to him, he asked god, why do women cry so easily? 最后他把这件事祷告给上帝,他问上帝,为什么女人容易哭泣? god answered...... 上帝回答: when i made woman, i decided she had to be special. i made her shoulders strong enough to carry the weight of the world, yet, 当我创造女人的时候, 我决定把她造的很特别, 我让她的双肩强壮的足以能够承担整个世界,但是, 却让她的双臂温柔的足够去安慰他人... i gave her the inner strength to endure childbirth and the rejection even from her own children. 我给她内在的力量去忍受生产的剧痛, 也让她有勇气承受无数的伤害, 甚至这些伤害有时会来自于自己的孩子... i gave her a hardne that allows her to keep going and take care of her family and friends, even when everyone else gives up, through sickne and fatigue without 我给她顽强,让她能够不断地前进, 并且照顾自己的家人和朋友, 甚至当每个人都放弃的时候, 她却能够坚强地在疾病和劳累之时毫无怨言... i gave her the sensitivity to love her children under any and all circumstances.even when her child has hurt her badly.... she has the very special power to make a childs boo-boo feel better and to quell a teenagers anxieties and fears.... 我给她内心的敏感,让她在任何环境下都深爱着自己的孩子.甚至在他们深深伤

害她的时候．．．

她用那特别的力量，让年幼孩子的在受伤的时候感到安慰，也能够让年轻的子女消除紧张与恐惧．．． i gave her strength to care for her husband, despite faults and i fashioned her from his rib to protect his heart.... 我给她力量关心她的丈夫，尽管他会犯错．我用男人的肋骨创造了女人，使女人可以保护男人的心脏．．． i gave her wisdom to know that a good husband never hurts his wife, but sometimes tests her strengths and her resolve to stand beside him unfalteringly.... 我给她智慧，让她知道一个好丈夫永远不会伤害他的妻子，但有时候会试炼她坚定的永远跟随自己丈夫的能力与决心． for all of this hard work, i also gave her a tear to shed. it is hers to use whenever needed and it is her only weakne.... when you see her cry, tell her how much you love her, and all she does for everyone, and even though she may still cry, you will have made her heart feel good.因为这些种种的困难，

我也同样赐她流下眼泪，

这是当她在需要时可以使用的，

这是她唯一的软弱之处．．．

当你看到她哭泣的时候，

告诉她你有多么地爱她，

告诉她她为所有人所做的一切，

即使这样她可能还是会哭泣，

但你会使她的心里得到安慰． she is special! please send this to women you know, and those with mothers, sisters, and special women in their lives. 她是独特的！ 请把这个信息传递给你认识的女人， 有母亲，姐妹和特别的女性在他们生命里的人． but, also send this to men so they will understand about what a wonderful thing a woman is. each day is a mountain that must be climbed; with courage each step篇4：我写的搞笑的英文演讲稿

我写的搞笑的英文演讲稿 once god came up two me & granted me a dream to be realize.i asked 4 world peace.that’s impoible, he said. 有一次上帝来到我面前答应了实现我一个梦想。我说我要世界和平。“那是不可能的”他说。

then i asked him to give you brains.he said, let me try world peace. 然后我请让你变聪明。他说：“你还是让我试试让世界和平吧。”篇5：英语演讲幽默开场白

英语演讲幽默开场白

作为一个演讲者，我从观众那只得到过两种抱怨：一种是我讲话声音太大了，他们无法入睡；第二种是我讲得时间太长了，他们无法一直清醒。

作为一个讲演者，他的演讲总拿来和林肯的哥得堡演讲[一个著名的演讲]相比较。当他演讲结束时，也有悲伤、眼泪和悲痛——特别是计划委员会。

幽默注释：演讲者讲得太糟糕了，组织者哭得很伤心。

演讲结束时，宴会主人感谢你从繁忙的日程中抽出时间来——你泰然自若，优雅地点头微笑着，心里非常清楚你日历上唯一的事情就是就早餐后喝点咖啡 poise is when you finish your speech and the toastmaster thanks you for taking time out of your busy schedule to be a part of their program --- and you nod and smile graciously knowing full well that the only thing on your calendar is a little coffee from breakfast. 幽默注释：一些老干部退休后没什么事干，有人请他参加一些活动，他还假装很忙，好象推开了很多事才赶去似的。

过去我演讲时常常会比较紧张，但那时我看到一条信息说如果你想象所有的观众都是裸体会有所帮助。此时此刻，我站在这里想象着观众都是裸体，真的起作用，我不再紧张了，但眼睛有些疲劳。 i used to get nervous when giving a speech but then i read that it helps to think of the entire audience as being naked.and so, at this very moment, i’m standing up here imagining every one in this audience as being naked.and it really works.i no suffer from nervousne.eyestrain.yes 幽默注释：把观众想象成裸体，意思是我不怕你们，就不紧张了。

创新句子：大部分人站在讲台上都会有点儿紧张，我属于少部分人，我非常

紧张。

我本人不自负——我简直不能告诉你们我是多么钦佩我这一点。 personally, i have never been conceited --- and i can’t tell you how much i admire myself for that. 幽默句子：他因为自己不自负，所以变得非常骄傲。

创新句子：我一点儿都不自负，我希望别人也这么看我. 我先用简单明了的英语演讲，以后我再翻译给律师听。 let me put this into plain english.i’ll translate it for the lawyers later.幽默注释：律师总喜欢用复杂的语言，简单的话都听不懂了。 创新句子：我的讲话有三个版本，小学生版本，中学生版本，大学生版本，你是听小学一年纪版的，还是小学二年纪版的？

如果你听过这个故事，请不要打断我，我就知道这一个故事。 if you’ve already heard this story, please don’t stop me because it’s the only one i know. 幽默注释：就是你知道两个故事，讲故事前也可以这么说。

创新句子：我讲个笑话，如果你们听过，也希望装做没听过，我也这样照顾你们。

演讲就象给草坪浇水，如果有四分之一的水渗下去你就满意了。 making a speech is like watering a lawn.you’re satisfied if just a quarter of it sinks in. 幽默注释：有人打呼噜，有人说话，都是正常的，有四分之一观众听就不错了。

幽默句子：即兴演讲的开场白。

创新句子：我不知道你们会不会喜欢我的演讲，我不知道我要讲点儿什么 开始前我想告诉你们下面的演讲已经编辑成了电视节目，我现在少讲20分钟，我们能够及时赶回家看2台的节目。

before i begin, i want you to know that the following speech has been edited for television.i cut 20 minutes out of it so we could all get home in time for the game on channel 2. 幽默注释：放着现场不看，偏要回家在电视上看。

可能你们有些人知道我今晚出现在这里有两个原因：第一个原因是你们的计划委员会一直在设法寻找一个聪明、有趣、老练的演讲者，——他们找到了。第二个原因是那个人病了，所以就打电话把我找来了。

幽默注释：一开始好象在说自己很牛，其实就是个临时替场。

推荐第7篇：英语搞笑话剧 面试

导演： hi, do u know me? What？ You don’t know who I am? ok ok , I will give u some clues.Look, who is he？ （冯小刚） o, yes, now ,u know who am I .what! U still don’t know。 O my god, it’s so obvious who am I .(生气的样子) 秘书在一旁扇风一边说 秘书: clam down, clam down, my dear director, you are the most famous , handsome, talented director.You are a genius in my heart.导演：（开心的点头）yes of course.ok, let me introduce myself, I am feng da gang , today I will direct a new film and I will select someone who get the chance in my film.Ok, don’t speak more, now let’s begin .秘书：（站直）Number one, let’s welcome

范小冰： （风情万种，妖娆妩媚的走到舞台中间，定格姿势，给观众飞吻）hello, I am fan xiao bing, what? You say I am look like fan bingbing.(hehehehe笑)thank you .I know I am very beautiful, charming and sexy(走向导演) oh, honey, dear director.I love you so much.(导演高兴) when I was young, I want to be a actre. 导演：do you have some talent ? 范小冰： just open your eyes as big as you can, there will be a fantastic dance show for u.(打个响指) come some music(第八套广播体操音乐响起，之后音乐迅速变成芭蕾音乐) （跳完，面向观众鞠躬） thank you .(面向导演)，honey，is it a wonderful performance? 导演:(目瞪口呆状) 范小冰：（在甲眼前晃手）oh, darling, are u ok? 导演：my god, have u use some stimulant drugs this morning, u make my nerves nervous.get out 范小冰: oh no sweet, you break my heart(掩面离去) 秘书： next one.翁翁：oh , dear audiences, I mi you guys so much. (和观众使劲挥手疯狂状态，随即想到什么) oh, I am a fair lady，I am very grace.(小莲花步走向导演)nice to meet u, director.导演（与之握手）nice to meet u too, so introduce yourself.翁翁： I’m celine wengweng, I am very international.You know ,I don’t have too many achievements, I just won five Grammy awards, 7 American Music Awards, 12 World Music Awards and a Oscar award…(hehehehe) in the future，I will get.导演: ok, stop.Time is limited, just begin 翁翁：ok , I will use a song to conquer u(一首歌) just enjoy it.(唱歌时间) 导演：stop, stop(翁翁不理，导演和秘书一起捂着耳朵) 翁翁：is it wonderful？ 导演不语， 秘书 next one

嬷嬷：（对着翁翁的背影沉思） to be or not to be , that is a question.To sing or not to sing , that is a question too (走到导演面前牵起他的手做亲吻状) I am glad to see u , my dear lord.导演（娇羞状）oh it’s really a big surprise, so, what’s your name? 嬷嬷： my name? do you know xu zhimo, 导演点头，I am his father’s brother’s cousin’s granddaughter xu momo .导演：I don’t care who u are, show me your talent.嬷嬷： I have had found my best love, but I didn’t treasure her.When I lost her, I regret.It’s the most pain in the world.If God can give me another chance, I will say three words to her I love u （嘤嘤的哭）

导演： oh, I can’t stand, show u the door 嬷嬷：（转身离开，继续台词） if there is a time limit, I hope it’s 100years

导演：I am very profeional director, how to find this unprofeional actor.Next one 秘书: my dear director , there is no next one.导演：what ,no one comes here except they three, o, god 秘书：What do u think about me?(摆出最风情万种的姿势) 导演：you…秘书点头

导演：ai, give u a chance 秘书：（模特表演时间） the most handsome director, I know you have a good taste.So ,do u want to say something? 导演： let the three come here 范小冰： honey , u like my dance ,right? 导演：en ,u know my film is very elegant, through your performs I found some potential, so , I will give u the chance 众人：really? You really have a good taste 导演： I just worried if I don’t want you, who will want u.do u have confidence 众人：yes we do （齐跳小苹果）

推荐第8篇：英语搞笑面试剧本

剧本

面试官：L

应聘者一：Z

应聘者二：T 出场 室内

L:（上来擦桌子，摆放文件，然后回头）Today is the first day of Foxconn Group´s job interview.I´m responsible for the recruitment 。I´m Li.We recruit all kinds of elite from nationwide .Swift horse is very often but bole is hard to find。I´m just the bole .It is well known,Our company´s benefits occupy a certain height in the world, Foxconn second, who would dare to say the first? Welcome to the job fair today.Let\'s start the interview with some questions.Now please make a simple introduce about yourself.Z:Good morning.It is really my honor to have the opportunity for an interview.I hope I can make a good performance today and I am confident that I can succeed.My name is Wang Ye.My father is “Li Gang”.Li,we have known each other ,right? Last night you and I had our dinner together and I wonder if you have lost something.I believe that this book must belong to you.(Z拿出一本书，书中夹着几张100元钱，施接过书，把钱收起来，咳嗽两声，假装正经继续面试。) I have just graduated from XX University with good aility.And also, I have a powerful family background.I think it will be helpful to both of us if I can entre this company.That’s all, and I believe it is enough.Thank you.L: I am very optimistic about you.T:I am almost a saint, I have no shortcoming.It does not matter where I come from or where I will go. Never expcet me to question, I am not a good questioner.you do not need to keep my words in your mind, because what I say is trivial.If beauty is a sin, I have committed heinous crimes; if there is wrong with a type, I have made the same mistake again and again; if wise must be punished, I will be hacked in pieces; if modesty is subjected to be torture, how could I ever escaped in succeed?

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L: I can felt your modesty .L: What is your ideal? Z Z: Don,t talk about ideal with me , I´m giving up.L: Do you have an ideal?T T: Never try to spy out my thought, it is an extremely dangerous thing.In such a reality world, I am not sure it is right or not to talk about the dreams.But anyway, everyone should have a dream, in case it comes true, right? I once had many dreams in my life, big or small, but now, I just want to get the offer of this joy.L: Ideal is very plentiful, reality is very skinny.4 years of age I dreams of being the kindergarten teacher, because the teacher unlimited to eat noodles, also can eat while chatting.I can only eat a bowl, can not eat too slow, can not speak, nor can spill soup on the table or someone else\'s pants.10 years old my ambition was to be the daughter of an English teacher, so she would not call me up and recite every day, nor will pulling my ears I have stuttered back.But then I saw her daughter who came back from the United States , Her ears is surprisingly large.14 years old my ideal is to have a high nose, I often do my homework near a lamp, then squinted to see my silhouette reflected on the wall , I´m very sad to find the silhouette of my face looks like a monkeys, no wonder no one from small to big said I look good.......Z and T: Stop!!! L: OH.I,m sorry.It is too sad to recall the past. let\'s back to the topic.Z.Why shoud I choose you from so many candidates ? Z:Just as i said, I have a powerful family background.My entering your company will bring a lot of benefit to both the company and me.This is a Win-Win situation.L:Talk about your understanding of gender.Z: I understand your company’s plan, but sex is not the key to elect

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personnel, it also based on the individual level.I have excellent performance in all aspects.Some boys do not better than me.I can play the advantages of girls.And I am so beautiful~~ L: You want to apply for what position.Z: Marketing.L:Why.Z:I have a huge drinking capacity.I will not drunk even after a thousand cups of wine.This is a greatest advantage in marketing. L: T.Tell me What are your greatest strengths? T: My biggest advantage is that I have no shortcoming, Everybody who knows me all suppose that.And I think I am quite modest, really.L:Why did you come to apply for our company T:Do not ask me so much why, it makes you look like very stupid.Neverthele, everyone deserves a joy, me too, Since I do not have a joy yet.I have to earn my live, also, I have no a adopted father to depend on like others.L: What do you think of the decision still difficult to do? T: If your mother and your girlfriend are drowning at the same time, which one you will save first.I think this question is the difficult one to answer.You know there can be too much truth in any relationships.L: Can you give me an example of team activities to prove your leadership ? T: Of course.But I need a minute to think since that there is so much to say.And it is a little difficult to me to think of the old thing.But as an old saying, every mountain is unclimbable until someone climbs.I am a student cadres in my college, and I always organized my clamates to participate in the labor activities.So, they all hated me in bones.L: Now let me test your intelligence.The first question ,Cut a cake three times then give to five people, so

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how to cut ? Z: How to cut? T: Just like this, cut, cut, cut, ok.L: You don\'t want to add? The second question .A total of 25 people in a cla, the 15 is not female and the 16 is not male , so how many people in this cla? Z: Has anyone is neither male nor female? T: Are you sure to question me this stupid question? It is a huge insult to me.Twenty-five, by the way, never ask me such question again, thank you.L: OK.About this interview, we decide to hire both of you.Z, you have the background and strength, you are very suitable for sale.T, You\'re unique, You can go to planning department exert your talent.About the distribution of the work, do you have any questions? If not , tomorrow can be reported to the company.这时L的手机响了起来

L:What? Fang Zou zi, Anti-Counterfeit? Now I,m going back to the company clean up the me? Well, so be it.Z: What happend? L: The company is out of question, I Gotta GO.T and Z: What about us? L:You don\'t have to work in the company.T: Previously said that? L: All invalid.

推荐第9篇：英语短剧(三人)搞笑

改编自《两小儿辩日》 (J:Jack P:Petter S:stranger)

独白：The story happened in a sunny day.Two friends meet each other.J:Hi,nice to see you,Petter.P:Nice to see you,Jack.It`s a good day ,isn`t it? J:Yeah,I like sunny days.P:Look,what`s this? J:Oh,it`s our luck day.It`s 100 dollar.P:Yes, it is.So what should we do to the money?Give it to uncle police? J:I don`t think so.I suggest one of us can have it.Since it is in my hand,so…

P:No ,I don`t think so.I think I find it first,I am the person that who should have the money.J:Look at that person.Why don`t we ask him to judge it for us.P:I agree.J:Hello,could you please do us a favour? S:Ofcourse.What`t up? J:Here is the thing,……

S:Isee.It`s really a hard question.Let me think.en…OK,I get an idea.Now I`ll give you one question and the one who can give the correct answer that can have the money.What do you think? P:Why not.J:Let do it.S:Now you must listen to me carefully.Look at the sun,it`s beautiful isn`t it?And it`s very far from us.So my question is when is the sun farther away from us,in the morning or at noon?You first.P:It`s easy.As we can see,in the morning the sun is very big and at noon it become smaller.So,the answer is at noon J:That is the most stupid answer I have ever heard.As we can feel ,in the morning it`s cool and at noon it`ll be very hot.That is because the sun is farther away from us at morning.争吵

S：OK.Stop.Stop.As a matter of fact,each of your answer is incorrect.I think the range is the same.P:Are you crazy?Let me tell you something?(到一边，拿出50美元)If you make me win,it`s yours.S:(think for a while).It`s a deal.(回到原地) I am sorry,I made a mistake just now.I`ll correct my answer.Petter is right.The answer is at noon.J:What?We need to talk.(拉路人到一边)I did not catch your mean clearly.Could you say it again? S:The sun isfarther away from usat noon.So you are wrong.J:(打过路人)Did you change your mind? S:No…Oh yes.You are right.Obviously,he was wrong.(一起回去) P：What`s wrong with your face? J:清嗓子

S:I just fall over by accident,nevermind.And let`s go back to the question ,I think it over and over again.Finally I believe Jack is right.You were wrong.J:(Jack从petter手中抢过钱)Then it`s mine.(ki it) It`s nice to meet you ,petter.Goodbye.P:What?Don`t go.(jack下) What`s wrong with you? S:I `m sorry,Ijust…..J:Give me my money,now.(路人拿出钱，jack一把抢过来，生气地走了) S：（jack走后，路人掏掏口袋发现）Where is my own 100 dollar.Give me my money.(追jack) 完

推荐第10篇：英语搞笑话剧剧本

英语搞笑话剧剧本-A Story about Love and Stinky Feet

从前，一个巫婆有一双臭脚，人们都很讨厌。所以，她想找一个人换掉她的双脚。

有一天她来到\"香国\" 。她发现，人人都有双香脚。一天王子午睡，巫婆用自己的臭脚换了王子的香脚。

有一位公主，她总是失眠。虽然国王和王后在尝试了很多方法，她还不能睡觉。国王和王后陛下非常担心自己的女儿。

最后，他们就发现了一个方法：每当公主无法入睡，她只需要嗅觉王子的臭脚，然后她将睡得很好。

最后王子和公主很幸福的生活在一起。 人物

Ada:

Little girl Candy:

Queen Evander:

King Evelyn Joel:

Prince Rita:

Singer /Woman Yilina:

Witch Summary Once upon a time…A witch had a pair of stinky feet.They were very disgusting.So, she wanted to find a person to change her feet.And one day she flied to “Fragrance Country”.She found everyone there had a pair of fragrant feet.And the prince had the most fragrant pair of feet.The prince took a nap and snored under the tree.At that time, the witch exchanged her own stinky feet with the prince’s fragrant feet.

There was a prince who couldn’t sleep in “Beauty Country”.Although the king and the queen tried many methods, she still couldn’t sleep.The king and the queen were very worried about their daughter.And then, they discovered a perfect method for the prince to fall asleep: Whenever the prince couldn’t sleep, she only had to smell the prince’s stinky feet, and then she would sleep very well.In the end, the prince and the prince lived happily together.

SCENE I (One afternoon, a girl, Ada, is reading a book) Ada: Oh~ what an interesting story! Once upon a time…A witch had a pair of stinky feet.They smelt worse than stinky tofu.They were very disgusting.So, she wanted to find a person to change her feet.Ada: And one day she flied to “Fragrance country”.She found everyone there had a pair of fragrant feet.And the prince had the most fragrant pair of feet.The prince took a nap and snored under the tree.Witch: （screaming and laughing and dancing）I’m the most perfect witch who has both beauty and intelligence.More and more people fall for my…my … feet! Oh no, my feet! I’m such a charming witch, but why do my feet stink so much? Everyone faints when they smell my feet.The smell of my feet can kill mice.Oh, I don’t want to live.I want to fly away! （Flying to the Fragrance country）

Witch: (Crying) I hate my feet! I hate my feet! (in a low voice) Ha-ha, what’s the smell? It smells so sweet.(Searching) Oh.What a handsome boy.(Come closer and take a deep breath) Oh, oh, oh, why do his feet have such a sweet smell? It’s just not fair! (Angrily) Not fair! Look, he’s sleeping and snoring.Let me exchange my feet with his! (Doing magic and laughing loudly) Oh, my feet.You smell so sweet! Now I’m really the most charming witch.(Fly away)

Prince: (Asleep and dreaming) Oh! What a beautiful girl you are! You are my only one – my dear prince.Prince: (Wake up!) Oh~ what’s wrong? What a bad smell!! The room smells of stinky tofu.Is it my table? My hand? My chair? My head? Or my window? Oh no! It’s my feet.I have a pair of stinky feet.How did it happen? (Hold on to his head.)(Run away) I can’t believe it!

SCENE II (The prince is walking and sees some crows on the way.) Prince: Oh~ there are many crows.Crow A: Please go away…

Crow B: Quickly! It’s full of bad smell here.Crows: We are going to die, because your feet are too disgusting.Prince: Oh! I am so sorry…My feet cause you much trouble…Sorry~! (Prince continues to walk.He sees some flowers.) Prince: Hum~ I like the perfume of flowers.Flower A: Oh! I can’t live without fresh air.

Flower B: Keep your feet far away from us, please.Flowers: Your feet are too disgusting.Prince: Why does everyone dislike me? I am so sad and I am sorry for making you feel bad.(Prince continues to walk.) Prince: What can I do? I want my sweet-smelling feet back.(Many strangers are buying from vendors on the road.) Stranger A: Did you step in something? Check your shoes.Stranger B: Oh! Don’t talk nonsense.

Stranger C: I know where that bad smell comes from.It’s him.Strangers: Just get lost! Dirty man! Prince: Oh I’m sorry.I’m not a dirty man.My feet are really disgusting.(Prince continues to walk.)

SCENE III Ada: There was a prince who couldn’t sleep in “Beauty country.” Although king and queen tried many methods, she still couldn’t sleep.

Ada: The king and the queen are very worried about their daughter.Then, they finally found a perfect solution after several trials and failures… (In the palace.) Queen: I am the queen! King: Of course I am the king! Queen: You never care about your daughter!!! King: So…what happened to our baby? Queen: My dear daughter can’t sleep! King: So…what can we do?

(Queen brings many kinds of pills to her daughter.) King: Oh~my dear, just take them all.Prince: Take them all? Are you sure? King: Yes! Prince: (Take medicine) I still can’t sleep me still can’t sleep! (Try another method.) King: Hey my dear! Dad teaches you a good way to fall sleep: Counting Sheep.Prince: 1 sheep 2 sheep 3 sheep …..(Try a third method.) Queen: I know a girl with a beautiful voice.Maybe she can make our daughter sleep.King: Yes yes! (Open the door) Is she the one? (See Ada) Queen: Oh~no! King: Is she the one? Queen: Of course! Please start singing! Rita: I am a magic singer.(Clean the throat.) Can I start to sing? Rita: Baby sleep.Baby sleep.Baby hurry to sleep.Everybody sing with me….Prince: Shut up! Get out of here!! King: I think these methods are not good ideas.We’ll think of better ideas.Queen: Hum…I have an idea….maybe we can…..King: You can say that again.Queen: Let’s get ready.

(King and queen are preparing …)

Prince: Daddy! Mommy! It’s time to sleep! Don’t forget to take medicine.(King and queen are disguised as ghosts in order to scare the prince to sleep.) King: Oh, no! It didn’t work.Maybe we should get help from people.

Queen: OK! (Point to Ada) You just do it.Go out on the streets and find some help.

SCENE IV (Prince walks in the Beauty Country and looks at a crowd of people.Some people try to make the prince sleep.) Prince: (To himself.) A woman among the crowd: I’ve tried several ways and still they didn’t work! I think I can make the prince sleep! Can I try? King & Queen: Yes! It’s our pleasure.Please try.

Prince: Thank you! (Take his shoes off and put his feet in front of the prince’s face.) Sorry! My dear prince! Prince: Oh! Your feet smell so awful.I can’t breathe and I want to sleep.King & Queen: Oh no! My dear~ What happened to you? Don’t scare us! (King touches her nose to check if the prince breathes.) King: She’s still breathing.She just fell asleep.(Queen hugs the Prince.) Queen: Thank you! Oh, thank God! My dear baby finally fell asleep.King: (To the prince.) Oh! Thank you! We are very lucky to meet you.Prince: I can’t believe it! My disgusting feet have magic power!! Queen: Oh! Don’t say that! They are not disgusting at all.Congratulations! You are going to marry my dear daughter.King: Yes! This is a happy ending.Ada: Whenever the prince couldn’t sleep, all she had to do was to smell the prince’s stinky feet.And then, she would sleep very well.In the end, the prince and the prince lived happily together.

第11篇：英语搞笑剧本改编

A：导演 B：编剧 C：黄花菜 D：柔柔 E：才女

旁白：最近一首《时间都去哪了》可谓是红遍中国的大江南北啊，其主要原因呢，肯定与其歌词所包含的重大教育意义有关，所以因曾经拍摄电影而名噪一时的国际著名导演张某某正在策划将歌曲改编成同名电影。

A：大家好，想必你们一定看过吧，不错，我就是这部戏的导演张某某，（鼓掌）可以了可以了。。。

B：吃了吗，我尊敬的导演！大家上午好！感谢大家来参与我们的选拔，我们这次将会选出一些优秀的富有幽默感的演员来参与我们最新电影的拍摄，谁将会成为今天的幸运儿呢，是你，是你，还是你？呵呵，让我们拭目以待！

A：（害羞状）亲，过来坐吧~ A：（尴尬地笑了笑）哼哼，有请第一位面试者。

C：（风情万种，妖娆妩媚地走进来，给观众一个飞吻）哦，我亲爱的最爱的可爱的编剧，最帅气的王子殿下，我这个“性感女神”粉墨登场了！每个人一定都认识我，我姓黄名花菜，家住合肥市，二十岁还没定过亲。

B：黄花菜？的确很符合你无与伦比的气质，你父母真是足够了解你啊。

C：哦，真的吗，我也这么觉得呢！我知道我很美，你又那么帅，我们两真的是郎才女貌啊，如果我们在一起。。。。

B：（呕吐状后正色道）我谢谢你全家，我不是同性恋！亲爱的，展示一下你的才艺吧。

C：我需要你的帮助。 二人开始跳舞。

B：（终于忍不住）你有完没完！（随即被C强吻后晕过去。） A：（气愤状）我去你大爷!(将C踢下场，看着B开始犯花痴）哦，怎么会有这么帅的人，看得我的心小鹿乱撞，我应该给他一个人工呼吸吗？

B：（突然惊醒）你，你做什么！

A：没什么没什么，你看今天的天空多蓝啊。 B：额。。。。那就有请下一位！

D：大家好，人家天下无敌霹雳美少女是柔柔啦~（转个圈，作公主半蹲装，并开始跳舞。）

A：（不耐烦)行了行了。。。（见没有反应）够了！

B：哇哦，好可爱的一个萌妹子，你给我们带来什么样的才艺展示呢？

D：嗯，今天呢，我为大家带来一首歌，叫《好一朵美丽的茉莉花》这是我唱给你听的，亲爱的王子。

A：这位小姐，时间有限，不要做跟表演无关的事。

A：（忍无可忍）够了！你唱的跟猫叫一样，听了晚上都要做噩梦，谁给你勇气站在这的！简直就在浪费我们的时间。

D：不，亲爱的编剧，不是这样的! B：哦，亲爱的，你的表现的确是很特别啊，不过很可惜，是特别的糟糕，你实在是浪费了你美丽的外表，我们要的是实力派的演员，而不是你这种花瓶。

D：实话告诉你，其实人家不在乎能不能成一名演员，人家在乎的是你啊，我最最亲爱的，能和你在一起才是最重要的，我敢打赌，只要我们在一起了，我们的宝宝一定会是全天下最美丽聪明的。。。

A：我了个去！这位小姐，我们今天是场演员海选，不是你的相亲派对，我想你可能来错地方了！给我滚出去，别在这丢人现眼了！

B：你知道她是我的女人！

A：去你大爷的女人，你赶紧给我滚！ D:(恨恨地走出去) A：看样子你很吃香啊，谁都为你而来，不论是女人，还是男人。 B：呵呵，我从来没想过会是这样。

A：下一位，可不可以来个正常人，我快hold不住了。 E：东风不来，三月的柳絮不飞，你的心如小小的寂寞的城，跫音不响，三月的春帷不揭，你的心如小小的窗扉紧闭。

A：请自我介绍一下。 E：关于我的名字嘛。。。等等，你知道《忐忑》吗？（A摇头，B点头）额。。。没关系，那《The fox》呢？（A还是摇头，B点头）或者《万万没想到》？（A还是摇头，B还是点头，E走上前牵起B的手想要亲吻）知音啊知音，我真是太荣幸认识你了！我就知道你懂我！

A：（拍开E的手）你放开他! E：你居然连这些当代流行艺术都不知道，凭什么坐在这！ A：你、、、你、、、你、、、

E：好吧好吧，这些都不重要，你可以不知道它们，但你一定得知道我啊，将会赶上杨幂刘诗诗成为中国影坛最红的女星——赵彤！

A：我不在乎你以后会怎么样，我只想知道，你现在能带给我们什么。

E：这个好办！（转向B）帅哥，我需要你的帮助。 BE开始跳舞。

A：你在干什么，我受不了了，你可以走了！（推了E一把，拉回B）

E：你这么粗鲁，你爸妈知道嘛？

A：我的天呐，我真的受不了了，怎么找一个优秀的演员那么难，这是天要亡我啊！你们三个，进来！

C：编剧，你喜欢我的舞蹈对不对？ D：编剧，你喜欢我的歌声对吗？ E：编剧，你喜欢我的表演是不是啊？ CDE：我们通过选拔了对不对？

A：额、、、非常感谢你们来到我们的海选现场，也给我们带来了很多另类的表演，但是，很不幸地告诉你们、、、（电话响，接电话）你好，什么？！今天的面试现场只来了他们三个人，你们是怎么做宣传的！我的天啊！你们三个，通过面试了、、、

CDE：我们终于成功了，我们可以成超级巨星了！

A：等等，可是我们需要四个演员啊，如今只有三个，怎么办？ CDE：他可以加入我们！ B：我？我不行不行。

A：他们说的对，你看看你，长得玉树临风，风流倜傥，人见人爱，花见花开，车见车爆胎！帅过刘德华，气死金城武，完胜谢霆锋，秒杀钟汉良，完全是男主角的最佳人选！

CDE：说的太对了，我们支持你！ B：不行不行，我真的不行！

A：你确定？（抽出B的工资卡）还想不想要这个月的工资啦！ B：导演导演，放轻松啦~这些都是毛毛雨啦~都听你的，都听你的，嘿嘿。。。（一脸谄媚的笑）

A：温情电影《时间都去哪了》即将开机，请大家多多支持！ 面试结束了，三个奇葩演员，帅气的编剧和霸气的导演将会给我们带来什么样的精彩呢？

那一刻，他与她相遇，时光的笔尖流转，写下了世间最美的情诗。当爱情悄悄来临，能拥着你，成了我最大的幸福。我愿用一枚戒指，许下关于你未来永恒的承诺，亲爱的，嫁给我！（女儿出生，小时候）1+1=3，他们的爱情故事开始有了续集。（女儿青春期）当她拖着时间的尾巴快快长大，当没有硝烟的战争悄然打响，时间啊时间，你在哪里？岁月改变了鬓角的颜色，他守一座城，她开一扇门，等迷路的孩子回家。（女儿成年）时间哪也没去，它总是在哪里，陪她成长，伴他们变老，品那幸福酿的酒发出馥郁的香。父母不需要我们回报什么，只需要我们常回家看看就好，相守留住时间，可以留住幸福！

一起谢幕：愿我们都常回家看看可爱的爸妈，谢谢…………..

第12篇：英语搞笑话剧——三顾茅庐

Three visits to the cottage 主要人物：诸葛亮、诸葛家仆人（朱不亮）、刘备、关羽、张飞、旁白（同时操作电脑）

旁白：

Three visits to the cottage（中文名三顾茅庐） is a story from one of the Four Great

claical Chinese novels——the Three Kindoms.ZhuGeliang is one of the main

characters in the original.Also, he is an outstanding militarist, politician and the

symbol of the wisdom in Chinese history.Another main actors——Liubei, who

visited ZhuGeliang\'s thatched cottage three times and wanted to invite him to

be his military adviser.Finally, ZhuGeliang was moved by Liubei\' sincerity, helped

the three brothers——Liubei, Guanyu and Zhangfei to establish the Shu Kindom.

Now，let’s go into the story.

第一幕

屋子中，诸葛亮在屋里走着，

诸葛亮：Buliang，this claroom is so dirty 三兄弟上场，关羽（戴着头巾粘着纸条），刘备（戴着墨镜），张飞（不停打嗝）

刘：饭后一支烟，赛过活神仙

A cigerate after dinner plays an important role in my life.（伸手，张飞点烟，刘深吸一口，长舒一口气） 刘：嗯？没点着，你个废物（伸手打张飞）。 En? It dosen’t burn on.you are the follish 张飞：凑合着吧，老师不让抽烟

Sorry，we can only has this.We can’t smoke in the claroom! 关羽：此番前来，定要邀请的卧龙先生 We must invite Mr.Zhu Geliang! 张飞：必须的，老曹太欺负人了 Certainly,Mr.Cao bully us too much.三人来到门前，石头剪子布 刘备：According to our custom？ 关羽：OK.张飞：No problem. 刘备三人进行石头剪子布，刘备输了，其余两人把刘备推到前面。

刘备作出一幅英勇就义的姿态，（上海滩响起）

刘备作按门铃状，（门铃声响起）。

诸葛亮：Bu liang（不亮）, go to open the door.仆人(本幕诸葛亮饰)：Heng!(哼) 仆人板着个脸到了门口，做了一个甩头的动作，并呼啦呼啦头发，然后深呼吸，放平稳，保持微笑。然后打开门，举了个躬。 仆人：안녕하세요(发音a ni ha sai yao~~~，中文意思：你好) 刘备：Can you speak English? 关羽：（紧接着刘备）Can you speak Chinese? 张飞：（紧接着）Can you speak Japanese?

刘备：（紧接着）Spanish? 关羽：（紧接着）Congolese? 张飞：（紧接着）Egyptian? 仆人：（紧接着）Shut up! Who are you people? 刘备：(摆个pose)I’m Liubei.关羽：(也摆个pose)I’m Guanyu.张飞：(同样摆个pose，把仆人碰倒了)I’m Sorry. 刘备三人赶紧把仆人扶起来。 仆人：你们怎么来的啊

What do you three take to come here? 张飞：骑马来的啊，做骑马状 Riding a horse ,of course.仆人：那你们怎么骑马来的啊？ So,How do you riding a horse? 三人面面相觑，猪不亮关门 刘备突然明白了，“money！！” 张飞关羽耸肩都没带钱，下台

第二幕

三兄弟上台，张飞关羽手提礼品

关羽猥琐的说:这次应该可以了吧，上次也怨我们 I think we’ll manage it this time.张飞：啥啊，如果你不是拉着我，老子一嗓子吼死他（做咆哮状，

老虎声音）

What? If you don’t pull me,I will easily kill him with my strong throat! 刘备：行了，行了，我们来干啥来了

稍息。。。立正。。。（张飞关羽照做）

Stop,stop,What are we doing here? At ease!—Attention! 刘备：都给我机灵点（张飞关羽点头答应） You three! Be clever this time! 屋子中„„

（英文歌，诸葛亮和猪不亮正喝酒，猪不亮哼着英语歌，他两个喝醉了）

诸葛亮：MY GOD！！上天你为什么这么惩罚我 My God!! Why do you punish me?! 旁白：老大别难过，班长不也没过吗

Don’t be sad,my bo.As I know,our monitor does’t pa the examination.诸葛亮：我的四级考试啊，开始哭．．．

What？our monitor does’t pa the examination？But，My English cet band 4 also losed···

（换背景音乐，猪不亮跟着哭，门铃响，猪不亮醉醺醺的摇摇晃晃去开门） 旁白：谁啊

Who’s this? 张飞：收水费的

I come here to charge the bill of electricity

（开门，三人一脸嬉笑）

刘备：我们又来了，麻烦小弟通报一下

We are here again,bother to notice your bo.（悲伤歌曲放起，屋子里传来悲伤的气息，张飞和关羽抹眼泪） 张飞：怎么突然一阵感伤涌上心头（自言自语） I just feel some feeling of sorrow in my heart..关羽：请问卧龙先生在家吗，我们想见一下（SEE）

Is Mr Zhu Ge home? We want to have a talk with him ,please.刘：What?！！

张飞：是不是家里死人了，下次再来吧

I’m afraid some-one important of him died here.Let’s go.Maybe we should come next time.关羽：希望死的不是诸葛亮

Oh, I wish Zhu Geliang does’t die„ （关羽，刘备打张飞，下台。。）

第三幕

（诸葛亮和猪不亮玩三国杀，背景音乐） （诸葛亮又赢了）

旁白：老大你真NB You are the man ! 诸葛亮：那是，你不想想我是干什么的，我打算过了年就去找刘备，找份工作

Hum！That’s a piece of cake.And I think I should go to Liu Bei’s company to find a job after Spring Festival.旁白：你想去刘备那里？？

What? You said you want to go to Liu Bei’s company? 诸葛亮：嗯，那里用不着英语

En...That’s a good place in which I need not speak English.旁白：前几天他来过了，让我赶跑了

But...uh, I drove him away a few days ago.门铃响。。

（三兄弟，大跨步的走进来，诸葛亮一见到很激动） 诸葛亮：大哥，想死我了（拥抱）你带我走吧 Bo! I ached for you so much, please help me! 刘备：镇定镇定，既然兄弟这么看得起我，那咱们就一起大干一场吧

Be calm.Since you trust me so much, let’s go and do it! （出发。。）

诸葛亮：大哥等等，那。。那，一月多少钱啊

Wait,wait...My bo, uh, how much will..I get..from you then.张飞：（恐吓状）兄弟之间不谈钱，谈钱多伤感情，（拎着诸葛亮就走）

It hurts feelings when it comes to money! 闭幕。。。。

第13篇：英语搞笑话剧剧本

二人用版本

Scene1（At Salesman’s home）

N: In a dark dirty house, there lived a small, dirty salesman.He always makes unhealthy candies and sells them to the students.He has a lot of money now.But how does he make the candies? Oh, xu …… He is coming! S: Hello, do you know me? No? Oh, let me tell you .I’m the famous candy salesman at the school gate.My candies are very popular,(展示)，I don’t know why.The foolish students always come here.I’ll be a bo soon! Candy, money, candy, money……

Oops! It’s time to make candies now.(看表) First, put the flour on the table.Then, water, sugar, flour.(边说边做) Now pre, pre……

Oh, my dirty hands! Never mind! Just do it!(满不在意的神情) Pre, pre……

Oh, my god!Never mind! Just do it! Pre, pre, the children will not know it , it’s OK,hehehe…… Now let me cut it into pieces

加旁白1人属于4人用）

白雪公主与七个小矮人 Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs 英文短剧本 旁白：Once upon a time, there was a queen.She had a pretty daughter named Snow White.Soon after the child was born, the queen died.The queen married another queen.The stepmother was very jealous.She dreed Snow White in rags and forced her to do the housework all day and all night, such as sweep and mop the floor, do some cleaning, carry water and so on.白雪：( Sweep and mop the floor, do some cleaning, carry water and so on.) 皇后：I’m the new queen.I’m very beautiful.you see.If anyone is more beautiful than me, I’ll kill her.I have a magic mirror.If I want to know something, It will tell me surely.Now, mirror, mirror, come here! 魔镜：Yes, I’m coming.Your Majesty! What do you want to know? 皇后：Mirror, mirror, on the wall.Who is the fairest of the all? 魔镜：Yes.Your Majesty! You are the fairest of all, I think.But there is a young lady.She is as white as snow, as red as rose and as black as ebony.She is much more beautiful than you.皇后：She is much more beautiful than me?Who is she? Tell me quickly.

四人用版本

Global warming

A． Cla begins, good afternoon everyone. B． C.D ：Good afternoon, teacher.

A.First, I will ask you a question: What is the serious problem nowadays ? B.I think it’s the problem of environment pollution.

A.It’s related to our correct answer.But it isn’t correct one. B.Is it the problem of population increasing? A.No.

C.Oh.I got it.It’s global warming.

A.Right! Global warming is one of the serious problems nowadays.Because……

B.Teacher.I have a question.It was very cold indeed this winter.I think it’s global cooling!

A.You got the wrong concept.Global warming doesn’t only mean that the weather is getting hot, but also mean that the weather is out of control.So it will be sometimes very cold.

B.Teacher.What causes “ global warming”?

C.I know.Now people drive too many cars and the exhaust gases discharged by the cars and lorries pollute the air and also destroy the nature.It causes global warming. A.You are right.Do you know what will happen with the global warming?

B.Yes.The ices in South Pole are going to be melted and at the time, many islands will be gradually flooded with water.Human will have no places to live. C.Surely, we don’t want that will happen.

A.What sould we do to stop “Global warming”?

B.I think we can protect the environment from ourselves.We can plant trees C.When we are protecting the environment, we are saving ourselves.

A.Ok.Students, we can’t only speak but not do later .Let us go planting trees. D.Oh, teacher! Tomorrow is March the twelfth, it’s tree-planting day!

A.Yes! Now all of you know the importance of protecting the environment.

B．C．D．Let us do our best to stop “Global warming” and make our earth a lovely homeland!

A.That is good .I hope you all will be succeeded in protecting the environment.Now the cla is over bye-bye students! B.C.D.good bye.Teacher.

（4人版本）

Narration: Carrie, Cici and Wing are co-worker of a company.This day they are talking in the office.Ca: Bingo! I finally finish this case.It is really tough! I have not slept well for almost a week.Wing: Me too .I always get so busy in this season.I have drunk three cups of coffee in order to keep awake.Ci: Our bo must be enjoying his holiday in Fiji very much.What do you think he will feel when he comes back to see our case? Ca:Of course he will feel surprised and give each of us a promotion.Wing: Come on, he is a devil, how could he do this to us? Anyway, we should award ourselves for these days hard work! Ca: You are right.Let’s pig out on junk food!

Wing: I have stayed in China for a whole year and I mi my hometown.I mi German food! Ca: so do I .how much I love French food! Ci: I have not eaten German or French food before.Do you have any recommendation? Ca: If you visit France or go to a French restaurant, snails, cheese, and goose liver and red wine are the best choices.Wing: You also can’t mi the famous German sausage, ham and blue checse Ci: They all sound yummy.But do you know what Chinese eat when they mi their families? Wing&Ca: No Ci: The answer is dumplings! Ca:Well ,I heard that before though I haven’t tasted .

Wing: Can you make dumplings, CiCi? Would you make some for us? I have been longing for dumplings for a long time.Ci: Aha, it is as easy as a pie for me .what about coming to my house tonight? We can make dumplings together.I will teach you how to cook it.Ca: Great! That is fantastic.Then it will be the first time to make and eat dumplings Wing: Very good idea! We could busy some basic ingredient at the supper market after work.Ci: Sure.We need flour, yeast, pork, cabbages, vinegar, sauce and ginger.(The three colleagues had their shopping and now they are in CiCi’s house) CiCiours some pour on the table and said:”Carrie, can you fetch some water here?”

Ca: sure, here you are .what s next? Ci:Ci:we have to mix the flour yeast and water together .be careful ,don’t add too much water.Ca: Okay, I’m kneeing the dough repentedly.it is becoming and softer Wing: Yeah, I am cutting the pork into many small pieces, and then I will add several spoons of oil in it .shall I blend them? CiCi: Yes, make sure they blend well.A bit salt and a spoon of vinegar are needed, too.(an hour later) Ca: Yes, the dumplings are prepared .lets start! CiCi: Wait! I remember well that you all mi the food from your hometown.Look, what are these? Ca: Wow! Cheese! Where did you get it? And my favorite red wine.Wing: God.Those are sausage and ham, I can’t believe it!

CiCi: Haha, it is a big surprise, isn’t it? Now ,we are got all three countries’ food ready.

Ca: So it is a complete big meal.Wing: An unforgettable banquet in my life.Let’s cheers! Ca, Ci, Wing: Cheers!

第14篇：英语三人短剧 搞笑

顾客：小心，你的大拇指在我汤里了 服务员：别担心，先生，不是很烫！

A : Watch out! Your thumbs in my soup! B: Don\'t worry Sir it\'s not that hot! 一个服务员给顾客拿来了牛排，大拇指在牛肉上。

“你疯了吗？”顾客喊到，“你的手在我的牛排上！” “什么？”服务员说，“你想让它再掉地上？”

A waiter brings the customer the steak he ordered with his thumb over the meat.A:Are you crazy?( yelled the customer ),with your hand on my steak? (What answers the waiter) You want it to fall on the floor again? 服务员：茶或咖啡？先生。 第一个顾客：我要茶

第二个顾客：我也是茶——杯子要干净的！ 服务员：两杯茶，哪个要干净的杯子？ B:(Waiter:) Tea or coffee gentlemen? A:I\'ll have tea.C:(2nd customer:) Me too - and be sure the gla is clean! (Waiter exits returns) B:(Waiter:) Two teas.Which one asked for the clean gla? 创新句子：我坚持用干净杯子喝茶。 服务员，这只苍蝇在我汤里干什么？ 看起来象是在仰泳，

A:Waiter what\'s this fly doing in my soup? Um looks to me to be backstroke sir...服务员，汤里有只苍蝇！

别担心，先生，面包里的蜘蛛会干掉它。 A:Waiter there\'s a fly in my soup! B:Don\'t worry sir the spider on the breadroll will get \'em.服务员，我汤里有只苍蝇！

不是，先生，那是蟑螂，苍蝇在你牛排里。 A:Waiter there\'s a fly in my soup! C:No sir that\'s a cockroach the fly is on your steak.服务员，汤里有只苍蝇！

别让别人看见，先生，要不别人都要。 A:Waiter there\'s a fly in my soup! B:Keep it down sir or they\'ll all be wanting one.服务员，汤里有只苍蝇！

我知道，先生，我们没有另收钱。 A:Waiter there\'s a fly in my soup! C:Its OK Sir there\'s no extra charge! 服务员，汤里有只苍蝇！

对不起，先生，我弄走那三个时忘了这个。 A:Waiter there is a fly in my soup!

B:Sorry sir maybe I\'ve forgotten it when I removed the other three.服务员，汤里有只死苍蝇！

是的，先生，是开水杀死了它们。

A:Waiter there\'s a dead fly in my soup! C:Yes sir it\'s the hot water that kills them.

第15篇：圣诞节搞笑英语剧本

Mon.：

Tomorrow will be Christmas.But Della feels very sad.Because she has no money to buy a present for her husband , Jim .She has only one dollar and eighty-seven cents .They have only 20 dollars a week, it doesn’t leave much for saving.

In fact, Della and Jim have two poeions in which they both take very great pride.One is Jim’s gold watch, which has been his father’s and his grandfather’s.The other is Della’s long beautiful hair.

D: Life is so hard for me.Though I saved the money for many months , I still have only one dollar and eighty seven cents.

D: I---- I---- I have to have my hair cut and sold it .In that way I can get some money and I can buy a beautiful present for Jim.

(At the shop—“Madame Sofronie.We Buy Hair Goods of All Kinds”)

D: Will you buy my hair?

M: Yes, I buy all kinds of hair.Sit down, please.Take your hat off and let me have a look.Oh, very beautiful.Very good! Twenty dollars , OK?

D: All right.But please give it to me quickly.

M: Here you are.Twenty dollars.

D: Thank you.Bye.

M: Bye.

Mon.：Della spent two hours in the streets.Then she stopped at a Gold Shop and bought a gold watch chain.Now ,Della is at home.

D: Oh, what a beautiful gold watch chain.I think it must match Jim\'s watch.When he sees it he must be very happy .

(Suddenly the door opened and in came Jim .)

J: You-----?

D: Jim.Don’t look at me that way.I had my hair cut off and sold it because I couldn’t have lived through Christmas without giving you a present.Jim, it will grow quickly.You don’t mind, do you ? I just had to do it.My hair grows very fast, you know.Say “Merry Christmas!” Jim, and let’s be happy.

J: You’ve cut off your hair?

D: I’ve cut it off and sold it.It’s sold.I tell you -sold and gone, too.It’s Christmas Eve , Jim.Be good to me, for it went for you.

J: Well , Della.Don’t make any mistake about me.I don’t think there’s anything about a hair cut that could make me love you any le.I know, it went for me.Look at this package .D: What ?

J: Look at it yourself.You \'ll see.

D:Ah! The combs.They were in the shop windows for many months!

J:Yes, the beautiful combs, pure tortoiseshell, with jewelry rims--just the color to wear in your beautiful, hair.

D: But , Jim.They are expensive combs.I know, my heart had longed for them without the least hope of poeion.Now they are mine.Thank you Jim.

J; Now, you will see why I was upset at first.

D: Jim, you don’t know what a nice –what a beautiful , nice gift I’ve got for you.Can you gue?

J: I\'m sorry.I won\'t gue.

D: Look.A gold watch chain.Isn’t it lovely ,Jim? I hunted all over the town to find it.You’ll have to look at the time a hundred times a day now.Give me your watch.I want to see how it looks on it .

J: Della, Let’s put our Christmas gifts away and keep them a while.They’re too nice to use just at present.I sold the watch to get the money.And I bought the combs.Now, Let’s have our supper.

礼 物

旁白：明天是圣诞节，但是德拉觉得很难过，因为她无钱为她丈夫吉姆买一圣诞礼物，她只有1.87美元，他们一个月只有20美元的收入，那很难再从中省钱了。

事实上，德拉和吉姆有两件让他们引以为豪的宝贝，一件是吉姆的金表，那是从他祖父和父亲那里留传下来的，还有一件是德拉那一头棕发，又长又美丽。

德拉：生活对我来说很困难，虽然我很多个月以前就开始存钱了，我仍然只有1.87美元。

德拉：我……我……我不得不剪了头发去卖掉，那样我就能得到一些钱去买礼物给吉姆了。

（在店门口，写着“夫人：我们买各种各样的头发”）

德拉：你买我的头发吗？

夫人：是的，我们买各式的头发，把你的帽子脱下来，让我看一下你的头发。哦，很美的头发，很好的发质，20美元，行不行？

德拉：好的，但是请你快点把钱给我。

夫人：给你，20美元。

德拉：谢谢你，再见。

夫人：再见。

旁白：德拉在街上逛了2个小时，然后她在一家金店止步，进去买了一条金表链。现在德拉正在家里。

德拉：哦，多么漂亮的金链子，我想那一定跟吉姆的手表很配，当他看到它的时候，一定会很高兴的。

（突然门打开了，吉姆走了进来）

吉姆：你……？

德拉：吉姆，不要那样看着我，我剪了我的头发并卖了，因为我无法度过一个我不送你圣诞节礼物的圣诞节，吉姆，它会长得很快的，你不会介意的，是不是？我必须这么做，我的头发长得很快的，这你是知道的，说：“圣诞快乐！”，

吉姆，让我们高兴起来。

吉姆：你剪了你的头发？

德拉：我剪了头发并卖了，它被卖掉了，我跟你说它被卖掉了，没有了！现在是圣诞节前夜，对我好一点，吉姆，那都是为了你。

吉姆：哦，德拉，别误会我，我想我不会因为你剪了头发而对你的爱就减少了，我知道，那是为了我，看看这个包裹。德拉：什么？

吉姆：你自己看吧！你会明白的。

德拉：啊，是梳子！它们就是几个月前陈列在橱窗里的那套。

吉姆：是的，那套漂亮的梳子，镶珠宝的，那颜色正好配你的发色。

德拉：但是，吉姆，那些都是很贵的，我知道，我一直渴望但却没有丝毫的奢望拥有它。现在，它们是我的了，谢谢你，吉姆。

吉姆：现在，你知道我为什么一开始就那么悲伤了吧。

德拉：吉姆，我给你买了一件又美丽又好的礼物，你能猜出来吗？

吉姆：对不起，我不想猜。

德拉：看，一条金表链，吉姆，它是不是很可爱？我找遍了整个城才找

的，你从现在起可得一天要看一百次时间了。把你的表给我，我

想看一下表链装在表上的样子。

吉姆：德拉，让我们把圣诞礼物收起来珍藏一段时间，它们太好了，但我

们现在用不着，我把表卖了。得到了钱才买了这梳子。现在让我们

吃晚饭吧！

第16篇：圣诞节英语搞笑故事

导语：圣诞使者叫平安使者，都是年轻力壮的小伙子，一次平安夜，一位平安使者为了在雪夜给小朋友们送去心仪的礼物。以下是小编为大家分享的圣诞节英语搞笑故事，欢迎借鉴！

Hiding the Presents

I had finished my Christmas shopping early and had wrapped all the presents.Having two curious children, I had to find a suitable hiding place.I chose an ideal spot—the furnace room.I stacked the presents and covered them with a blanket, positive they’d remain undiscovered.When I went to get the gifts to put them under the tree, I lifted the blanket and there, stacked neatly on top of my gifts, were presents addreed to \"Mom and Dad, From the Kids.\"

藏礼物

早些天我就做好圣诞购物并包装好所有的礼物了。因为有两个好奇的孩子，我需要找一个适合藏礼物的隐蔽处。我想到了一个理想的地方--炉子间。我叠好礼物，用一块毯子把它们盖起来，觉得它们肯定不会被发现。当我去拿礼物想把它们放在圣诞树下时，我掀开毯子，看到，在我准备好的礼物上面整齐地叠放着另一些礼物，上面写着“给爸爸妈妈，你们的宝贝”。

第17篇：搞笑英语话剧剧本

搞笑英语话剧剧本《西门吹雪与叶孤城》

搞笑7人剧本《西门吹雪与叶孤城》

演员表：西门吹雪、叶孤城、花满楼、king、路人、上官雪儿

旁白

道具：牛奶两袋，匕首一把，戒子一枚，纸屑若干。 第一幕：决战紫荆城之颠

旁白：A quiet village is covered with white snow .Birds are dancing in the cold .A man is walking along the street ,step by step .Wind is coming in silence.Another mysterious man approaches .Y与X相遇．

X：oH ,I am sorry to knock you ! Y:, Never mind baby.X:Excuse me， who are you on earth? Could you tell me your name? Y:,I won’t change my name! no matter what happens.I’m the most famous——-YeGucheng.Who are you? X:Iamximenchuixue.Y惊讶:Ar, ximenchui xue?the best MartialArts? X:Great, you know me !Today is your dead date! Y抱腿：Please, please…… Don’t kill me! Let me go! X:No, I must kill you ! Y:I don’t want to be killed.There are a eighty-year-old mother and a three-year old son to be looked after by me! X:No way! Because we are fighting now ! you know ? Y突然站起冷冷的说：Don’t force me! X:Pardon! (Y拿出一袋牛奶) X抢过牛奶:milk, very good ! I like drinking it.How do you know that? Y:please drink it! X喝完牛奶:Thanks, Y:Do you still want to kill me ? X:Sure, must! Milk is milk.Y(恼怒+冷酷):Very good ! very good ! I hope you will not forget what you said!? X:I’m sure I won’t!

Y:I must give you a leon ! If I don’t beat you this time, you’ll never behave properly ! 3-2-1! X捂着肚子，蹲下（做痛苦状）：Oach,Oach ! Y大笑：HaHa……the milk is exceed the time limit （一人路过，x起身跑过去）

X可怜状: excuse me! Help , help , Where is the washroom?please ,tell me .Y:Oh,I see ,go along this street and turn right when you see a coring road!

X:Thanks,byebye.Y:byebye (以胜利者的语气，转头,看见 花满楼)

Y:Who are you? H:Hua—man—-lou! Have you seen ximenchuixue? Y:Yes, he was beaten by me and is in “WC” .H惊讶:Now you are the best in the world !

Y:You are right ! H:Teriffic ! you are the one my king looking for ! do you want join in us? If you follow my

king,he will give what you want.

Y:Yes,It’s very good.

H:Ok, follow me, Let’s go to see my king!

第二幕：无间道

H:My dearest ! let me introduce yegucheng to you! （指Y） this is yegucheng.

K:sit down plese, yegucheng.Y:excuse me,I have a question.will you give me what I want just if I follow you?

King:yes,I will.

Y:That’s good. Can you give me a MM ? K:of couse.You are the one who has the similar taste with me! Hahaha……

Y:of course.美女出场 M:hello，帅锅..K: this is shangguanxueer.ok,now let’s have a ritual.H走到Y前，《婚礼进行曲》起，H神甫状:Yegucheng! Do you want to follow my king no matter what happens such as cold headache , poor ,rich?

Y: Yes,I do.K: Huamanlou, come .put the ring on his finger!（音乐停）

X唱着上:(看到戒指) this ring should be mine! K:But who are you ? why should it belong to you? Y急切: king! Dear king ! I must go now , my brother is looking for me.X冷酷:yegucheng! Come here ! I want to tell you something!

Y抱X的腿:old brother ! Forgive me!

X:Forgive you? Why ? Y: Once there was a chance before me , I lost it .If the god give me another chance, I’ll tell you “ I love you ” , If the remustbea limited period,I hope it is thousand year! X:You shall cheat me ! all you did are wrong ! how can you tell me the lady’s “WC”! Y:I like going lady’s WC .I……I……I think that you like what I like.(Ｙ又拿出一袋牛奶)

X:milk?I love you.K:Don’t say that “you love me”.I’ll kill you for you saying dirty word to me ! X:What? (侧耳装着听不到) You—kill—-me?come, come…(Ｘ上去抓住K)

K:Fuck you.I must kill you! X:How can you kill me? haha…… Y:Let me have a try! 3-2-1(X捂着肚子，蹲下)

M: oh,what happened?（看着X，做惊吓状）are you ok?（跑到西门吹雪身边）

Y :do you want to go to wc? X:Yes,I……I…… do.

Y:haha, the milk was added 三聚氰胺 beyond standards.M: you , stupid , bad behavior ! go away !

K; why ? why do you help him ! who actually are you ? M: actually,I’m a spy sended by LuXiaofeng,and I fell in love with ximenchuixue.K惊讶: !you—you—You are X’lover? Y: do you know, you are the first person who cheated me ! I hate you .(轻声说)let me tell you,Ｘwill die.M扑倒在Ｘ的身边：Ｘ,do’t die ,you should be alive ,there are much hope in the future and tomorrow is a good beginning ! K:what a moving story ! I was impreed ! Y:life is a progre ,but it is depreed that it can not resume ! M: life is a progre ,and it is delight that it needn’t resume ! (M忽然将一把匕首插进Y的心脏，Ｋ吓跑.音乐《再见，警察》起) Y痛苦状:I never anticipate you treat me by this ,why?tell me why?(Y死，音乐停) （X咳，H扑到身边，电影《我的父亲母亲》原声音乐起） M: X , oh , no ,you can’t die ,we will go home together .X:go home ! ? M:Tomorrow is another day ! even you have the last second to live ,you should be alive ,not only for me , but for our love.X: promise me,you’ll get on well,and you’ll never let go.M I promise .I will never let go（X死） , M: be alive !yeah , be alive ! be alive without ahendance !

第18篇：英语三人短剧__搞笑

顾客：小心，你的大拇指在我汤里了 服务员：别担心，先生，不是很烫！

A : Watch out! Your thumbs in my soup! B: Don\'t worry Sir it\'s not that hot! 一个服务员给顾客拿来了牛排，大拇指在牛肉上。

“你疯了吗？”顾客喊到，“你的手在我的牛排上！” “什么？”服务员说，“你想让它再掉地上？”

A waiter brings the customer the steak he ordered with his thumb over the meat.A:Are you crazy?( yelled the customer ),with your hand on my steak? (What answers the waiter) You want it to fall on the floor again? 服务员：茶或咖啡？先生。 第一个顾客：我要茶

第二个顾客：我也是茶——杯子要干净的！ 服务员：两杯茶，哪个要干净的杯子？ B:(Waiter:) Tea or coffee gentlemen? A:I\'ll have tea.C:(2nd customer:) Me too - and be sure the gla is clean! (Waiter exits returns) B:(Waiter:) Two teas.Which one asked for the clean gla? 创新句子：我坚持用干净杯子喝茶。 服务员，这只苍蝇在我汤里干什么？ 看起来象是在仰泳，

A:Waiter what\'s this fly doing in my soup? Um looks to me to be backstroke sir...服务员，汤里有只苍蝇！

别担心，先生，面包里的蜘蛛会干掉它。 A:Waiter there\'s a fly in my soup! B:Don\'t worry sir the spider on the breadroll will get \'em.服务员，我汤里有只苍蝇！

不是，先生，那是蟑螂，苍蝇在你牛排里。 A:Waiter there\'s a fly in my soup! C:No sir that\'s a cockroach the fly is on your steak.服务员，汤里有只苍蝇！

别让别人看见，先生，要不别人都要。 A:Waiter there\'s a fly in my soup! B:Keep it down sir or they\'ll all be wanting one.服务员，汤里有只苍蝇！

我知道，先生，我们没有另收钱。 A:Waiter there\'s a fly in my soup! C:Its OK Sir there\'s no extra charge! 服务员，汤里有只苍蝇！

对不起，先生，我弄走那三个时忘了这个。 A:Waiter there is a fly in my soup!

B:Sorry sir maybe I\'ve forgotten it when I removed the other three.服务员，汤里有只死苍蝇！

是的，先生，是开水杀死了它们。

A:Waiter there\'s a dead fly in my soup! C:Yes sir it\'s the hot water that kills them.

话剧前半部分是荆珂刺秦王搞笑英语话剧剧本

（Introduction）： Long ago there was a crazy country, in this crazy country there were some crazy people, trying to show the crazy history by crazy ways.Mr Jingke was the most famous swordsman and was sent to kill king of Qing, “Yingzheng”.But finally he failed.Do you want to know what happened at that time? Okay, next show will tell you the truth.Action I太子丹（上，掏出镜子梳头，做自恋状）：

Mirror, mirror, tell me, who is the most pretty man in the world? (画外音：It’s you, Prince Dan! 太子丹高兴状) Thank u mirror! （面对观众） I’m Prince Dan, the magic mirror said I am the most attractive man in the world.But Ying Zheng is a jealous guy, I feel he will kill me if mirror told him the truth.I am so scared.So what can I do? (向幕里大叫) Where is my minister? 阿三(毕恭毕敬) : Honey, I am coming.太子丹：I’ve told you again and again that you should call me “my most beautiful、graceful、handsome、charming、cute、smart and dearest Prince Dan”!

阿三：Sure, honey! I have a good idea.We can find a hero to kill YingZheng~~~ （作杀状）太子：Oh yeah~~~.What is the most expensive commodity in this century? Talent!（二十一世纪最需要的是什么，人才！这句话要跟观众交流，最好由观众来回答，然后拍阿三肩膀，做赞许状） Good idea! But who is the right candidate? 阿三：After screening I have two promising persons on hand.One is Mi LiMoChou, the other is Mr JinKe.Tomorrow they will PK for the NO1 killer of the world.太子：Well, show me the winner as soon as poible, OK? 阿三：Yes.Action II（《十面埋伏》中刘德华&金成武决斗时的音乐）荆轲Are you Li mochou?李莫愁Yes.荆轲OK.I’m Jingke, you know, I will let you know I am the king of the killers’ world.李莫愁Are you challenging me? 荆轲Off course! 耸耸肩表示同意李莫愁Come on!音乐起两人冲上前来“人在江湖漂啊，哪有不挨刀啊，一刀砍死你啊，两刀砍死你啊。。。。”李莫愁倒地荆轲大笑李莫愁痛苦状：What happened? Why aren’t you hurt?荆轲: We don\\\'t need any reason to win a person.Don\\\'t we? Do we? （赢一个人需要理由

么，不需要么，需要么？）李莫愁：Momma always said: \"Life is like a box of chocolates, Mochou.You never know what you\\\'re gonna get.\" I got it, Momma is right.荆轲再次大笑太子丹上（抱拳）：How are you? 荆柯：Fine, thank you, and you?太子丹：Oh my God! Could you give me an innovative answer to “How are you”? 荆柯：Sure!太子丹：How are you?

羊肉串和纳税人（英文小品）

Characters: Mr.Shi, Xiaofu, Dabao Mr.Shi: Tax is the major source of the fiscal revenue.There is an evident change about the relationship between the tax collector and taxpayer in the past 20 years.Now, the tax collector, Xiaofu, and the tax payer Dabao, a vendor selling Yangrouchuan will show you the very change.The first Act happened in 1980s.Act I (in Bazaar of Beijing, sanlihe, 1980s) Dabao: Yangrouchuan , yangrouchuan, eaten one ,want nine, eaten one, want nine.Hi, Take my yangrouchuan.(slipped, take it up, ) Xiaofu: Tax! Pay the tax! Dabao: (change faces) Taxi? Where is the taxi? Here’s no taxi. Xiaofu: Tax! T---A ---X! Dabao: What’s the tax? I just know taxi! Do you want me to call a taxi for you? Taxi----! Taxi----! Xiaofu: Enough! Are you the vendor? Dabao: No , No, No, no! I \'m just have a look.The vendor has gone to the toilet.Xiaofu: Not the vendor ? Impoible! you \'ve been here for 2 hours.Dabao: Really ? (Xiaofu: Yes, of course.) How do you know it? Xiaofu: The window of my office is open to here and I \'ve been looking at you for two hours.Dabao: It’s a big bug!

Xiaofu: Oh.Don’t waste my time! Please pay the tax---- 10 Yuan!

Dabao: 10 yuan?! My god.I had just earned 20 Yuan one day! 5 Yuan, ok? Xiaofu: Don\'t cheat me, you\'ve sold more than 2 hundred ones.Dabao: 6yuan, my dear sisiter.7Yuan, my lovely beauty.Dabao: Not for you ,not for me, let\'s split the difference.8 yuan ,ok ? Xiaofu: (looking around) All right ,a deal.But no receipt.(Dabao payed 8 yuan and Xiaofu left) Dabao: What a smart woman! Bad luck! I’m bankrupt.I have to change my place.Hope I would not meet her any more! Let’s go! Act II Mr.Shi: The next scene happened in new century.China had been marching in the way of the market economy for twenty years more, in the new era of building the well-off society in an all-round way, how do the vendor regard tax as and how is the tax collected? The scene will tell you.Let’s enjoy it!

(In the market; Dabao in white clothes ,a board with \"NO SARS\") Dabao:: Yangrouchuan, yangrouchuan.Eaten one, want nine.Eaten one, want nine.Xiaofu: Hi, Dabao: Hi.Two: What a familiar face.Two: It’s you!

Dabao: 10 years past, you are a still a tax collector.Xiaofu: 10 years past, you still sell Yangrouchuan.How is your busine? Dabao: Everything is OK! 10 years past, you are still beautiful lady in Sanlihe of Beijing.Xiaofu: 10 years past, you and your Yangrouchuan look more clean than 20 years before.Dabao: Thank you.No SARS, no dirtine; Serve people, serve me.Xiaofu: Great! Have you„„

Dabao: Married? I ‘m not married; I’m still single. Xiaofu: Have you claimed your tax this month? Dabao: What? Taxi? Oh, tax! Of course.I should pay the tax of 50 Yuan this month and I have claimed at the begin of this month.Xioafu: Your receipt, please.Dabao: (shows the receipt ) Here you are, I have paid my tax in the tax service center by computer.Xiaofu: Great! What a good taxpayer you are.Dabao: Thank you.It is my duty.I’m proud of myself to pay the tax for our country.

Xiaofu: Yeah! The tax you paid is a share of our country’s economy, and you do a lot for Olympics of Beijing! Dabao: Let’s do it together! .It’s said that, Don\'t ask what your country can do for you but ask what you can do for your country.Just like me, sell Yangrouchuan, and pay the Tax for ten years more.Xiaofu: You \'re the loveliest people in new century! Dabao: Thank you! And you \'re the loveliest tax collector in new era! X: Excuse me, and I have to go now.Bye-bye.D: A moment, are you free tomorrow evening? Could I have a dinner with you? Xiaofu: Well, may I have the company of my husband? Dabao: No, no, no problem.6 o’clock in the evening, Beichuanyuan, ok? Xiaofu: just a kidding.I have to go home now.(leaves) Dabao, See you tomorrow.Dabao: Hope to see you everyday.The End

第19篇：英语搞笑短剧剧本

三打白骨精

Three Times’ Beating Monster

人物：T唐僧S：孙悟空 E：猪八戒

J：沙僧

B：白骨精（何平） B1：B变成的村姑 B2：B变成的太婆B3：B变化成的老头 T: Emitofo, do you know where we are now? S: Bajie, map! E: (摸出，递给S) S: Look, bo (凑近T)………（T、S一齐转向E）

T: Bajie! How Many times I have told you, don’t bring these pictures of beautiful girls! E: Oh, bo!Forgive me(伸手拿回) T: (缩手)I’ll keep it for you until we reach the west E: But……

T: Emitofo, nothing is lust, lust is nothing! Map? E: (递)Here.Em…… we have arrived in White Tiger Mountain! Ah I can’t walk on any more!(坐)My stomach doesn’t allow So. S: Fat Pig! E: Monkey,if you dare to say these two words once again, I will ,I will……….S: You will what(凶相)? E: (软禁)I will help you catch fleas(跳蚤).S: Hm!

T:（轻咳）Wukong,factually,I am a bit hungry Could you go to get me some food? E: You see , bo is hungry,too! T: Baijie!Don’t forget who ate my last meal!

J: But bo,if a monster comes while brother monkey is away…..T: Em…….It is a problem.Wukong,do you have any idea? S: No problem!(安装)（B已躲在一旁偷看） J: This is…..?

S: Electric net!I have learnt the energy of electricity from bo’s books.So I made this.No monster can approach you if you stay in it! T: Em……Wukong, you are becoming more and more scientific! Emitofo, knowledge is power! S: Bye!(走) T: Let’s play cards!(三人开始打牌)音乐《斗地主》 B: Hm!Hm!Electric net?You are too childish.(变成B1) B1: (接近三人，望着)Can I join you? J: I’m sorry,lady.We are playing Fighting Against landowner and three people are enough.B1: (在一旁观看)Oh,Chance! Bomb! T: Bomb?(打出) B1: Double King! T: Oh….I win! Em……,Lady, you are a bo-hand.Come in and teach me!(准备

开电网门) S: (回来，看见B1)Oh,monster!(上前就打) B1: （倒)Ah……

T: (气愤)Wukong! Look what have done! She is my teacher! S: She is a monster! T: Nonsense!(深呼吸) S: Oh,please don’t……

T:It’s too late!(唱)Once more……you open the door…(泰坦尼克主题曲，走音离谱) S: Please,Please,oh,no……(痛苦抱头) T: (呛住，咳)Wukong, I’m disappointed with you!

B: (真身出现)Hm! Sun Wukong, I’ll teach you a leon!(变成太婆) B2:Hello,have you seen my daughter? T: Daughter?...(连忙挡住地尸体)No, sorry!(陪笑，B2想看后面是什么，T挡) S: （咬牙切齿）You monster, I’ll beat you into hell!(S追打B2,B2躲至T身后，S打，不想打到T头，T晕，S再打死B2) E&J: Are you Ok, bo?(扶T) J: Look,(伸食指)how many? T:Two…..(晕乎乎地)Sun Wukong, game over!(变成B3) B3: (看到B1,B2尸体)Oh….,my daughter, my wife! Who did it?!!(哭喊) S: I’ll kill you, monster!(打) T: （想阻止，未及）You,you.....(险些晕，E,J扶住 )You have killed three lives!

S: No,they are not human beings!They are created by monster! T: Monster?You are a real monster!Never let me see you,go!! S: (悲，离去)（音乐，营造 “假”悲伤气氛）《人鬼情未了》 J: bo, brother Monkey is.......T: Don\'t mention that guy any more! B: (出现) Ha,ha,ha!(三尸体B1,B2,B3在B招手后“飘”走) T: （惊）You are......B: How foolish you are ,Mr Tang!(E,J去阻斗，被击退) B: (抓住T)I\'ll enjoy your meat and blood, ha, ha......S: (悄悄走到B后，打B,B晕)A thousand years later.T: Wukong? E: Oh, Brother Monkey! J: Our hero is back! T: I,I can\'t understand......What happened? S: Bo,your IQ needs increasing! This monster changed its appearance into three shapes in order to cheat you! T: How, how did you find out? S: (沉默).......Monkey\'s intuition(直觉) T: Wukong(S不理T)I admit my mistake this time(S仍不理)I\'m sorry(小声) S: What? T: I\'m sorry.S: Em? Louder, please?

T: I......am......sorry.....(S 捂耳)（音乐响）《敢问路在何方》（这个放伴奏）

(谢幕)

爱在西元前

第20篇：圣诞节搞笑英语祝福语

圣诞节搞笑英语祝福语：

希望圣诞老人把你装进袋子里送给我

Can I have your picture, so, Santa Claus knows exactly what to give me.merry Christmas.

Can I have your picture, so, Santa Claus knows exactly what to give me.merry Christmas.

能给我一张你的照片吗？这样，圣诞老人就知道送我什么礼物啦，圣诞快乐！

If one night a big fat man jumps in at your window grabs youputs you in a sack don\'t worry ...

I told Santa I wanted u for CHRISTMAS

如果晚上有个胖老头从你的窗户跳进来，并且把你装进袋子带走。。。。别担心，因为，你是我向圣诞老人要的圣诞礼物。

May your neighbours respect you, Trouble neglect you, The angels protect you& Heaven accept you，Happy Christmas 愿你的邻居尊敬你，麻烦忽视你，天使保护你，天堂欢迎你，圣诞快乐。

《搞笑英语.doc》

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