课前五分钟智力趣味幽默 星沙英语网.txt如果我能够看到自己的影子，我想它一定很忧伤，因为我把快乐都留在了前面。容易伤害别人和自己的人，总是对距离的边缘模糊不清的人。 课前五分钟智力趣味幽默
Are you going to treat me? An American actre came to China for the first time.One day when she was looking for her new Chinese friend after a performance, she came acro an anxious Chinese who had always wanted to practice his English with native speakers, but had never found the chance.When he saw the actre, he went up and exchanged greetings, then started his practice. “How old are you?”
“I’m sorry.Please don’t ask a lady about her age,” the actre said uneasily. “How much do you earn each month?” the Chinese tried hard to recall this sentence from his textbook. “Sorry again.We don’t feel like telling others about that either, “ she again refused to answer. “Have you had lunch?” the Chinese tried again to show his traditional way of greeting. “No, are you planning to treat me to a meal?’ she asked in surprise. 你要请客吗？
有位美国女演员首次来中国演出，有一天演出结束后在找她的中国朋友时，碰见一位总想与老外练讲英语的中国人，可惜他一直没有这样的机会。当看到这位女演员时，他走上前去互相问候，接着便练起英语来。
“你多大啦？”
“对不起，请不要问女士的年龄，”演员感到很不自在。
“你每月挣多少钱？”中国人极力回忆着教科书上的句子。
“对不起，我们也不愿意把这事告诉给人家。”她再次拒绝了对方。
“你吃过饭了吗？” 中国人再次用本民族的传方式询问对方。
“没有，你要请我吃饭吗？”她惊喜地问。 Busy with appointments Two friends meet in the street when the following conversation takes place. Jane: “Well, you know, I have so many appointments with my doctor these days.”
Mary: “nothing wrong with me physically.The doctor is my fiancée.”
忙于约会
两个朋友在街上见面后说了下面这段话。
珍妮：“最近没有见到您，忙什么呢？” 玛丽：“哦，您知道，我最近一直在忙着看医生。”
珍妮：“您患了什么病？”
玛丽：“我的身体没患任何病，医生是我未婚夫。”
More intelligent in Dreams When a student failed to solve a math problem in cla, he expreed his regret to his teacher. “I remember solving the problem in my dream last night, but for the time being I’ve forgotten it.What can that mean?”
“It means that you are more intelligent in dreams than when you are awake.” The teacher explained. 梦中更聪明
一名没学生在班上没有做出老师的数学题，他感到很遗憾，对老师解释说；“我记得昨天夜里做梦时这道题解对了，但现在一时想不起了。这说明什么？”
“这说明你做梦的时候比你醒着的时候更聪明。” Alone and Lonely William Henry is a young American profeor who has been teaching in a Chinese college for three years.He is popular among his students for his student for his intelligence and patience.He also has several favorite students.Among them is a beautiful girl, the monitor of the cla, who has left a deep impreion on him with her active cla performance.After the last cla before graduation, the girl asked the young profeor a question as she had done before. “Mr Henry, would you tell me the difference between ‘alone’ and ‘lonely’?”
“Well, „let me explain this with my own example,” the young teacher started.“I live alone.That means that I live by myself, without the company of others.But I don’t feel lonely because I have so many students around me, especially you.You’re special to me.So after your graduation please don’t leave me alone, or I’ll feel lonely.Catch the meaning now?”
孤独和孤单
威廉•亨利是一位年轻的美国教授，他在中国一所大学任教已有三年了，他知识渊博，又耐心，深受学生欢迎。他还有几位得意门生呢。有一位漂亮的女班长课堂积极活跃而讨教师欢心。在毕业前的最后一节课上，这位女生又像往常一样提问题。
“先生，请您讲解一下‘alone’和 ‘lonely ’这两个英语单词的区分好吗？”
“噢，„让我用自身举例吧。我独自住，那就是说，我没跟其他人一起住。
但我并不感到孤单，因为我周围有这么多学生，特别是有你在。你是那么与众不同。因此，毕业后，请不要让我独自一人，否则我会感到孤单的，现在你能明白了吧”
Be a Little Patient A man suddenly found that he was shrinking.Each day he was getting smaller and smaller.Very worried, he went to the doctor’s office.“I’ve got to see the doctor!” the man demanded, frantically. “He’s very busy,” the nurse calmly replied. “Just take a seat and be a little patient.”
小病人
一位男子突然发现自己越来越矮，他担忧地走进一家诊疗所。“我要见大夫！”他着急地喊叫。
“他正忙着呢。”护士镇定地说。
“你就坐着当个小病人吧。（耐心地等吧）。”
（英文单词patient作名词时有“病人”的意思，而用形容词时有“耐心的”意思。）星沙英语网
Even Better? The other day I met my Chinese friend Mr.Deng.He dad been studying English in night school for about Two years. “How are you getting on with your English, Deng?” I asked him. “Oh, quite well.Sometimes I feel my English is better than my Chinese,” he articulated with pride. “Really?” I could not hold back my disbelief.“How do you know?”
“Well, often when I speak English, I don’t know its Chinese meaning.”
更 好? 几天前，我碰见我的中国朋友邓先生，他在夜校学习英语两年多了。
“你的英语学得怎么样了，邓？” 我问他。
“哦，不错，有时觉得我的英语比汉语还好，” 他很自豪地说。
“真的？” 我无法控制自己的怀疑态度，“你怎么知道？”
“噢，我讲英语时，经常不知道汉语是什么意思。” Pay Special Attention to the Way the Chinese speak English An American student studying in Chinese found it difficult to speak idiomatic Chinese.One day he asked his roommate who was also learning Chinese. “Sometimes I have the same problem.But from my personal experience, I have noticed that you would sound more Chinese the way the Chinese speak Engllish.For example, ‘I next year will from Beijing languages Institute graduate.’”
注意中国人讲英语的方式
一位美国留学生在中国学汉语。他发现汉语很难说得地道。 一天，他问同房间的也是来中国学汉语的同学。
“有时我弄不清汉语中时间和地点状语在句中的位置。”
“哦，我也有同样的问题。但根据我的经验，按中国人讲英语的方式讲汉语，你的汉语才能讲得地道。比如，‘I next year will from Beijing Languages Institute graduate’ (我明年将从北京语言学院毕业)。” A Way to Identify the Twin A week after giving birth to twin baby girls, the wife came back home from the hospital.The husband frowned at the babies. “They look exactly alike.I can’t tell which is which.”
The five-year-old son brightened up and said quickly to his father. “I’ve a good idea.Just give them different names and when they can talk, they can tell you which is which.”
区别双胞胎的办法
妻子生了一对双胞胎，一周后从妇产医院回到家，丈夫看到双胞胎皱起了眉头。“他们看上去一模一样，我分不出哪个是哪个。”
5岁的儿子眨了眨他那双明亮的眼睛迅速对父亲说：“我有个好主意，给她们起不同的名字，等她们学会说话时，就能告诉你她们是谁。”
Coincidence One day a four-year-old boy asked his parents. “When and where were you born, Dad?”
“I was born in 1968, in Dalian, in the northeast of China.”
“When and where were you born, Mum?”
“Well, I was born in 1972, in Shanghai, in the southeast of China.”
“Then, when and where was I born?” “Oh, you were born in 1997, in Xi’an, in the northwest of China.” After a moment, the child said, “When and where did we three meet and come here together？”
巧遇
一天， 一个4岁男孩问父母“爸，你何时何地出生？”
“我1968年出生在中国东北，大连。”
“妈，你何时何地出生？”
“我1972年出生在中国东南，上海。”
“那我何时何地出生？”
“你1997年出生于中国西北，西安。”
“那我们三人何时何地巧遇到一起？”
It’s Three Years Old In a Chinese History cla, a teacher asked a pupil, “What happened in 1949 in Chinese history?”
“It’s the year of the founding of the People’s Republic of China,” the pupil replied quickly. “Yes, you’re right.Then, what happened in 1952?” the teacher asked again.
The pupil thought for a while and answer, “Well, in that year, the New China was three years old.” 3岁
在一次中国历史课上，老师问一名小学生：
“1949年中国历史上发生过什么重大事件？”
“中华人民共和国成立，”一名小学生迅速回答说。
“对。那么，1952年呢？”老师又问。
学生想一会儿回答说：
“哦，那一年中国3岁。”
Gold In The Books In the present Chinese market, more and more businemen turn to profit-making trade.Even some counters in the bookstores are selling gold rings, necklaces, bracelets, etc.One day a school teacher asked the store aistant, “Why are you selling gold in your bookstore?”
Looking at the school badge on the teacher’s coat, he said, “As a teacher, you must know the old Chinese saying, ‘there is a house of gold in the books’.(Which means that one’s wealth comes from the books. 书中自有黄金屋
在当今中国市场上，越来越多的经商者转向赢利生意。甚至在一些书店的柜台里也出售金戒指、金项链、金手镯等金饰品。一位教师责问书店店员：
“如今书店怎么也经营金品呢？”
店员看了看这位教师身上佩带的校徽说：“当教师的，你应该明白，中国有句老话，叫做‘书中自有黄金屋’么？” It Must be Fake Food At the food counters in a store, a customer was complaining to the shop aistant. “I don’t want this box of food.Please give me my money back.”
“Sorry, Madam.You know, food cannot be returned after it is sold,” the aistant explained. “But I can’t pay for this fake food,” the customer insisted. “How can you prove that this is fake food?” the aistant asked angrily. “Look at the label on the box.The Date of Production: June 31,2003.How can you prove that there are thirty-one days in June?” the customer reported. 伪劣商品
在一家商品的食品柜台，一位顾客正在向售货员申诉。
“我不想要这和点心了。请给我退款吧。”
“对不起，食品售出后恕不退回。”
“但我可不能花钱买件伪劣商品呀。”
“你怎么证明它是伪劣商品呢？”售货员生气地问。
“瞧这盒上的标签。生产日期是2003年6月31日。6月份哪会有31天呢？”顾客反驳说。
I Don’t Believe in God While doing my shopping I heard a quarrel at the nest counter.I went up and saw an old customer pointing at a slogan on the wall behind the young shop aistant and saying. “You’ll lose lot of customers if you don’t act according to your motto ‘Customers are our God’ ”
“But I don’t believe in God,” the shop aistant shouted. 我不信上帝
买东西时我听到前面柜台上有争吵。我走过去看到一位年老的顾客指着年轻售货员身后墙上挂着的标语说：
“如果不按照‘顾客就是上帝’的宗旨做， 你们就会失去很多的顾客。”
“但我不信仰上帝，” 售货员大声反驳说。 I Only Wanted to Attract Your Attention When the American President George Bush was helped to his seat after his collapse at the reception dinner party held by the Japanese Prime Minister, his first response was, “I only wanted to attract your attention.”
只是想吸引你们的注意力
在日本首相为美国总统乔治•布什来访举行的欢迎宴会上，布什不慎摔倒，当被人扶起后，他第一句话是：“我只是想吸引你们的注意力。” People’s Request of a President People from different countries may have different answers for the same question.For an example: “Who are you going to elect as your president?” From the former Soviet Union: “I’ll elect the person who gives me bread.” From the United States: “I’ll elect the person who gives me a job.”
From the former East Germany: “I’ll elect the person who gives me the same equality as people in West Germany.”
From Cambodia: “I’ll elect the person who gives me a home.” From Yugoslavia: “I’ll elect the person who gives me a peace.”
人们对总统的要求
不同国家的人民对同一个问题所做出的反应是不同的，例如：
“你将选谁当你的总统？”
前苏联人民的回答：“我将选能给我面包的人。”
美国人民的回答：“我将选能为我提供工作的人。”
前东德人民的回答：“我将选能使我们同西德人民平等的人。”
柬埔寨人民的回答：“我将选能为我提供家园的人。”
前南斯拉夫人民的回答：“我将选能给我和平的人。”
Prince’s Humor When asked about people’s talks about her relationship with Prince Charles, Diana reacts to one of her good friends, even cracking jokes at her own expense.In response to toast, she giggles, “it seems too bad so many frees have had to die so that so many stories could be written about me.”
英国王妃的幽默
当人们议论查尔斯王子和妻子的关系时，戴安娜向她一位好朋友透露时甚至自嘲引乐。在一次举杯时，她笑着说：“看来非得砍死不少树来写我的故事。” I’m Afraid to See the Doctor One day Oscar was suffering from a serious headache and made a complaint to his wife. “I’m so upset by my bad headache, dear.”
“Why don’t you go to see the doctor?” his wife suggested. “I’m afraid to see the doctor.” He answered. “Why?” his wife wondered. “You know, last year I had serious stomachache, the doctor had part of my stomach removed.Last week I had a bad toothache mad the dentist had my tooth extracted.God knows, what will happen to my head this time?”
我害怕看医生
一天， 奥斯卡头痛的厉害，对妻子说他感觉不舒服。
“我头痛，难受得很，亲爱的。”
“去看医生吧，” 妻子建议说。
“我害怕看医生。”他说。
“为什么？”妻子表示不理解。
“你知道，去年我肚子痛得厉害，医生就把我胃部分切了。上周我牙痛，医生又拔掉了我的牙。鬼知道这次医生会把我的头怎么样。”
