TED演讲:别吝啬一声感谢
【视频链接】：https://www.daodoc.com/talks/laura_trice_suggests_we_all_say_thank_you Hi.I\'m here to talk to you about the importance of praise, admiration and thank you, and having it be specific and genuine.And the way I got interested in this was, I noticed in myself, when I was growing up, and until about a few years ago, that I would want to say thank you to someone, I would want to praise them, I would want to take in their praise of me and I\'d just stop it.And I asked myself, why? I felt shy, I felt embarraed.And then my question became, am I the only one who does this? So, I decided to investigate.I\'m fortunate enough to work in the rehab facility, so I get to see people who are facing life and death with addiction.And sometimes it comes down to something as simple as, their core wound is their father died without ever saying he\'s proud of them.But then, they hear from all the family and friends that the father told everybody else that he was proud of him, but he never told the son.It\'s because he didn\'t know that his son needed to hear it.So my question is, why don\'t we ask for the things that we need? I know a gentleman, married for 25 years, who\'s longing to hear his wife say, \"Thank you for being the breadwinner, so I can stay home with the kids,\" but won\'t ask.I know a woman who\'s good at this.She, once a week, meets with her husband and says, \"I\'d really like you to thank me for all these things I did in the house and with the kids.\" And he goes, \"Oh, this is great, this is great.\" And praise really does have to be genuine, but she takes responsibility for that.And a friend of mine, April, who I\'ve had since kindergarten, she thanks her children for doing their chores.And she said, \"Why wouldn\'t I thank it, even though they\'re supposed to do it?\" So, the question is, why was I blocking it? Why were other people blocking it? Why can I say, \"I\'ll take my steak medium rare, I need size six shoes,\" but I won\'t say, \"Would you praise me this way?\" And it\'s because I\'m giving you critical data about me.I\'m telling you where I\'m insecure.I\'m telling you where I need your help.And I\'m treating you, my inner circle, like you\'re the enemy.Because what can you do with that data? You could neglect me.You could abuse it.Or you could actually meet my need.And I took my bike into the bike store-- I love this -- same bike, and they\'d do something called \"truing\" the wheels.The guy said, \"You know, when you true the wheels, it\'s going to make the bike so much better.\" I get the same bike back, and they\'ve taken all the little warps out of those same wheels I\'ve had for two and a half years, and my bike is like new.So, I\'m going to challenge all of you.I want you to true your wheels: be honest about the praise that you need to hear.What do you need to hear? Go home to your wife -- go ask her, what does she need?Go home to your husband -- what does he need? Go home and ask those questions, and then help the people around you.And it\'s simple.And why should we care about this? We talk about world peace.How can we have world peace with different cultures, different languages? I think it starts household by household, under the same roof.So, let\'s make it right in our own backyard.And I want to thank all of you in the audience for being great husbands, great mothers, friends, daughters, sons.And maybe somebody\'s never said that to you, but you\'ve done a really, really good job.And thank you for being here, just showing up and changing the world with your ideas.Thank you.(Applause)
Dr.Laura Trice is a therapist and coach, devoted to practices that help people find fulfillment.She\'s created a therapeutic program called Writing in Recovery that uses creative skills such as journaling and music to help people develop better self-awarene and set goals.She\'s taught this program at such well-known clinics as Betty Ford and Promises.She\'s the author of the book How to Work Any 12-Step Program.In her other life, she is the head of Laura\'s Wholesome Junk Food, making healthy cookies and brownies.
你好我来这里是要和你谈谈赞美，赞美，感谢你的重要性，并将它具体化和真诚。
我对这方面感兴趣的方式是，当我长大了，直到大约几年前，我想对某人说谢谢，我想赞美他们，我想对我的赞美，我会阻止它。我问自己，为什么？我感到害羞，感到尴尬。然后我的问题就变成了，我是唯一一个这样做的人吗？所以，我决定调查。
我非常幸运的在一家康复中心工作，所以我可以看到人在面对生死与成瘾。有时它会归结为一点简单的事情，他们的核心伤口是他们的父亲死了，而没有说他为他们感到骄傲。但是，他们听到来自所有的家庭和朋友，父亲告诉其他人，他为他感到骄傲，但他从来没有告诉儿子。因为他不知道他的儿子需要听它。
所以我的问题是，为什么我们不要求我们需要的东西？我知道先生，结婚25年了，他渴望听到他妻子说，“感谢你为养家糊口的人，所以我可以和孩子们呆在家里，“但不会问。我认识一个很好的女人。她，每周一次，遇到她的丈夫说：“我真的很喜欢你，谢谢我做的所有这些事情我做的房子和孩子，”和他去，“哦，这是伟大的，这是伟大的”和赞美真的必须是真正的，但她承担责任。我的一个朋友，四月，我从幼儿园开始，她感谢她的孩子做家务。她说，“为什么我不感谢它，即使他们应该这样做？”
所以，问题是，为什么我会阻碍它？为什么其他人会阻塞它？我为什么要说，“我要吃我的牛排，我需要六双鞋，”但我不说，“你这样夸奖我吗？”这是因为我给了你关于我的重要数据。我告诉你我是不安全的。我告诉你我需要你的帮助。我在对待你，我的内心，就像你的敌人。因为你能用这些数据做什么？你可以忽略我。你可以滥用它。或者你可以真正满足我的需要。
我把我的自行车在自行车店——我爱这——同样的自行车，他们会做一些所谓的“修整”车轮。他说，“你知道，当你真正的车轮，它会使自行车更好。“我得到相同的自行车后，他们已经把所有的小扭曲了我已经有两年半的时间，同样，我的自行车轮子，像新的一样。所以，我要挑战你们所有人。我要你真正的你的轮子：是诚实的赞美，你需要听到。你需要听什么？回到你的妻子去问她，她需要什么？回到你丈夫身边--他需要什么？回家问这些问题，然后帮助周围的人。
这很简单。我们为什么要关心这个？我们谈论世界和平。我们如何才能有不同的文化，不同的语言，世界和平？我想是一个家庭的家庭，在同一屋檐下。所以，让我们把它放在我们自己的后院。我要感谢你们所有的人都是伟大的丈夫，伟大的母亲，朋友，女儿，儿子。也许有人从来没有对你说过这样的话，但你真的做了一个非常好的工作，谢谢你在这里，只是用你的想法展示和改变世界。
谢谢你。（掌声）
劳拉博士就是一个治疗师和教练，致力于实践，帮助人们找到成就感。她创造了一个治疗程序中调用恢复使用的创作技巧，如日志和音乐帮助人们更好地发展自我意识和设定目标的写作。她在贝蒂福特和承诺的著名诊所教这个节目。她是本书的作者，该书的作者是如何工作的12步。在她的生活，她是劳拉的有益健康的垃圾食品的头，使健康的饼干和蛋糕。
