推荐第1篇：英语笑话
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses.He doesn\'t seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed.The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services.He gasps, \"My friend is dead! What can I do?\".The operator says \"Calm down.I can help.First, let\'s make sure he\'s dead.\" There is a silence, then a shot is heard.Back on the phone, the guy says \"OK, now what?\"
简单翻译:
两个猎人在森林里打猎,突然甲倒下了.并且看上去不再呼吸了,眼睛也变得呆滞.
乙赶紧拿起电话打给救护中心,上气不接下气的说:\"我的朋友死了,怎么办?.\"
服务人员说:\"淡定,我有办法.首先,我们嘚确保他是死了.\" 安静了一会儿,电话里响起了一阵枪声,电话那头乙说道:\"好了,那接下来怎么办.\"
下面是被评选世界第二搞笑的笑话：
Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson were going camping.They pitched their tent under the stars and went to sleep.Sometime in the middle of the night Holmes woke Watson up and said: “Watson, look up at the stars, and tell me what you see.”
Watson replied: “I see millions and millions of stars.”
Holmes said: “and what do you deduce from that?”
Watson replied: “Well, if there are millions of stars, and if even a few of those have planets, it’s quite likely there are some planets like earth out there.And if there are a few planets like earth out there, there might also be life.”
And Holmes said: “Watson, you idiot, it means that somebody stole our tent.”
简单翻译:甲乙一起去野营.他俩在星光下搭好帐篷然后睡去.半夜的某时,甲叫醒乙:\"抬头看看那些星星,然后告诉我你发现了什么?\"乙:\"我看见好多好多的星星.\"
甲:\"如此你能推断出什么结论?\"
乙回答道:\"嗯...假如天上有无数的恒星,而且其中一些有自己的行星,那么很有可能就会有像地球一样的星球存在.假如有像地球一样的星球存在,那里还可能存在生物.\"
甲无语:\"你个SB.这说明有人偷了我们的帐篷.\"
推荐第2篇：英语笑话
英语笑话
笑话一：A woman gets on a bus with her baby.The bus driver says: \"That\'s the ugliest baby that I\'ve ever seen.Ugh!\" The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming.She says to a man next to her: \"The driver just insulted me!\" The man says: \"You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I\'ll hold your monkey for you.\"(某女士带着宝宝坐公交车。司机说：“这是我见过最丑的宝宝。噢!”该女走到车厢后部坐下来，正恼怒得七窍生烟。她对邻座的男子说：“那司机刚才辱骂我!”男子说：“你过去让他滚——去吧，我会帮你把这猴子看好的。”)
笑话二：Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson were going camping.They pitched their tent under the stars and went to sleep.Sometime in the middle of the night Holmes woke Watson up and said: \"Watson, look up at the sky, and tell me what you see.\" Watson replied: \"I see millions and millions of stars.\" Holmes said: \"And what do you deduce from that?\" Watson replied: \"Well, if there are millions of stars, and if even a few of those have planets, it’s quite likely there are some planets like Earth out there.And if there are a few planets like Earth out there, there might also be life.\" And Holmes said: \"Watson, you idiot, it means that somebody stole our tent.\"(福尔摩斯和华生出去露营。他们在星空下支起帐篷然后入睡了。半夜时分，福尔摩斯叫醒华生，说：“华生，抬头看看天空，然后告诉我你看到了什么。”华生答道：“我看见了数以百万计的星星。”福尔摩斯说：“那你从这可以推断出什么结果呢?”华生又答：“哦，如果有几百万颗星星的话，即使里面只有少数的一些行星，那么就有可能存在像地球那样的行星。如果有像地球那样的行星，那上面就可能会有生命存在。”福尔摩斯：“华生你这个白痴，这意味着有人偷了俺们的帐篷。”
笑话三：Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses.He doesn\'t seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed.The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services.He gasps, \"My friend is dead! What can I do?\" The operator says \"Calm down.I can help.First, let\'s make sure he\'s dead.\" There is a silence, then a gun shot is heard.Back on the phone, the guy says \"OK, now what?\"(两个猎人在树林里，这时其中一人倒下地。这人似乎已经没有呼吸，眼睛也呆滞无神。另一个家伙拿出电话呼叫应急服务。他气喘吁吁地说：“我的朋友挂了!我该怎么办?”话务员说：“冷静点，我可以帮你。首先，要确认他死了。”对方在电话里安静下来，然后听到一声枪响。那厮拿回电话：“搞定了，现在该干嘛了?”)
推荐第3篇：英语笑话
1.A boy swore to a girl: \'Honey, do please marry me, otherwise I\'ll die\'
The girl refused.Sixty years later, the boy died.
一男生向一女生发誓：亲爱的，请你一定要嫁给我，不然我会死掉的
女孩拒绝了。六十年后，那个男生死掉了。
2.Teacher: Johnny, why are you late for school every morning?
Johnny: Every time I come to the corner, a guidepost（路牌，路标） says, \'School -- Go Slow\' 老师：约翰，为什么你每天早上都迟到呢？
约翰：每次我走到街角的时候，都有一块路牌写着：“学校-小心慢行”
3.Teacher: Tom, why are you so late for school tdoay? And where is your homework book? Tom: Sorry, Mi.I met a robber on my way to school this morning...
Teachse: Oh, My Gosh! So terrible! Did he robber anything from you?
Tom: He...he robbed my homework book....
老师：汤姆，你今天为什么迟到这么久？还有你的家庭作业本呢？
汤姆：对不起，老师，我今天在上学的路上遇上了一个抢劫犯……
老师：噢，天哪！太糟糕了！他抢了你什么东西没有？
汤姆：他……他抢走了我的家庭作业本……
4.A male crab met a female crab and asked her to marry him.She noticed that he was walking straight instead of sideways.Wow, she thought, this crab is really special.I can\'t let him get away.So they got married immediately.
The next day she noticed her new husband waking sideways like all the other crabs, and got upset.\"What happened?\" she asked.\" You used to walk straight before we were married.\"
\"Oh, honey, \" he replied, \"I can\'t drink that much every day.
一只雄蟹遇到一只雌蟹，便要娶她为妻。她注意到他走路是直着走，而不是横着走。哇！她想，这只雄蟹可真特别，我可不能让他跑了。因此他们立刻结婚了。
第二天，她又发现她的新郎像其他蟹一样横着走路了。她深感不安。“你怎么了？”她问，“我们结婚前你可是直着走路的。”
“哦，宝贝，”他回答说，“我不可能每天都喝那么多Many years after receiving my graduate degree, I returned to the State University of New York at Binghamton as a faculty member.One day in a crowded elevator, someone remarked on its inefficiency.I said the elevators had not changed in the 20 years since I began there as a student.
When the door finally opened, I felt a compaionate pat on my back, and turned to see an elderly nun smiling at me.\"You\'ll get that degree, dear,\" she whispered.\"Perseverance is a virtue.\"美 德
获取研究生学位多年以后，我回到位于宾翰顿的纽约州立大学当教员。一天，电梯里很拥挤，有人抱怨电梯效率太低。我说自我在那里当学生起，20年来电梯一直没有换过。
最后当电梯门打开时，我感到有人在我的背上同情地拍了一下，回过头来我看到一位年长的修女正在朝我微笑。“你会拿到学位的，亲爱的，”她低声说道：“坚持不懈是一种美德。”
1.和买驴的人
A man wanted to buy an a.He went to the market, and saw a likely one.But he wanted totest him first.So he took the a home, and put him into the stable with the other aes.
The new a looked around, and immediately went to choose a place next to the laziest a inthe stable.When the man saw this he put a halter on the a at once, and gave him back to
his owner.The owner felt quite surprised.He asked the man, \"Why are you back so soon? Haveyou tested him already?\" \"I don\'t want to test him any more,\" replied the man, \"From thecompanion he chose for himself, I could see what sort of animal he is.\"
中文：一个买主到市场上去买驴，他看中一头外表不错的驴，但是他想要牵走试一试。他把驴牵回家，放
在自己其他的驴之间，这驴四处看看，立即走向一头好吃懒做的驴旁边。于是，买驴的人立刻给那头驴套
上辔头，牵去还给驴的卖主。卖主感到很奇怪，他问买主：“你怎么这么快就回来了？”买主说：“不必
再试了，从他所选择什么样的朋友来看，我已经知道他是什么样了。”
2.The Looney Bin
疯人院
Late one night at the insane asylum (疯人院）one inmate shouted, \"I am Napoleon!\"
Another one said, \"How do you know?\"
The first inmate said, \"God told me!\"
Just then, a voice from another room shouted, \"I did not!\"
一天晚上，在疯人院里，一个病人说：\"我是拿破仑！\"另一个说：\"你怎么知道？\"第一个人说：\"上帝对
我说的！\"一会儿，一个声音从另一个房间传来：\"我没说！\"
Notes:
（1）Looney (俚语）疯子
（2）inmate（n.同住者,同室者(特指在医院、监狱)）
（3）insane asylum (疯人院）
3.A mother mouse
老鼠的第二语言也重要
A mother mouse was out for a stroll with her babies when she
spotted a cat crouched behind a bush.She watched the cat, and
the cat watched the mice.
Mother mouse barked fiercely, \"Woof, woof, woof!\" The cat
was so terrified that it ran for it\'s life.
Mother mouse turned to her babies and said, \"Now, do you
understand the value of a second language?\"
一只母老鼠带着孩子出来散步，突然她看见一只猫正在灌木丛中虎视耽耽。
母老鼠向着猫叫道：“汪，汪，汪”，猫听了非常害怕，拼命跑走了。
母老鼠回过头洋洋自得的对孩子说：“现在你知道外语的重要性了吧。”
1、Life after death死后重生
\"Do you believe in life after death?\" the bo asked one of his employees.
\"Yes, Sir.\" the new recruit replied.\"Well, then, that makes everything just fine,\" the bo went on.\"After you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother\'s funeral, she stopped in to see you.
“你相信人能死后重生吗？”老板问他的一个员工。
“我相信，先生”。这位刚上班不久的员工回答。
“哦，那还好”。老板接着说。
“你昨天提早下班去参加你祖母的葬礼后，她老人家到这儿看你来了。”
2、Talking clock
会说话的钟
While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends, a college student led the way into the den.\"What is the big bra gong and hammer for?\" one of his friends asked.\"That is the talking clock,\" the man replied.\"How\'s it work?\"
\"Watch,\" the man said and proceeded to give the gong an ear shattering pound with the hammer.Suddenly, someone screamed from the other side of the wall, \"Knock it off, you idiot! It\'s two o\'clock in the morning!\"
一个学生带他朋友们参观他的新公寓，甚是得意。“那个大铜锣和锤子是干什么用的？”他的一个朋友问他。“那玩意儿厉害了，那是一个会说话的钟”，学生回答。“这钟怎么工作的”，他的朋友问。“看着，别眨眼了”，那学生走上前一把操起铜锣和锤子，拼命地敲了一下，声音震耳欲聋。突然，他们听到隔壁墙那边有人狂叫，“别敲了，你这白痴！现在是凌晨两点钟了！”
3、Pig or Witch
猪还是女巫
A man is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road.A woman is driving down the same road.As they pa each other, the woman leans out of the window and yells \"PIG!!\" The man immediately leans out of his window and replies, \"WITCH(女巫)!!\" They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next corner, he crashes into a pig in the middle of the road.If only men would listen.
一个男人在一条陡峭狭窄的山路上驾车，一个女人相向驾车而来。他们相遇时，那个女的从窗中伸出头来叫到：“猪！！”那个男的立即从窗中伸出头来回敬道：“女巫！！”他们继续前行。这个男的在下一个路口转弯时，撞上了路中间的一头猪。要是这个男的能听懂那个女人的意思就好了。
4、Blind Date
相亲（笑话）
After being with her all evening, the man couldn\'t take another minute with his blind date.Earlier, he had secretly arranged to have a friend call him to the phone so he would have an excuse to leave.When he returned to the table, he lowered his eyes, put on a grim expreion and said, \"I have some bad news.My grandfather just died.\"\"Thank heavens,\" his date replied.\"If yours hadn\'t, mine would have had to!\"
和相亲对象呆了一晚上后，男人再也受不了了。他事先安排了个朋友给他打电话，这样他就能借故先离开了。当他回到桌边，他垂下眼睛，装出一副阴沉的表情，说：“有个不幸的消息，我的祖父刚刚去世了。”“谢天谢地！”他的约会对象说，“如果你的祖父不死，我的祖父就得死了！”
5、The Mean Man\'s Party
吝啬鬼的聚会
The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party.Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, \"Come up to the fifth floor and ring the doorbell with your elbow.When the door open, push with your foot.\"
\"Why use my elbow and foot?\"
\"Well, gosh,\" was the reply, \"You\'re not coming empty-handed, are you?\"
一个声名狼藉的小气鬼终于决定要请一次客了。他在向一个朋友解释怎么找到他家时说：“你上到五楼，用你的胳膊肘按门铃。门开了后，再用你的脚把门推开。”
“为什么我要用我的肘和脚呢？”
“天哪！” 吝啬鬼回答，“你总不会空着手来吧？”
一、
我们什么也没留下We Left Nothing
Mrs Brown was going out for the day.She locked the house and tacked a note for the milkman on the door: \"NOBODY HOME.DON‟T LEAVE ANYTHING.\" When she got back that night, she found her door broken open and her house ransacked.On the note she had left, she found the following meage added:\"THANKS! WE HAVEN‟T LEFT ANYTHING!\" 我们什么也没留下
布朗太太要外出一天。 她锁好了房门，在门上给送牛奶的人钉了一张便条：“家里没人，请不要留下任何东西！” 她当天晚上回家后发现房间门被撞开，房子被洗劫一空。在她留给送奶人的便条上，她发现被补充了一句：“谢谢！我们什么也没留下！”
我去应聘时，考官是一漂亮小姐，一紧张我说了如下内容：
二、
“My name is „old five wang‟”（我叫王老五）
“I boom （炸出）at 1971year！”（我生于1971年）※born我念成了boom，反正很像。 “My toyear is 28year”（今年28岁）※事后才知today是今天，但今年不是toyear。 “My home have a papa and a mama and a didi”（家里有爸妈跟一个弟弟）※其实我知道弟弟要用brother，但因念太顺了，所以念成didi。
“and a uncle and a young watch sister and a old watch sister live with us”（还有一个叔叔与一个表妹一个表姐跟我们住在一起）※事后才知表姐表妹都错了，watch是表没错，但是watch是指手表。可是我发誓读书时英文没教过表姐妹的英文。
“my interest is sing song、see movie、xxxx do computer and push horse road”（我的兴趣是唱歌、看电影、操作电脑和压马路）※我念到操作电脑时，她有咦的一声，这小姐会不会听不懂。后来我才知道英文骂人的“操”字跟“操作”的字是不同的。
“my special long is up internet、sales、play power move
game and beat word”（我的专长是上网、业务、玩电动玩具和打字）
“In the future I hope can go round travel world and help everybody all very happy”（在未来我希望能去环游世界和能帮助每一个人都很快乐）
“thank you and over！”（谢谢！完了！）
那小姐整整愣了一分钟。
三、
Next time that you think you‟re having a bad day
The average cost of rehabilitate one seal after the Valdez oil spill in Alaska was $80,000.At a special ceremony, two of the most expensively-saved animals were released into the wild amid cheers and applause from onlookers.A minute later, a killer whale ate them both.阿拉斯加瓦尔迪兹发生石油泄漏以后，救援每只海豹的平均费用达到8万美元。在一个特别的仪式上面，有两只花巨款拯救回来的海豹，在人们的欢呼和掌声中被放回大自然。一分钟后，它们双双被一头杀人鲸吞入肚中。
四、
Blind Date(相亲）
After being with her all evening, the man couldnt take another minute with his blind date.
Earlier, he had secretly arranged to have a friend call him to the phone so he would have an excuse to leave.
When he returned to the table, he lowered his eyes, put on a grim expreion and said,
\"I have some bad news.My grandfather just died.
\"\"Thank heavens,\" his date replied.\"If yours hadnt, mine would have had to!\"
和相亲对象呆了一晚上后,男人再也受不了了.
他事先安排了个朋友给他打电话,这样他就能借故先离开了.
当他回到桌边,他垂下眼睛,装出一副阴沉的表情,说：“有个不幸的消息,我的祖父刚刚去世了.”
“谢天谢地！”他的约会对象说,“如果你的祖父不死,我的祖父就得死了！”
...
五、
小男孩与驴子 A Small Boy and a Donkey
A small boy leading a donkey paed by an Army camp.
A couple of soldiers wanted to have some fun with the lad.What are you holding onto your brother so tight for, sonny? asked one of them.
So he wont join the army,英语笑话带翻译 the youngster replied without blinking an eye.一个小男孩牵着头驴子穿过部队营房.
两名士兵想跟小家伙开个玩笑：小孩,你把你哥哥牵得这么紧干什么？
这样,他就不会去参军了.小家伙眼都不眨地回答道.
推荐第4篇：英语笑话
英语外来词的不断壮大，逐渐成为汉语中的外来词中不可忽视的一部分，如日常生活中的沙发、扑克、模特、沙拉、维他命、卡通等，另外随着网络的深人人心，越来越多的网 络词语，像因特网、下载、菜鸟、黑客、博客等正在被越来越多的人们所接受
在生活中这样的词语比比皆是，例如，沙发(sofa)、模特(mode1)、基因(gene)、比基尼（bikini）、马拉松（Marathon）、高尔夫（golf）、沙龙（salon）、色拉（salad）、布丁（pudding）、三明治（sandwich）、汉堡包（hamburger）、比萨（pizza）、巧克力（chocolate）、柠檬（lemon）白兰地（brandy）、威士忌（whisky）雪茄（cigar）等。
需要在音译部分后附加一些能指明其类别和属性的成分，从而成为一个意思完整的新汉语语素。例如，艾滋病(AIDS)、芭蕾舞（ballet）、桑那浴(sauna)、多米诺骨牌(domino)等
仿译(或者可称为合译)。即把原词组按照语义逐字翻译成汉字，再组合起来，如热狗(hot dog)、代沟(generation gap)、软饮料(soft drink)。
汉语中的英语外来词也不例外，它反映了当今社会的方方面面，已经遍及我们生活的角角落落：在吃穿用度方面，如可口可乐(coca-cola)，肯德基(Kentucky)，耐克(Nike)，T恤(rr—shirt)，沙发(sofa)，mp3等；在休闲娱乐领域，如高尔夫(golf)，迪斯科(disco)等，在科技教育领域，如因特网(Intemet)。克隆(clone)，MBA(工商管理硕士)，托福(TOFEL)等；在医疗卫生领域，如B超，CT(计算机断层扫描)等；在经济贸易领域，如WTO(世界贸易组织)，GDP(国内生产总值)，OPEC(欧洲石油输出国组织)等
如UF0(不明飞行物)，ATM机(自动取款机)，CE0(首席执行官)，GPS(全球定位系统)，CAD(计算机辅助设计)，CPU(中央处理器)，DNA(脱氧核糖核酸)等。
汉语中有关文化、体育、日常生活的词汇也迅速增加。如迪斯科(Disco)，比萨饼(Pizza)，卡拉OK，SOHO一族，脱口秀(Talk show)等。
以英语字母为序
2.Beijing 北京
5.Canton 广东
9.chi 或 qi 气（功）
11.China 或china“中国”或“瓷器”
15.chopsticks 筷子
21.Confucius来自“孔子”
22.coolie（koolie)）来自“苦力”
25.Dim sum 来自“点心”，现广泛用作“小吃”，“早点”
28.egg foo young 蛋芙蓉
29.Feng shui 来自“风水”
34.Ginseng来自“人参”
37.Han 汉族
38.Hanoi 河内（越南城市）
39.hanzi 汉字
40.Ho Chi Minh 胡志明
41.Hong Kong 香港
42.IChing来自《易经》
45.Kaolin 来自“高岭”
48.Kowtow来自“磕头”
50.Kung fu 来自“功夫”
51.Kung Hei Fat Choy 恭喜发财
52.Kung Pao chicken 宫保鸡丁
53.Kuomintang 国民党
54.Kylin 麒麟
55.Lao-tzu来自“老子”
60.lose face 丢脸，丢面子
61.Lychee或litche来自“荔枝”
62.Mahjong或Mah-jong来自“麻将”
64.Maoism (毛主义，毛泽东思想 )
5.Maotai （茅台酒）
66.Mencius (孟子 ) 67.Mulan 木兰
71.oolong 乌龙茶
78.pinyin 拼音
80.qigong 气功
87.Shanzhai山寨（版）
88.Shaolin 少林
90.Shi Ching 诗经
97.Suan-pan来自“算盘”
Tai chi （chuan）来自“太极（拳）”
109.Tofu 来自“豆腐”，日语发音
114.Typhoon 来自“台风”
118.Wonton 来自“云吞”,也叫“混沌”
125.Yin yang 来自“阴阳”
在英语中还有一些表达方式与汉语十分接近，但是否来源于汉语没有定论。这些词 语包括：
1.Long time no see：可能来自19世纪中国移民对“很久不见”字对字翻译，也可能来自于北美土著印第安人。于1901年出版的《31 Years on Plain》（W.F.Drannan著）有这样一句：When we rode up to him (an American Indian), he said: \"Good mornin.Long time no see you当我们走向他（指一印第安人）时，他说“早上好，很久不见了”）。于1924 出版的Harry C.Witwer的著作《Love and Learn》也出现这种用法。
2.look-see：看看，调查。《牛津英语词典》（Oxford English Dctionary）认为这个词来自于汉语。举例： we are just about to take a little look-see around the hotel （我们只是想在旅馆四周简单的看）
3.No can do或 no can：不能做，不可能。这个词最早出现在美国幽默作家Charles Godfrey Leland (August 15, 1824 March 20, 1903) 1876年编辑出版的Pidgin English Sing-Song一书，之后，有多位作家在作品中提到或者用到了这个词。《牛津英语词典》在1976年正式将该词收入。举例：When Bill asked me to write a speech, I told him bluntly no can do （当Bill要求我写一个发言稿时，我明确地告诉他，绝对不信）。
4.Lose face 丢脸。该词最早出现于1876, 英国驻清朝领事官员Robert Hart爵士所写的一篇文章，文章写到： The country [China] begins to feel that Government consented to arrangements by which China has lost face; the officials have long been conscious that they are becoming ridiculous in the eyes of the people （全中国开始感到政府接受了这个使中国蒙羞的安排，官员们也感觉到在人民的眼里他们变得非常可笑）。
5.Save face：与lose face 意思相反，但与汉语似乎没有任何关系。
6.no-go 不行
7.No-go area 禁区
8.where-to 哪儿去
9.Pingpong 乒乓球，既不起源于中国，也与中文无关。乒乓球又称为“桌上网球”（table tennis ），它其实是是由网球发展而来。19世纪末起源于英国。
英语笑话
一
老
师在黑板上写了一句： Time is money.并让同学们翻译有名学生答道： \" 汤姆是玛丽 \" ( 二 )
小
明上英文课时跟老师说： May Igo to the toilet? 老师说： Go ahead.小明就坐了下来过了
一会儿，小明又跟老师说： May Igo to the toilet? 老师说： Go ahead.小明又坐了下来他旁
边的同学于是忍不住问：你不是跟老师说要上厕所吗 ? 怎么不去 ? 小明说：你没听老师说 「去你个头」啊！
( 三 )
某
日刘洪涛碰到外宾，上前搭话曰： I am hongtao liu ，外宾曰：我 TM 还是方片七呢！
( 四 ) 江
青会见外宾，要求翻译要严格按她的意思翻，不许走样外宾一见到江青，马上拍马屁
道： \"Mi Jiang,you are very beautif.\" 翻译照翻，江青心花怒放，嘴上还要谦虚一下： \" 哪里，哪里 \"\" 江青更高兴了，但总是要客气一下： \" 不见得，不见得 \" 翻译赶快翻成英文：
\"You are not allowed to see,you are not allowed to see.\" ( 五 )
话
说某年某月的某一天， 叁个神箭手约在一起比箭， 目标是十尺外仆人头上的苹果 A 神
箭手挽弓长射，咻一声，利箭正中苹果 A 高傲的昂起下巴，比出一根大拇指道： 「 I AM 后羿！ 」 B 神箭手照本宣科，射中苹果，这往返他自大的喊了一句： 「 I AM 丘比特！ 」轮 到 C 了，他也挽弓， 利箭射出！
结果正中仆人的关于爱情的文章心脏就听他结结巴巴好 久才吐出一句： 「
I.I.I.AM.SORRY .」
( 六 )
某
人刻苦学习英语，终有小成一日上街不慎与一老外相撞，忙说： I am sorry.老外应道：
I am sorry too.某人听后又道： I am sorry three.老外不解，问：
What are you sorry for? 某人
无奈，道： I am sorry five. ( 七 )
.八 )
英
语老师问一个学生， \"How are you 是什么意思 \" 学生想 how 是怎么， you 是你， 于是来
回答 \" 怎么是你 ?\" 老师生气又问另一个同学： \"How old are you? 是什么意思 ?\" 这个同学想 了想说： \" 怎么老是你 \" ( 九 ) 某 男，
粗通英文， 至使馆， 有表要填， 有一栏是 sex 该男思之久已， 毅然下笔： \"Once aweek\"
签证官看后暴笑，曰：
\"This item shod be filled in with male or female.\" 该男顿时赧颜，思 之， 填下 \"female\" ，
官楞之， 曰：
\"shodn\'t it be male?\" 男急释曰：
\"I am anormal man,so Ihave sex with female.\" ( 十 )
一
位在美的留学生，想要考国际驾照在考试时因为过于紧张，观到地上标线是向左转他
不放心的问道： turn left? 监考官来回答： right.于是他马上向右转很抱歉他只有下次再
和外国人拼英语
一人在公交车上不小心踏了外国人的脚，心想咱不能给中国人丢脸，于是卯 足了劲说了句英文： “ I ’
m sorry ”
外国人一想：在人家国土上咱不能不礼貌。于是忙点头： “ I ’
m sorry too ”
此人一听急了： Two? 以为我不会数数？咬牙道： “ I ’
m sorry three ”
外国人大惑不
解： “
What are you sorry for ？”
此人心想好啊 , 连 FOUR 也出来了，我和你拼了 !: “ I ’
m sorry five!!!! ”
追车
早上上班赶公共汽车，到站台的时候，汽车已经启动了。我只好边追边 喊： \" 师傅，等等我！师傅，等等我呀！ \" 这时一乘客从车窗探出头来冲我说 了一句： \" 悟空你就别追了。 \"
让狗狗羞愧死
一楼住户不知从哪儿弄来一只大狗。初来乍到，它警惕性非常高，一有 点响动就狂吠不已。我家在六楼，尽管每天上下楼蹑手蹑脚，但十有八九还 是要被狂吠一通。我胆子小，狗一叫我就拼命跑，生怕它突然冲出来。
周日，我去接正在上英语培训班的小侄子到家里吃饭。刚进一楼，大狗 照旧“汪汪汪”地叫起来，叫得我心惊肉跳。小侄子却一点也不害怕，扯起 嗓子对着喊： “吐吐吐”。 奇怪的是，
“吐吐”几声后， 大狗居然偃旗息鼓，
不叫了，并且发出可怜的“哼哼”声。
回到家，我问小侄子用什么办法，居然能镇住这么凶猛的狗。小侄子洋 洋得意地说：“当狗对你汪汪叫时，它其实是在说 one ，你就回 two ，这时
狗因为无法回你 three ，非常惭愧，就不叫了。”
搞笑中式英语
1 ．
we two who and who ？
咱俩谁跟谁阿
2 ．
how are you ? how old are you? 怎么是你，怎么老是你？
3 ．
you don’t bird me,I don’t bird you 你不鸟我，我也不鸟你
4 ．
you have seed ，
I will give you some color to see see 你有种，我要给你点颜色看看
5 ．
Government abuse chicken 宫暴鸡丁
6 ． At KFC, We do Chichen Right 在肯德基，我们做鸡是对的
7 ．
You Give Me Stop! 你给我站住！
8 ．
Chop the strange fish 生鱼块
9 ．
watch sister 表妹
10 ．
take iron coffee 拿铁咖啡
11 ．
American Chinese not enough 美中不足
12 ．
Where cool where you stay ！哪凉快上哪呆着
13 ．
heart flower angry open 心花怒放
14 ．
colour wolf 色狼
15 ．
dry goods 干货
16 ．
want money no;
want life one! 要钱没有，要命一条
17 ．
People mountain and people sea. 人山人海
18 ．
you have two down son 。
你有两下子。
19 ．
let the horse come on 放马过来
20 ．
I give you face you don’t wanna face 给你脸你不要脸
21 ．
red face know me
红颜知己
22 ．
seven up eight down 七上八下
23 ．
no three no four 不三不四
24 ．
do morning *** 做早操；
do cla between *** 做课间操
25 ．
you try try see ！你试试看！
26 ．
love who who 爱谁谁
27 ．
look through autumn water 望穿秋水
28 ．
go you mother\'s 去你妈
29 ．
May I borrow your light ？
借光
30 ．
Handsome Year, Morning Die 英年早逝
31 ．
dragon born dragon,chicken born chicken,mouse’son can make hole! 龙生龙，凤生凤，老鼠 的儿子会打洞
32 ．
morning three night four 朝三暮四
33 ．
king eight eggs
王八蛋
34 ．
no care three seven twenty one 不管三七二十一
35 ．
go and look 走着瞧
36 ．
poor light egg 穷光蛋
37 ．
ice snow clever 冰雪聪明
38 ．
first see you ，
i shit love you
第一次见你，我便爱上了你
推荐第5篇：愚人节英语笑话
1.why are people tired on april fool\'s day? (愚人节人们为什么疲倦?)
答：because they have just had a long march.( 因为他们刚过了长长的三月。march 三月;行军)
2.what weather do mice and rats fear? (老鼠害怕什么天气?)
答：when it\'s raining cats and dogs.(下大雨。rain cats and dogs 下大雨 )
3.when do dogs refuse to follow their masters? (狗什么时候不愿跟随主人?)
答：when their masters go to the flea market.(主人去跳蚤市场时。flea 跳蚤 flea market 旧货市场 )
4.what question can never be answered by “yes”? (哪个问题永远不能回答“是的”?)
答：are you asleep? (你睡着了吗)
5.what tree is always very sad? (那种树总是很伤心?)
答：weeping willow.( 垂柳 weep哭泣 willow柳树)
6.when can you get water with a net? (什么时候可以用网兜装水?)
答：when water is turned into ice.(当水结成冰时)
7.why is the pig always eating?猪为什么没完没了地吃?
答：he\'s making a hog of himself.它想成为一只肉猪。
8.what\'s the longest word in the world?世界上最长的单词是什么?
答：smiles.because there\'s a mile between the letter \'s\'.微笑。因为两个字母s中间隔了一里。
9.what question is that to which you must always answer \"yes\"? 什么问题你只能回答“yes”?
答：\"what does y-e-s spell?\" (当别人问你)“yes”怎么拼?
10.where were you when the power was cut off? 当停电的时候你在哪?
答：in the darkne.在黑暗中
推荐第6篇：英语笑话 英语故事
A Good Boy
Little Robert asked his mother for two cents.
\"What gave you yesterday?\"
did you do with the money I \"I gave it to a poor old woman,\" he answered.
\"You’re a good boy,\" said the mother proudly.
\"Here are are two woman?\"
you so interested cents more.in But the why old \"She is the one who sells the candy.\"好孩子
小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。 ””昨天给你的钱干什么了？”我给了一个可怜的老太婆，“
你真是个好孩子，“妈妈骄傲地说。“他回答说。“再给 你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？”
“她是个卖糖果的。”
If I Am a Manager
One aigned day in cla, the teacher composition his All the students began to write except – if I Am a Managerstudents to write .
a a boy.The teacher went to him and asked the reason.
“I am waiting for my secretary,” was the boy’s answer如果我是一个经理.
一天课上，老师要同学们以“如果我是一个经理”为题写一篇作文。 所有的学生都在动笔写了，只有一个男生例外。老师走过去问他为什么不写。 “我在等我的秘书”。那孩子答道。
Big hands
Teacher: one otherhand If and I had eight seven oranges oranges in the in Student: Big hands.
, what would I have? 大手
老师：如果我左手上有7个桔子，右手上有8个桔子。那么我有什么？ 学生：大手。
It\'s not my fault
Mother daughter): You mustn\'t pull the cat\'s (reprimanding her small tail.
Daughter: I\'m The cat\'s doing the pulling.
only holding it, Mom.不是我的错
妈妈（正教训她的女儿）：你不该拽猫的尾巴。 女儿：妈，我只是握着猫尾巴，它自己在拽。
To Buy a Video
Amos asked his mother whether they could have a video.
I’m afraid we can’t afford one, sighed his motherBut on the following day in came
.
Amos, staggering beneath the weight of a brand-new video.
How on earth did you pay for that? Gasped his motherEasy, Mum.Replied Amos, I sold the .
television!
买录像机
艾莫斯问妈妈他们是否能买一台录像机。 恐怕我们还买不起，妈妈叹息着说。 可第二天当艾莫斯回来时，他摇摇晃晃地搬着一台全新的录像机。
你究竟是哪儿来的钱买这东西？妈妈大吃一惊，喘着气说。
妈妈，这简单， 艾曼斯回答。我把电视机给卖了！
Two Pieces of Cake
Tom: Mom, can I have two pieces of cake, please?
Mom: Certainly -- take this piece and cut it two!
两块蛋糕
汤姆：妈妈，我可以吃两块蛋糕吗？ 妈妈：当然可以----拿这块蛋糕把它切成两块吧！
推荐第7篇：英语笑话(一)
英语笑话
（一）
小明上英文课时跟老师说：May I go to the toilet? 老师说：Go ahead.小明就坐了下来。
过了一会儿，小明又跟老师说：May I go to the toilet? 老师说：Go ahead.
小明又坐了下来。他旁边的同学于是忍不住问：你不是跟老师说要上厕所吗？怎么不去？
小明说：你没听老师说“去你个头”啊！ 英语笑话
（二）
某日刘洪涛遇到外宾，上前搭话曰：I am HongTao Liu.外宾曰：我还是方片七呢！ 英语笑话
（三）
江青会见外宾，要求翻译要严格按她的意思翻，不许走样。外宾一见到江青，立刻拍马屁道：\"Mi Jiang, you are very beautiful.\" 翻译照翻，江青心花怒放，嘴上还要谦虚一下：“哪里，哪里”。 翻译不敢怠慢，把江青的话翻成英文：\"Where? Where?\" 外宾一愣，还有这样的人，追问哪里漂亮的，干脆马屁拍到底：\"Everywhere, everywhere.\" 翻译：“你到处都很漂亮。”
江青更高兴了，但总是要客气一下：“不见得，不见得”。
翻译赶紧翻成英文：\"You are not allowed to see, you are not allowed to see.\" 英语笑话
（四）
话说某年某月的某一天，三个神箭手约在一起比箭，目标是十尺外仆人头上的苹果。
A神箭手挽弓长射，咻一声，利箭正中苹果。
A高傲的昂起下巴，竖出一根大 拇指道：I am后羿！
B神箭手照本宣科，射中苹果，这回他自大的喊了一句：I am丘比特！
轮到C了，他也挽弓，利箭射出！ 结果正中仆人的心脏。就听他结结巴巴好久才吐出一句：I...I...I...am...sorry...英语笑话
（五） 某人刻苦学习英语，终有小成。一日上街不慎与一老外相撞， 忙说：I am sorry.
老外应道：I am sorry too.某人听后又道：I am sorry three.
老外不解，问：What are you sorry for? 某人无奈，道：I am sorry five.英语笑话
（六）
一位来自日本的旅客，坐出租车去机场的路上，看到一辆汽车经过，就说：“oh，TOKOTA！Made in Japan! It is very fast！”又有一辆经过，他又说： “oh，NISSAN！Made in Japan! It is very fast！”司机有点不高兴，觉得他太吵了！当第三辆经过时，他还是说：“oh，HONDA！Made in Japan! It is very fast！” 后来到了机场，那个日本人就问：“How Much？” 出租车司机说：“1000！”
日本人惊奇的问司机：“为什么那么贵？”
出租车司机回答说：“oh，mileometer（计程表）！ Made in Japan! It is very fast！” 英语笑话
（七）
英语老师问一个学生，“How are you是什么意思” 学生想how是怎么，you 是你，于是回答“怎么是你？”
老师生气又问另一个同学：“How old are you ?是什么意思？” 这个同学想了想说：“怎么老是你?” 英语笑话
（九）
一位在美的留学生，想要考国际驾照。在考试时因为过于紧张，看到地上标线是向左转。
他不放心的问道:turn left？ 监考官回答：right.于是他立刻向右转。 很抱歉他只有下次再来。 英语笑话
（十）
A：What’s on your hand？ B：Watch.
A：How to spell that？ B：T-H-A-T~
关于英语的笑话
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发表时间：2011-12-17 17:03:26 浏览：544 评论：0
关于英语的笑话
英语不太懂时，就会闹出笑话了，下面让您看看关于英语的笑话，希望您看了之后开心啊。
look out：话说一位英语专业学生，在楼上住，某天端了一盆脏水，要往楼下泼（不算很道德，不要学啊），为了防止楼下有人被泼到，大喊一声：“look out ！”然后用力一挥，这脏水倾盆而下。就在这时，楼下一人惊闻这声“look out”，探出身子往外看，呵呵，就这样脏水被泼了一身。点评：look out意思是“小心，注意了！”，不是“向外看”， I don\'t bird you：曰，一哥们为学英语，加入了一个学英语的QQ群，忽然看到一老兄的QQ签名：“You don\'t bird me, I don\'t bird you too ! ”，不解，遂小心翼翼的询问这位老兄，答曰：“你不鸟我，我也不鸟你！点评：原来bird还可以这么用！
我老公家是内蒙古农村的，有一对外国老夫妇到这里住了下麓。因为村里的人无法和他们交流，老夫妇很寂寞，就养了一只猫。一天早上，老夫妇正梳理猫毛，一个人从旁边过来，冲着俩人说“鼓捣猫呢”。夫妇俩随即冲着来人说：“Goodmorning.”傍晚时分，二人正在把晾在外边的衣服收起来，路过的一个村民冲着他们说：“鼓捣衣服呢！”二人这回反应很快说：“Goodevening.”私下嘛老夫妇俩感叹，合着他们这里的人都会说英语呀！
老师在黑板上写了一句：Time is money.并让同学们翻译。有名先生答道：“汤姆是玛丽。”
一位在美的留学生，想要考国际驾照。在考试时因为过于紧张，看到地上标线是向左转。他不放心的问道:turn left？监考官回答：right.于是他立刻向右转。很抱歉他只有下次再来。
某人刻苦学习英语，终有小成。一日上街不慎与一老外相撞，忙说：I am sorry.老外应道：I am sorry too.某人听后又道：I am sorry three.老外不解，问：What are you sorry for? 某人无奈，道：I am sorry five. An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings currently on display.\"I\'ve got good news and bad news,\" the owner replied.\"The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death.When I told him it would, he bought all fifteen of your paintings.\" \"That\'s wonderful!\" the artist exclaimed, \"What\'s the bad news?\".With concern, the gallery owner replied, \"The guy was your doctor.\" 一名艺术家问画廊老板,最近有没有人对他展出的画感兴趣。“这有好消息和坏消息,”老板回答。“好消息是有一位先生咨询你的作品,他想知道在你死后你的画会不会升值。我告诉他你的画会升值,他就把你的15幅画全都买走了。”“真是太好了”,艺术家是喜形于色,“那坏消息是什么?”带着关心的口吻,画廊老板回答,“买画的人是你的医生”。
Two car peng peng：这是一个很老的笑话了，说一位中国留美学生，某天在公路上亲眼看到一起两车相撞事故，由于此处比较偏僻没有其他目击者，加上此仁兄很是热心，自愿留下为他们作证。待警车开着警察呼啸而来，询问他当时的情景，此兄用不太流利的英语边比划边说：“One car come, one car go, two car Peng Peng, one car down ! ”
小明上英文课时跟老师说：May I go to the toilet?老师说：Go ahead.小明就坐了下麓。过了一会儿，小明又跟老师说：May I go to the toilet? 老师说：Go ahead.小明又坐了下麓。他旁边的同学于是忍不住问：您不是跟老师说要上厕所吗？怎么不去？小明说：您没听老师说「去您个头」啊！
某日刘洪涛遇到外宾，上前搭话曰：I am hongtao liu，外宾曰：我他妈还是方片七呢！
某男，亦粗通英文，至使馆，有表要填，有一栏是sex。该男思之久已，毅然下笔：“Once a week”。签证官观后暴笑，曰：“This item should be filled in with male or female.” 该男顿时赧颜，思之，填下“female”，官楞之，曰：“shouldn’t it be male?” 男急释曰：“I am a normal man， so I have sex with female.” Beggars and misersMiser: \"We are not even water.\"A beggar came home in front of a miser begging.Beggar: \"Please give a small piece of fat meat, cheese or butter.\"Miser: \"No you!\"Beggar: \"crumbs will do.\"Miser: \"no.\"Beggar: \"Drink it to the water!\"Miser: \"We are not even water.\" 乞丐和吝啬鬼一个乞丐来到一个吝啬鬼家门前乞讨。乞丐：“请给一小块肥肉，乳酪或奶油。”吝啬鬼：“没有呀！”乞丐：“面包屑也行。”吝啬鬼：“也没有。”乞丐：“那就给口水喝吧！”吝啬鬼：“我们连水也没有了。”乞丐发怒了：“那你为什么还坐在家里？快跟我一起要饭去！”
江青会见外宾，要求翻译要严格按她的意思翻，不许走样。外宾一见到江青，立刻拍马屁道：\"Mi Jiang you are very beautiful.\"翻译照翻，江青芯华怒放，嘴上还要谦虚一下：“哪里，哪里”。翻译不敢怠慢，把江青的话翻成英文：\"Where? Where?\"外宾一愣，还有这样的人，追问哪里慓亮的，干脆马屁拍到底：\"Everywhere everywhere.\"翻译：“您到处都很慓亮。”江青更高兴了，但总是要客气一下：“不见得，不见得”。
传说克林顿和教皇同一天去世，上帝搞错了，把克林顿送上了天堂，而把教皇送入了地狱。发现错误后上帝马上改了回来，路上二人相遇。教皇：感谢上帝，我终于能见到圣母玛利亚了（Virgin Maria）.克林顿（坏笑中）：Sorry，it’s too late
推荐第8篇：英语小笑话
1）不差钱
Looking very unhappy, a poor man entered a doctor\'s consulting-room. 一个愁容满面的穷人走进大夫的诊室。
\"Doctor,\" he said, \"you must help me.I swallowed a penny about a month ago.\" \"大夫！\"他说，\"你一定要帮帮我！一个月前我吞了一分硬币！\" \"Good heavens, man!\" said the doctor.\"Why have you waited so long?
Why don\'t you come to me on the day you swallowed it?\" \"天哪，你这个人啊\"大夫说，\"早干嘛去了？你当时怎么不来看？\" \"To tell you the truth, Doctor,\" the poor man replied, \"I didn\'t need the money so badly then.\" \"实话告诉您吧，大夫，\"穷人说，\"我当时还不缺钱！\" 英语小笑话（2）迟到了！
Teacher:Why are you late for school every morning? Tom:Every time I come to the corner,a sign says,\"School-Go slow\".
老师:为什么你每天早晨都迟到?
汤姆:每当我经过学校的拐角处,就看见一个牌子上写着\"学校----慢行\".
英语小笑话（3）你会说什么 How much English can you speak? \"Your Honor, I want to bring to your attention how unfair it is for my client to be accused of theft. He arrived in New York City a week ago and barely knew his way around. What\'s more, he only speaks a few words of English.\" The judge looked at the defendant and asked, \"How much English can you speak?\" The defendant looked up and said, \"Give me your wallet!\" \"法官先生，我的当事人被指控偷窃，这是多么不公正啊。他一周前才来到纽约，几乎不认路。 而且，他只会说几个英语单词。\" 法官看了看被告，问道：\"你会说多少英文？\" 被告抬起头，说：\"把你的钱包给我！\" 英语小笑话（4）可怜的丈夫
The poor husband
\"You can\'t imagine how difficult it is for me to deal with my wife,\" the man complained to his friend.\"She asks me a question, then answers it herself, and after that she explained to me for half an hour why my answer is wrong.
中文翻译：
可怜的丈夫
“你根本无法想象和我妻子打交道是多么的难，”一个男人对他的朋友诉苦说，“她问我一个问题，然后自己回答了，过后又花半个小时跟我解释为什么我的答案是错的。” 英语小笑话（5）我没有睡着 I Wasn\'t Asleep
When a group of women got on the car, every seat was already occupied.The conductor noticed a man who seemed to be asleep, and fearing he might mi his stop, he nudged him and said: \"Wake up, sir!\" \"I wasn\'t asleep,\" the man answered.\"Not asleep? But you had your eyes closed.\" \"I know.I just hate to look at ladies standing up beside me in a crowded car.中文翻译：
我没有睡着
当一群妇女上车之后，车上的座位全都被占满了。售票员注意到一名男子好像是睡着了，他担心这个人会坐过站，就用胳膊肘轻轻地碰了碰他，说:“先生，醒醒!” “我没有睡着。”那个男人回答。 “没睡着?可是你眼睛都闭上了呀?” “我知道，我只是不愿意看到在拥挤的车上有女士站在我身边而已。” 英语小笑话（6）一个真正的男子汉 One real man The ruler of an ancient kingdom wanted to disprove the statement that the men of his domain were ruled by their wives.He had all the males in his kingdom brought before him and warned that any man who did not tell the truth would be punished severely（严格地，严厉地）.Then he asked all the men who obeyed their wives\' directions and counsel（劝告，建议） to step to the left side of the hall.All the men did so but one little man who moved to the right.It\'s good to see, said the king, that we have one real man in the kingdom.Tell these chickenhearted（胆小的） dunces（傻瓜） why you alone among them stand on the right side of the hall.Your Majesty, came the reply in a squealing voice, it is because before I left home my wife told me to keep out of crowds 一个真正的男子汉
古代有一个国王，他想证明他领土内的男人并非像人们传说的那样，受到老婆的管制。他把王国里所有的男人都召到跟前，警告说，哪个男人胆敢不说实话，就会受到严厉的惩罚。
然后，他叫所有听从妻子的命令和意见的男人都走向大厅的左侧。所有的男人都站到了左侧，只有一个小个子男人站到了右侧。 国王说：看到我们国家里还有一个真正的男子汉，真是令人高兴。告诉这些胆小的笨蛋，为什么在他们当中只有你一个人站在大厅的右侧。 陛下，那人尖声地回答：因为在我出门之前，我老婆告诉我不要扎堆 英语小笑话（7）国王和他的故事
Once there was a king.He likes to write stories, but his stories were not good.As people were afraid of him, they all said his stories were good.One day the king showed his stories to a famous writer.He waited the writer to praise these stories.But the writer said his stories were so bad that he should throw them into fire.The king got very angry with him and sent him to prison.After some time, the king set him free.Again he showed him some of his new stories and asked what he thought of them.After reading them, the writer at once turned to the soldiers and said: “ Take me back to prison, please.” 国王和他的故事
从前有一个国王，他喜欢写故事，但是他写的故事很不好。人们怕他，都说他的故事好。有一天国王把他的故事给一名作家看，他想要作家赞扬他的这些故事，而作家说他的故事是如此的差以至于该扔进火里。国王很生气，把他送到监狱。
过了些日子，国王给了作家自由。国王重新将自己的一些新故事给作家看并问他感觉怎么样。
作家看了之后立刻转身对士兵说着;“请把我送回监狱吧。” 英语小笑话（8）买冰
Once a simpleton’s wife told him to buy some ice. Two hours later, he didn’t come back.She wanted to know why he didn’t come back and went out to have a look.She saw he was standing in the sun at the gate and watching the ice melting. “What’s the matter?” She asked him.“Why don’t you bring it in?”
“I saw the ice was wet and I was afraid that you would scold me so I’m running it dry.” The simpleton answered.从前有一个笨人的妻子让她的丈夫买几块冰。 两个小时后，他还没回来。
她想知道他为什么没回来，就出去看了看，发现她的丈夫在门口站着，在太阳下晒冰，看着冰融化。
她问他：“怎么啦？你为什么不把它拿进来？”
“我看见冰是湿的，恐怕你会训斥我，因此，我正在把它晒干。”笨人回答道。
英语小笑话（9）卖扫帚的人和理发师
A man who sold brooms went into a barber\'s shop to get shaved.The barber bought one of his brooms, and, when he had shaved him, asked for the price of it. \"Two pence,\" said the man. \"No, no, \" said the barber, \"I will give you a penny, and if you do not think that enough, you may take your broom again.\" The man took it, and asked what he had to pay for his shave. \"A penny.\" said the barber. \"I will give you a half-penny, and if that is not enough, you may put my beard on again.\" 卖扫帚的人和理发师
一个卖扫帚的人去一家理发店修面.理发师向他买了一把扫帚.当理发师给他修完面后,问了一下扫帚的价钱. 卖扫帚的人说:\"两便士\" \"不,不\"理发师说,\"我只出一便士.如果你认为不够的话,可以把扫帚拿回去.\" 卖扫帚的人取回了扫帚,随后问修面要付多少钱. 卖扫帚的人说:\"我只能给你半个便士,如果你认为不够的话,你可以把胡子再替我装上.英语小笑话（10）采购过早
It was Christmas and the judge was in a benevolent mood as he questioned the prisoner.\"What are you charged with?\" he asked.\"Doing my christmas shopping early,\" replied the defendant.
\"That\'s no offense,\" replied the judge, \"How early were you doing this shopping?\" \"Before the store opened,\" countered the prisoner.那天是圣诞节，法官在审讯犯人时也有点恻隐之心。“你为什么而被起诉？”他问。
“采购圣诞节物品过早。”被告答。
“这不算犯法，”法官回答，“你购物多早？” 在商店开门之前，“犯人应道。
推荐第9篇：英语小笑话
校园幽默四则
1.
Two Birds
Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow.Now who can tell us which is which?
Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.
Teacher: Please tell us.
Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.
两只鸟
老师： 这儿有两只鸟，一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀吗？
学生：我指不出，但我知道答案。
老师：请说说看。
学生：燕子旁边的就是麻雀，麻雀旁边的就是燕子。
2.
The Fish Net
\"Can you tell me what fish net is made, Ann?\"
\"A lot of little holes tied together with strings.\" replied the little girl.
鱼网
\"你能告诉我鱼网是什么做的吗，安？\" 老师发问道。
\"把许多小孔用绳子栓在一起就成了鱼网了。\" 小女孩回答道。
3.
The New Teacher
George comes from school on the first of September.
\"George, how did you like your new teacher?\" asked his mother.
\"I didn\'t like her, Mother, because she said that three and three were six and then she said
that two and four were six too.....\"
新老师
9月1日， 乔治放学回到家里。
\"乔治，你喜欢你们的新老师吗？\" 妈妈问。
\"妈妈，我不喜欢，因为她说3加3得6, 可后来又说2加4也得6。\"
4.
A physics Examination
Once in a physics examination, Nick finished the first question very soon, while his clamates
were thinking it hard.The question was: When it thunders why do we see the lighting first, then
hear the thunderrolls? Nick\'s answer: Because our eyes are before ears.
一次物理考试
在一次物理考试时，当同学们都还在苦思冥想时，尼克很快就答好了第一个问题。
这个问题是：为什么在打雷时，我们总是先看到闪电后听到雷声？
尼克的回答是：因为眼睛在前，耳朵在后。 经典英语小笑话
1.the lowest grade \"Profeor, I did the best I could on this test.I really don\'t think I deserve a zero.\" \"Neither do I.But that\'s the lowest grade I\'m allowed to give.\" 最低分
学生：“教授先生，我这次考试已经竭尽全力了。我真的觉得我不应该得零蛋。”
老师：“我也是。但是这已经是我能给的最低分了！” 2.Real Play When I taught the introduction-to-theater course at North Dakota State University, I required my students to attend the university theater\'s current production and write a critique.After viewing a particularly fine performance, one student wrote: \"The play was so real, I thought I was actually sitting on my couch at home, watching it on television.\" 逼真的戏剧
我在北达科他州立大学教戏剧入门课时，要求学生们去看学校剧团当时的演出，并写一篇评论。看了一场极为精彩的演出后，一名学生写道：“这部戏剧是如此逼真，以致于我认为我自己是坐在家里的沙发上，从电视上看到的。” 本贴来自天极网群乐社区--http://q.yesky.com/ TOM\'S EXCUSE Teacher: Tom, why are you late for school every day? Tom: Every time I come to the corner, a sign says, \"School-Go Slow\".汤姆的借口
老师：汤姆，您为什么每天上学迟到？
汤姆：我每次路过拐角，一个路标上面写着：\"学校----慢行。\" DID YOUR DAD HELP YOU? One day, Tim\'s mathematics teacher looked at his homework and saw that he had got all his sums right.The teacher was very pleased-and rather surprised.He called Tim to his desk and said to him, \"You got all your homework right this time, Tim.What happened? Did your father help you?\" \"No, sir.He was too busy last night, so I had to do it all myself,\" said Tim.你爸爸帮你了吗？
一天，蒂姆的数学老师看了他的作业，发现他全做对了。老师很高兴 ，同时也十分惊讶。他把蒂姆叫到桌前说：\"蒂姆，你这次的作业全都 做对了，怎么回事？你爸爸帮你做了吗？\" \"不，先生，我爸爸昨天很忙，我不得不全由自己做了。\" 英语幽默笑话
Tom call Jim\'s name:\"I can\'t bear such a foolish!\" and Jim say:\"You mother could (bear)!\" 汤姆对着吉姆骂道:\"我受不了你这个苯蛋了!\" 吉姆说:\"你妈妈能!\" 附:bear 有两重意思:\"生\"和\"忍受\"这个笑话正是根据这点.
英语笑话故事 1.He Won
Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in bed.He hurt himself. Tommy: That\'s too bad.How did that happen? Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won.
他赢了
汤姆：约翰尼，你小弟弟好吗？
约翰尼：他害病卧床了。他受了伤。 汤姆：真糟糕，怎么回事儿？
约翰尼：我们做游戏，看谁能把身子探出窗外最远，他赢了。 2.I Have His Ear in My Pocket
Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, \"What happened?\" \"A kid bit me,\" replied Ivan.\"Would you recognize him if you saw him again?\" asked his mother.\"I\'d know him any where,\" said Ivan.\"I have his ear in my pocket.\"
他的耳朵在我衣兜里
伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。他妈妈问，“发生了什么事？” “一个男孩咬了我一口，”伊凡说。 “再见到他你能认出来吗？”妈妈问。
“他走到哪里我都能认出他，”伊凡说。“他的耳朵还在我衣兜里呢。”
A Good Boy
Little Robert asked his mother for two cents.\"What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?\" \"I gave it to a poor old woman,\" he answered. \"You\'re a good boy,\" said the mother proudly.\"Here are two cents more.But why are you so interested in the old woman?\" \"She is the one who sells the candy.\"
好孩子
小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。
“昨天给你的钱干什么了？”
“我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？” “她是个卖糖果的。”
推荐第10篇：英语小笑话!~
搞笑英语短文
Good Boy
Little Robert asked his mother for two cents.\"What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?\" \"I gave it to a poor old woman,\" he answered.\"You\'re a good boy,\" said the mother proudly.\"Here are two cents more.But why are you so interested in the old woman?\" \"She is the one who sells the candy.\" 好孩子 小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。 “昨天给你的钱干什么了？”
“我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？” “她是个卖糖果的。”
I\'ve Just Bitten My Tongue
\"Are we poisonous?\" the young snake asked his mother.\"Yes, dear,\" she repliedflunked all courses.Kicked out of school.Prepare Pop.\" Two days later he received a response: \"Pop prepared.Prepare yourself.\" 自己做好准备
校园里流传着这样的故事：一个学生一次给父母拍了一份电报，上面写着：“妈妈－我所有功课都不及格，被学校开除。让爸爸做好准备。” 两天以后，他收到了回电：“爸爸已准备好。你自己做好准备吧!”
第11篇：英语笑话短文
英语笑话短文
Pig or Witch
A man is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road.A woman is driving down the same road.As they pa each other, the woman leans out of the window and yells \"PIG!!\" The man immediately leans out of his window and replies, \"WITCH(女巫)!!\" They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next corner, he crashes into a pig in the middle of the road.If only men would listen.
猪还是女巫
一个男人在一条陡峭狭窄的山路上驾车，一个女人相向驾车而来。他们相遇时，那个女的从窗中伸出头来叫到：“猪！！”那个男的立即从窗中伸出头来回敬道：“女巫！！”他们继续前行。这个男的在下一个路口转弯时，撞上了路中间的一头猪。要是这个男的能听懂那个女人的意思就好了。—————————————————————————————————————————Response Ability
An Ogden, Iowa, minister was matching coins with a member of his congregation for a cup of coffee.When asked if that didn\'t constitute gambling, the minister replied, \"It\'s merely a scientific method of determining just who is going to commit an act of charity.\"
Philosopher Bertrand Ruell, asked if he was willing to die for his beliers, replied: \"Of course not.After all, I may be wrong.\"
A newspaper organized a contest for the best answer to the question: \"If a fire broke out in the Louvre, and if you could only save one painting, which one would you carry out?\"
The winning reply was: \"The one nearest the exit.\"
答问技巧
衣阿华州奥格根的一位牧师正在与一位教友为一杯咖啡而猜硬币。别人问他那是否构成赌博行为时，牧师答道：“这仅仅是决定由谁来做一件善事的一种科学方法。”
当我人问哲学家罗素是否愿意为了他的信仰而献身时，他答道：“当然不会。毕竟，我可能会是错的。”
一份报纸组织了一场竞赛，为下面的问题征集最佳答案：“如果卢浮宫起了火，而你只能救出一幅画，你将救出哪一幅？”
获奖的答案是：“最接近门口的那一幅。”
————————————————————————————————————————Jonesie The Great Lion Hunter
A small village was troubled by a man-eating lion.So its leaders sent a meage to the great hunter, Jonesie, to come and kill the beast.
For several nights the hunter lay in wait for the lion, but it never appeared.Finally, he told the village chief to kill a cow and give him its hide.Draping the skin over his shoulders, he went to the pasture to wait for the lion.
In the middle of the night, the villagers woke to the sound of blood-curdling shrieks coming from the pasture.As they carefully approached, they saw the hunter on the ground, groaning in pain.There was no sign of the lion.
\"What happened, Jonesie? Where is the lion?\" asked the chief.
\"Forget the damn lion!\" he howled.\"Which one of you idiots let the bull loose?\"
伟大的猎手Jonesie
有个小村庄正为一只吃人的狮子而烦恼。于是，村长派人去请伟大的猎手Jonesie来杀死这只野兽。
猎手躺着等了几个晚上，但狮子一直没有出现。最后，他要求村长杀只羊然后把头皮给他。把羊皮披在身上后，猎人到草原上去等狮子。
半夜，村民被从草原传来的声嘶力竭的尖叫声惊醒。他们小心地靠近后，看到猎手正躺在草地上痛苦地呻吟。没有狮子出没的蛛丝马迹。
“Jonesie，怎么了？狮子在哪？”村长问。
“哪有狮子！”猎人怒吼道，“哪个傻瓜把公牛放出来了？”
————————————————————————————————————————Weather Predict
A film crew was on location deep in the desert.One day an old Indian went up to the director and said, \"Tomorrow rain.\" The next day it rained.
A week later, the Indian went up to the director and said, \"Tomorrow storm.\" The next day there was a hailstorm.
\"This Indian is incredible,\" said the director.He told his secretary to hire the Indian to predict the weather.However, after several succeful predictions, the old Indian didn\'t show up for two weeks.
Finally the director sent for him.\"I have to shoot a big scene tomorrow,\" said the director, \"and I\'m depending on you.What will the weather be like?\"
The Indian shrugged his shoulders.\"Don\'t know,\" he said.\"Radio is broken.\"
天气预报
一个电影摄制组在沙漠深处工作.一天,一个印度老人到导演跟前告诉导演说\"明天下雨.\"第二天果然下雨了.
一周后,印度人又来告诉导演说,\"明天有风暴.\"果然,第二天下了雹暴.
\"印度人真神,\"导演说.他告诉秘书雇佣该印度人来预报天气.
几次预报都很成功.然后,接下来的两周,印度人不见了.
最后,导演派人去把他叫来了.\"我明天必须拍一个很大的场景,\"导演说,\"这得靠你了.明天天气如何啊?\"
印度人耸了耸肩.\"我不知道,\"印度人说,\"收音机坏了.\"
——————————————————————————————————————————I Am Acting Like a Lady
One day when women\'s drees were on sale at the FarEast Department Store, a dignified middle-aged man decided to get his wife a piece.But he soon found himself being battered by frantic women.
He stood it as long as he could; then, with head lowered and arms flailing, he plowed through the crowed.\"You there!\" challenged a thrill voice.\"Can\'t you act like a gentleman?\"
\"Listen,\" he said, \"I have been acting like a gentleman for an hour.From now on, I am acting like a lady.\"我要表现得象位女士
一天，远东百货公司的女装大减价，一位高贵的中年男士想给太太买一件。可是，没过多久，他发现自己已被疯狂的女人冲得踉踉跄跄。
他竭力忍耐着。后来，他低下头，挥动双臂，挤过人群。
“你干嘛？”有人尖声叫道，“你难道不能表现得象位绅士吗？”
“听着，”他说，“我已经象绅士一样表现了一个小时。从现在起，我要表现得象个女士。”
第12篇：英语冷笑话
英语冷笑话
Top 1
The little girl did not like the look of the barking dog.\"It\'s all right,\" said a gentleman, \"don\'t be afraid.Don\'t you know the proverb: Barking dogs don\'t bite?\" \"Ah, yes,\" answered the little girl.\"I know the proverb, but does the dog know the proverb, too?\" 一个小女孩非常不喜欢狗狂叫的样子。
“没有关系，”一位先生说，“不用害怕，你知道这条谚语吗：„吠狗不咬人。‟” “啊，我是知道，可是狗也知道吗？”
Top 2
One student to another: \"How are your English leons coming along?\" \"Fine.I used to be one who couldn\'t understand the English men, and now it\'s the English men who can\'t understand me.\" 一位学生对另一位说：“你的英语最近学的怎么样?”
“很好，我过去不懂英国人说话，可现在是英国人不懂我的话了。”
Top 3
An old lady who was very deaf and who thought everything too dear, went into a shop and asked the shopman:\' How much this stuff?\' \'Seven dollars, Madam, it is very cheap.\' The lady said, \'It is too much, give it to me for fourteen.\' \'I did not say seventeen dollars, but seven.\' \'It is still too much,\' replied the old lady, \'give it to me for five.\' 一位耳聋并且总是嫌东西太贵的老太太走进一家商店。 她问店员：“这东西要多少钱？”
“七美元，太太，这是很便宜的。” 老太太说：“太贵了，十四美元差不多。” 店员忙说：“我没说十七美元，是七美元。” “还是太贵，”老太太说：“五美元，我就买啦。”
Top 4
Little Robert asked his mother for two cents.\"What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?\" \"I gave it to a poor old woman,\" he answered.\"You\'re a good boy,\" said the mother proudly.\"Here are two cents more.But why are you so interested in the old woman?\" \"She is the one who sells the candy.\" 小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。 “昨天给你的钱干什么了？”
“我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？” “她是个卖糖果的。”
Top 5
My Sister\'s Fingers Teacher: Kevin, why are you late this time? Kevin: Please sir, I bruised two fingers knocking in a nail at home.Teacher: I don\'t see any bandages.Kevin: Oh, they weren\'t my fingers! I told my little sister to hold the nail.我妹妹的手指头
老师：凯温，这次你怎么又迟到了? 凯温：对不起，老师，我在家钉钉子，砸坏了两个手指头。 老师：怎么没有扎绷带呀? 凯温：噢，砸的不是我的手指头，我叫小妹妹扶着钉子的。 Top 6
Teacher: \"John, what is the past participle of the verb to ring?\" John: \"What do you think it is, sir?\" Teacher: \"I don\'t think, I KNOW!\" John: \"I don\'t think I know either, sir!\"„
老师：“John，动词ring的过去分词是什么？”。 约翰：“你想它是什么呢”？ 老师：“我不用想，我知道！”。 约翰：“我想我不知道”
Top 7
One night just before Valentine\'s Day a woman had a lovely dream about a beautiful necklace.When she woke up, she told her husband, \"I just dreamt that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine\'s day.What do you think it could mean?\" \"You\'ll find out on Valentine\'s Day.\" he said with a knowing smile.On Valentine\'s Day, the man gave his delighted wife a beautifully wrapped package.Excitedly, she opened it, only to find a book entitled \"The Meaning of Dreams\".情人节前一天，一个女人做了个项链的梦。
当她醒来，她和她丈夫说：“我刚梦到你情人节给了我一根珍珠项链。你说那是什么含义呢？”。
“到情人节那天你就会知道了。”他笑着说。 情人节那天，男人给了他老婆一个礼盒。
她很兴奋地打开，看到的却是一本书，书名是《梦的解析》。
Top 8
An artist was part of an exhibition, and he asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings that were currently on display.\"I\'ve got good news and bad news,\" the owner replied.\"Give me the good news first,\" the artist demanded.\"The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death.When I told him it would, he bought all 15 of your paintings.\" \"That\'s wonderful!\" the artist exclaimed, \"What could the bad news poibly be?\" With concern, the gallery owner replied, \"The gentleman in question was your doctor.\" 一位艺术家在一个画廊办了个展览，他问店主是否有人对他参展的画感兴趣。 “我有一个好消息和一个坏消息。”店主回答。 “先告诉我好消息。”画家要求道。
“好消息是一位绅士询问了你的作品，还问它是否会在你死后增。我告诉他会的，然后他买下了你所有的15幅画作。”
“那太棒了！”画家惊叹。“那么什么会是坏消息呢？” 店主想了想之后说：“问那个问题的是你的医生”。
Top 9All Except the Music A keen young teacher wanted to introduce her cla to the glories of claical music, so she arranged an outing to an afternoon concert.To make the occasion even more memorable, she treated everyone to lemonade, cake, chocs and ices.Just as the party was getting back into their coach, she said to little Sally, \"Have you enjoyed yourself today?\" \"Oh, yes, mi!\" said Sally, \"It was lovely.All except the music, that is.\" 除了音乐
一位热心的年轻教师想让她的学生多了解一点优秀的古典音乐，就安排了一天下午去听音乐会。为了使这次活动能给大家留下更深的印象，她请大家喝柠檬汽水、吃点心、巧克力和冰淇淋。在大家回来上汽车的时候，她问小萨莉：“你今天玩得好吗?”
“噢，好极了，小姐，” 萨莉说，“除了音乐其它都很好。” Top 10A little rabbit is happily running through the forest when he stumbles upon a giraffe rolling a joint.The rabbit looks at her and says, \"Giraffe my friend, why do you do this? Come with me running through the forest, you\'ll feel so much better!\" The giraffe looks at him, looks at the joint, toes it and goes off running with the rabbit.有一只小白兔快乐地奔跑在森林中, 在路上它碰到一只正在卷大麻的长颈鹿。小白兔看着长颈鹿说道：“长颈鹿我的朋友，你为什么要做这种事呢？和我一起在森林中奔跑吧，你会感觉心情舒畅很多！”长颈鹿看看小白兔，又看看手里的大麻烟，把大麻烟向身后一扔，跟着小白兔在森林中奔跑。
Then they come acro an elephant doing coke, so the rabbit again says, \"Elephant my friend, why do you do this? Think about your health.Come running with us through the pretty forest, you\'ll feel so good!\" The elephant looks at them, looks at his coke, then toes it and starts running with the rabbit and giraffe.后来它们遇到一只正准备吸食可卡因的大象，小白兔又对大象说：“大象我的朋友，你为什么要做这种事呢？想想自己的健康啊。跟我们一起在这片美丽的森林中奔跑吧，你会感觉好很多！”大象看看它们，又看看手中的可卡因，于是把可卡因向身后一扔，跟着小白兔和长颈鹿一起奔跑。
The three animals then come acro a lion about to shoot up and the rabbit again says, \"Lion my friend, why do you do this? Think about your health! Come running with us through the sunny forest, you will feel so good!\" 后来它们遇到一只正准备注射毒品的狮子，小白兔又对狮子说：“狮子我的朋友，你为什么要做这种事呢？想想自己的健康啊！跟我们一起在这片阳光明媚的森林中奔跑吧，你会感觉如此美好！”
The lion looks at him, puts down his needle, and starts to beat the hell out of the rabbit.As the giraffe and elephant watch in horror, they look at him and ask, \"Lion, why did you do this? He was merely trying to help us all!\" 狮子看看小白兔，放下手中的针筒，把小白兔猛揍了一顿。长颈鹿和大象被吓坏了，它们看着狮子问它：“狮子，你为什么要打小白兔呢？它只是想要帮助我们大家啊！”
The lion answers, \"He makes me run around the forest like an idiot each time he\'s on ecstasy!\" 狮子回答：“这家伙每次嗑了摇头丸就拉着我像白痴一样在森林里乱跑！”
第13篇：英语幽默笑话
You\'ve lost your morality
你节操掉了
Six people were travelling in a compartment on atrain.
有六个人搭乘火车旅行，坐在同一车箱内。
Five of them were quiet and well behaved,
其中五个很安静，也很规矩。
but the sixth was a rude young man who was causing a lot of trouble to the other paengers.
但第六个是个粗鲁的年轻人，给其他乘客招惹了许多麻烦。
At last this young man got out at a station with his two heavy bags.最后，这位年轻人在一个车站带着两个沉重的皮箱下了车。
None of the other paengers helped him,
没有一个旅客帮他的忙。
but one of them waited until the rude young man was very far away and then opened thewindow and shouted to him,
有个人一直等到这位粗鲁的年轻人走得很远了，才打开窗户，对着他大声喊：
\"You left something behind in the compartment!\" Then he closed the window again.
“你把东西留在车厢里了!”然后，又把窗户关了起来。
The young man truned around and hurried back with his two bags.
年轻人转过身子，拎着两个沉甸甸的皮箱，匆匆赶了回来。
He was very tired when he arrived, but he shouted through the window, \"What did I leavebehind?\"
他转回来时，显得非常疲倦，对着窗户大声喊：“我把什么东西留在车上了？”
As the train began to move again, the paenger who had called him back opened the windowand said, \"You\'ve lost your morality\"
当火车再次启动时，叫他回来的旅客打开窗户说：“你节操掉了！”
第14篇：英语笑话。。圣诞节
一．A smart housewife was told that there was a kind of stove which would only consume half of the coal she was burning.She was very excited, and said: \"That\'ll be terrific! Since one stove can save half of the coal, if I buy two, no coal will be needed!\"
一位精明的家庭主妇听人说有一种炉子用起来可以比她现在用的炉子省一半的煤。她听了大为兴奋，说：“那太好了！一个炉子可以省一半的煤，那么如果我买两个炉子的话，不就可以把煤全都省下来了吗？”
二．Mrs.Brown: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog!
Mrs.Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers!
Mrs.Brown: It\'s no use, my little dog can\'t read.
布朗夫人：哦，亲爱的，我把珍爱的小狗给丢了！史密斯夫人：可是你该在报纸上登广告啊！布朗夫人：没有用的，我的小狗不认识字。” 12月25日，是基督教徒纪念耶稣诞生的日子，称为圣诞 节。
从12月24日于翌年1月6日为圣诞节节期。节日期间，各国基督教徒都举行隆重的纪念仪式。圣诞节本来是基督教徒的节日，由于人们格外重视，它便成为一个全民性的节日，是西方国家一年中最盛大的节日，可以和新年相提并论，类似我国过春节。
西方人以红、绿、白三色为圣诞色，圣诞节来临时家家户户都要用圣诞色来装饰。红 色的有圣诞花和圣诞蜡烛。绿色的是圣诞树。它是圣诞节的主要装饰品，用砍伐来的杉、柏一类呈塔形的常青树装饰而成。上面悬挂着五颜六色的彩灯、礼物和纸花，还点燃着圣 诞蜡烛。
红色与白色相映成趣的是圣诞老人，他是圣诞节活动中最受欢迎的人物。西方儿童在 圣诞夜临睡之前，要在壁炉前或枕头旁放上一只袜子，等候圣诞老人在他们入睡后把礼物 放在袜子内。在西方，扮演圣诞老人也是一种习俗。
Christmas, annual Christian holiday commemorating the birth of Jesus Christ.Most members of the Roman Catholic Church and followers of Protestantism celebrate Christmas on December 25, and many celebrate on the evening of December 24 as well.Members of the Eastern Orthodox Church usually delay their most important seasonal ceremonies until January 6, when they celebrate Epiphany, a commemoration of the baptism of Jesus.Epiphany also traditionally commemorates the arrival of the Three Wise Men of the East in Bethlehem (near Jerusalem, Israel), where they adored the infant Jesus and presented him with gifts of gold, frankincense, and myrrh.The official Christmas season, popularly known as either Christmastide or the Twelve Days of Christmas, extends from the anniversary of Christ’s birth on December 25 to the feast of Epiphany on January 6.
Christmas is based on the story of Jesus’ birth as described in the Gospel according to Matthew (see Matthew 1:18-2:12) and the Gospel according to Luke (see Luke 1:26-56).Roman Catholics first celebrated Christmas, then known as the Feast of the Nativity, as early as 336 ad.The word Christmas entered the English language sometime around 1050 as the Old English phrase Christes maee, meaning “festival of Christ.” Scholars believe the frequently used shortened form of Christmas—Xmas—may have come into use in the 13th century.The X stands for the Greek letter chi, an abbreviation of Khristos (Christ), and also represents the cro on which Jesus was crucified.
第15篇：英语课堂教学小笑话
英语课堂教学小笑话
He Won
Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in bed.He hurt himself. Tommy: That\'s too bad.How did that happen?
Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won.
他赢了
汤姆：约翰尼，你小弟弟好吗？
约翰尼：他害病卧床了。他受了伤。
汤姆：真糟糕，怎么回事儿？
约翰尼：我们做游戏，看谁能把身子探出窗外最远，他赢了。
I Have His Ear in My Pocket
Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, \"What happened?\" \"A kid bit me,\" replied Ivan.
\"Would you recognize him if you saw him again?\" asked his mother. \"I\'d know him any where,\" said Ivan.\"I have his ear in my pocket.\"
他的耳朵在我衣兜里
伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。他妈妈问，“发生了什么事？” “一个男孩咬了我一口，”伊凡说。
“再见到他你能认出来吗？”妈妈问。
“他走到哪里我都能认出他，”伊凡说。“他的耳朵还在我衣兜里呢。”
A Good Boy
Little Robert asked his mother for two cents.\"What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?\" \"I gave it to a poor old woman,\" he answered.
\"You\'re a good boy,\" said the mother proudly.\"Here are two cents more.But why are you so interested in the old woman?\"
\"She is the one who sells the candy.\"
好孩子
小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。
“昨天给你的钱干什么了？”
“我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？” “她是个卖糖果的。” Drunk
One day, a father and his little son were going home.At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions.Now, he asked, \"What\'s the meaning of the word \'Drunk\', dad?\" \"Well, my son,\" his father replied, \"look, there are standing two policemen.If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk.\" \"But, dad,\" the boy said, \" there\'s only ONE policeman!\"
醉酒
一天，父亲与小儿子一道回家。这个孩子正处于那种对什么事都很感兴趣的年龄，老是有提不完的问题。他向父亲发问道：“爸爸，„醉‟字是什么意思？” “唔，孩子，”父亲回答说，“你瞧那儿站着两个警察。如果我把他们看成了四个，那么我就算醉了。” “可是，爸爸， ”孩子说，“那儿只有一个警察呀！”
Hospitality
The hoste apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple-pie without any cheese.The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guest\'s plate.The visitor smiled, put the cheese into his mouth and then said: \"You must have better eyes than your mother, sonny.Where did you find the cheese?\" \"In the rat-trap, sir,\" replied the boy.
好客
由于客人在吃苹果馅饼时，家里没有奶酪了，于是女主人向大家表示歉意。这家的小男孩悄悄地离开了屋子。过了一会儿，他拿着一片奶酪回到房间，把奶酪放在客人的盘子里。 客人微笑着把奶酪放进嘴里说：“孩子，你的眼睛就是比你妈妈的好。你在哪里找到的奶酪？” “在捕鼠夹上，先生。”那小男孩说。
第16篇：爆笑经典英语笑话
爆笑经典英语笑话
（六）
2011-01-21 08:42:36 一位来自日本的旅客，坐出租车去机场的路上，看到一辆汽车经过，就说：“oh，TOKOTA！Made in Japan! It is very fast！”又有一辆经过，他又说： “oh，NISSAN！Made in Japan! It is very fast！”司机有点不高兴，觉得他太吵了！当第三辆经过时，他还是说：“oh，HONDA！Made in Japan! It is very fast！”
后来到了机场，那个日本人就问：“How Much？”出租车司机说：“1000！”
日本人惊奇的问司机：“为什么那么贵？”出租车司机回答说：“oh，mileometer（计 程表）！Made in Japan! It is very fast！”
爆笑经典英语笑话(五)
2011-01-19 16:26:15 某人刻苦学习英语，终有小成。一日上街不慎与一老外相撞， 忙说：I am sorry. 老外应道：I am sorry too. 某人听后又道：I am sorry three. 老外不解，问：What are you sorry for? 某人无奈，道：I am sorry five.
爆笑经典英语笑话(四)
2011-01-17 17:31:48 话说某年某月的某一天，叁个神箭手约在一起比箭，目标是十尺外仆人头上的苹果。A神箭手挽弓长射，咻一声，利箭正中苹果。A高傲的昂起下巴，比出一根大 拇指道：「I AM后羿！」
B神箭手照本宣科，射中苹果，这回他自大的喊了一句：「I AM丘比特！」
轮到C了，他也挽弓，利箭射出！ 结果正中仆人的心脏。就听他结结巴巴好久才吐出一句：「I...I...I...AM...SORRY...」
爆笑经典英语笑话
（三）
2011-01-13 10:58:05 1 江青会见外宾，要求翻译要严格按她的意思翻，不许走样。外宾一见到江青，立刻拍马屁道：\"Mi Jiang, you are very beautiful.\" 翻译照翻，江青心花怒 放，嘴上还要谦虚一下：“哪里，哪里”。
翻译不敢怠慢，把江青的话翻成英文：\"Where? Where?\" 外宾一愣，还有这样的人，追问哪里漂亮的，干脆马屁拍到底：\"Everywhere, everywhere.\"
翻译：“你到处都很漂亮。”江青更高兴了，但总是要客气一下：“不见得，不见得”。翻译赶紧翻成英文：\"You are not allowed to see, you are not allowed to see.\"
爆笑经典英语笑话
（二）
2011-01-13 10:57:17 某日刘洪涛遇到外宾，上前搭话曰：I am hongtao liu，外宾曰：我TM还是方片七呢！
爆笑经典英语笑话
（一）
2011-01-10 07:14:26 老师在黑板上写了一句：Time is money.并让同学们翻译。有名学生答道：“汤姆是玛丽。”
小明上英文课时跟老师说：May I go to the toilet? 老师说：Go ahead.
小明就坐了下来。过了一会儿，小明又跟老师说：May I go to the toilet? 老师说：Go ahead.
小明又坐了下来。他旁边的同学于是忍不住问：你不是跟老师说要上厕所吗？怎么不去？
小明说：你没听老师说「去你个头」啊！
第17篇：关于春节的英语笑话
关于春节的英语笑话精选如下：
01.:how long will the next bus be?
b:it\'s about 45 feet.
这是玩得文字游戏。用中文就没劲了。翻成中文就不好笑了。
02.a: i have seen your face somewhere?
b: yes, it has always been just right here between my two ears.
怎么样啊? 能悟出它的幽默所在吗?
03.customer: these shoes are much too narrow and pointed.
shoes cleark: that\'s what they\' re wearing this season.
customer: perhaps so,but i\'m still wearing last season\'feet.
04.doctor: your cough sounds much better today.
patient: it should.i\'ve been practicing all night.
你的咳嗽今天听上去好点了
病人： 应该是好点了。昨晚我练了一个晚上。
05.the company\'s miion to eat nian fan
this year in the company for the new year together, eating regiment nian fan, the manager drunk, going to the toilet and vomiting, to coincide with a male staff member is urinate, the manager angrily, saying: that of how a good drink still pouring? male wensheng emergency stop, but he unexpectedly biechu a, the manager was furious: damn! who opened the bottle?
翻译：
在公司吃团年饭
今年在公司里过春节,在一起吃团年饭时，经理酒醉，入厕呕吐，恰逢一男职员正小解，经理怒曰：说好不喝了怎么还倒酒?男闻声急停，不料憋出个屁来，经理大怒：妈的!谁又开了一瓶?
第18篇：英语演讲稿带翻译笑话
we are the world ,we are the future someone said “we are reading the first verse of the first chapter of a book, whose pages are infinite”.i don’t know who wrote these words, but i’ve always liked them as a reminder that the future can be anything we want it to be.we are all in the position of the farmers.if we plant a good seed ,we reap a good harvest.if we plant nothing at all, we harvest nothing at all. we are young.“how to spend the youth?” it is a meaningful question.to answer it, first i have to ask “what do you understand by the word youth?” youth is not a time of life, it’s a state of mind.it’s not a matter of rosy cheeks, red lips or supple knees.it’s the matter of the will.it’s the freshne of the deep spring of life. a poet said “to see a world in a grain of sand, and a heaven in a wild flower, hold infinity in the palm of your hand, and eternity in an hour.several days ago, i had a chance to listen to a lecture.i learnt a lot there.i’d like to share it with all of you.let’s show our right palms.we can see three lines that show how our love.career and life is.i have a short line of life.what about yours? i wondered whether we could see our future in this way.well, let’s make a fist.where is our future? where is our love, career, and life? tell me.yeah, it is in our hands.it is held in ourselves. we all want the future to be better than the past.but the future can go better itself.don’t cry because it is over, smile because it happened.from the past, we’ve learnt that the life is tough, but we are tougher.we’ve learnt that we can’t choose how we feel, but we can choose what about it.failure doesn’t mean you don’t have it, it does mean you should do it in a different way.failure doesn’t mean you should give up, it does mean you must try harder.as what i said at the beginning, “we are reading the first verse of the first chapter of a book, whose pages are infinite”.the past has gone.nothing we do will change it.but the future is in front of us.believe that what we give to the world, the world will give to us.and from today on, let’s be the owners of ourselves, and speak out “we are the world, we are the future.”
世界是我们的，未来是我们的
一些人说“我们正在读一本无穷的书中的第一章的第一节。”我不知道谁写了这些话，但是我一直很喜欢它，因为它提醒了我，我们能够创造我们想要的未来。 我们都是农夫。如果我们播下好的种子，我们将会丰收。如果我们的种子很差，有很多草籽，收割的将是无用的庄稼。如果我们什么也不播种，什么收获也没有。
我们是年轻的。“怎样度过青春？”这是个有意义的问题。为了去回答它，我首先要问“从?青春?这个词中你能理解到什么？” 青春不是人生的一个时期，而是精神的一种状态。青春不是桃面、丹唇、柔膝，而是深沉的意志，。青春是生命的深泉在涌流. 一位诗人说“从一粒沙看世界，从一朵花看天堂，把无限放在你的手掌，永恒在一刹那里收藏”。几天前，我有了一个听讲座的机会，从中我学到了很多东西。现在，我想把这些与大家共享。让我们伸出右手，我们可以看到手掌中的展示我们的爱，事业和生活的三条线。我在生活方面这条线很短，那你们的呢？我想知道我们是否可以用这种办法去看我们的未来。好的，让我们一起握拳。我们的未
来在哪儿？我们的爱、事业和生活在哪儿？告诉我！是的，它们就在我们的手中。它们被我们自己掌握着。
我们所有人都希望未来能比过去更美好，但是未来能自己变得更好。不要因为结束而哭泣，微笑吧，为你的曾经拥有。从过去来看，生活是艰苦的，但我们是更坚强。我们知道我们不能选择感觉，但是我们能选择和它相关的东西。失败并不意味着你不拥有成功，它只意味着你应该用另一种方式去做这件事。失败并不意味着你应该放弃，只意味着你应该更加努力。
正如我在前面所说的“我们正在读一本无穷的书中的第一章的第一节。”过去的已经过去，无论我们无力改变，但是未来却在我们前方。相信“我们给了世界什么，世界也将给我们”。并且从今天起，让我们一起做我们自己的主人，一起大声说出“世界是我们的，未来是我们的。”篇2：中英文幽默演讲
幽默演讲——调侃自己（中英对照）
）
演讲者如何调侃自己
创新句子：你们或者睡觉，或者不睡，只要不打呼噜，我就接着讲。
幽默注释：演讲者讲得太糟糕了，组织者哭得很伤心。
演讲结束时，宴会主人感谢你从繁忙的日程中抽出时间来——你泰然自若，优雅地点头微笑着，心里非常清楚你日历上唯一的事情就是就早餐后喝点咖啡。
poise is when you finish your speech and the toastmaster thanks you for taking time out of your busy schedule to be a part of their program --- and you nod and smile graciously knowing full well that the only thing on your calendar is a little coffee from breakfast. 幽默注释：一些老干部退休后没什么事干，有人请他参加一些活动，他还假装很忙，好象推开了很多事才赶去似的。
过去我演讲时常常会比较紧张，但那时我看到一条信息说如果你想象所有的观众都是裸体会有所帮助。此时此刻，我站在这里想象着观众都是裸体，真的起作用，我不再紧张了，但眼睛有些疲劳。
i used to get nervous when giving a speech but then i read that it helps to think of the entire audience as being naked.and so, at this very moment, i’m standing up here imagining every one in this audience as being naked.and it really works.i no suffer from nervousne.eyestrain.yes. 幽默注释：把观众想象成裸体，意思是我不怕你们，就不紧张了。
创新句子：大部分人站在讲台上都会有点儿紧张，我属于少部分人，我非常紧张。
我本人不自负——我简直不能告诉你们我是多么钦佩我这一点。 personally, i have never been conceited --- and i can’t tell you how much i admire myself for that. 幽默句子：他因为自己不自负，所以变得非常骄傲。
创新句子：我一点儿都不自负，我希望别人也这么看我。
我先用简单明了的英语演讲，以后我再翻译给律师听。
let me put this into plain english.i’ll translate it for the lawyers later.幽默注释：律师总喜欢用复杂的语言，简单的话都听不懂了。
创新句子：我的讲话有三个版本，小学生版本，中学生版本，大学生版本，你是听小学一年纪版的，还是小学二年纪版的？
如果你听过这个故事，请不要打断我，我就知道这一个故事。 if you’ve already heard this story, please don’t stop me because it’s the only one i know. 幽默注释：就是你知道两个故事，讲故事前也可以这么说。
创新句子：我讲个笑话，如果你们听过，也希望装做没听过，我也这样照顾你们。
演讲就象给草坪浇水，如果有四分之一的水渗下去你就满意了。
making a speech is like watering a lawn.you’re satisfied if just a quarter of it sinks in. 幽默注释：有人打呼噜，有人说话，都是正常的，有四分之一观众听就不错了。
幽默句子：即兴演讲的开场白。
创新句子：我不知道你们会不会喜欢我的演讲，我不知道我要讲点儿什么。
开始前我想告诉你们下面的演讲已经编辑成了电视节目，我现在少讲20分钟，我们能够及时赶回家看2台的节目。
before i begin, i want you to know that the following speech has been edited for television.i cut 20 minutes out of it so we could all get home in time for the game on channel 2. 幽默注释：放着现场不看，偏要回家在电视上看。
可能你们有些人知道我今晚出现在这里有两个原因：第一个原因是你们的计划委员会一直在设法寻找一个聪明、有趣、老练的演讲者，——他们找到了。第二个原因是那个人病了，所以就打电话把我找来了。
幽默注释：一开始好象在说自己很牛，其实就是个临时替场。
创新句子：我认为我演讲很风趣，可为什么没人笑呢？
有人有舞台恐惧症，我没有；舞台不会怎么样我，是观众快把我吓死了！ some people suffer from stage fright.i don’t.the stage doesn’t bother me at all.it’s the audience that scares the hell out of me! 幽默注释：stage fright舞台恐惧症，而不是舞台吓唬我。
我们每个人都希望能在某一时刻把时钟拨回去。如果我能够把时钟拨回去 at one time or another, i think each of us has wished we could turn back the clock.i know if i could turn back the clock just 45 minutes, i’d be the happiest person in this room.because that’s when i left my speech on the kitchen table.幽默注释：自己上台前还在刻苦练习，演讲稿落家里了，讲错了希望观众包涵。
我不想吹牛，但上次我演讲时所有的观众都站了起来，他们再也没有坐下，直到走到他们的汽车那儿。
i don’t want to brag, but the last time i did this it brought the audience to its feet.and they never sat down again until they reached their cars. 幽默注释：观众听他演讲，都站起来走了，他还在吹牛呢。
创新句子：我演讲时用一种平缓的语速娓娓道来，观众睡得很香甜。
如果我有点儿犹豫，你们一定要原谅我，这是我第一次饭后演讲——在卖当劳里冲我的小孩儿喊叫除外。 if i’m a little hesitant, you’ll have to excuse me.this is the first after-dinner speech i’ve ever made ---except for yelling at my kids in mcdonald’s.幽默注释：自嘲自己演讲没什么经验。
创新句子：你可能知道我已经养成了饭后演讲的习惯。
我不习惯面对这么多观众演讲，让我鼓起勇气的一件事情就是我在谈论我最喜欢的题目——我。
i’m not used to speaking to such a large audience.the one thing that gives me courage is that i’m speaking on my favorite subject --- me. 幽默注释：电视上老是邀请一些名人在那儿大谈自己，这些人开场可以这么说。
第19篇：小学英语笑话带翻译
The Brain Surgeon was about to perform a brain transplant.\"You have your choice of two brains,\" he told the patient, \"For $1000 you can have the brain of a psychologist, or for $10,000 you can have the brain of a politician.\"
The patient was amazed at the huge difference in price.\"Is the brain of a politician that much better?\" he asked.The Brain Surgeon replied, \"No, it’s not better, just unused.\"
脑移植
一个外科医生正要作一个脑移植手术。
“你可以从两个脑子中选一个给你。”医生告诉病人，“一个心理学家的大脑1000美元，一个政治家的大脑10000美元。
病人很惊讶二者之间这样大的差别，“政治家的大脑好一些吗？”他问。
医生说：“不是好一些，只是没有用过。”
第20篇：英语脑筋急转弯及冷笑话= =
英语脑筋急转弯
Questions：
1.Who is closer to you， your mom or your dad？ 爸爸和妈妈谁和你更亲？ 2.What month do soldiers hate？ 当兵的不喜欢几月份？ 3.How many feet are there in a yard？一码有多少英尺？
4.What is heavier in summer than in winter？什么东西夏天比冬天重？ 5.What clothing is always sad？什么衣服总是伤感的？ 6.How many legs do horses have？马有几条腿？
7.What fruit is never found singly？什么水果永远不会是单个的？ 8.What kind of clothes lasts the longest？什么衣服穿得最久？ 9.Does any child like going to school？有没有小孩子喜欢上学？ 10.Why are giraffes the cheapest to feed？为什么养长颈鹿最不花钱？ 11.How can you make the door last？ 怎样能使门经久耐用？ 12.What’s the most difficult train to catch？赶什么火车最不容易？ 13.Why do people go to bed？ 人们为什么睡觉？
14.What letter do most people fear most？ 大多数人最害怕什么字母？ 15.What two words contain thousands of letters？哪两个单词包含了所有的字母？ 16.Which state in the United States is round at both ends and high in the middle？ 美国哪个州两头圆，中间高？
17.What’s the smallest room in the World？世界上什么房间最小？ 18.What did the big chimney say to the little chimney while working？ 工作时大烟囱对小烟囱说些什么？
19.How long is a shoe， usually？一般鞋有多长？
20.Which can move faster， heat or cold？ 冷和热谁跑得快？ 21.What comes before six？六前面是什么？
22.Who will be your real friend， a poor friend or a rich one？
贫穷的朋友和富贵的朋友，谁会成为你真正的朋友？ 23.What color is the wind？风是什么颜色？ Keys and notes 答案和注释: 1.Mom is closer， because dad is farther． 妈妈更亲，因为爸爸更远。 father父亲，音似farther更远 2.March． 三月。
march n．行军
3.It depends on how many people stand in the yard．这要看院子里站了多少人。 feet n．英尺；脚（pl．）yard n．院子；码 4.heavy adj．重的；交通量大的，繁忙的
5.Blue Jeans． 蓝色牛仔服。
blue adj．蓝色的；伤感的 6.six legs--forelegs in front and two in back．
有六条腿，前面有前腿，后面有两条腿。 forelegs n．前腿，音似four legs（四条腿）
7.A pear．是梨。音似 pair n．一对
8.Underwear， because it’s never worn out． 是内衣，因为它永远不会穿在外面 worn out穿坏，磨损/穿在外面
9.Every child likes going to school． Most of them just hate staying there before going home．
每个孩子都喜欢去学校，大部分的孩子只不过不喜欢在回家之前呆在那儿罢了。 go to School有两种理解：①在学校读书，上学；②去学校，上学校 10.They make a little food go a long wag．
因为它们脖子长，一点点食物都要走很长的路才能咽下去。 go a long way维持很长一段时间
11.Make other things first． 先做其他的东西。 make the door last另一种理解是：最后做门
12.The 12：50 train， because it’s ten to one if you catch it．
是12点50分的火车，因为赶上它只有10比1的概率。
ten to one 1点差10分；10比1
quarter/＇kw&:t/n．四分之一；二十五美分
13.Because the bed won’t come to us．因为床不会走向我们。 go to bed另一种理解是：走向床，走到床跟前 14.The letter E， because it’s the end of life．是字母E，
因为它是“life”这个单词末尾的字母。“It’s the end of life.”另一种理解是：它是生命的结束。
15.Post Office.邮局。 letter n．信件；字母
16.Ohio．俄亥俄州。Ohio两头是O，中间是hi，音似high。 17.A mushroom.是蘑菇。
18.“You’re too young to smoke．”“你还年轻，不该抽烟。”smoke v.抽烟；冒烟 19.A little more than a foot long． 一英尺多一点。
foot n．英尺；脚 “A little more than a foot long”实指“比脚长点点”。 20.Heat， because you can catch cold．热跑得快，因为你追得上冷。
cold n．冷；感冒 catch cold追上冷；患感冒 21.The milkman． 送牛奶的人。
“What comes before six？” 另一种理解是：什么在六点钟之前来？ 22.A poor friend，
because a friend in need is a friend indeed．贫穷的朋友，因为患难之交是真情。 a friend in need患难之交 in need需要帮助，需要资助，穷困的 23.The wind blew风在吹
Blue．蓝色。
Questions：
1.Who works only one day in a year butnever gets fired?
谁一年只上一天却不会被开除？
2.Why does the Statue of Lib-erty stand in New York harbou?
自由女神为何矗立在纽约港湾？ 3 Why doi birds fly south?
鸟为什么往南飞? 4 When can you go as fast as aracing car? 什么时候你能像跑车一样快？ Keys: 1.Santa Claus.
圣诞老人.2.Because it can\'t sit down. 因为它不能坐下.3.It\'s too far to walk. 走着去太远了.4.When you\'re in it. 当你坐在跑车里时.
Questions：
1.Why are giraffes the cheapest to feed?为什么养长颈鹿最不花钱？ 2.Why are dogs afraid to sunbathe?狗为什么害怕日光浴？ 3.Why is the pig always eating?猪为什么没完没了地吃？
4、Why are politicians no longer concerned with snowball fights? 政客们为什么不再关注打雪仗了？
5、Why dont women get bald as soon as men?为什么总是男人比女人先秃头？
6、What can pierce ones ears without a hole?什么不用打洞就可以在耳朵上穿孔？ 7.Whats the longest word in the world?世界上最长的单词是什么？ 8.Why does time fly?时间为何飞逝？
9.Where can a dog get another tail?狗去哪里可以再弄到一条尾巴？
Keys: 1.They make a little food go a long way.因为它们脖子长，一点点食物都要走很长的路才能咽下去。
2.They dont want to be hot-dog.因为它们不想成为热狗。 3.Hes making a hog of himself.它想成为一只肉猪。
4、The cold war is over.冷战结束了。
5、Because women wear hire longer.因为女人头发留得长。
6、Noice.噪音。
7.Smiles.Because theres a mile between the letter s.微笑。因为两个字母S中间隔了一里。
8.To get away from all those who are trying to kill it.为的是甩掉所有要谋杀它的人。
9.At a retail store.在零售商店。
Questions： 1.Will it rain for several days continuously？
会不会连续几天阴雨连绵？ 2.Who can raise things without lifting them？ 什么人不用举就能把东西抬起来？ 3.What did the king cloud say to the rest of the clouds？ 云中之王对芸芸众生说什么？
4.Who is married to the First Lady？
第一夫人嫁给了谁？ Keys：
1.Never， because there\'re nights in between.永远不会，因为白昼之间有黑夜隔开。 2.Farmers.农民。
3.“I\'m the one who should rain here.”
“我要在这里降雨。” 4.Adam.
是亚当。 Notes：
1.day n.一天；一个白昼
continuously adv.连续不断地 2.raise举起，抬起；饲养，种植 3.rain v.下雨，音似reign v.统治
4.the First Lady第一夫人，总统夫人
the first lady第一位女士，指夏娃
Questions：
1.What does the man who just had his face shaved resemble？
刚刚修过胡须的男人像什么？
2.Why did the farmer take his chicken to task？
农夫为什么训斥小鸡？ 3.How do we know the ocean is friendly？
人们如何知道海洋是友好的呢？ Keys：
1.A bear.
像熊。
2.Because they use foul language.
因为它们说脏话。 3.It waves.
它总是招手致意。 Notes：
1.resemble v.与„相像
bear n.熊，音似bare adj.光秃秃的，无遮盖的
bare-faced面孔干干净净，没有胡须的
bear-faced脸和熊一样的 2.foul adj.脏的，音似fowl n.家禽 3.wave v.起波浪；招手致意 Questions：
1.How did the hangman get married？
绞刑吏是怎么结婚的？ 2.Why did little Tom put his brother\'s guitar in the refrigerator？
小汤姆为什么把他哥哥的吉他放在冰箱里？
3.Why is the inside of everything so mysterious？为什么说凡事内部都神秘莫测？ Keys：
1.He tied a knot.
他打了一个结。
2.Because he enjoyed cool music.
因为他爱听美妙的音乐。
3.Because you can never make them out.
因为你永远也不能弄懂它们。 Notes：
1.hangman n.绞刑吏，刽子手 tie a knot打一个结；缔结良缘
2.refrigerator n.电冰箱（也可写作fridge或者icebox）
cool adj.凉的，冷的；棒的，超级的，美妙的
3.make them out有两层意思：①把它们变到外面来；②弄懂它们，看清它们
mysterious adj.难理解的，神秘的 Questions：
1.Why is a coward like a leaky faucet？
为什么说胆小鬼和漏水的笼头一样？ 2.Why should we never ask balloons for advice？为什么我们绝不向汽球征求意见？
3.What band can\'t play music？
什么乐队不会演奏音乐？ Keys：
1.They both run.
因为它们都会溜走。
2.They are full of hot air.
因为它们里面全是热空气。
3.Rubber band.
橡皮筋。 Notes：
1.coward n.懦夫，胆小鬼
faucet n.水笼头
leaky adj.漏的，有漏洞的
run v.跑，溜走；流动，流（水）
2.hot air热空气；吹牛，胡说
3.band n.乐队，吹奏乐队；带子，绳子
rubber band橡皮筋
Questions：
1.Do audience ever steal anything？
听众会偷东西吗？
2.What will the farmer grow in his garden if he doesn\'t mind working hard？
假如一个农夫不在乎劳动有多辛苦，他会在园子里种什么？ Keys：
1.Yes，when they take the floor.
当他们发言时就会这样做。
2.He will grow tired.
他会累的。 Notes：
1.audience n.听众，观众
take the floor有两种理解：①词组真正的含义是“发言”；②在答案中可理解为“拿走地板”。
2.grow v.种植；变得„
【冷笑话 】
1、Q: What\'s the difference between an iceberg and a clothes brush?
冰山和衣刷之间有什么区别？
A: One crushes boats and the other brushes coats!
一个 撞
船
一个
刷
大衣！(单词的拼写造成的JOKE）
2、white man：are you Black?
black man：no,i\'m White
He Won
Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in bed.He hurt himself.
Tommy: That\'s too bad.How did that happen? Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won.
他赢了
汤姆：约翰尼，你小弟弟好吗？
约翰尼：他害病卧床了。他受了伤。
汤姆：真糟糕，怎么回事儿？
约翰尼：我们做游戏，看谁能把身子探出窗外最远，他赢了。
I Have His Ear in My Pocket
Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, \"What happened?\" \"A kid bit me,\" replied Ivan.
\"Would you recognize him if you saw him again?\" asked his mother. \"I\'d know him any where,\" said Ivan.\"I have his ear in my pocket.\"
他的耳朵在我衣兜里
伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。他妈妈问，“发生了什么事？” “一个男孩咬了我一口，”伊凡说。
“再见到他你能认出来吗？”妈妈问。
“他走到哪里我都能认出他，”伊凡说。“他的耳朵还在我衣兜里呢。”
A Good Boy
Little Robert asked his mother for two cents.\"What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?\"
\"I gave it to a poor old woman,\" he answered.
\"You\'re a good boy,\" said the mother proudly.\"Here are two cents more.But why are you so interested in the old woman?\" \"She is the one who sells the candy.\"
好孩子
小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。
“昨天给你的钱干什么了？”
“我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？” “她是个卖糖果的。”
Drunk
One day, a father and his little son were going home.At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions.Now, he asked, \"What\'s the meaning of the word \'Drunk\', dad?\" \"Well, my son,\" his father replied, \"look, there are standing two policemen.If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk.\"
\"But, dad,\" the boy said, \" there\'s only ONE policeman!\"
醉酒
一天，父亲与小儿子一道回家。这个孩子正处于那种对什么事都很感兴趣的年龄，老是有提不完的问题。他向父亲发问道：“爸爸，„醉‟字是什么意思？” “唔，孩子，”父亲回答说，“你瞧那儿站着两个警察。如果我把他们看成了四个，那么我就算醉了。” “可是，爸爸， ”孩子说，“那儿只有一个警察呀！”
Hospitality
The hoste apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple-pie without any cheese.The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guest\'s plate.The visitor smiled, put the cheese into his mouth and then said: \"You must have better eyes than your mother, sonny.Where did you find the cheese?\" \"In the rat-trap, sir,\" replied the boy.
好客
由于客人在吃苹果馅饼时，家里没有奶酪了，于是女主人向大家表示歉意。这家的小男孩悄悄地离开了屋子。过了一会儿，他拿着一片奶酪回到房间，把奶酪放在客人的盘子里。 客人微笑着把奶酪放进嘴里说：“孩子，你的眼睛就是比你妈妈的好。你在哪里找到的奶酪？” “在捕鼠夹上，先生。”那小男孩说。
Q: Why did the man throw a bucket of water out the window?
A: He wanted to see the waterfall. 2
Q: Why did the man throw the butter out the window?
A: He wanted to see the butterfly. 3
Q: Why did the man put the clock in the safe?
A: He wanted to save time. 4
Q: What has two hands and a face, but no arms and legs?
A: A clock. 5
Q: What has a neck, but no head?
A: A bottle. 6
Q: Where is the ocean the deepest?
A: On the bottom. 7
Q: Why did the man throw his watch out of the window?
A: He wanted to see time fly. one car come, one car come two car pangpang
one car die
