1）不差钱
Looking very unhappy, a poor man entered a doctor\'s consulting-room. 一个愁容满面的穷人走进大夫的诊室。
\"Doctor,\" he said, \"you must help me.I swallowed a penny about a month ago.\" \"大夫！\"他说，\"你一定要帮帮我！一个月前我吞了一分硬币！\" \"Good heavens, man!\" said the doctor.\"Why have you waited so long?
Why don\'t you come to me on the day you swallowed it?\" \"天哪，你这个人啊\"大夫说，\"早干嘛去了？你当时怎么不来看？\" \"To tell you the truth, Doctor,\" the poor man replied, \"I didn\'t need the money so badly then.\" \"实话告诉您吧，大夫，\"穷人说，\"我当时还不缺钱！\" 英语小笑话（2）迟到了！
Teacher:Why are you late for school every morning? Tom:Every time I come to the corner,a sign says,\"School-Go slow\".
老师:为什么你每天早晨都迟到?
汤姆:每当我经过学校的拐角处,就看见一个牌子上写着\"学校----慢行\".
英语小笑话（3）你会说什么 How much English can you speak? \"Your Honor, I want to bring to your attention how unfair it is for my client to be accused of theft. He arrived in New York City a week ago and barely knew his way around. What\'s more, he only speaks a few words of English.\" The judge looked at the defendant and asked, \"How much English can you speak?\" The defendant looked up and said, \"Give me your wallet!\" \"法官先生，我的当事人被指控偷窃，这是多么不公正啊。他一周前才来到纽约，几乎不认路。 而且，他只会说几个英语单词。\" 法官看了看被告，问道：\"你会说多少英文？\" 被告抬起头，说：\"把你的钱包给我！\" 英语小笑话（4）可怜的丈夫
The poor husband
\"You can\'t imagine how difficult it is for me to deal with my wife,\" the man complained to his friend.\"She asks me a question, then answers it herself, and after that she explained to me for half an hour why my answer is wrong.
中文翻译：
可怜的丈夫
“你根本无法想象和我妻子打交道是多么的难，”一个男人对他的朋友诉苦说，“她问我一个问题，然后自己回答了，过后又花半个小时跟我解释为什么我的答案是错的。” 英语小笑话（5）我没有睡着 I Wasn\'t Asleep
When a group of women got on the car, every seat was already occupied.The conductor noticed a man who seemed to be asleep, and fearing he might mi his stop, he nudged him and said: \"Wake up, sir!\" \"I wasn\'t asleep,\" the man answered.\"Not asleep? But you had your eyes closed.\" \"I know.I just hate to look at ladies standing up beside me in a crowded car.中文翻译：
我没有睡着
当一群妇女上车之后，车上的座位全都被占满了。售票员注意到一名男子好像是睡着了，他担心这个人会坐过站，就用胳膊肘轻轻地碰了碰他，说:“先生，醒醒!” “我没有睡着。”那个男人回答。 “没睡着?可是你眼睛都闭上了呀?” “我知道，我只是不愿意看到在拥挤的车上有女士站在我身边而已。” 英语小笑话（6）一个真正的男子汉 One real man The ruler of an ancient kingdom wanted to disprove the statement that the men of his domain were ruled by their wives.He had all the males in his kingdom brought before him and warned that any man who did not tell the truth would be punished severely（严格地，严厉地）.Then he asked all the men who obeyed their wives\' directions and counsel（劝告，建议） to step to the left side of the hall.All the men did so but one little man who moved to the right.It\'s good to see, said the king, that we have one real man in the kingdom.Tell these chickenhearted（胆小的） dunces（傻瓜） why you alone among them stand on the right side of the hall.Your Majesty, came the reply in a squealing voice, it is because before I left home my wife told me to keep out of crowds 一个真正的男子汉
古代有一个国王，他想证明他领土内的男人并非像人们传说的那样，受到老婆的管制。他把王国里所有的男人都召到跟前，警告说，哪个男人胆敢不说实话，就会受到严厉的惩罚。
然后，他叫所有听从妻子的命令和意见的男人都走向大厅的左侧。所有的男人都站到了左侧，只有一个小个子男人站到了右侧。 国王说：看到我们国家里还有一个真正的男子汉，真是令人高兴。告诉这些胆小的笨蛋，为什么在他们当中只有你一个人站在大厅的右侧。 陛下，那人尖声地回答：因为在我出门之前，我老婆告诉我不要扎堆 英语小笑话（7）国王和他的故事
Once there was a king.He likes to write stories, but his stories were not good.As people were afraid of him, they all said his stories were good.One day the king showed his stories to a famous writer.He waited the writer to praise these stories.But the writer said his stories were so bad that he should throw them into fire.The king got very angry with him and sent him to prison.After some time, the king set him free.Again he showed him some of his new stories and asked what he thought of them.After reading them, the writer at once turned to the soldiers and said: “ Take me back to prison, please.” 国王和他的故事
从前有一个国王，他喜欢写故事，但是他写的故事很不好。人们怕他，都说他的故事好。有一天国王把他的故事给一名作家看，他想要作家赞扬他的这些故事，而作家说他的故事是如此的差以至于该扔进火里。国王很生气，把他送到监狱。
过了些日子，国王给了作家自由。国王重新将自己的一些新故事给作家看并问他感觉怎么样。
作家看了之后立刻转身对士兵说着;“请把我送回监狱吧。” 英语小笑话（8）买冰
Once a simpleton’s wife told him to buy some ice. Two hours later, he didn’t come back.She wanted to know why he didn’t come back and went out to have a look.She saw he was standing in the sun at the gate and watching the ice melting. “What’s the matter?” She asked him.“Why don’t you bring it in?”
“I saw the ice was wet and I was afraid that you would scold me so I’m running it dry.” The simpleton answered.从前有一个笨人的妻子让她的丈夫买几块冰。 两个小时后，他还没回来。
她想知道他为什么没回来，就出去看了看，发现她的丈夫在门口站着，在太阳下晒冰，看着冰融化。
她问他：“怎么啦？你为什么不把它拿进来？”
“我看见冰是湿的，恐怕你会训斥我，因此，我正在把它晒干。”笨人回答道。
英语小笑话（9）卖扫帚的人和理发师
A man who sold brooms went into a barber\'s shop to get shaved.The barber bought one of his brooms, and, when he had shaved him, asked for the price of it. \"Two pence,\" said the man. \"No, no, \" said the barber, \"I will give you a penny, and if you do not think that enough, you may take your broom again.\" The man took it, and asked what he had to pay for his shave. \"A penny.\" said the barber. \"I will give you a half-penny, and if that is not enough, you may put my beard on again.\" 卖扫帚的人和理发师
一个卖扫帚的人去一家理发店修面.理发师向他买了一把扫帚.当理发师给他修完面后,问了一下扫帚的价钱. 卖扫帚的人说:\"两便士\" \"不,不\"理发师说,\"我只出一便士.如果你认为不够的话,可以把扫帚拿回去.\" 卖扫帚的人取回了扫帚,随后问修面要付多少钱. 卖扫帚的人说:\"我只能给你半个便士,如果你认为不够的话,你可以把胡子再替我装上.英语小笑话（10）采购过早
It was Christmas and the judge was in a benevolent mood as he questioned the prisoner.\"What are you charged with?\" he asked.\"Doing my christmas shopping early,\" replied the defendant.
\"That\'s no offense,\" replied the judge, \"How early were you doing this shopping?\" \"Before the store opened,\" countered the prisoner.那天是圣诞节，法官在审讯犯人时也有点恻隐之心。“你为什么而被起诉？”他问。
“采购圣诞节物品过早。”被告答。
“这不算犯法，”法官回答，“你购物多早？” 在商店开门之前，“犯人应道。
